PEN America Best Debut Short Stories 2019 Read online

  The two male teachers are talking.

  “What do you think of Misako?” Thomas, the bigger one, asks.

  “Who?” Scotty’s mouth is full, but the word balloon is pointing at him.

  “She works for the travel bureau. Wants to move to Australia.”

  Panel 35: An image of a woman with long dark hair and a slim face floats above Scotty’s right shoulder.

  Panel 36: Scotty is working at his desk. Misako is standing on the other side, looking at him attentively. Behind her, other students file out of the classroom. Her hands are outstretched, presenting Scotty with a cellophane bag of mini chocolate chip cookies.

  “Scotty sensei, this is for you.”

  Panel 37: Sitting in the teacher’s lounge, talking with the guys, Scotty says, “She’s all right, but I wouldn’t do her.”

  The teachers throw back their heads, and “HAHAHA” arches above the panel.

  They know Scotty is gay. He came out to them during their first week of orientation. It was never his intention to go back into the closet when he arrived in Japan. But he hasn’t come out to the students. Masashige, who pinged his gaydar, being the only exception.

  The school feared teachers would steal clients by tutoring them privately, so having lunch or even a cup of coffee with a student was not allowed. Certainly having sex with them was out of the question. But in Fujieda, there are not many places for foreigners to mix with the Japanese, or for the Japanese to mix with foreigners. And the students were eager for contact. So, teachers taught in their free time. They met up with students in the bars on the weekends. They fucked the women crazy and broke their hearts.

  Scotty decided during his first week in orientation not to be that kind of teacher. If he met a guy, he would keep it simple.

  Panel 38: Stars sparkle in the sky above a narrow street with low wood-slat buildings. Neon signs written in English and Japanese advertise BEER and SAKE. There are no cars, only the silhouettes of people. There are no faces in the darkness.

  Panel 39: One building is cleaner than the rest. Its facade is a lighter wood. It has no windows, but its door is open. A sign, like a light box, stands to the right. It reads: FRUITSBASKET. There are no rainbow flags or pink triangles, but this is Fujieda’s most popular gay club.

  Panel 40: Masashige and Scotty are sitting together at the bar. Scotty is dressed in his shirt and tie. Masashige is wearing stripes. They are smiling, dimples out, stars in their eyes, and talking in word balloons while they drink. Behind them, silhouettes dance. Musical notes float above their heads.

  Masashige says he has never been inside Fruitsbasket before. Scotty asks why, but Masashige says he doesn’t know.

  “Don’t you want to meet guys?” Scotty asks. “Don’t you get horny?”

  Masashige says, “This place is not interesting.”

  But Scotty knows what Masashige means: Masashige isn’t into Japanese men.

  Panels 41–44: Scotty takes Masashige by the hand and leads him onto the dance floor. It is crowded, but they find a space. Scotty raises his drink high, closes his eyes, and tries to lose himself in the music. Masashige is dancing too, but he does not stop watching Scotty.

  Scotty takes off his tie and shoves it into his back pocket. He untucks his shirt and undoes another button. His sleeves are already rolled up. As he dances, the lights catch the hair on his forearms and the hair on his chest where his shirt is open.

  Soon Scotty is surrounded by dancing men. Some have their shirts off. Some whisper in his ears. They put their arms around him. They try to reach their hands under his shirt.

  Scotty looks for Masashige, but he is gone.

  Panel 45: Scotty finds Masashige outside by the front door.

  “Sorry,” Masashige says, his word balloon low at the bottom of the panel. “I needed some air.”

  Panel 46: Masashige and Scotty are naked in bed. The panel shows them from the chest up.

  “Is this getting too serious?” Scotty asks.

  Panel 47: They lie in the dark, looking at the ceiling.

  Panel 48: Masashige closes his eyes and says, “The gay world is sad.”

  Panel 49: Scotty pulls Masashige close, and they wrap their arms around each other.

  Panel 50: They lie in the dark, pressed together.

  Panels 51–55: Masashige and Scotty are walking through downtown Fujieda, near the station, past the shops and restaurants. The day is bright and sunny.

