One Day You'll Thank Me Read online

  The number-one question I get about The Real World is, “What’s it like to be filmed 24/7?” Well, let’s just say that the minute we set foot in the house on day one, a microphone pack was put on our backs and our every move and sound was recorded and logged all day, every day, for five months. The microphone packs were hot and uncomfortable—something I never really got used to—and you could only remove them to shower or sleep. But you still didn’t get breaks in the bathroom or when you went to sleep. The bedrooms were equipped with motion-sensor night vision cameras and there was a microphone built into the headboard of your bed. If you changed positions while you slept, you could hear the camera mounted over the bed move to follow you. It didn’t make for very restful sleep. Then there was the bathroom. If you were talking in the shower, a camera and sound guy would come over with a boom to capture what you were saying. Even a menial task such as taking the garbage out involved a camera crew following you. It was so different from what I would later experience while filming Southern Charm, which we shot just three or four days a week for several hours at a time. Sure, it was weird being filmed 24/7 for the first few days, but the odd thing was… I got very used to it, and then it became my new normal. So much so that we were actually offered therapy once we wrapped the show to help us deal with transitioning back to the actual real world from The Real World. I guess when your every move is filmed, it can be a little psychologically difficult to return to normal afterward.

  The one thing I never got used to, however, was the community shower. We had one BIG shower with five showerheads and zero privacy. I could not fathom showering with any of my roommates or them seeing me naked. I also could not imagine the camera crew filming me naked. My solution was to take all of my showers wearing a bikini. We also had a very small closet in the basement of the house that I would sneak off to so I could get dressed in private. I was such a prude. However, I can proudly say that no editor on MTV had to blur my naked behind! I think this made my mother proud.

  Each season of The Real World, the cast gets a group job while filming the show. Rumor had it that we were originally intended to work at SeaWorld, but something changed last minute and the producers had to scramble to find us another job. We ended up being hired as the co-crew for an America’s Cup sailing yacht named Stars and Stripes and worked about four days a week for a large portion of the day. It always felt like very long hours and we were always really, really tired when we finished. Stars and Stripes was a massive vessel that was docked in the San Diego harbor and took tourists out sailing every day. We had to undergo strict training to learn how to safely help crew the ship. For the most part, we loathed the job. It was pretty labor intensive and repetitive. You also had to be on high alert, because there was an element of danger to it. We were told to pay very close attention when changing the sails, as a mishap could cost us a limb. Looking back, though, those days on the boat were some of my best. We learned teamwork and how to push through something we didn’t enjoy. We learned what a hard day’s work was at a young age. And of course, returning to the harbor on that boat witnessing a SoCal sunset was a very good end to a hard day and made for some amazing memories.

  The Real World opened my eyes to so much and I truly think helped shape who I am as a person. It showed me a world beyond the somewhat sheltered Southern culture that I grew up with. It allowed me to live with and learn to get along with a very diverse group of people who had different beliefs and backgrounds. It taught me how to respect all people regardless of their station or circumstance in life. It also showed me how truly naive I was. I had never witnessed anyone using any drugs besides marijuana in South Carolina. But in California I saw cocaine for the first time one night at a club in downtown San Diego. A beautiful girl was snorting it on the counter in the women’s bathroom and I watched her in total shock. This was something I thought people only did in movies or on street corners.

  “Oh my God. What are you doing?!” I said. I’m certain that my mouth was hanging wide open.

  “F*** off,” she told me as she looked up with a stare that pierced right through me. Shell-shocked, I immediately started crying. I went out and told all my roommates what I had just witnessed, and they just rolled their eyes and laughed. So I’m not joking when I say I was naive.

