Bess: A Pioneer Woman's Journey of Courage, Grit and Love Read online

  “Have you got your dance card?” asked Annabel. “I already have some of mine filled out.” Bess knew that Annabel would be first in line for getting boys to sign her dance card. Her understanding of the process was that you waited for the boys to ask to sign your card, but Bess thought that Annabel probably had asked them because that was just the way she was.

  “No,” Bess replied, “no one has asked me to put his name on mine yet.”

  The committee had created little dance cards that had room for twelve dances. The card was actually a piece of decorated cardboard with a fold in the middle and on the front was printed “Cando High School” and the date of the dance. It wasn’t fancy, but was something the committee thought that students might like to keep as a souvenir. That wasn’t Bess’s intent because all she thought it might be good for was to keep track of who asked her to dance. So far, nobody had asked. Her card was blank, and so was Mary Ann’s.

  During the next fifteen minutes or so, several of the boys came over to Bess and Mary Ann and put their names on their cards. Jake came over last and asked Bess if he could have the first dance as well as the one that was second to last. Someone had already asked Bess for the first dance, but she put his name for the second to last dance—the one he wanted.

  Mr. Sherman’s band was good and Bess had fun dancing—especially the fast dances where she could move freely without being held tightly by her dance partner. When it came time for the second to last dance—the one that Jake had requested—he came over, took her hand, and together they went out on the dance floor. They had been dancing only briefly when he said, “Bess, can we go somewhere and talk?”

  “Sure, Jake,” Bess replied. Bess felt a little uncomfortable. She knew that Jake had an interest in her because he was one of the boys who had come to Bess’s home frequently asking to see her—when Bess would conveniently be unavailable, many times because she would be hiding in her secret place in the haystack. She just wasn’t attracted to him—or any other boy, for that matter.

  Jake took Bess’s hand and led her out to the side of the building where they had set up a couple of tables and had roped off the area so people could stand around outside and talk. There was only one couple out there chatting, and Jake led Bess to the side opposite of where they were. Bess had a notion about what he wanted to talk about, but followed him over to the side.

  Jake appeared to have difficulty starting the conversation. Finally he said, “You know, this is our last year in school and we’ll have to be deciding what we want to do.”

  Bess nodded, but kept silent. I know where this is heading, she thought.

  “Dad has asked me to take on more responsibilities running the farm, and I think I want to eventually take over the business. I was wondering what you want to do after school.”

  Bess smiled at him and thought hard before she spoke. “Jake,” she said, “I’m not really sure—but I like farming.” When she said that, his eyes lit up and Bess thought she might have misled him a bit because she didn’t want to do any farming around Cando. She had firmly decided that she wanted to go west. And it wasn’t the answer she secretly held in the back of her mind. I know where this is heading, Jake, but I’m not interested, was what she would have liked to say—but couldn’t.

  “Maybe we can start seeing each other more often,” he said pleasantly.

  Jake moved closer to Bess and looked her directly in the eyes with a broad smile on his face. Then he moved his head toward her and Bess thought he was looking for a kiss.

  Bess reacted sharply. She stepped back abruptly and put her hand up in front of her face. “Jake,” she said. “I’m not sure I’m ready for this.” What was really going through her mind was that she just didn’t want to kiss him. She didn’t want any physical contact such as kissing and hugging at all.

  Jake looked very disappointed and dejected. “I’m sorry, Bess,” he said, “but I have always liked you.”

  “I know, Jake, and I like you too. It’s just that I’m not ready for anything beyond friendship.”

  Jake looked at Bess sadly. Bess felt that he knew. He knew what she was feeling. Then he shrugged slightly and reached out limply for her hand. “Let’s go back inside.”

  They walked together slowly back into the auditorium and he escorted Bess back to her table. “Thank you for the dance, Bess,” he said as he looked down at the floor. Then he walked away.

  Bess sat down beside Mary Ann. Annabel was dancing. They didn’t say much, just talked about how much fun the dance was. Mary Ann told Bess that she had fun dancing but wasn’t interested in any of the boys who were there.

