Unwed and Dead (The Dead Ex Files Book 1) Read online

  “What was that?” He wasn’t sure he’d even be able to remember a hundredth of what he’d just experienced.

  Rao smirked. It’s called the joys of being immortal.

  “Great,” he muttered. “But I need to get back to life. Lacey should be here any minute—hey, do you have the time?” he asked, tapping his wrist.

  Right, Rao said, rolling her eyes, because cats and Rolexes are a total thing. And you’re not going back to your mortal life. If you want to know what time it is, it’s time for you to stay here.

  “Can’t, sorry, kitty. New job starts soon. Taniguchi gave me a gig in his Seattle branch. They won’t be happy if I miss the first day.”

  How are you so dense about this? Rao asked. Look, I came here to welcome you home. Now are you going to let me take you, or am I going to have to drag you?

  Victor looked his former pet in the eyes. “Okay. Let me be serious for just a moment. The woman I love is coming here any minute. Burned steaks aside, she’s going to figure out pretty quick that our dinner date is off. Now maybe she won’t cry her eyes out about this, but I’d like to see her just one more time. To say goodbye, if nothing else. Further, don’t you think it was at least a little weird what happened at my place? Me falling all over myself after one glass of funky-flavored wine…” He trailed off, a disturbing thought rising in his mind.

  I know what you’re thinking.

  “And I’m thinking,” Victor said, “that there was more than just fermented grape juice in that snifter.”

  Of course. There was also yeast, sugar, and some sparkling water.

  “Were you this sarcastic as a cat?”

  I’m still a cat, she replied. And yes I was. But all you humans could hear were ear-blowing screeches and yowls. How humiliating.

  “But you’re thinking what I’m thinking? That my wine was—”

  Poisoned? Well… forgive an angel for saying it, but, duh.

  Victor sighed, pleased he could still do that. “So who would want to poison me?”

  Well, Rao said, feigning ignorance, let’s see…

  Instantly, Victor knew that she knew. “So why aren’t you just—”

  Telling you? Rao interrupted. Because you’re coming home, so it doesn’t matter. You’ll find out when you get there. Now, let’s be off.

  “Wait—don’t I get some sort of ‘vengeance from the grave’?”

  No… The look in her eyes was a mix of, “Why would you?” and “Your I.Q. is dropping by the moment.”

  “But, what about justice? I mean, crazy poisoner guy loose in Tokyo. I’m innocent, and he still took me out. What if he’s some psychotic serial killer randomly poisoning—”

  Handsome, yet desperate, American guys who are pining for their exes?

  “Will you quit interrupting me?”

  Will you quit asking stupid questions and let me escort you home? We’re supposed to be doing the Hukilau in Heaven right now, not slumming in downtown Tokyo.

  “I’m trying to prevent a crime.”

  Wow, Rao said, snorting. You’re too honest to make a good liar. So quit. Let’s go.

  “No.”

  Rao rolled her eyes again, and gave him a look that reminded Victor a little too much of his own mom when she’d asked him something for at least the tenth time without his obedience.

  “I want to know why I died. Heaven’s not going anywhere. And I’ve got to see Lacey again.”

  Rao lifted a paw and counted on her claws. Irrelevant, not quite accurate, but good enough, and… no chance. I win.

  Victor turned and strode back toward his apartment. He had no idea how he’d learn the identity of his killer, but he was pretty sure he wasn’t making his flight the next day, so time was now on his side. Given that he also had some nifty new tricks up his sleeve, he guessed he would be able to figure something out—including how to stop a potential murderer from striking again. Oh, and he’d also figure out some Patrick Swayze move to get in touch with Lacey.

  Yeah, Rao said, and he’s really a ghost now. You don’t see him here. He’s upstairs making the women swoon still.

  Victor walked through the lobby door (though he couldn’t quite convince himself to keep his eyes open) and strode toward the elevators.

  This is stupid, Rao said, still floating beside him. You’re untrained and ignorant. The Dark Ones nearly had you for a late night snack out there. If I hadn’t come along—

  “Then what, Ms. Tibbits?”

