Broken Read online

________________

  again I waited for your call

  not a sound

  I’m just another added to your wall

  my heart you threw to the ground

  trampled it

  then tossed it back

  I just sit

  remembering how you smack

  pain through my bones

  like nothing

  you're pelting me with stones

  like something

  detestable and unclean

  soon I will cry

  because your so mean

  and everything you said was a lie

  ________________

  I was so closed up

  All these years

  Afraid of a full cup

  Instead of love I shed tears

  Never taking a chance

  On a man

  Now at this dead end

  My own rules

  For you I did bend

  The devil drools

  For a fall I had

  Lowering my wall

  Even though at first I thought you were bad

  I was about to give you my all

  Good thing I ran away

  So that I avoided heart break

  [my walls are here to stay]

  ________________

  Not the Same

  He touches me

  I lean on him

  His arms I see

  Yeah—his caress makes me soft

  I love the way I feel

  Whenever our legs connect

  Like magnets

  A force field I’m in

  With glances

  And smiles my body tingles

  I want to be near him

  He doesn’t feel the same

  Okay—So, I guess I’ll stay away

  ________________

  grab my arm

  smile, convince, tease

  all a part of your charm

  I want you to please

  Not cause me any harm

  Too emotional is this

  And soon all we do

  I shall miss

  But especially [you]

  ________________

  What I need is not always what I want

  Taking would be greed

  so my emotions you’ll always taunt

  ________________

  [Pinwheel poem]

  Never stopping is how this feels. I am nothing to you. Many hearts he steals. I wish I wasn’t his back up wheels. Nothing will make my pain unreal. This is what I must always remember, love is uncertain and never a solid deal. Don’t fall unless you can get up and crawl.

  ________________

  this is torture to my soul

  why the pain

  why the coal?

  This is a nightmare

  You’re another Cain.

  Abel would be more aware

  This time

  Of your deepest desire

  Why so much pain

  What are you to gain?

  If you are nice

  I’ll be your everything

  I’ll melt away the ice

  And all my love I’ll bring

  As an offering

  But no

  You’re Cain

  My life you want

  Bloody stain

  No love for you

  This is so true

  And your heart is so

  G r e e d y

  ________________

  Liar

  I sacrificed everything for you.

  This is how you repay me?

  There is nothing I wouldn’t do

  To make you happy

  All I ever asked

  Was for the truth

  But now I see my past

  And picture a demon’s booth

  Lie

  Lie

  Liar

  Lie

  Wicked, wicked

  You liar

  You betrayer

  How could you chase her?

  Why you?

  Why?

  ________________

  I feel so naked

  Trust vanished

  Admiration gone

  See what you did?

  My love banished

  Never saw what was going on

  Blinded by your eyes

  Couldn’t see

  Through your veil hiding the lies

  Why did it have to be

  Y O U ?

  ________________

  Dismiss

  a thousand hours

  I wish and wish

  I had your powers

  to dismiss

  Y O U

  ________________

  Pretender

  I went to your house today

  found no one home

  wished I could stay

  and wait

  to see your face

  it was so late

  and I knew I'd become a disgrace

  so away I did fly

  traveling I did see

  the reason why

  your house was vacant

  with her instead of me

  well, well, well

  here is my broken heart

  you’re still around

  but I don't know how smart that is

  as my heart—is lying on the ground

  bleeding fast

  drying up

  trying to forget the past

  but can't

  so I will just keep pretending

  ________________

  A Song

  touch my dress

  I ignore your caress

  follow me outside

  I shall run and hide

  look into my eyes

  I'll see your many lies

  Stand by my side

  and maybe I'll be your bride

  now touch me

  I'll be yours completely

  gaze

  your life a purple haze

  you and me

  a song sung so sweetly

  ________________

  Filthy Love

  You played with me

  and now you've moved on

  make love filthy

  then you’re gone

  I was so content

  till you came around

  feel spent

  and tossed to the ground

  ________________

  you opened up a piece

  of my heart I did not know I had

  my old ways now cease

  and my heart is sad

  I yearn for a mate

  whereas before I was independent

  You just couldn't wait

  to destroy me-took only an instant

  there is this pain around my heart

  yearning for you

  but now I must be smart

  and search for a love that is true

  in a way

  I’m grateful

  what I’m trying to say

  is you helped me open up

  a part of myself.

  Not sure how wise it was

  but at least I’m not still on a shelf

  your effect had a cause

  woke me up

  to realize

  I don't want to be alone

  ________________

  u come to realize how innocence can fade

  now their eyes look disarrayed

  ________________

  Trapped…

  you treat me like crap

  I listen like a moron

  falling in your trap

  but what'll happen when I’m gone?

  I want to leave you

  you’re mean

  I can't say who I need

  but he'll never be so obscene

  ________________

  Your life is one big mess

  so what

  they'll all pay

  guilt will get them to confess

  that is in my gut

  but if they never say the truth

  at
least I did

  ________________

  I love them

  but why do I want to hurl each time they touch me or say I love you?

  I’m like a pearl

  the oyster's misery

  internal torment is what I do

  they'll be cut open

  and I removed

  all beautiful

  their remains in the garbage

  but it’s because

  they l i e d

  ________________

  The charlatans that is what they are

  so evil such—such well.. Liars

  ________________

  The Charlatans

  They think they have you fooled

  but they're drowning

  and being ruled

  by the black crowning

  of a demonic force

  that hates them

  but of course

  they want what I condemn

  so here is your rope

  stand on the ledge

  there will never be enough soap

  to remove this type of dirt

  you will try

  and try

  but with every attempt

  it is a lie

  and charlatans

  are exempt

  from truth

  so you wallow in vomit

  your own

  cause you will not admit

  how this lie of yours has grown

  double life

  your grandest mistake

  shall cause you strife

  and your king will then take

  what rightly belongs to him

  yeah you are letting him win

  into a bottomless hole

  fall in

  and lose your soul.

