Arthur Mervyn; Or, Memoirs of the Year 1793 Read online

  CHAPTER VIII.

  This extraordinary interview was now past. Pleasure as well as painattended my reflections on it. I adhered to the promise I hadimprovidently given to Welbeck, but had excited displeasure, and perhapssuspicion, in the lady. She would find it hard to account for mysilence. She would probably impute it to perverseness, or imagine it toflow from some incident connected with the death of Clavering,calculated to give a new edge to her curiosity.

  It was plain that some connection subsisted between her and Welbeck.Would she drop the subject at the point which it had now attained? Wouldshe cease to exert herself to extract from me the desired information,or would she not rather make Welbeck a party in the cause, and prejudicemy new friend against me? This was an evil proper, by all lawful means,to avoid. I knew of no other expedient than to confess to him the truthwith regard to Clavering, and explain to him the dilemma in which myadherence to my promise had involved me.

  I found him on my return home, and delivered him the letter with which Iwas charged. At the sight of it, surprise, mingled with some uneasiness,appeared in his looks. "What!" said he, in a tone of disappointment,"you then saw the lady?"

  I now remembered his directions to leave my message at the door, andapologized for my neglecting them by telling my reasons. His chagrinvanished, but not without an apparent effort, and he said that all waswell; the affair was of no moment.

  After a pause of preparation, I entreated his attention to somethingwhich I had to relate. I then detailed the history of Clavering and ofmy late embarrassments. As I went on, his countenance betokenedincreasing solicitude. His emotion was particularly strong when I cameto the interrogatories of Mrs. Wentworth in relation to Clavering; butthis emotion gave way to profound surprise when I related the manner inwhich I had eluded her inquiries. I concluded with observing that, whenI promised forbearance on the subject of my own adventures, I had notforeseen any exigence which would make an adherence to my promisedifficult or inconvenient; that, if his interest was promoted by mysilence, I was still willing to maintain it, and requested hisdirections how to conduct myself on this occasion.

  He appeared to ponder deeply and with much perplexity on what I hadsaid. When he spoke there was hesitation in his manner and circuity inhis expressions, that proved him to have something in his thoughts whichhe knew not how to communicate. He frequently paused; but my answers andremarks, occasionally given, appeared to deter him from the revelationof his purpose. Our discourse ended, for the present, by his desiring meto persist in my present plan; I should suffer no inconveniences fromit, since it would be my own fault if an interview again took placebetween the lady and me; meanwhile he should see her and effectuallysilence her inquiries.

  I ruminated not superficially or briefly on this dialogue. By what meanswould he silence her inquiries? He surely meant not to mislead her byfallacious representations. Some inquietude now crept into my thoughts.I began to form conjectures as to the nature of the scheme to which mysuppression of the truth was to be thus made subservient. It seemed asif I were walking in the dark and might rush into snares or drop intopits before I was aware of my danger. Each moment accumulated my doubts,and I cherished a secret foreboding that the event would prove my newsituation to be far less fortunate than I had, at first, fondlybelieved. The question now occurred, with painful repetition, who andwhat was Welbeck? What was his relation to this foreign lady? What wasthe service for which I was to be employed?

  I could not be contented without a solution of these mysteries. Whyshould I not lay my soul open before my new friend? Considering mysituation, would he regard my fears and my surmises as criminal? I feltthat they originated in laudable habits and views. My peace of minddepended on the favourable verdict which conscience should pass on myproceedings. I saw the emptiness of fame and luxury, when put in thebalance against the recompense of virtue. Never would I purchase theblandishments of adulation and the glare of opulence at the price of myhonesty.

  Amidst these reflections the dinner-hour arrived. The lady and Welbeckwere present. A new train of sentiments now occupied my mind. I regardedthem both with inquisitive eyes. I cannot well account for therevolution which had taken place in my mind. Perhaps it was a proof ofthe capriciousness of my temper, or it was merely the fruit of myprofound ignorance of life and manners. Whencesoever it arose, certainit is that I contemplated the scene before me with altered eyes. Itsorder and pomp was no longer the parent of tranquillity and awe. My wildreveries of inheriting this splendour and appropriating the affectionsof this nymph, I now regarded as lunatic hope and childish folly.Education and nature had qualified me for a different scene. This mightbe the mask of misery and the structure of vice.

  My companions as well as myself were silent during the meal. The ladyretired as soon as it was finished. My inexplicable melancholyincreased. It did not pass unnoticed by Welbeck, who inquired, with anair of kindness, into the cause of my visible dejection. I am almostashamed to relate to what extremes my folly transported me. Instead ofanswering him, I was weak enough to shed tears.

