The Recipe for Diamonds Read online

  CHAPTER VII.

  A DIPLOMATIC REMOVAL.

  Individually the Minorcan is very amiably disposed towards theinhabitants of those other islands, Great Britain and Ireland. It is amatter of Spanish history that Minorca for many years groaned underEnglish rule; and as prosperity has steadily decayed since the nativearticle has been substituted for this reign of tyranny, it is notwonderful that the average Minorcan has a hankering to groan again.Indeed, he says as much with a candour that would be refreshing tohaters of Victoria R et I's expansive _raj_. But the Carabinerowho guards the public morals holds (in the bulk) different opinions. Hehas no wish to be, like Othello, the possessor of a gone occupation;and by way of marking this distaste, he is apt on occasion to be uppishwith the chance foreigner.

  By force of circumstances, Haigh and I were in the way of findingourselves in no slight difficulties. The Briton in his own insularports is a very slipshod person with regard to the papers of smallcraft--especially pleasure craft. He looks upon those last with afavourable eye, and watches their going and coming with small concern.The peoples of the Mediterranean are constructed in different fashion.At the larger ports they are suspicious; but at the less frequentedspots, firmly disbelieving that men can ever yacht for mere pleasure,they always take it for granted that any small craft is laden withexplosives and conspiracy, until it has been most clearly andexhaustively demonstrated that such is not the case. Of course theorthodox papers and clearances from one's port of departure form theinitial proof of innocence and harmlessness; and equally, of course,the lack of formality which had signalized our departure from Genoaprevented the display of these. And in addition, other matters combinedto make our characters look still more shady.

  We must have been boarded by the authorities soon after bringing up toour anchor, and I was dimly conscious of a stooping person in uniformstaring in at us through the cabin door. But I was far too weary towake or take any notice. However, the sight must have worked a dreaminto my sleep, for I remember imagining that official's feelings whenhe gazed at the mildewed desolation of the ugly cutter's interior, whenhe contrasted her size with the infernal gale she must have beensailing through to make the harbour, and when he noted that her entirecrew consisted of two persons very much out of ordinary yachtsmen'suniform. And then I had visions of further inquiries; the official gleewith which more unsatisfactory items were arrived at; the head-shakesof the British Vice-Consul; and--and then after that a deluge of luridcomplexion.

  These maundering cogitations must have spread themselves over aconsiderable time, for when Haigh roused me up, he said that I hadslept very nearly round the clock. I pulled myself together and staredat him. He was looking distinctly excited; and this, seeing that he wasusually a very calm sort of fish, was remarkable.

  "Never say our luck has broken," said he. "I've just performed aregular four-cornered miracle. That port-authority person called againabout two hours back, and it began to dawn upon me that we were donefor. He fairly bristled with suspicion. I could see it even in the setof his clothes. If I'd told him that as soon as our fleet was gone youand I were going to take possession of the island in the name of theking of Ireland, he'd have believed it. But I temporized, having noyarn ready, and luck came down in a tornado. Not one Spaniard in athousand has a soul above a single miserable liqueur--glass; but thisone was the exception. He supped down that vermouth, pannikin afterpannikin; and as he got more drunk, so did I get more eloquent. Ibelieve at my strongest then I could have blarneyed Old Nick intogiving me a draughty corner."

  "But what in the plague did you say to the man? How could you get overthe fact of having no clearance papers, and all the rest of it?"

  "Simplest thing in the world, my dear chap, when once I'd grasped theidea. The cutter put out of Savona some two months ago--this being afact, as I put documentary evidence under his nose to prove. Then shesailed to Corsica, and lay in a tiny coaster's harbour where there wasno Captain of the Port or any one else who could scribble on stampedpaper. There we stayed all the time till the crew deserted, and weourselves were evilly entreated, the yacht being gutted by unprinciplednatives. _Apres_, you and I brought her across here alone, knowingthis to be the abode of bliss. Of course, in his sober senses he'dnever have believed a word of it; but, thanks to that lovely vermouth,he swallowed the whole yarn, lock, stock, and barrel, and wrote me outthe wherewithal, and then tumbled off to sleep, swearing by three localsaints that he wanted to go to the same heaven I landed at."

  "But," said I, "when he's sober, he'll be down on us like a thousand ofbricks."

