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  PECULIAR CRIMES UNIT MYSTERIES BY CHRISTOPHER FOWLER

  Full Dark House

  The Water Room

  Seventy-Seven Clocks

  Ten Second Staircase

  White Corridor

  The Victoria Vanishes

  Bryant & May on the Loose

  a cognizant original v5 release november 11 2010

  Bryant & May off the Rails is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Copyright © 2010 by Christopher Fowler

  All rights reserved.

  Published in the United States by Bantam Books, an imprint of The Random House Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc., New York.

  BANTAM BOOKS and the rooster colophon are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc.

  Originally published in hardcover in Great Britain by Doubleday, an imprint of The Random House Group Ltd., London.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Fowler, Christopher.

  Bryant & May off the rails : a Peculiar Crimes Unit mystery / Christopher Fowler.

  p. cm.

  eISBN: 978-0-553-90789-6

  1. May, John (Fictitious character)—Fiction. 2. Bryant, Arthur (Fictitious character)—Fiction. 3. Police—England—London—Fiction. 4. Murder— Investigation—Fiction. 5. Subways—England—London—Fiction. 6. London (England)—Fiction. I. Title. II. Title: Bryant and May off the rails.

  PR6056.O846B76 2010

  823′.914—dc22

  2010009334

  www.bantamdell.com

  v3.1

  For Sally Chapman, practically perfect

  Contents

  Cover

  Other Books by This Author

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Dedication

  Acknowledgements

  Chapter One - A Private Feud

  Chapter Two - Choreography

  Chapter Three - Parasitical

  Chapter Four - The Void

  Chapter Five - Trouble

  Chapter Six - Best Boy

  Chapter Seven - Falling Angel

  Chapter Eight - Born in Hell

  Chapter Nine - Push

  Chapter Ten - Descending

  Chapter Eleven - Visibility

  Chapter Twelve - In the Tunnel

  Chapter Thirteen - Memento

  Chapter Fourteen - The Letter K

  Chapter Fifteen - Tube Tales

  Chapter Sixteen - Cruelties

  Chapter Seventeen - In Plain Sight

  Chapter Eighteen - Lunacy

  Chapter Nineteen - Nikos

  Chapter Twenty - Falling Idol

  Chapter Twenty-One - Alpha Males

  Chapter Twenty-Two - The Ghost System

  Chapter Twenty-Three - Last Train

  Chapter Twenty-Four - Phantom Passenger

  Chapter Twenty-Five - Late Night Conversation

  Chapter Twenty-Six - Anarchists

  Chapter Twenty-Seven - Personal Space

  Chapter Twenty-Eight - Observations

  Chapter Twenty-Nine - Night Crawler

  Chapter Thirty - Lost Tribe

  Chapter Thirty-One - Into the Tunnels

  Chapter Thirty-Two - In Memoriam

  Chapter Thirty-Three - Accidental Death

  Chapter Thirty-Four - Surveillance

  Chapter Thirty-Five - Conspiracy to Murder

  Chapter Thirty-Six - Empty-Handed

  Chapter Thirty-Seven - Bad Air

  Chapter Thirty-Eight - On the Line

  Chapter Thirty-Nine - Flying

  Chapter Forty - Conflicting Evidence

  Chapter Forty-One - The Trench Effect

  Chapter Forty-Two - Sleight of Hand

  Chapter Forty-Three - The Lure

  Chapter Forty-Four - Remote Control

  Chapter Forty-Five - Kill Proximity

  Chapter Forty-Six - Joker in the Pack

  Chapter Forty-Seven - Roll

  Chapter Forty-Eight - Maelstrom

  Chapter Forty-Nine - Charismatic

  Chapter Fifty - The Way Ahead

  About the Author

  Youths green and happy in first love,

  So thankful for illusion;

  And men caught out in what the world

  Calls guilt, in first confusion;

  And almost everyone when age,

  Disease or sorrows strike him,

  Inclines to think there is a God,

  Or something very like him.

  —ARTHUR HUGH CLOUGH

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  Every Bryant & May novel is self-contained, and each is a separate pleasure to write. This latest volume reflects my world of crowded city life, chaos, and the happiness of chance meetings, but it’s also about the underground, so some information has been changed for security purposes. I’d like to thank the London Underground staff who found the time to answer my questions while patiently helping the millions of commuters who use the system every day. I don’t know how you remain so calm and clear-headed. My editor Kate Miciak obviously knows the secret, because she has a talent for making books better, so my thanks and admiration go to her and the rest of the Bantam team. My U.S. agent Howard Morhaim is in there, too—did you guys all take a class together?

  A salute to everyone who has posted suggestions on my website about Bryant & May (and all my other books), a number of which usually find their way into print. Join us at www.christopherfowler.co.uk and add your thoughts. Getting feedback is half the fun.

  The Old Warehouse

  231 Caledonian Road

  London N1 9RC

  THIS BUILDING IS NOW OCCUPIED BY THE PECULIAR CRIMES UNIT UNTIL FURTHER NOTIFICATION FROM THE HOME OFFICE

  STAFF ROSTER: MONDAY

  Raymond Land, Acting Temporary Unit Chief

  Arthur Bryant, Senior Detective

  John May, Senior Detective

  Janice Longbright, Detective Sergeant

  Dan Banbury, Crime Scene Manager/InfoTech

  Jack Renfield, Desk Sergeant

  Meera Mangeshkar, Detective Constable

  Colin Bimsley, Detective Constable

  Giles Kershaw, Forensic Pathology

  Crippen, staff cat

  STAFF BULLETIN BOARD

  Clipping from the Police Review:

  ‘King’s Cross Executioner’ kills PC, escapes custody

  A hired killer who left his beheaded victims on building sites in the King’s Cross area would have fatally undermined public confidence in the multimillion-pound project to re-invigorate the former red-light area if he had not been identified, said an official Home Office report last week.