  This excited afresh his surprise and his sympathy. He renewed hisinquiries; my heart was full, but how to disburden it I knew not. Atlength, with some difficulty, I expressed my wishes to leave his houseand return into the country.

  What, he asked, had occurred to suggest this new plan? What motive couldincite me to bury myself in rustic obscurity? How did I purpose todispose of myself? Had some new friend sprung up more able or morewilling to benefit me than he had been?

  "No," I answered, "I have no relation who would own me, or friend whowould protect. If I went into the country it would be to the toilsomeoccupations of a day-labourer; but even that was better than my presentsituation."

  This opinion, he observed, must be newly formed. What was there irksomeor offensive in my present mode of life?

  That this man condescended to expostulate with me; to dissuade me frommy new plan; and to enumerate the benefits which he was willing toconfer, penetrated my heart with gratitude. I could not but acknowledgethat leisure and literature, copious and elegant accommodation, werevaluable for their own sake; that all the delights of sensation andrefinements of intelligence were comprised within my present sphere, andwould be nearly wanting in that to which I was going. I felt temporarycompunction for my folly, and determined to adopt a differentdeportment. I could not prevail upon myself to unfold the true cause ofmy dejection, and permitted him therefore to ascribe it to a kind ofhomesickness; to inexperience; and to that ignorance which, on beingushered into a new scene, is oppressed with a sensation of forlornness.He remarked that these chimeras would vanish before the influence oftime, and company, and occupation. On the next week he would furnish mewith employment; meanwhile he would introduce me into company, whereintelligence and vivacity would combine to dispel my glooms.

  As soon as we separated, my disquietudes returned. I contended with themin vain, and finally resolved to abandon my present situation. When andhow this purpose was to be effected I knew not. That was to be the themeof future deliberation.

  Evening having arrived, Welbeck proposed to me to accompany me on avisit to one of his friends. I cheerfully accepted the invitation, andwent with him to your friend Mr. Wortley's. A numerous party wasassembled, chiefly of the female sex. I was introduced by Welbeck bythe title of _a young friend of his_. Notwithstanding my embarrassment,I did not fail to attend to what passed on this occasion. I remarkedthat the utmost deference was paid to my companion, on whom his entranceinto this company appeared to operate like magic. His eyes sparkled; hisfeatures expanded into a benign serenity; and his wonted reserve gaveplace to a torrent-like and overflowing elocution.

  I marked this change in his deportment with the utmost astonishment. Sogreat was it, that I could hardly persuade myself that it was the sameperson. A mind thus susceptible of new impressions must be, I conceived,of a wonderful texture. Nothing was further from my expectations thanthat this vivacity was mere dissimulation and would take its leave ofhim
when he left the company; yet this I found to be the case. The doorwas no sooner closed after him than his accustomed solemnity returned.He spake little, and that little was delivered with emphatical andmonosyllabic brevity.

  We returned home at a late hour, and I immediately retired to mychamber, not so much from the desire of repose as in order to enjoy andpursue my own reflections without interruption.

  The condition of my mind was considerably remote from happiness. I wasplaced in a scene that furnished fuel to my curiosity. This passion is asource of pleasure, provided its gratification be practicable. I had noreason, in my present circumstances, to despair of knowledge; yetsuspicion and anxiety beset me. I thought upon the delay and toil whichthe removal of my ignorance would cost, and reaped only pain and fearfrom the reflection.

  The air was remarkably sultry. Lifted sashes and lofty ceilings wereinsufficient to attemper it. The perturbation of my thoughts affected mybody, and the heat which oppressed me was aggravated, by myrestlessness, almost into fever. Some hours were thus painfully past,when I recollected that the bath, erected in the court below, containeda sufficient antidote to the scorching influence of the atmosphere.

  I rose, and descended the stairs softly, that I might not alarm Welbeckand the lady, who occupied the two rooms on the second floor. Iproceeded to the bath, and, filling the reservoir with water, speedilydissipated the heat that incommoded me. Of all species of sensualgratification, that was the most delicious; and I continued for a longtime laving my limbs and moistening my hair. In the midst of thisamusement, I noticed the approach of day, and immediately saw thepropriety of returning to my chamber. I returned with the same cautionwhich I had used in descending; my feet were bare, so that it was easyto proceed unattended by the smallest signal of my progress.

  I had reached the carpeted staircase, and was slowly ascending, when Iheard, within the chamber that was occupied by the lady, a noise, as ofsome one moving. Though not conscious of having acted improperly, yet Ifelt reluctance to be seen. There was no reason to suppose that thissound was connected with the detection of me in this situation; yet Iacted as if this reason existed, and made haste to pass the door andgain the second flight of steps.