  At nineteen years old, I was the baby of our group and had to use a fake ID to get into bars and clubs. Being underage and not very streetwise, I could be somewhat of a buzzkill to my roommates. One night, Brad and Robin both got arrested (for different things) and it was crazy. It was the first time I had ever known anyone who was arrested. The thought of them sitting in a jail cell horrified me, especially Robin. Brad got thrown in the drunk tank for being belligerent, but Robin was arrested and booked on an assault charge that was the result of defending me. We had been trying to get me into a bar with my fake ID. A guy was heckling us, so Robin punched him in the arm. I can’t remember exactly what he was saying, but he was making fun of me for having to use a fake ID and getting caught by the bouncer. I think if there hadn’t been cameras around it wouldn’t have been an issue, but it was all captured on film. I felt really bad that she was arrested. As you might imagine, we were not welcomed with open arms by some people in San Diego. People would heckle us nonstop when we went to public places. Attempts by people to start fights and provoke us were not uncommon. On numerous occasions, we had to have security follow us to protect the crew’s very expensive equipment.

  After The Real World aired, my friends and family were very supportive. For the most part, I had behaved and didn’t cause any serious embarrassment to my family. I didn’t have sex with anyone or get in any fights. I was pretty much just myself throughout the duration of filming and although my naiveté was quite apparent, I made it through the process unscathed. The most intriguing/risqué thing I did was have a steamy make-out session in the hot tub with Brad—twice. Of course, the cameras caught us both times. I was absolutely wasted and I’m pretty sure he was, too. The Southern belle had a crush on the bad boy from Chicago! I’m sure this is what the producers were hoping for when they cast us. When we finally gave in to our primal urges and made out, I know they were high-fiving each other in the control room. It never evolved into deep feelings, though, and Brad never tried anything else. In fact, Brad and I traveled together extensively after the show for speaking engagements about The Real World and even stayed in the same hotel room on numerous occasions… but we always had separate beds. I still think of him as a dear friend. In fact, I went to his wedding in Chicago years ago. I’m also in touch with Randy and Jamie. We have talked about trying to arrange a roommates’ reunion, because we’d love to see each other again. Sadly, Frankie passed away several years ago from her lifelong battle with cystic fibrosis.

  After The Real World, I had many amazing, unique, and sometimes crazy opportunities presented to me. It was hard to go back to school when I still had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and when I was being offered jobs and money that were so hard to pass up. In a matter of weeks, I went from being a completely private/unknown person to somewhat of a celebrity. I HATE to use the word celebrity because, to me, the only people who deserve that title are those who have done something noteworthy… but all of a sudden people knew who I was. I would go to the mall and people would ask for my picture. It was kind of cool and kind of terrifying at the same time. This was in the heyday of The Real World and people were truly fascinated by the concept, so for the two years following the show I went on a speaking circuit to over fifty colleges and universities, from Duke to UCLA. There was rarely an empty seat in the house. Between the speaking engagements, we would do appearances at bars and clubs and get paid in wads of cash. We would literally stand on top of the bar with a handle of alcohol and pour it into people’s mouths. The club appearances typically lasted until about two in the morning.

  One of the, um, craziest opportunities was hosting Girls Gone Wild, a series of videos of college-aged girls going, well, wild—and not being s
hy about flashing their boobs or other areas of their bodies and taking part in wet T-shirt contests. Occasionally Joe Francis, the founder of Girls Gone Wild, would have celebrities on the show, and he had the idea to have a small group of people from The Real World host an episode. At the time, I thought the extent of Girls Gone Wild was just girls flashing their boobs. I had NO idea it was pretty much soft-core porn. Joe offered us each $10,000 to get on the bus for two days and film. I said yes. This could be fun and it’s easy money, I thought. Well, I was in shock by the whole thing. Mildly fascinated, but mostly in total shock. The fact that people were willing to have sex on camera floored me. I was mortified. I ended up crying and begging the girls not to take off their clothes—not exactly the role of the host. In fact, I think that was the exact opposite of my job. File this one under “you live, you learn.” I will try to avoid telling Palmer about the adventure.