  Shortly, Papa and Mama came over to the table and said it was time to leave. They got up from the table, put on their sweaters and went outside as Papa went to get the horse and buggy.

  They climbed carefully into the buggy and Papa drove them home over the muddy road, again going quite slow so as not to splatter mud on Mama, Mary Ann, and Bess. The full moon had drifted toward the west and was almost directly south of them. It lit up the road as if it had been placed there to guide them home. It was a beautiful night and was still warm.

  When they reached home, Mama and Papa gave Bess and Mary Ann a hug and the girls went upstairs to bed. Mary Ann had brought along a small suitcase with the clothing that she would need for the few days she would spend with the Parkers.

  Bess and Mary Ann chatted about the dance and after they were in their nightgowns, they climbed into the bed with the window wide open so they could hear the crickets chirping their songs. They chatted for a while in the dark, reliving their experiences at the dance, but Bess didn’t tell her about the conversation that she and Jake had, nor that Jake had tried to kiss her. Bess knew that Mary Ann liked Jake, and she didn’t want to spoil anything for her. Bess knew that Mary Ann, like Jake, did not want to leave Cando and would probably stay with her parents until such time as she found a husband. Bess secretly hoped that it would be Jake.

  They slept well during the night.

  Very early in the morning while it was still dark, Bess awoke with a strange feeling. She could feel the warmth of a body next to her. Mary Ann’s arm was across Bess’s body and it felt wonderful. Sensual. She slowly turned over to face her. Bess felt a sense of excitement and pleasure. Bess slowly put her arm around Mary Ann and moved closer. She awoke and Bess could sense she was smiling as they cuddled closer together. Their faces were nearly touching and Bess could see that Mary Ann had opened her eyes.

  “Hi,” she said quietly.

  “Hi,” Bess said.

  They were silent for a few moments. Then they kissed. Mary Ann cuddled closer. They kissed again. Bess felt a tingling sensation and a rush of warmth flashed through her body—a rush that she had never felt before.

  Chapter Five

  Early the next morning Bess arose, dressed, and went out to do her morning chores of milking the cow and feeding the horses. Mary Ann didn’t stir when Bess got dressed and was still sleeping soundly when Bess came back into the house to join Mama and Papa for breakfast.

  “Good time last night?” asked Papa as he hurriedly ate his pancakes and eggs fried in bacon grease.

  “Yes,” answered Bess. “But it would have been more fun to play the piano with Mr. Sherman.”

  “Dance with Jake?” asked Mama. “He’s a nice young man.” Mama was fond of Jake and secretly hoped that Bess would develop more of an interest in him.

  “Yes,” said Bess. “We had a short dance and a nice visit outside.”

  Mama smiled.

  Mary Ann came slowly down the stairs to join them. She looked at Bess and her face flushed.

  “Mornin’, Mary Ann,” said Papa. “Sleep well?”

  Mary Ann smiled and looked at Bess with a smile. “Yes,” she said.

  “Have some breakfast,” said Mama as she pointed to the chair at the table next to Bess. “Pancakes?”

  “Please,” said Mary Ann.

  “Glad you’re staying with us,” said Papa. “
Make yourself at home.” Papa rose from his chair. “When you’re ready, I’ll take you girls to school.”

  Mary Ann finished her breakfast hurriedly, and she and Bess dashed upstairs to fetch their coats. When they came downstairs after few moments they saw Papa donning his coat from the hanger next to the front door. As they went to the buggy for the ride to school, Mary Ann clutched Bess’s hand briefly and smiled, her cheeks still flushed.

  Mary Ann stayed with the Parkers for five more days until her parents came back from their trip to Fargo. Each night she and Bess cuddled closely together and slept in an embrace. They kissed frequently during the nights and Bess was feeling sensations that she had never experienced before. She was attracted to Mary Ann and increasingly looked forward to the sensual feeling that aroused her as she felt the soft warm body sleeping next to her.

