Broken Read online
Poetry
for the
BROKEN
Poetry by
Christina Leigh Pritchard
Author of the C I N Series
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Broken:
For the Psycho in Him & in You.
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© Copyright 2009-2012 Christina Leigh Pritchard. All Rights Reserved.
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Under Copyright Law:
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise (except for brief quotation in printed or digital review) without prior written permission of the copyright owner.
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Photography Credits
D Sharon Pruitt of Pink Sherbet Photography
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Like Fizz
Like fizz
my emotions bubble up from my tummy
Making my heart pound
I am such a dummy
For my heart is about
to be tossed to the ground
And I will have to stare down at it
Regretting my deepest feelings
And running after you I must quit
For if I do not
You’ll entrap me
And leave me in your web caught
Waiting to die
When you drain me of my blood
For what I feel is just a lie
That lingers in my mind
Since what I really want
I cannot seem to find
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Unable
One moment I want you
The next I’m just happy with what we have
I am not sure which feeling is true
Sometimes it is so intense
And I don’t know what to do
But then other days it is just comfortable
It doesn’t make any sense
There is a barrier
That is tall and dense
Blocking me from the truth
And once removed
It will be too late to know
What I really feel
And you will just go
While I stay behind
And continue searching
For what I am unable to find
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The Fact
Don’t talk about the past
all I want to believe
is already in my head
these feelings won’t last
and I’ll move on instead
never doubting how fast
history fades when certain of
the fact
that there is no love
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Pleasure
you claim I’ll never see pleasure
so this means in your heart I am not
how many times I measure
the things I feel
but deep inside I know,
I’ll never be able to deal
Without you
please just go
So that I am not reminded
Everyday
That this is a lie
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Stop
Stop messing with my emotions
You’re going to tear out my heart
And leave me screaming my confessions
Cause my motor you try to start
Then drift away
I get nervous and aroused
But you just continue to stay
Not ever knowing what it is you are doing
Stop messing with my head
Cause I can’t stop thinking about you
When I’m lying in bed
Thinking of all the things we could do
Stop messing with my mind
For if you do not
I will be left in an unfixable bind.
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Yo-Yo
you come near
but leave without emotion
your motives are not clear
and my feelings drift further away through this ocean
cause I can’t wait till you know
what it is you want
so please decide before I go
cause my boat is almost lost in the sea
my oars already gone
Please explain to me
What it is you feel
so that my electricity
I may turn on
But till then
I shall refrain from you
Cause if not,
you’ll cause me much pain.
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Too Close
you are getting too close to me
I can’t breathe right
You will leave eventually
And it will take all my might
To not run from you
Cause it hurts to know
That soon you’ll just go
And leave my heart out
Displayed for all to see
And the pain will make me shout
But no one will hear me
I can’t run from you
I should
I want to
But don’t think I could
You are my heart
And into misery I shall fall
Cause if I was smart
I never would’ve let you get this close at all.
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Song
you wrote a song
made my heart melt
thought about it all night long
wishing I could tell you how I felt
but don't know myself
wouldn't matter anyway
so I'll leave my heart upon a shelf
and hope this feeling doesn't stay
twisting in my stomach knots
it hurts more than you'll ever know
cause I love you lots
but am certain you'd just
go away
if you knew
the things I really feel
but there isn't anything I can do
except hide from what is real
and keep my emotions bottled up
so that things will not change
and so my feelings won't erupt
and my life rearrange.
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I saw you in a new light
your smile grabbed me
and now I must fight
to not lose it completely
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Shelf
i ignore the feeling
and try hard to pretend it's nothing
probably it is for you
but I keep fighting
to keep it that way for myself
I don't want to feel the way I do
cause it is not wise
to put my heart upon the shelf
and wait
for one person
who has no feelings for me
my heart is not bait
for you
to use as practice
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That Look
that look you give me
makes my heart ache
cause this feeling just cannot be
and a relationship we're unable to make
but I still shiver at your touch
and try to push back butterflies
and pretend it doesn't bother me as much
as it does
but am afraid it all may be lies
to myself
so I must keep away from you
so that any harm I may cause
won't come true
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Why?
Why don’t you just leave me alone?
Please don’t stay
Cause my heart you don’t own
Nor will you ever
If things do not change
I’ll be enslaved to you
And my life disarranged
And my freedoms will be few
For your look captures me
But your games break my heart constantly.
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Nothing
Nothing you say
Could make me stay
Here with you
Nothing you do
Could get me to change my mind
Cause my heart you’ll never find
Nor will you want to
Cause I am too afraid of loving you
I’ll fight it till the end
And on you I’d never depend
For I am not made to be a kept woman.
