The Fiancé (It's Just Us Here Book 6) Read online

  I had spent the past few months attempting to recruit Suhail to my small team of programmers. (Hence the strategic games of Minecraft, though I suspect Suhail knew what I was doing.) We were attempting to develop an app to more easily facilitate certain diagnoses and interactive treatments.

  I hadn’t figured out a pithy name, but Nick and I had secured enough funding to last through the summer with three programmers. I had also brought in my best friend from college, Travis, whom I had somewhat reconnected with after he showed up at my book release party in the fall. I was surprised at how quickly Travis agreed to work on my project for the summer—I think he wanted a change of pace from his boring job writing code for heart monitors.

  Suhail would have been the third coder we could have paid, but he didn’t want to give up his job... and it’s not like I blamed him. Nick and I were acting foolishly. I had sucked Nick into my vision and pulled him out of his job with Spotify (which he would later make me feel guilty about, but he was always jumping from job to job, so it’s not like I really twisted his arm).

  That was the dynamic between me and Suhail—I wanted him on my team, but settled for being his friend.

  Suhail revealed his secret to me on the Friday before Mark and I reconnected. I didn’t know Suhail had a secret. He had been acting weird for a month, but I had just assumed it was because he wasn’t comfortable with my continued nagging about joining my app dev team. I wasn’t begging that much, but Suhail had a stronger personality than Nick and I couldn’t plow over him, so there was a constant tension between us.

  “Are you ready to work out?” I asked Suhail that Friday afternoon.

  “So listen,” Suhail said instead of answering, which was always a precursor for bad news. “I’m not going.”

  “Why not?” This was a natural question and not at all delivered as though I was an inquisitor, which was how my mother would have responded. I definitely didn’t do that.

  “I’m going to be straight with you. I’ve got a girlfriend.”

  “Oh great. That’s great news. No reason to give up on the gym. You haven’t put on that much muscle.” I had clearly become more vain than I wanted to admit.

  Suhail gulped. “It’s the same girlfriend as my last girlfriend.”

  I blinked. Then registered his convoluted phrasing. “So it’s Melanie?”

  He nodded like a child before a principal.

  “Well that’s...” good. I couldn’t force the word out.

  “She graduated and moved downtown. We’ve been seeing each other for a couple months.”

  “That’s where you’ve been going all summer.”

  “And a couple times in the spring.”

  “You went with her on spring break? I thought you guys were broken up!”

  “We were... kind of. Not really. I don’t know. It was awkward between you and...” He cleared his throat instead of saying Mark’s name. “Well, we just wanted to keep it private. I hope you can understand. We’ve been taking it casual for a while, but we’re ready to go public.”

  “Oh.” Why didn’t you tell me any of this earlier? I thought we were friends?

  “Don’t be like that,” Suhail added.

  “Like what?”

  “Like that. That’s why we kept it secret. I can see you thinking about him.”

  “I’m not thinking about him.” I crossed my arms. I hadn’t been thinking about him...

  “Well... I’m also moving out.”

  “What!”

  “I’m—” he faltered. “We’re kind of serious. I don’t know how it happened. She’s a good fit for me. I introduced her to my parents two weeks ago—”

  “So that’s why you were so worked up!”

  “I wasn’t.”

  “You were pissy with me for two weeks! You should’ve just said something!” Best friend my ass.

  “I—” He sighed. “I should have. I didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t want to... fuck. I don’t want to bring it up now and I don’t want you to pull away from me because I’m still connected to him.”

  “I’m not going to pull away,” I said stubbornly, moving out of the kitchen and sitting on the couch.

  “I’m not going to be a telephone for you two like I was last time.”

  “Is that why you’re moving out?”

  “No. I’m moving in with her.”

  Fuck.

  I stared at the dark TV. “When are you moving out?”

  “Next week.”

  “Haven’t you heard of two weeks’ notice?”

  “I told Nick.”

  “Why not me?”