  Friday night was the last night when Mary Ann would be staying with the Parkers and her parents would be coming early Saturday morning to pick her up and take her home. In the early Saturday morning Mary Ann and Bess embraced and kissed. Each was silent for a while when Mary Ann said, “Do you think this is wrong, Bess?”

  “What do you mean?” asked Bess.

  “You know … kissing. We’re girls.”

  Bess didn’t know what to say. The physical touching and kissing felt normal to her—pleasant and exciting. “I don’t know,” she said.

  They were quiet for a few minutes when Mary Ann said, “Do you like boys?”

  Bess paused. “Not really,” she said. “I have never been attracted to boys.”

  Mary Ann was silent. They lay together for several minutes. “I like Jake,” said Mary Ann. “Do you like him? He asked you to dance.”

  “Jake is nice,” said Bess. “But he is not what I’m looking for.” She paused. “I’m going to leave Cando when I’m twenty-one. I want to be on my own and go west. To homestead.”

  “You’re not interested in getting married and having a family?”

  “No,” said Bess. “I want to become a rancher. On my own.” Bess had never thought about having a family. Or children. The only thoughts she had were to succeed as a rancher—by herself.

  “I want to stay in Cando,” said Mary Ann. “Probably get married someday and raise a family.”

  Bess was silent. She had feelings of rejection. They lay in silence for several more minutes. Mary Ann then turned away from Bess. “Let’s get some sleep.”

  No more words were spoken. Bess remained awake for the next two hours as Mary Ann slept soundly. She thought about how she felt—how she was attracted to Mary Ann not only in a sense of friendship, but emotionally and physically as well. She enjoyed the embraces—the physical touching. The kissing. It was sensual. It was confusing.

  The rays of the morning sun began to shine through the window and Bess arose from the bed, dressed without speaking, and went downstairs and outside to do her morning chores.

  When Mary Ann came downstairs carrying her small bag with her belongings, she didn’t look directly at Bess. Bess felt uncomfortable and during breakfast neither of the girls said anything other than to respond to small talk that Mama attempted to initiate. Bess felt that Mama sensed something amiss, but said nothing. I can never tell Mama or Papa about this—or how I feel, thought Bess.

  Promptly at nine o’clock, Mary Ann’s father, Horace Gunderson, pulled up in front of the house in his horse and buggy. When Mama opened the front door to greet him, he removed his hat and grinned. “Here to get Mary Ann,” he said with a smile.

  “Mornin’ Horace. Back from Fargo?” Mama said pleasantly.

  “Yep. Business trip,”

  “We’ve enjoyed Mary Ann’s company,” said Mama. “She’s been helping Bess.”

  Mary Ann’s father helped her with her bag and Mama and Bess accompanied them as they went outside. After he had put the bags in the back of the buggy, he turned to Mama. “Thank you, Nellie, for taking care of Mary Ann.” He turned to Bess and said, “And thank you, Bess. You’re a good friend.”

  Bess smiled and turned to Mary Ann, who was about to get into the buggy. Mary Ann said to Mama, “Thank you, Mrs. Parker.” She then turned to Bess. “Thank you, Bess. It was fun. I’ll see you in town.”

  Bess gave Mary Ann a hug but felt that Mary Ann was not so responsive. “Bye, Mary Ann. Thanks for staying with us.”

  As Mary Ann and her father then rode slowly down the lane. Bess had mixed emotions. For the first time she had felt an emotional and even physical attraction to another human being. She felt at first that Mary Ann shared those feelings, but now she wasn’t sure. It was confusing. But then she blinked. It was time for her to gather her thoughts about her plans for the future—something that I can control, she thought.

  During the summer after graduation, Bess began the process of developing her plans. What she would need to take? What she would need to purchase when she arrived out west? How would she go about getting a homestead?