  The name is—

  “It’s my turn to interrupt,” Victor said, spinning and jabbing a finger at his dead pet. “Look, I appreciate you having my back out there. But I’m not ready to be dead. I don’t know how they do things in Heaven, but I’m not going to be coerced into Paradise against my will, okay? I’ve got important things to do here, and they’re as much about helping others as they are about helping myself. So if you’re not going to give me a hand, I’ll just figure it out myself.”

  With that, he spun on a heel and plowed toward the elevator. Stabbing the up button with his finger, he growled as the digit passed clean through the plastic “up” arrow. “You’ve gotta be kidding me,” he grumbled. Realizing the elevators had been disabled anyway, he whirled for the stairs, charging blindly through the door and into the stairwell. Before he could make the first step, though, Rao was there, barring his way.

  “Move it, Tibbits.”

  She sighed deeply. Look, I’ll make you a deal. Let me at least walk you through some basic survival techniques, and then you can knock yourself out, okay?

  Victor paused. “You’re going to help me?” he asked hesitantly.

  Not per se, she replied looking everywhere but at him.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  It means that I already know the whole story behind your death, its significance, and everything else. But if you’re going to refuse to come, then I’m not allowed to tell. And rules are rules, so don’t even think about asking me to skirt them. Think of this as your “Welcome home” present.

  “You mean,” he asked narrowing his eyes, “I can talk to Lacey again?”

  Rao pursed her lips, and looked torn. Eventually, she relented. If you can figure it out on your own, yes. But even if you do, she has to be listening. And that’s just the barest tip of the iceberg when it comes to the rules of Reality.

  “So… you’re going to help me?”

  When I was mortal, I stayed with you because you kept putting food in my bowl. Don’t push your luck, Vic.

  “Well, then,” he replied, beaming, “let’s get this show on the road.”

  FOUR

  Haunting downtown Tokyo in stylish duds appealed to Victor, though he wasn’t accustomed to not being able to smell anything. Rao floated alongside him, still there, drawling through the lesson she’d begun when she’d agreed to help him in the stairwell. After enticing him with a few cool, but useless tricks—like being able to change his wardrobe at a whim—she’d pulled a bait and switch, telling him there were simply too many things to teach him in the course of one earth night. She then tried baiting him back to Heaven with pretty promises of being able to climb the learning curve almost instantly.

  “Nice try, cat,” he told her. She sighed again, and trailed just behind him, obviously not trying too hard to keep up; he was sure she was engaged in some sort of sullen protest. Just for fun, he switched to a new outfit, then another one a moment later.

  Right, she said to his mind. Because my self-esteem is so low it needs to be evaluated by a self-propelled haberdashery. Now can we get back to the lesson?

  “Call it a new nervous tick,” he muttered, wondering both how Lacey would deal with the news, and how long it would take to get used to having raindrops fall through him, and his feet not splashing in puddles.

  Your feet shouldn’t even be in the puddles, Rao said. You need to quit trying to use your legs so much.

  “God gave me legs, and they work just fine,” he said. Realizing he’d reached Lacey’s p
lace, he halted suddenly, and Rao ran into his back.

  “Lose your cat-like reflexes when you died?”

  Oh, you’re a riot, Vic.

  “I just realized something,” he said. “And before you go reading my mind and telling me what I’m about to say, just… don’t.”

  She stuck her tongue out.

  “What kind of angel are you, anyway?” Victor asked, wrinkling his nose.

  Apparently one who merits punishments from the Big Man.

  “Anyway,” Victor continued, “as I was about to say, I just realized something.”

  Rao smirked. You mean that you’re a clueless idi—

  “Your insults are so inspiring I’m going to stop them before you inspire me to death. Or… something. As I was saying, I just had a thought—why was I the target of a burglary in the first place? If anyone had cased my apartment, they’d have known that, aside from my laptop and briefcase, I don’t have much of value.”

  Rao frowned. I could give you every answer to this whole mess if you’d let me.

  “Yeah,” he said, “and then I’d be stuck in Heaven, unable to do anything about it.”

  Heaven’s a pretty nice place, the former pet said. You do realize that people are literally dying to get there, yes?