  I was unable to accomplish my design, when the chamber door slowlyopened, and Welbeck, with a light in his hand, came out. I was abashedand disconcerted at this interview. He started at seeing me; but,discovering in an instant who it was, his face assumed an expression inwhich shame and anger were powerfully blended. He seemed on the point ofopening his mouth to rebuke me; but, suddenly checking himself, he said,in a tone of mildness, "How is this? Whence come you?"

  His emotion seemed to communicate itself, with an electrical rapidity,to my heart. My tongue faltered while I made some answer. I said, "I hadbeen seeking relief from the heat of the weather, in the bath." He heardmy explanation in silence; and, after a moment's pause, passed into hisown room, and shut himself in. I hastened to my chamber.

  A different observer might have found in these circumstances no food forhis suspicion or his wonder. To me, however, they suggested vague andtumultuous ideas.

  As I strode across the room I repeated, "This woman is his daughter.What proof have I of that? He once asserted it; and has frequentlyuttered allusions and hints from which no other inference could bedrawn. The chamber from which he came, in an hour devoted to sleep, washers. For what end could a visit like this be paid? A parent may visithis child at all seasons, without a crime. On seeing me, methought hisfeatures indicated more than surprise. A keen interpreter would be aptto suspect a consciousness of wrong. What if this woman be not hischild! How shall their relationship be ascertained?"

  I was summoned at the customary hour to breakfast. My mind was full ofideas connected with this incident. I was not endowed with sufficientfirmness to propose the cool and systematic observation of this man'sdeportment. I felt as if the state of my mind could not but be evidentto him; and experienced in myself all the confusion which this discoverywas calculated to produce in him. I would have willingly excused myselffrom meeting him; but that was impossible.

  At breakfast, after the usual salutations, nothing was said. For a timeI scarcely lifted my eyes from the table. Stealing a glance at Welbeck,I discovered in his features nothing but his wonted gravity. He appearedoccupied with thoughts that had no relation to last night's adventure.This encouraged me; and I gradually recovered my composure. Theirinattention to me allowed me occasionally to throw scrutinizing andcomparing glances at the face of each.

  The relationship of parent and child is commonly discovered in thevisage; but the child may resemble either of its parents, yet have nofeature in common with both. Here outlines, surfaces, and hues were inabsolute contrariety. That kindred subsisted between them was possible,notwithstanding this dissimilitude; but this circumstance contributed toenvenom my suspicions.

  Breakfast being finished, Welbeck cast an eye of invitation to thepiano-forte. The lady rose to comply with his request. My eye chancedto be, at that moment, fixed on her. In stepping to the instrument, somemotion or appearance awakened a thought in my mind which affected myfeelings like the shock of an earthquake.

  I have too slight acquaintance with the history of the passions to trulyexplain the emotion which now throbbed in my veins. I had been astranger to what is called love. From subsequent reflection, I havecontracted a suspicion that the sentiment with which I regarded thislady was not untinctured from this source, and that hence arose theturbulence of my feelings on observing what I construed into marks ofpregnancy. The evidence afforded me was slight; yet it exercised anabsolute sway over my belief.

  It was well that this suspicion had not been sooner excited. Nowcivility did not require my stay in the apartment, and nothing butflight could conceal the state of my mind. I hastened, therefore, to adistance, and shrouded myself in the friendly secrecy of my own chamber.

  The constitution of my mind is doubtless singular and perverse; yet thatopinion, perhaps, is the fruit of my ignorance. It may by no means beuncommon for men to _fashion_ their conclusions in opposition toevidence and _probability_, and so as to feed their malice and subverttheir happiness. Thus it was, in an eminent degree, in my case. Thesimple fact was connected, in my mind, with a train of the most hatefulconsequences. The depravity of Welbeck was inferred from it. The charmsof this angelic woman were tarnished and withered. I had formerlysurveyed her as a precious and perfect monument, but now it was a sceneof ruin and blast.

  This had been a source of sufficient anguish; but this was not all. Irecollected that the claims of a parent had been urged. Will you believethat these claims were now admitted, and that they heightened theiniquity of Welbeck into the blackest and most stupendous of all crimes?These ideas were necessarily transient. Conclusions more conformable toappearances succeeded. This lady might have been lately reduced towidowhood. The recent loss of a beloved companion would sufficientlyaccount for her dejection, and make her present situation compatiblewith duty.