  They enter the restaurant with the strange machine. Masashige casually stands before it and inserts coins in the slot. Scotty watches in wonder as Masashige presses a few buttons, and two tickets fall out. Masashige takes the tickets to the cook behind the counter, who nods in response, and then Masashige and Scotty take a table against the wall.

  Panel 56: From a black portfolio, Masashige pulls out the pages of his manga.

  “Alfonso reads to Hamuchan every day after school, but one day there is a girl staying late. Alfonso waits for her to leave, but instead she goes to Hamuchan’s aquarium.”

  Panels 57–58: A giant hand reaches into the aquarium. Hamuchan is pressed against the glass, his eyes wide, but he cannot escape.

  Hamuchan is lifted into the air by the giant hand. He watches from over the fingers as the ground falls away beneath him.

  Panel 59: Alfonso runs into the classroom from his hole in the wall. The schoolgirl looms over him. She is dressed in a dark blue sailor uniform with a short skirt and long white socks pulled up to her knees. Hamuchan peeks out of her cupped hand.

  Panel 60: The girl screams as Alfonso runs at her feet. She clutches her chest, dropping Hamuchan, who falls in a white blur against the blue uniform.

  Panels 61–62: Hamuchan hits the floor and scurries to Alfonso. Together they run for the hole in the wall. Jagged word balloons float above them as the girl shouts in thick black letters: “Nezumi! Nezumi!”

  Panel 63: The cook behind the counter yells something in chicken scratch. Masashige stands up and collects a tray with two steaming bowls of noodles and broth.

  Scotty is reading the manga and flipping through the pages.

  Panel 64: Alfonso and Hamuchan are walking inside the walls of the school, in the gap between the wood paneling, and Alfonso’s world is revealed. Streams of mice are bustling back and forth along the beams above and below Alfonso and Hamuchan. Some carry pieces of food in their mouths. Some carry scraps of cloth or wood. They are big and small, brown, white, and gray. They rush past Alfonso and Hamuchan without a glance.

  Hamuchan stands on his hind feet, taking in the scene. He is amazed.

  Panel 65: Scotty looks at the pages of Masashige’s manga with one hand while leaning over his bowl and shoveling noodles into his mouth.

  “They have some adventures together,” Masashige says from the other side of the table.

  Panel 66: Over Scotty’s shoulder, the mice in the manga are curled up in rice bowls, sleeping, only to be woken up and chased away by a screaming teacher.

  In another panel, Alfonso shouts, “Abunai!” when Hamuchan chews on a wire.

  “Demo oishii desu,” Hamuchan says, looking embarrassed, the wire still hanging from his mouth.

  A word balloon floats at the bottom of the page.

  “Alfonso yells, ‘That’s dangerous!’ And Hamuchan says, ‘But it’s delicious.’”

  Panels 67–68: “This is adorable,” Scotty says from over the pages. He thinks maybe he’ll draw a manga someday, if he can come up with a good idea. “What are you going to do with it?”

  “Remember I told you about the Art Institute in Chicago? I’m thinking to use this for my application.”

  Scotty does not remember, but he says, “You totally should.”

  “It’s not done yet.” Masashige takes the pages back. “But I have until December to apply.”

  Scotty will return to Cleveland at the end of August, in less than two months. By December, Japan and English teaching will be a memory, that crazy thing he did one summer.


  “I hope I get to read the ending,” Scotty says, his mouth full.

  Panel 69: Scotty and Masashige slurp up their noodles. Steam rises from their bowls.

  From behind the counter, the cook calls out another order in chicken scratch.

  Panel 70: A bullet train speeds through the Japanese countryside. Green hills roll behind it. Mount Fuji rises in the distance against the blue sky.

  Panel 71: Scotty and Masashige are sitting side by side on the train. Masashige is asleep, his head on Scotty’s shoulder. Scotty is wearing sunglasses, his sketch pad on his knee as the rice paddies go by.

  This is his first time outside of Fujieda since he arrived in Japan. He has only seen rice paddies in photos. He wanted them to be more interesting, but coming from Ohio, he is used to seeing the countryside, and he can’t get excited over long swathes of nothingness. He has not sketched a thing. Who lives out here? he wonders. Who takes care of all this rice? He is thankful he didn’t end up in a town more rural than Fujieda.