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Invalid
Many times I’ve tried
To get you to notice me
But to myself I’ve lied
Thinking it was not meant to be
& now realize all the tears I’ve cried
Are invalid
For this whole time you did
Love me
But I was too afraid to accept it
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I tried
I tried to let you go
But you came back
I tried to make you grow up
But you stayed the same
Maturity you lack
At your every call
I always came
I tried to say I need you
But you were not there at all
Now you say this is how it will always be
But this is not for me
I tried
Having someone to love apparently
is not your choice.
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Mixed Feelings
You are mine
But not that way
Like aged wine
You are reserved for that special day
When all those thoughts
You have held onto
Fill in the puzzle’s missing spots
And create life’s picture for you
I don’t want you to spoil
As does wine when opened too soon
My feelings are like dirty oil
Ever changing as does the moon
For I think one way
But after our eyes meet
I kinda feel like with you I need to stay
But then I look down at my feet
And see you for real
And get confused for some of your touches
Make it hard to not feel
Those butterflies as your arm brushes
Against mine
But I need to stay away
And so do you.
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The Fool
Walking aimlessly
After you
Holding onto every word
Is what I do
Hoping that the things said
Mean what I want
But it is just friendship I get instead
Cause all I have sought
Has been in vain
And you allowed me to think otherwise
So now I am in pain
Cause no one hears the cries
Of the fool
Who lets another
Treat her so cruel
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Forbidden
I try so hard to not feel
but it never works when you come around
when you look into my eyes I get weak
and am ready to do your will
you make it hard to not let my heart be found
and you make it so I am unable to speak
the truth out loud
to the world
cause this cannot happen
so i will just ignore it when i feel my heart pound
and pretend it is a lie
for you and I
are forbidden
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Every Time
every time I look into your eyes
I see a paradise for two
but then the truth is really lies
when I turn away from you
and see you wearing a disguise
and realize there is nothing I can do
to save myself from you
I am stuck in a hopeless battle full of pain
cause no matter what I do
there is nothing I can gain
by loving or hating you
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I don’t have much time
To sit here and wait
For you to get caught in your crime
And leave me as your bait
Always you scheme
life is one big mess
But what I know you couldn’t even dream
So why not just confess
Your lies
And help remove the chains
Wrapped across my eyes
So that I can have control over my reins
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Game
practically new
to the game of dating
there are very few
who are left waiting
for that special person
to take for their own
and become as one
for all eternity
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Only
I only want someone loving
to hold me closely
And whisper in my ear
Promises and secrets
Of us being together year after year
And making my heart
Burst from my chest
at the very thought
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Back
Something holds me back
from the things I want
it happens each time our eyes lock
that’s when the butterflies attack
And my mind they taunt
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Rock
You hit my heart with a jagged rock
Each time I pull away
The rope ties tighter
Around my waist
And months later I notice these rope burns that stay
Grow brighter
And stick to my flesh like paste
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Pain
The pain creeps up
Through my spine
And gathers around my neck
Makes me corrupt
And fills my glass with wine
To dispel the nervous wreck
That I’ve become
My ankles shake
I look away
As some
Talk of what a mistake
I’ve made
and try to think of a way
To punish me
For the sin
I’ve wrapped myself in.
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I would love to tell you what's in my head
but if I ever did
the relationship we now have would become dead
and I'd be an invalid
hopelessly wandering the street
where you live
crying out to all I meet
hoping my pain to others I could give
so empathy they'd feel
and with me cry
helping me deal
with this never-ending lie.
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U say
u say u don’t care
what’s going on with me
I wouldn’t dare
Ask why this is the way it must be
Deep inside I know you
Have affection for me
But not love that is true
I now see
Where my road is
heading.
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Make Me
Make me follow your lead
Make my heart beat
Make my belly full of your seed
Make me yearn for your caress
Make my legs grow weak
Make my emotions one big mess
Make me depend upon you
Make my life revolve around yours
Make my decisions too
Make me love all there is about you
Make my desire lead me
Make my heart beat
Make my love known
Make me sweet
Make my soul no longer my own.
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I see you
but do you notice me?
I watch how your lips curve into a smile
but know you don't see
the softness in my eyes as I dial
your number
and think and pray
that you'll pick it up
and say
"hey"
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everyone I see
just isn’t the right one for me
I try to spot the love in someone’s eyes
But always come to realize
That there is none there for I
But why?
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Funny
it’s funny how one day you care
but the next you don’t
it’s funny how yesterday all you did was stare
but now you won’t
it’s funny how you looked at me
but now will not
it’s funny how this relationship was meant to be
but emptiness is what we got
it’s funny how I am so scared to love someone
but you are not