  I was on a plane almost every week and sometimes multiple times a week. I would fly to the East Coast to speak at a college one day, and the following day I would have to be on the West Coast. I made a ton of money doing this and also blew a ton of money doing it. This was the first time in my life that I had a lot of money, but I had nobody helping me manage it. If I went out to dinner with friends, I would pick up the whole bill. I bought a white Cadillac Escalade. I had a Juicy Couture tracksuit in every color. I thought I was hot stuff, but looking back, I was kind of a moron. Knowing what I do now as a mature adult, if I had saved and invested that money, it could have really grown. It was an exciting yet difficult time in my life. At the end of it, I got very sick and burned out. I went to see a doctor who told me, “Cameran, you have to stop all of this traveling. You are physically exhausted and it’s affecting your health.” He was right. The constant flying, drinking, lack of sleep and eating airport food had caught up to me. (This is part of the reason why I made a rule for myself, when I decided to do Southern Charm, to stick to a two-drink maximum while filming. I’m a lightweight, and you really get in trouble when you let your guard down when you’re shit-faced.) It was time for something new.

  That’s when I got hired by the NFL network to be a correspondent for Rich Eisen’s NFL Total Access. To this day, a lot of people have no idea I did this, but it had always been a dream of mine to work on the sidelines of a football field, and I jumped at the opportunity when it fell in my lap. I’m pretty sure Rich was mortified that a girl just coming off The Real World had been hired to work on a show that he’d put a lot of time and expertise into. I had a contract for ten NFL games, and my segment was titled “Behind the Scenes with Cameran Eubanks,” where I showed viewers what was happening at the game besides the game. I was told that I needed to tone down my thick Southern accent a bit before I started, so I would listen to newscasters and try to learn ways to sound not so “country.”

  But my accent wasn’t the only problem. I was absolutely awful at this new job! I was totally, 100 percent green. As green as you could be. It was mind-blowingly exciting to me, but I had ABSOLUTELY no idea what I was doing. I interviewed tons of celebrities, including John Legend, Mary J. Blige and Warren Moon. I stood inside the tunnel at Lambeau Field with Brett Favre. I went inside the Patriots’ locker room and tried on Tom Brady’s shoulder pads. At the NFL kickoff game in New York, I interviewed Beyoncé. Yes, Beyoncé. She actually told me she watched our season of The Real World and was a huge fan. Wait, what? I thought. I was shaking so much that the microphone was moving when I talked to her. If you think I’m lying, I have the awful and embarrassing video footage to prove it. The whole time I was filming that show, I thought, I can’t believe I’m doing this. Whoever hired me is probably gonna get fired. When Elton John was at one of the games, I was handed a microphone by my producer and told, “Get to Elton!” I literally couldn’t do it. I was too terrified. Y’all, this job was not for me. I sucked. Needless to say, my contract was not renewed… and I totally understood why. Looking back, I think I lacked the confidence to be good at something like this. It just felt so far out of reach for me. I also felt guilty that some people work their whole lives and go to school for an opportunity like this, and I got it only because I had just come off The Real World.

  I used to say that I hope Palmer never finds out about The Real World because obviously there were some embarrassing things I don’t want her to see. (For example, the hot tub sessions with Brad.) But now I view it differently. It was a great learning experience and it played a big role in my generation’s pop culture, so I’m proud to have been a part of it. I’ll probably let her watch some of it once she’s about sixteen years old, and who knows, she might even think it’s cool. Now, if Palmer wanted to do a show similar to The Real World the way reality TV was done back then, I would support it. Sadly, I can’t say the same about supporting her to do reality TV the way it is done now. As a culture, I feel like it takes a lot to shock us these days. We are numb to so much because of social media. We all want to see drama for entertainment, but the drama that it now takes to sustain a good reality TV show has become a little too dark and too manufactured. It also comes at the expense of the participants who are filmed. Another reason I wouldn’t want her to do it today: social media did not exist when we filmed The Real World. There were online message boards and chat rooms, but that was it. I have a MUCH thicker skin in my thirties than I did when I was nineteen. Social media back in the day would have chewed me up and spit me out.