  "Not a bit of it, my dear boy. Don't you know that all Spaniards canlook upon a murder without emotion, but no Spaniard can see a drunkenman without being filled with loathing? Our beauty on the locker therewill be the last to give himself away. But never mind raging about thisnow. I woke you up for something else. Come on deck. There, do you seethat steamer just opening out from the Hospital island? That's the_Antiguo Mahones_, the mail-boat from Barcelona. Unless he'sbroken down somewhere, your man Weems should be on board."

  "I'm afraid not. According to the book of Steamer Sailings I looked atin Genoa, he ought to have left Barcelona three days ago."

  "Precisely; but, old chappie, you don't know the _AntiguoMahones_. Now I do. She was built on the Clyde in the early'sixties, and has seen much service under the Red Duster. When she grewold and outclassed, she followed the way of all steamers, and wasbought by a Mediterranean firm who quite understand her infirmities andnurse her accordingly. Her skipper is far too sensible a person to putto sea in anything approaching blowy weather, even though he does carryhis most Catholic Majesty's mails; and the passengers are quite theclass of people to appreciate his caution. _Manana_, if you willremember, is the motto of the nation."

  "Well, if that's the case," I broke in, "it seems to me our best planwill be to get ashore now, and go for our pickings in Talaiti de Taltwithout further delay. Weems is always seasick, so he told me, from themoment he leaves shore. He said it was a sign of a highly-organizedmind, hinting that it was only coarse-fibred people who could keeptheir victuals under hatches in a roll. And so, as the _AntiguoMahones_ has been getting kicked about in big swell ever since sheleft Barcelona inner harbour, it's pretty safe to bet that Master Weemshas had the business part of his little soul churned completely out ofhim, and that he'll go and lie up at Bustamente's Hotel for a day ortwo to recruit. He'll never guess we're here, and consequently will seeno cause for hurry. And besides, these Fleet sailormen will make anadditional argument towards lying low for a bit. He'll see how theywander about in batches into all sorts of unexpected places, and hewill be very chary about rootling up the cache whilst they are in theneighbourhood and likely to disturb him."

  "There's a good deal in that," commented Haigh, blinking at the shabbyblack steamer thoughtfully. "You'd better pop down below in case he hasventured his little self on deck, and should happen to twig you. Butstill it's best to be on the safe side." He chose a cigar, lighted itand puffed for a minute, and then took it out of his mouth and grinnedat the glowing end. "Look here. The fellow doesn't know me from Adam.I'll slip ashore, and see if I can't find snug quarters for him wherehe'll be out of the way of doing mischief."

  "What piece of devilry are you up to now?" I inquired a bit anxiously;for Haigh's vagaries, from what I had seen and heard of them, rangedbetween wild and mad, and having got so near the Recipe, I didn't wantto get in any mess that would baulk us at the finish. "You aren't goingto shoot the man, are you?"

  "Haven't got anything to shoot him with. No, I'm not going to lay handson him at all. But I think I can get some one else to do it for me.It's no use asking my scheme, because I haven't got one. It's only avague idea that has occurred to me, but there's no harm in giving it atrial. Only I must be off now, or the passengers will be landed beforeI get to the quay."

  He took my hat and went on deck. I heard him hail some one in a passingboat, and presently he was taken off the cutter. I stood up and lookedcautio
usly through the main skylight, so as not to be viewed by anychance from without. The steamer was being brought up alongside thequay with true Spanish caution and slowness, warps being sent in alldirections, boats flying about, a couple of anchors down, windlass andsteam-winches thundering. An English launch was lying-to close by, hercrew highly amused at the display. And the quay was black with peopleenjoying their bi-weekly sensation.

  Slowly the _Antiguo Mahones_ swung parallel to the quay wall, andthen a derrick chain was hauled out and I heard the scrape of the biggangway as it drew along the gravel, and the thud of its iron-shod heelas it fell on deck and bridged the intervening two fathoms of water.But the black hull of the steamer blotted out all view of the peoplebeyond it, and on the cutter I could learn nothing more of what wasgoing on till Haigh came back.

  The last glow of sunset had died away. The white walls and red roofs ofthe town up there on the cliff were already beginning to be hazed outby darkness, and the soft yellow splashes of lamplight were growing innumber.

  I sat down, and cut up a cigar for my pipe.