  A beat passed. Then another.

  Okay, Rao admitted reluctantly, that one was a bit dry…

  “As I was trying to say,” Victor said, glaring at the cat, “there are just too many things that are off about this. I mean, I had my accounting files, my clothing, my laptop, some old college books, toiletries, and some cheap souvenirs for Mom and Dad. I already did the research on this part of Tokyo before moving here, and I picked the lowest-crime area I could afford. So what about me makes me a target?”

  Your charming personality and matchless intelligence?

  “Whose angel are you, anyway?”

  The Big Man’s. And He’s waiting for you. Still.

  Victor waved it away. “Well, I’ve got unfinished business. Doesn’t that give me some sort of right to haunt people until my soul is at rest?”

  Rao shook her head. You’re really not going to let this go, are you?

  The deceased accountant smiled. “Of course not.” A motion caught his eye, and he brightened—literally—to see Lacey striding down the sidewalk. “Lacey!” he called, but she carried on as though he were a ghost.

  Oh, Vic, you’re killing me here. Ha! Pun totally intended!

  Victor rolled his eyes and hurried after Lacey. “Hello?” he said. “Lacey? Tell me you can hear me, babe.” She, of course, gave no sign of recognition whatsoever. He got out in front of her, spread his arms wide, and stopped.

  She passed clean through him, giving him a strange, rippling sensation. “Dude,” he said, “that’s weird.”

  You get used to it. Now go get her, Romeo.

  Sighing, Victor followed after her. He could feel, more than hear, her thoughts, but they tumbled out in such a jumble that he found he couldn’t keep up. Glancing in dismay at Rao, he gestured at the woman he loved. “Are all women’s minds this much of a mess?”

  The tabby just shook her head and muttered something about “male stupidity.”

  *

  It was becoming one of the fastest, and yet one of the longest, nights of Lacey’s life. Knowing Nainai’s health was unstable, she decided to muster all the courage she could to give her a quick call at midnight. That’s when Nainai expected Lacey to enter quietly through the front door and eventually sprawl out on a cot beside her; she needed a good excuse not to.

  “Hello, Grandmother,” Lacey said with a strong tone, although she wiped a tear.

  “Since when do you call me that?” the weak voice answered in disapproval.

  Lacey clutched her purse tighter against her stomach as she sat alone at a bus stop. Buses discontinued their routes at midnight, as she was well aware. Rain was pouring now, streaming loudly down her bench’s overhang. “I’m sorry, Nainai. I call you Nainai.”

  “That’s better. Now, why aren’t you home yet? Must have had a fun night with Victor?” Lacey could imagine the wink.

  She bit her lip. “No, it, uh, wasn’t that. I’m just suddenly very tired. I think I’m going to stay at the Mitsui Garden Ginza.” She spoke of the hotel directly across from where she sat. Tall and gray, its many dark blue windows mourned with her.

  “Well, get your rest, then. That’s what I’m going to do,” Nainai said. “And take your time tomorrow, saying goodbye to Victor before he flies home.”

  Those words sent a tingle down Lacey’s spine, being a little too metaphorically accurate.

  “I will.” She thought of Heaven. If Victor’s beliefs were true, he’d probably already be there, having a great reunion with family… and perhaps even his beloved Ms. Tibbits whom Victor had carried a picture of in his wallet.

  Lacey couldn’t suppress the bittersweet sensation to smile at that. In the old, bent picture, Ms. Tibbits posed with so much attitude that Lacey often joked the cat must have been a reincarnation of her grandfather.

  “Goodnight, Nainai.”

  “Goodnight, baby girl.”

  Moments later, Lacey checked herself into the semi-ritzy hotel, dropping $300 without thought. Her bare feet earned a glare, but she didn’t care. She took the elevator to the seventh floor, and soon dropped face first on a king-sized bed.

  “Why?” she cried some more. “Why did you have to beat me home? What were you thinking? You were going to try impressing me with your cooking? You know you can’t do that!” She wailed into her pillow before punching at it. “You stupid man! Stick to Lucky Charms!”