  ________________

  See?

  You did it again

  Just let me go

  & open up my heart to another

  yeah one who

  won't make me harbor pain

  ________________

  Again I’m the fool.

  Dropped everything

  and then you treated me so cruel.

  Such pain you bring

  you didn't even try to talk to me

  or pursue

  so numb I shall be

  whenever I come around you.

  ________________

  u wanna $^%%$^ me?

  Is that it?

  I'm tempting

  on your package I'll sit

  yeah right

  in your dreams

  turn on the light

  reality is not what it seems

  use your hand

  I'll get a real man

  you cannot give love that'll always stand

  so I'll find someone who can

  ________________

  Bored…

  I could get you up

  without even touching you

  spray a full cup

  ya always do

  after watching me

  I'll tease

  till I get the right response

  yeah you begging "please"

  your eyes and smile

  get me

  but after awhile

  I get bored of thee.

  ________________

  you call

  now I smile

  again

  shared your news

  waiting for the fall

  which after a while

  always causes me pain

  but when I look in your eyes

  fear creeps up my spine

  for a little time

  I see 1,000 lies

  as I whine

  you seek ways to commit a crime

  with me

  yet your taken

  soo why are you still here?

  Let’s just not be—

  mistaken as lovers dear…

  ________________

  But what if that is what I want us to be?

  ________________

  Dream

  I had a dream last night

  that you loved me

  and that I was your starlight

  you my sparkling sea

  I was curled in your arms

  you were saying "we"

  hypnotized by your charms

  I welcomed the future misery

  that'll fill my heart

  when you decide

  it's time to part

  I will again hide

  I promise

  this is the last time

  a game we shall play

  if you leave again

  or reject me

  I'll no longer stay.

  ________________

  Not Going to Die

  You're a spider

  me a fly

  trapped in your web

  But I'm a fighter

  I'll refuse to die

  in your web

  I want to become yours

  but only if you give first

  your heart

  then all the hours I’m alive

  It’ll be you I'll thirst

  never wishing to part from you

  my heart you'll own

  my body

  my mind

  your touch will make me moan

  I'll stop being so haughty

  & happiness we'll both find.

  ________________

  Do you want all of me?

  or just the lower half?

  ________________

  A mile away

  a song fading

  me begging to stay

  in your arms

  you debating

  if I’m what you desire

  due to your advances

  I'm full of fire

  you're running out of chances

  soon this will be a memory

  like a song fading

  a last try

  but it's a mile away

  ________________

  u r playing games again

  why?

  call or don't call

  I never know when

  you'll lie

  you don't love me at all

  ________________

  Hold onto your soul

  don't give it freely

  it'll turn to coal

  if the bad play frequently with it

  ________________

  surrounding me is barbed wire

  Each time I try to jump it

  I'm cut and my skin burns like fire

  then I just quit

  till the scars seem to fade

  I try once more

  again the same

  why

  how

  why

  makes me wanna die

  become worm chow

  that's about what I'm worth

  don't deserve to be on this earth

  ________________

  I wanted to hand you my heart

  Hoped you'd give up yours

  that wasn’t your intention from the start—just wanted to make me another one of your whores

  every time I resist

  your urge grows stronger

  and the more you insist

  this hurts and days seem longer

  drives me crazy

  knowing all you want

  is what's in my pants

  It sucks

  ________________

  I know u don't care

  but I keep hoping

  maybe one day you'll be there

  yeah moping

  around for me

  not for what's downstairs

  but for my smile or laugh or embrace

  I feel your stares

  but admiration—not a trace.

  ________________

  The Point

  You’ve disappeared

  gone

  just like I feared

  what took you so long?

  I knew you would

  so I waited

  holding in my feelings as much
as I could

  my emotions they debated

  whether to love you

  or hate your very presence

  now I know what I'll do

  wash my hair with herbal essence

  till you get the point...

  ________________

  It's been a week

  not a word not a call

  my soul is weak

  and I resist the fall

  I'm about to have

  on account of you

  ________________

  I saw you

  didn't even look my way

  I wasn't sure of what to do

  that's okay

  life is not a story

  I will let things happen

  naturally

  ________________

  Jerk

  woa, u r a jerk

  1:04 pm

  still pissed

  stayed home from work

  I got only the rose's stem

  the thorns I wished to vanish

  but the rose never bloomed

  I cut my finger

  How could you do this?

  we're forever doomed

  what if’s no longer linger

  ________________

  why won't you love me?

  why do you just wanna freak me?

  I love you

  I want to be with you

  but you don't see

  us in that way

  and you know it is true

  my heart is going to make me pay

  ________________

  This Time

  you don't come near

  at all

  I fear

  I need you to call

  I miss your smile

  and can't stop

  living in denial

  I'll be nice

  this time I promise

  I love you

  not coming back?

  that's alright

  I am moving away

  so many boxes to pack

  the world has never looked so bright

  as it does today

  farewell

  my dearest love

  it's been rotten

  living in hell

  if you ever come above

  look here-you'll never be forgotten

  ________________

  You talk again

  to her