  “Nick told Travis. It looks like you’re going to be flatmates again.”

  “Travis is moving in here?” This was a lot of information and way too much change in one day. “Why didn’t he tell me?”

  “Because I volunteered to spring it on you. I figured it was best if it came out at once, like ripping off a band-aid.”

  “One hell of a band-aid,” I muttered, still dazed. “It’s more like three bullet holes tearing through my heart.” I clutched my face. “How will I ever trust you again?”

  “Fuck you,” Suhail said with a laugh. Then he sobered. “I’m sorry things have to change.”

  “It’s okay. I wish you would’ve told me about Mel earlier. I had no idea you had a serious girlfriend.”

  “You never ask about that stuff.”

  “I don’t care about that stuff.” We shared a look and I thought for sure he was going to bring up Beth, the girl I had brought around a couple times. She was sweet and quiet. She was a nice girl, but she wasn’t Mark. Why am I thinking of Mark again? I promised I wouldn’t compare her to Mark.

  “I’m going to head out,” Suhail said tentatively.

  “Will I ever see you again?”

  “Don’t be a dick. I’m moving five minutes away. I’ll see you every weekend, or I’ll see your Minecraft avatar.”

  I laughed. “I only played that to lure you into my trap. You know... if you joined my team, I would see you every week. It wouldn’t even have to be full time. I just want you as a consultant.”

  “No,” he said. “Quit nagging me.”

  “I don’t nag.”

  I waited through the awkward silence by staring at him until he flustered and had to look away. Suhail had wanted to say something about Mark, or about how I used to nag Mark, or about how I wasn’t Suhail’s boyfriend so stop nagging him like one. Something like that. I could hear the joke as it died. I wished we could tease each other like that again, but some stuff was best left unsaid.

  “I guess I do nag,” I finally offered.

  “It’s not a bad thing. But I won’t be joining your team. You guys are poor. I ain’t doing that shit again. I’ve got student debt spilling out of my ears.”

  Suhail left. I emailed Travis, then he called me. We discussed the rooming situation. He said he was being proactive because his lease was expiring on his studio apartment. I warned him about how Nick and I would cramp his dating style.

  “You know me, Chris, not much has changed since college.”

  “You had one steady girl since then.”

  “She was six years younger than me, long distance, and we broke up after she graduated. I don’t need a studio and sharing rent will make it easier to work for you.”

  “Working with me.”

  “Right. Looks like we’re getting the gang back together. Maybe I should call Keliang and see if he wants to join us.”

  “Keliang works with stocks. What would he want to do with our company?”

  “I meant to live with us. And I was just kidding. You always did take things too literally.”

  “It’ll be just like old times,” I agreed.

  I hung up. It felt weird. My college roommate, the one that I used to feel was closer than a brother, the one that had abandoned me when I suffered through my illness. He was coming back. And then there was Suhail... with Melanie. Suhail would get to see Mark again.

 
Was I jealous? Certainly not. I wanted to spit at Mark. I wanted to crack his head open like an egg and scramble the insides. He had put me through so much misery. Mark was abominable! I hated him. I wanted nothing to do with him. And since Suhail was going to have something to do with Mark, that meant I wanted nothing to do with Suhail.

  I drove to the gym and met Tim and Ryan on the floor. We warmed up our arms and activated our lats. I didn’t ponder how to bring up these new revelations.

  “Suhail is back with Melanie,” I blurted at the first opportunity.

  “What?” Ryan asked. “Why would he...” Ryan looked thoughtful.

  “That was my reaction, too.” I noticed Tim appeared unfazed by the news. “And he’s apparently moving in with her, has basically never stopped dating her, and was hiding their relationship from me.”

  “What?” Ryan said again.

  Tim, again, was unmoved.

  “Did you know something in advance?” I asked Tim.

  “Sure,” he admitted. “We talked. We agreed in the beginning that it was best you didn’t know... they were just dating. But now it’s serious and it was foolish to go on the way they had been.”