  Panel 72: Scotty and Masashige are lost and confused, dragging their luggage through a hastily drawn sea of people. Every square foot of space is taken up by another person. There is no chance to stop; there is barely time to breathe.

  In English above their heads are the words TOKYO STATION.

  Panel 73: Scotty and Masashige are looking out of their cab as it sits in traffic. The neon lights of Tokyo reflect off the passenger windows: SONY, MASSAGE, LIVE SHOW, and TOSHIBA.

  Panel 74: Scotty and Masashige are in a crowded clothing store. They are trying on silly hats and jackets and looking at the price tags with shocked expressions.

  Panel 75: Scotty and Masashige are eating crepes rolled and stuffed with fruit and cream. Behind them, girls in black frilly dresses and top hats walk arm in arm beneath their lace parasols.

  Panel 76: Scotty and Masashige are sitting on a sofa in a small square room and belting into a microphone. Music notes rise above their heads. The walls are decorated like an ocean beach, but through the window, sparkling skyscrapers reach toward the moon.

  Panel 77: Scotty and Masashige are wandering down a dark, narrow side street. There are doorways on either side with men smoking in the shadows.

  Panel 78: Scotty and Masashige have come to an intersection with a bar on every corner. One of the bars has a large open patio, and men have spilled into the street. The men are laughing and smiling. Some hold drinks. Some hold each other. Most are Japanese, but a good number are Westerners.

  Scotty and Masashige exchange hungry smiles.

  Panel 79: Scotty and Masashige are dancing. They have stripped off their shirts and are surrounded by musical notes and bare-chested men. Lights flash above them and music pounds out of the speakers in squiggly lines.

  Panel 80: Scotty stands at the bar and watches while Masashige dances with a bearded, muscular man. Curly red hair covers the man, front and back. Masashige keeps his eyes lowered, trying to play it cool. But Scotty is smirking. He knows what Masashige likes.

  Panel 81: Their arms around each other, Scotty and Masashige stumble out of the bar and flag down a taxi as the bearded man waves goodbye. Their cheeks are pink, their eyelids are heavy, asterisks spark around their heads, but they are smiling with satisfaction.

  Panel 82: Scotty and Masashige are in their hotel room having sex. Masashige is lying back on the bed, and his legs are over Scotty’s shoulders. Scotty’s hairy butt fills the bottom left corner of the panel as he thrusts into Masashige. “AH AH AH” sprinkles the page.

  Panels 83–84: Scotty collapses on top of Masashige. They are both huffing and puffing, but eventually their heartbeats slow down. Their bodies press together.

  “I love you,” Masashige whispers.

  “I love you too,” Scotty says.

  Their word balloons are small and perfectly round.

  These two panels are sketched in pencil. I never inked them. Heavy black lines cross through them.

  Panel 85: Scotty and Masashige are back on the bullet train leaning against each other. This time they are both asleep.

  Panel 86: Large black crows sit on a power line and “KAW KAW KAW.” Below them, a trash bag they have torn open spews garbage into the street.

  Panel 87: Scotty is sitting behind his desk wearing his shirt and tie. Afternoon sun pours through the windows. The classroom is empty of students except for Masashige, who stands on the other side of the desk.

  “How have you been?” Masashige asks.

  “I’m good,” Scotty says.

  “Why don’t you answer your phone anymore?”

  Panel 88: This is the conversation Scotty has been dreading since he arrived. He looks at Masashige with regret. A word balloon floats at the top of the page.

  “I’m leaving in a few weeks.”

  Panel 89: “So, you don’t want to see me?” Masashige asks in the center of one small panel.

  Panel 90: “Of course I want to.” Scotty looks out the window as he speaks.

  Panel 91: “Just one more time,” Masashige says.

  Panel 92: Still Scotty looks out the window. His eyes are lowered. There is no word balloon.

  Panel 93: “How about tomorrow night?” Masashige asks. “I’ll cook dinner. Meet me in front of the convini at seven.”

  Panel 94: Scotty continues to look out the window, his eyes still lowered.

  “Okay.”

  Panel 95: Two men are smoking in front of Fruitsbasket as Scotty walks into the darkness of the open doorway. It is night, and a few stars are visible in the sky. There are no cars passing, and no people walking by.