  Victor stood by her bed, Rao perched on an end table. He was speechless watching her. This was a very private moment for Lacey, he knew. Although she was wailing about his stupidness, it was never intended to actually be seen by him. Especially now… as she was tearing into the pillow with her teeth, snarling, her rear in the air.

  “Maybe I should come back tomorrow morning,” Victor said, taking a step back.

  No, Rao said, a curiously tender note in her mental voice. Lacey’s hurting, right now—you can even feel it.

  Victor’s brow wrinkled. “I—”

  Just stop and be quiet for a moment, you dolt. You’ve always wanted to know how women worked. Here’s your chance.

  Victor opened his mouth again, but immediately thought better of it. Turning his attention to his ex-girlfriend, he felt a tsunami of emotion crash over him almost like a physical force. At once he understood her pain, her confusion, her sense of lost opportunities, her guilt as though maybe, somehow, possibly, she might have been the cause of his demise. He felt the grief of Lacey for her ailing grandmother, and the worry she had about whether her boss, Greg was actually coming on to her at work. The litany went on until Victor felt he should be gasping for breath. He forced his mind closed with a snap, and wheeled on his pet cat.

  Careful what you wish for, she said, even as he brought up an accusing finger.

  “You could have at least warned me.”

  Rao only smirked.

  Victor chewed his lower lip, and turned his eyes on Lacey again.

  “You weren’t right for me, Victor,” she was saying. Being dead allowed him to hear the words perfectly no matter how badly muffled by her pillow. “And you had to go and buy me a ring? What were you thinking? We were supposed to just fly home, and stay friends. Why did you have to go and die? You idiot.”

  Victor gave in to instinct, and knelt on the bed beside her. “Hey, Lace,” he said, burying his face in her hair, and taking care not to accidentally push his nose through her scalp, “it’s okay. I’m still here.” He wrapped his arms around her, wishing he could hold her tight, just like he had once upon a time, and as he’d hoped to again, before that unidentified idiot had broken into his apartment. Even as Lacey mourned for the loss of Victor, Victor mourned for her losses, and the loss of what might have been. All at once the memories came, and to Victor he seemed to be
living it all over again.

  FIVE

  Five months earlier…

  Victor had always loved a good party. He hoped the ones in Tokyo would be as good as this one. He’d be there in only a few days, in his new internship, and Akio Taniguchi himself had traveled from Japan to host this bash for all the interns his company had selected for that summer. Victor had shown up at the designated hotel right on time.

  He thought of Jessica, his ex-girlfriend. Had they not broken up, she would’ve been his “plus one.” At first, she seemed like a goddess, magically missed by the rest of his graduating class. She was as stunningly single as she was beautiful. It hadn’t, in the end, taken him long to figure out why she couldn’t keep a man on her leash.

  He pushed the blond leech out of his mind, and turned his thoughts to the present. Plenty of people, just like all the parties he’d been to before. He felt right at home in his dress shirt and slacks—no tie, thanks—and tried not to pay attention to certain “business” deals going on in some of the more shadowed corners. The openness with which certain… substances… passed around was something he still wasn’t used to even after college; he’d never been that kind of guy, what with his Christian upbringing and all.

  Whistling like he hadn’t seen anything, he scanned the party again, breathing in the ambience that was corporate nightlife, and wondering how different Tokyo may be. Would there be this many attractive girls there? Most of them were just eye candy, though, a far cry from campus life at the University of Washington, with its more… self-possessed girls. Victor wasn’t interested in fluff. He wanted the girl. Someone smart, maybe a bit sassy, and who knew who she was and where she was going. A girl who—

  A hand clapped him on the shoulder. “Kombanawa, St. John-san. Are we enjoying the evening?”

  Victor turned to see a statuesque Asian man in a suit that would have set Victor back probably a semester’s-worth of tuition. Hints of silver streaked through his jet black hair along his temples, and the beginnings of lines around penetrating eyes. He was flanked by another Asian man, shorter, and almost wiry, with nervous eyes. An entourage trailed in his wake, composed of other interns and, of course, beautiful girls; Victor concealed a laugh at the way his fellow interns pandered for the man’s attention.