  “You knew!” Ryan accused. “Why doesn’t anybody tell me anything?”

  “We didn’t want to bring up Mark while Chris was... still not over him.”

  “I’m over him,” I stated. Neither guy contradicted me, but they shared a knowing look. “I’m doing fine. I like Beth. She’s a nice person.”

  “Stacy will be happy. She and Beth are going out for lunch on Sunday. I’m sure she’ll get all the juicy details.”

  “Nothing’s happened,” I scoffed. “We’re taking it slow.” Glacially.

  The three of us worked out. I kept to myself and let the two of them spot each other for most of the afternoon. Then we all moved to the free weights to finish with our shoulder exercises.

  “I have been thinking about Mark,” I admitted. I’d been thinking of him for the past hour... as we worked out... and as I drove my car. The only time I didn’t think about Mark was when I wondered if Suhail was going to see Grandma Wolff again and I wondered about her orchids. Maybe I was jealous.

  “No,” Tim said. “This is a bad idea. You shouldn’t even think about him.”

  “It’s just a thousand ways to kill him. It’s not like I’m stupid enough to get back together with him.” There were those magical words, said aloud... they popped right out of my mouth. So smooth. Get back together with him. It was like a spell had been uttered and I had a vision of Mark standing in the gym with us.

  “Not good,” Tim said. “If you even think... Stacy’s going to kill you. Hell, I’ll kill you. He’s no good for you.”

  “I know.”

  “All he did was take advantage of you and make you do things when you didn’t want to,” Tim reminded me. He put down his free weights and spoke in my ear like he was my strength coach. “Keep that in mind. How many times did you fall asleep telling me that?”

  I got emotional. “I’m sorry for that,” I said with a watery voice.

  “Don’t be sad. Just be smart. Yes, Suhail is going to see him, but that doesn’t mean anything. That doesn’t affect you at all. You won’t even see Melanie.”

  “I will when I visit Suhail.”

  “Not if you call ahead of time.” Tim sucked in a breath. “Melanie agrees with us. It’s best if we have a transition period. You won’t see her around for at least a few months, until you get used to the idea.”

  “Why does everyone feel like they need to protect me! I’m an adult.” I glared at Ryan. “What do you think?”

  “I think you’re an adult,” he agreed quickly.

  “That’s not what I meant.”

  It was Ryan’s turn to suck in a deep breath like it was the last he might ever get. “I think you were happy together.”

  “Ryan,” Tim hissed, slapping him on the back of the head.

  “It’s true! You guys were happy. And a lot of fun. And it looked like... shit, I didn’t know there was so much other stuff going on. From the outside, it looked like you guys were built for the long haul.”

  Like we were built for each other.

  “Don’t be stupid,” I snapped dismissively. “He said things to me that can’t be taken back. He showed what was hiding in his heart... he gave up and couldn’t deal with me anymore.” I used those words to smack Ryan in the face. “He deserved better than me,” I added with a meaner voice. “I hope he gets his wish.” I picked up a weight like I wanted to get back to our workout. I watched them in the mirrors. “So... do my fairy godparents know if... if he’s found anyone yet?”

  “None of us have talked to him,” Tim said. “Not even Suhail.”

  “I talked to him,” Ryan said.

  “What!” Tim yelled.

  “He came to our house! What was I supposed to do!” Ryan muttered something neither of us could make out. “Amber always liked him and he was always good with the kids.”

  “How long ago?” Tim accused.

  “Easter.”

  “Biblical,” I commented dryly. Ryan grinned, but quickly killed it. Tim allowed a sad half-smile. That was one of the few witty jokes I had made over the summer. I was a clever guy, but had stopped caring what other people thought... so my jokes tended to be darker as opposed to funny.

  “Will you please just remember how much he hurt you?” Tim begged. “Please?”

  “I’m not getting back together with him... ever.” Getting back together, getting back together, getting back together.