  Late in the summer Papa gave Bess the responsibility for running the farm while he worked at the grain elevator. It was a full-time job and the work was hard, but she loved it. This is what I want to do with my life, she thought. Papa paid Bess forty dollars a month, which was much more than she could have made working at the Grimes dry goods store in Cando. She had been saving all of her money since Papa started paying her for working—he paid her very modestly before giving her full responsibility--and she hoped to save over fifteen hundred dollars by the time she turned twenty-one and was ready to leave for her adventure in the West. That amount could sustain her for at least three years and maybe more if she followed up with her homesteading dream.

  Mama wasn’t pleased, something of which Bess was fully aware. “I’m going to be a rancher, Mama,” Bess said one afternoon after completing her chores.

  “A rancher?” Mama replied. “That’s a man’s work, Bess.”

  “It’s what I love, Mama,” Bess replied. “I want to go west and become a rancher. On my own.”

  “Oh dear,” said Mama. “That sounds so dangerous. Out west?”

  “It’s what I want to do,” said Bess. “I’m going to talk to the Hansons about it. I can do it, Mama.”

  Mama didn’t reply and just shook her head with what Bess thought was a touch of sadness—even disappointment.

  In the fall, Bess had the opportunity to visit with the Hansons about their plans. They told her that they had changed their plans and were going to homestead in eastern Montana—somewhere north of Billings. “We have relatives in Billings,” Jesse told her. Jesse, Alvin’s wife, was interested in homesteading but didn’t want to be too far from relatives. Western North Dakota was a couple hundred miles east of Billings and, as Jesse thought, much too far away from family support. Alvin told her that they were going to focus on farming and, therefore, the kinds of supplies and equipment they needed would be quite different from that required by someone raising sheep and cattle. “Plows, grain binders, are the sorts of equipment we will be needing, Bess,” he said. “For ranching you need a good horse, and a warm place to live. You’ll also need good hay and grass—and eventually a mower and a hay rake. Probably a good dog, too.”

  The next spring, Bess visited with Don Grant, the lawyer in Cando whom Papa had suggested. Don reassured her that a female resident of North Dakota of the age of at least twenty-one was qualified to file a homestead claim. He gave her a document that described the process in detail. “You can do it, Bess,” Don said. “But it will be a challenge for you and you must be prepared for many difficulties.”

  After visiting with Don Grant, Bess stopped in at the Grimes store where Mary Ann had been working since the previous fall. While they were still friends, Bess hadn’t seen Mary Ann very often—primarily because of the responsibilities Papa had given her to run the farm on a full-time basis.

  Mary Ann was very pleasant when Bess entered the store, and greeted her enthusiastically. She took Bess over to the side of the store where they could talk privately. “Jake a
sked me to marry him,” whispered Mary Ann, breathless and obviously filled with happiness. Bess smiled. She knew that Jake had been courting Mary Ann because Mama had told her so—with obvious disappointment.

  Bess smiled as she responded to Mary Ann. “That’s wonderful,” she said. “When is the wedding?”

  “Next summer. Will you come? We’ll send you an invitation.”

  “Of course,” said Bess.

  Bess was pleased at the news. Both Mary Ann and Jake would be doing what they both dreamed of—settling down together on a farm and raising a family. They would achieve their goal in their young lives—but, as Bess thought with a steely determination from the bottom of her soul, So will I!

  In July of the following summer Bess attended the festive wedding of Mary Ann and Jake. It seemed that the whole town of Cando turned out for the celebration. Mary Ann was beautiful in her white wedding gown and Jake was beaming in his neatly tailored black suit. Their plan was to live on Jake’s farm and Bess knew that Mary Ann couldn’t wait to set up housekeeping and begin having a family. Bess was happy for her and silently felt a small bit of pain because of her enduring affection for Mary Ann and the distant memories of their nights together.

  Bess spent many hours with Papa, discussing the kinds of challenges she would face—loneliness, for one. “There aren’t too many people out there, my Bessie. You should try to live near a town where you can meet people and get help if you need it.”

  Bess continued her work on the farm as the time passed by quickly. Mama continued to suggest to Bess that she should consider staying in Cando and maybe becoming a teacher in the school system. Or maybe a piano teacher. “You would be very happy teaching. It would be wonderful,” said Mama.