  People always ask me: if I could turn back time, would I go back and do The Real World again? I always answer with an emphatic yes, yes, YES. That experience was a major turning point in my life. It helped shape me as a person and opened my eyes to so much. I would 100 percent go back and do it all over again. There is nothing scarier than going outside of your comfort zone, but when you do you often learn, see and experience things you never imagined. So if an opportunity comes your way—be it reality TV, a new job, a chance to move to a different city, etc.—I’d say, grab it. Chances are, it will grow you as a person, and that’s what life is all about.

  Chapter Two HOW DATING ALL THE WRONG GUYS LED ME TO THE RIGHT ONE

  Someday, someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked with anyone else.

  —SHON MEHTA

  I may be a tenth-generation South Carolinian, but I was definitely NOT one of those Southern women whose whole life revolved around getting married and having the house, the white picket fence and two children (preferably one boy and one girl). My parents did not have a good marriage. They separated when I was eight years old and divorced when I was fifteen. It was very hard for my sister and me to go through, so when I was young I made a pact with myself: never enter a marriage that I had an inkling of doubt about. I knew that I’d be JUST FINE if I wasn’t married with a child by my thirties. Life would go on. To me, never getting married was definitely better than being unhappy. And having a child wasn’t a must.

  In my twenties, I had quite the dating life. My first serious relationship started at twenty-one with a guy I met in Cancún, Mexico, of all places. After The Real World, MTV hired me to go down to Cancún for a month and host spring break parties with several other cast members. Looking back, I’m not sure how I survived that month! The guy I met was on vacation with friends. He was a professional athlete, and I ended up getting engaged to him three years later, at the age of twenty-four. This relationship taught me so much and I remain grateful for it, but we were just not compatible. At that point in his life, he was at the height of his sports career and training for the Olympics, so he needed a copilot and I was not able to be that for him. He needed someone who was flexible and willing to put some of her own needs aside so he could manage his very hectic schedule. I was young and had my own dreams and missed my family. It made me very resentful to have to follow him around the country, and that just wasn’t a recipe for a strong relationship. I think he proposed to me because he felt like he needed to, and as it was happening, I knew a wedding would never come to fruition. We broke up
a few months after we got engaged. For me this was a lesson learned: timing is everything when it comes to solid relationships. You can love a person with all your heart, but if the timing is off, it just won’t work.

  Looking back now, it was crazy of me to even think of getting married at twenty-four years old. Yes, some people get lucky and marry their high school sweetheart and live happily ever after. But I feel like that’s very rare, and I hear fewer and fewer of those stories the older I get. In my opinion, the twenties are a time for growth and for figuring out who YOU are and what YOU want. What can you live with? And what can you live without? What are the total deal breakers in a partner? The nonnegotiables? And what are the must-haves? I had no idea what I wanted in myself at the age of twenty-four, much less what I wanted in someone I planned to spend the rest of my life with. I think the best way to figure this out is to date, date, date… and, well, break up a few times, too. Those who get it right on the first try are just lucky. So in my twenties I tried to say yes to most date offers because it was almost like research. I told myself that if I saw a red flag in any guy I was dating, I had to move on and not make excuses for him. You can love somebody all you want, but if you realize you just aren’t compatible on fundamental things, it is probably time to move on. I wanted to get engaged only one more time.

  When I was twenty-eight years old, I moved back to Charleston from Annapolis, Maryland, after another failed relationship. (Hello, Cameran, stop moving for men!) This relationship failed because I couldn’t trust the guy. He was wonderful in all other areas and we got along great, but he gave me some reasons to not trust him fully that I could never get past. I’m a firm believer that if someone is capable of cheating on you once, they can and probably will do it again… especially if you forgive them. Again… red flag. BIG one. I was determined to hold out hope that I could meet a man who I would never have to question. (Life will keep repeating the same lessons until you learn from them. Truest thing I know!) But as you can imagine, at this point when I moved back to Charleston, I was over guys, y’all. It seemed like everyone I dated had let me down in some capacity and I just wanted to be single, solo, on my own. Or at least that was the plan. Of course, we all know what happens when you make plans. God laughs and mixes things up a bit. Literally a week after that breakup and my move to Charleston, I got a call from my friend Mona.