  By this new train of ideas I was somewhat comforted. I saw the folly ofprecipitate inferences and the injustice of my atrocious imputations,and acquired some degree of patience in my present state of uncertainty.My heart was lightened of its wonted burden, and I laboured to inventsome harmless explication of the scene that I had witnessed thepreceding night.

  At dinner Welbeck appeared as usual, but not the lady. I ascribed herabsence to some casual indisposition, and ventured to inquire into thestate of her health. My companion said she was well, but that she hadleft the city for a month or two, finding the heat of summerinconvenient where she was. This was no unplausible reason forretirement. A candid mind would have acquiesced in this representation,and found in it nothing inconsistent with a supposition respecting thecause of appearances favourable to her character; but otherwise was Iaffected. The uneasiness which had flown for a moment returned, and Isunk into gloomy silence.

  From this I was roused by my patron, who requested me to deliver abillet, which he put into m
y hand, at the counting-house of Mr.Thetford, and to bring him an answer. This message was speedilyperformed. I entered a large building by the river-side. A spaciousapartment presented itself, well furnished with pipes and hogsheads. Inone corner was a smaller room, in which a gentleman was busy at writing.I advanced to the door of the room, but was there met by a young person,who received my paper and delivered it to him within. I stood still atthe door; but was near enough to overhear what would pass between them.

  The letter was laid upon the desk, and presently he that sat at itlifted his eyes and glanced at the superscription. He scarcely spokeabove a whisper; but his words, nevertheless, were clearlydistinguishable. I did not call to mind the sound of his voice, but hiswords called up a train of recollections.

  "Lo!" said he, carelessly, "this from the _Nabob_!"

  An incident so slight as this was sufficient to open a spacious sceneof meditation. This little word, half whispered in a thoughtless mood,was a key to unlock an extensive cabinet of secrets. Thetford wasprobably indifferent whether his exclamation were overheard. Little didhe think on the inferences which would be built upon it.

  "The Nabob!" By this appellation had some one been denoted in thechamber dialogue of which I had been an unsuspected auditor. The man whopretended poverty, and yet gave proofs of inordinate wealth; whom it waspardonable to defraud of thirty thousand dollars; first, because theloss of that sum would be trivial to one opulent as he; and, secondly,because he was imagined to have acquired this opulence by other thanhonest methods. Instead of forthwith returning home, I wandered into thefields, to indulge myself in the new thoughts which were produced bythis occurrence.

  I entertained no doubt that the person alluded to was my patron. No newlight was thrown upon his character; unless something were deduciblefrom the charge vaguely made, that his wealth was the fruit of illicitpractices. He was opulent, and the sources of his wealth were unknown,if not to the rest of the community, at least to Thetford. But here hada plot been laid. The fortune of Thetford's brother was to rise from thesuccess of artifices of which the credulity of Welbeck was to be thevictim. To detect and to counterwork this plot was obviously my duty. Myinterference might now indeed be too late to be useful; but this was atleast to be ascertained by experiment.

  How should my intention be effected? I had hitherto concealed fromWelbeck my adventures at Thetford's house. These it was now necessary todisclose, and to mention the recent occurrence. My deductions, inconsequence of my ignorance, might be erroneous; but of their truth hisknowledge of his own affairs would enable him to judge. It was possiblethat Thetford and he whose chamber conversation I had overheard weredifferent persons. I endeavoured in vain to ascertain their identity bya comparison of their voices. The words lately heard, my remembrancedid not enable me certainly to pronounce to be uttered by the sameorgans.

  This uncertainty was of little moment. It sufficed that Welbeck wasdesignated by this appellation, and that therefore he was proved to bethe subject of some fraudulent proceeding. The information that Ipossessed it was my duty to communicate as expeditiously as possible. Iwas resolved to employ the first opportunity that offered for this end.

  My meditations had been ardently pursued, and, when I recalled myattention, I found myself bewildered among fields and fences. It waslate before I extricated myself from unknown paths, and reached home.

  I entered the parlour; but Welbeck was not there. A table, withtea-equipage for one person, was set; from which I inferred that Welbeckwas engaged abroad. This belief was confirmed by the report of theservant. He could not inform me where his master was, but merely that heshould not take tea at home. This incident was a source of vexation andimpatience. I knew not but that delay would be of the utmost moment tothe safety of my friend. Wholly unacquainted as I was with the nature ofhis contracts with Thetford, I could not decide whether a single hourwould not avail to obviate the evils that threatened him. Had I knownwhither to trace his footsteps, I should certainly have sought animmediate interview; but, as it was, I was obliged to wait, with whatpatience I could collect, for his return to his own house.

  I waited hour after hour in vain. The sun declined, and the shades ofevening descended; but Welbeck was still at a distance.