  The situation did not please me at all. The more I thought it over, themore I remembered how uncertain Haigh was, and how likely he was tobring about some fiasco out of sheer devilry. If I'd had a boat Ishould have cut ashore there and then, and made off to Talaiti de Taltwithout delaying a single moment. And as it was, with no boat, I morethan once got to my legs with the intention of swimming, but couldnever quite screw up my mind as to whether it was really advisable todo so.

  I kept cursing myself for this womanish indecision; but even thatdidn't improve matters. I could not figure out what to do for the best.And consequently I stayed where I was, and mumbled and mowed in blackfury.

  Haigh was in all about an hour and a half gone, and returned very muchcock-a-hoop with himself. He was brought on board by a smart boat rowedby four men; and telling them to wait, he came down below.

  "Hullo, Cospatric! you're looking as black as a Soudanese stoker withthe stomach-ache. Did ye think I'd been tampering with the interests ofthe firm? Not a bit of it, man. Thanks to his own natural cussedness,I've just fixed your schoolmaster beautifully. The stars in theircourses are backing up our stupendous luck. Some gentlemen of theanarchist persuasion have been blowing up men and women and marbleseats in the Plaza Real at Barcelona. Indiscriminate shooting on thepart of the troops followed, and cables were sent to all parts to watchfor escaping assassins. The affair happened after the _AntiguoMahones_ sailed, so far as I can make out; but, of course, to theSpanish official mind that is a mere matter of detail. In these casesSpain expects that every man this day will exceed his duty. Weems beingthe only foreigner on board, and having the looks of a man who wouldnot steal a potato, was naturally spotted at once, and a sub-officer ofCarabineros demanded his passport. Weems, not knowing a word ofCatalan, looked helpless. An interested mob collected, and stared andmade suggestions. None of them could speak a word of English. Weems gotpale, and offered the Carabinero half a peseta. Had the bribe been abig one and tendered privately, it might have carried weight; but as itwas, the offer was an insult.

  "At this point I pushed through the crowd, and offered my services asan interpreter. I can imagine the little worm was never so humblygrateful in his life; but when I told him that his passport was wanted,he was the cocksure schoolmaster ape in a moment. Such a thing was notrequisite for travelling in Spain; it was utterly superfluous; I mightbe ignorant of the fact, as so many people were, but he could assure meit was so. A clerk at a tourist agency (in some provincial town athome) had told him all about the matter. And so he had got no passport.Would I explain these matters to the person in uniform, and inform himthat he would be pilloried in the _Times_ if he did not take greatcare of what he was about.

  "As this couldn't well be improved upon, I put it into Spanish,verbatim, and the Carabinero's suspicion grew to certainty. 'Did I knowthe senor?' 'No, never clapped eyes on him before.' 'But he was acountryman of mine?' With a suggestive shrug of the shoulders, 'Idevoutly hoped not.' 'Then it was his duty to make the senor hisprisoner.'

  "I imparted this information to Weems, who sweated. 'Can't you doanything for me, sir?' he implored. I was afraid I could not, andthough I felt pretty sure that he'd be let out of durance vile in abouthalf an hour, I didn't tell him so. However, as he and his escort weregoing off, another thought dawned upon me. 'Are you a Mason?' I asked.'Yes,' said he. 'Then take the tip and make yourself known. I'm not onemyself, but I know the fraternity is pretty thick here. Ta-ta.' Now theFreemasons of Mahon are the Halt, the Shoemaker, and the Discontented,and they are banded together solely because they are 'agin theGovernment;' and so, with our luck at its present premium, if theydon't assist to keep Weems laid by the heels longer than otherwisewould be the case, I'm a Deutcheman."

  "Poor devil," said I. "What a state of mind he'll be in!"

  "'Twon't kill anybody, and it'll do him good. Besides, he thoroughlydeserved twice as much as he's got."

  "That's a fact; and I must say you've paid the score cutely."

  Haigh grinned. "I've Irish blood in me, old chappie," said he, "andthat means a natural taste for amateur conspiracy and generaldevilment. But don't let's stay jawing here any longer. We're both duefor a good jaunt ashore, and there's a bran-new tick here to guaranteeus every mortal thing (bar one) which we want. And for that one, whichis almost always a ready-money commodity, it will do us good to waittill we've tapped the late blessed Raymond's bank."