  Panels 96–98: Scotty sits by himself at the bar and drinks. In each successive panel, his eyes become heavier, his posture more slouched.

  “Konnichiwaaa,” he says when a man sits beside him.

  Panel 99: Masashige is waiting outside a brightly lit convenience store. He holds a plastic bag filled with groceries. He is looking at his watch.

  Panels 100–102: Scotty is on the dance floor. His shirt is open, and his tie is gone. Japanese men are dancing around him, touching him.

  Scotty takes one of the men by the hand and leads him off the floor. He pulls the man into the restroom and into a stall.

  The walls of the stall run from floor to ceiling. There are no gaps above or below. This allows for privacy.

  Panel 103: Scotty’s head is back and his eyes are closed. A hum of pleasure escapes his lips. The man’s head bobs as it blocks Scotty’s crotch from view.

  Above Scotty’s right shoulder floats an image of himself. He is looking at a small toy bear from Masashige’s collection. Masashige watches from behind.

  Panel 104: Scotty stands in Masashige’s apartment, the toy bear in his hand as he studies it.

  “Just so you know, this is only a summer fling.”

  Masashige, nodding, asks, “Fling wa nani?”

  Panel 105: “It’s just for fun,” Scotty says, putting the bear back on the shelf among the other toys. “Just for right now. Let’s not get serious.”

  Panel 106: “Wakarimashita,” Masashige says, smiling. “I got it.”

  Panel 107: Masashige is sitting on the curb in front of the convenience store. The bag of groceries sits beside him. He is looking to his left, down the street, in the direction Scotty usually walks from.

  Panel 108: Scotty steps into the panel. His clothes are disheveled. His head is down. His word balloon is small.

  “Hey.”

  Panels 109–110: Scotty and Masashige are having sex on Masashige’s futon. The room is dark. Their bodies are drawn in thick, curving lines. Their expressions are pained. Afterward, they lie back-to-back. Their eyes are open. Neither one can sleep.

  Panel 111: Hanging from a flagpole, several colorful windsocks shaped like fish blow in the breeze.

  Panel 112: It is a bright sunny day. Scotty and Masashige are hugging in front of Fujieda Station. On the curb behind them are two suitcases.

  “Take care,” Masashige says.

  “Let
me know about Chicago,” Scotty says, but he doubts Masashige will really apply for grad school. He doubts they will ever meet again.

  Panel 113: On the airplane, Scotty sits beside a window. He is talking to a Japanese woman sitting to his left. He is smiling, all charm.

  “I was an English teacher.”

  Panel 114: Clouds pass by outside, but Scotty isn’t looking.

  On his tray table is the manga Masashige drew.

  Panel 115: Alfonso and Hamuchan have left the school. They are running down the wide front stairs, fear and excitement in their eyes. Before them a field of wild grass stretches tall and terrifying beyond the final edges of the page.

  Doug Henderson received his MFA from the University of San Francisco and lives in the Castro District with his husband and daughter.

  EDITORS’ NOTE

  A very small percentage of the submissions we receive at The Sun end up being discussed by our editorial staff in a monthly meeting—that time is reserved for pieces that excite us and make us wonder how they might fit in the magazine. Laura Freudig’s “Mother and Child” was one such submission. We recognized that a story where a mother leaves her infant alone in the elements might be a tough sell with our readers, but we were drawn to the sharp, witty voice—and the aching pessimism—of the narrator. There was a hard-won realism in the way Freudig told this story, and there were more than a few lines that just skewered us. One example among many: “For a long time that night, I watched the rise and fall of [my husband’s] chest, thinking what a small raft are the words I love you.” We marveled at the way Freudig captured the panic, the despair—the simple desire for escape—of motherhood, and were moved by the way she dealt with a very real dilemma faced by women. The story is grim, but it has a heart. The narrator isn’t monstrous, nor is her husband, but she’s overwhelmed by the expectations of who a mother should be.

  As we’d hoped, our readers connected with the story. One, a new mother nursing her three-week-old, wrote in to say, “Freudig’s story is one of the few that dares to tell the truth about just how difficult motherhood can be. . . . [It] conveys the more painful facets of the love between mother and child.”