  “If he sees Suhail, he’s going to get it in his head to come after you.”

  How could Tim be so sure?

  “We agreed to stay away from each other.”

  “He didn’t stay away,” Ryan said. “He tried to see you, but we all blocked him.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Ryan!”

  “What? He said he wrote letters... and he tried to get Suhail to arrange a lunch date. And he tried to get you to let him in the house.”

  Tim glared at Ryan. “He’s no good. He’s a fun guy, but he’s not good for Chris. We all agreed on that.”

  “I didn’t agree with that,” Ryan said stubbornly. “I thought they were perfect for each other. You said yourself that Mark had finally grown up.”

  “I was wrong. We were all wrong.”

  “He wrote to me?” Why didn’t I know about this?

  “Stacy burned the letters. Shredded and burned. I wouldn’t be surprised if she put a voodoo curse on them first.”

  “I haven’t been living with you for six months...”

  “Ask Suhail what happened to the others,” Tim suggested. “Maybe Mark gave up... he certainly stopped mailing our house.”

  “He could’ve just e-mailed me,” I mumbled. “I know we agreed not to, but it would have been simpler.” He wasn’t trying to talk to me... he was trying to convince Tim and Ryan and Suhail... “Did you read any of the letters?”

  “No,” Tim lied.

  “Did you get any, Ry?”

  “No.”

  “Huh. I wonder if Suhail read any...”

  Tim was not having any of this. “Don’t think about it. It doesn’t matter.”

  “Stop worrying. I hate him, okay. One hundred percent. If he tries to see me, I’ll probably chop off his balls. Punch him in the face. I don’t know... I’ll probably fly into a rage.”

  I kept the rest of my thoughts to myself. Our workout was over. We had cooled down by the free weights for over twenty minutes as we had our heated discussion about Mark. For as much as we had talked about him, I very carefully avoided repeating his name, as if by mentioning him I might conjure his dark spirit to haunt our gym, kind of like a vain Beetlejuice.

  Mark didn’t haunt me. Get back together with him. Those words didn’t haunt me, but they did show up in my thoughts a few times. I kicked the idea around. Could I get back together with him? Was it physically possible? What kind of conditions
would need to be met?

  In the end, I fell asleep that night believing there wasn’t a single scenario in which I could get back together with Mark. Zero. How could I? He had left me broken. My life had completely fallen apart in the two months after our Big Fight... and now that I was put back together (mostly)... I had been reassembled differently. I was (technically) dating a very nice girl about my own age. She was smaller than me. Shy. Smart. Funny. Caring.

  She was much better than Mark. She wasn’t as wild, or as pushy, or as commanding. She was a good friend. Mark had always been a bad friend. Always pushing me out of my comfort zone... always wanting me to do things in the nude. What was with that? Did he really like my ass that much?

  Mark stayed in my head. I tried on some of the clothes he had picked out for me and had somehow made the journey to my dresser before the Big Fight. I hadn’t retrieved a single thing from his apartment after our breakup. My friends agreed that there wasn’t a thing I needed from that hellhole... and there also wasn’t a thing I wanted inside that apartment. Including Mark, they implied.

  But Mark also knew me better than anyone... he was the one person who could get me to do those crazy things. I complained and yelled... and Mark took the abuse. But then we had fun. Sometimes it was scary and I often didn’t like spending more than a little time out of my comfort zone, but just the fact that I was doing them with Mark was enough to make me laugh.

  We really did a lot of stupid shit together.

  Maybe I would write a new story about him—I had attempted a couple stories during our breakup, but they all turned to ash. I could feel Mark creeping back into my mind, like how a new story overtakes your current project and you feel like you just have to start writing the new, exhilarating characters.

  Mark had been my muse for six months. Just about everything I had written during those six months had been about him—including the gay mind control erotica that got him so upset. I hadn’t finished a single story since. I’d had plenty of ideas, but refused to sit in front of my typing gear.