  However, the report went on to castigate the Unit bosses for failing to provide adequate security checks at its temporary headquarters, an oversight that resulted in the escape of the suspect.

  The investigation had been conducted by London’s Peculiar Crimes Unit, a little-known police division created in 1940 to handle serious crimes that could be considered a threat to public order and confidence. As a secret wartime department, the PCU was allowed to develop many innovative (and questionable) investigative techniques. In the 1950s the Unit fell under the jurisdiction of the Metropolitan Police. Later, it was absorbed into the British Military Intelligence department MI7 to handle cases involving domestic and foreign propaganda. In the last few months, the PCU has found itself increasingly mired in controversy after being placed under Home Office jurisdiction, and the principles upon which it was founded have been called into question.

  Minister
s accused the management team of failing to follow accepted procedural guidelines. But the PCU’s senior detectives, Arthur Bryant and John May, remained determined to operate on the London streets using investigation techniques that had been refused approval by present-day government officials. As a result, they successfully brought in a suspect known only as ‘Mr Fox,’ a hired killer who admitted carrying out the King’s Cross murders for financial gain.

  However, what should have been a cause for celebration turned to tragedy after ‘Mr Fox’ succeeded in breaking out of the Unit’s holding cell and stabbing the officer on duty to death. PC Liberty DuCaine lost his life after being attacked by the accused, who then escaped police custody. To date, the killer has not been recaptured.

  Despite their exoneration by an independent judicial body, the PCU’s future is looking less secure than ever before in its contentious history.

  From the Desk of Raymond Land:

  Is it necessary to remind staff NOT to provide the press with information about the escape of the so-called ‘King’s Cross Executioner’? We don’t want to give tabloid hacks a reason to go through our dustbins for the next six months. DON’T SPEAK TO ANYONE. If you’re in any doubt, talk to me first.

  A word of warning about PC Liberty DuCaine’s funeral; his family don’t want any of you lot going anywhere near them this morning. They already had the mayor creeping round for a photo op, and sent him away with a flea in his ear. Send flowers if you want, but stay away from the service.

  Further, the resignation of our Liaison Officer, April May, from the Unit is effective immediately, for health reasons. Following the recurrence of her agoraphobia, April is planning to spend some time with her uncle in Toronto. I’m sure you all join me in wishing her well for the future. I thought we should have a whip-round and collect enough money to get her something nice. By the way, when April said she’d like a gift voucher for a couple of hours in a flotation tank, she was, in fact, joking.

  As of this morning we now have fully functional computers and phones. You have John May to thank for this. I don’t know how he did it. No-one tells me anything.

  Older members of the PCU will recall a pair of utterly useless workmen who sat in our former offices at Mornington Crescent for months, brewing endless pots of tea instead of getting on with their work. You’ll be thrilled to know that another pair of layabouts, two Turkish gentlemen both called Dave, will be arriving today to restore the electrics, woodwork and plumbing, while no doubt offering unsought-for advice on the policing of the capital. Don’t complain; their estimate for the repairs came in a lot lower than anyone else’s. I daresay we’ll find out why in due course.

  By the way, there’s a hole in the floor in Mr Bryant’s office. Don’t go near it.

  If anyone sees Crippen can you please butter his paws before letting him out? We don’t want him getting lost in this neighbourhood. He’s put on a bit of weight lately, and there are a couple of dodgy kebab shops on the Caledonian Road that look like they could use the meat.

  ONE

  A Private Feud

  CONFIDENTIAL

  FROM: THE DESK OF LESLIE FARADAY

  HOME OFFICE SENIOR POLICE LIAISON

  TO: RAYMOND LAND

  ACTING TEMPORARY HEAD

  PECULIAR CRIMES UNIT

  Dear Raymond,

  With regard to your apprehension of the hired assassin operating in the King’s Cross area, this so-called ‘King’s Cross Executioner’ chap, thank you for acting so quickly on the matter, although it’s a pity he subsequently managed to give you the slip. I had a bit of trouble opening your report because, frankly, computers have never been my strong point, but the new girl in our office seems to understand these things and printed out a copy for me.

  Following the judicial review we decided to scrap the idea of holding a press conference, but we’re speaking to our key contacts today, so we’ll have some idea of the headlines likely to run in tomorrow’s papers. Always talk to the press, I say, even when you’ve got nothing to tell them. We’re hoping that a bit of publicity might flush him out. I’m trying to discourage sensational references to his nickname, without much luck, I’m sorry to say, but when a little boy finds a human head while fishing for eels in a canal, you can expect the press to react strongly.

  I have passed your conclusions on to my superior and other concerned department heads, and will return with their reactions in due course. I also have to acknowledge the receipt of an additional report on this case from one of your senior detectives, Arthur Bryant, although I must admit I was only able to read portions of this document as Bryant’s handwriting was extremely small and barely legible, and pages 23 through 31 had some kind of curry sauce spilled over them. Furthermore his account is opinionated and anecdotal in the extreme, and on several occasions, positively offensive. Could you have a word with him about this?

  Naturally we are all sorry to hear about what happened. It is always with great sadness that one hears of a police officer’s demise in the course of his duty, especially in this case, when the officer in question was so highly regarded, and had such a bright future ahead of him.

  Although the tribunal was reasonably satisfied that no member of the Peculiar Crimes Unit could be held responsible for the unforeseen events occurring on your premises, we do not feel that full autonomy can be returned to the Unit until a series of regulatory safeguards have been put in place to ensure that the impossibility of such an incident—

  ‘Oh, for God’s sake get on with it!’ Arthur Bryant complained at the page, balling it up and disdainfully throwing it over his shoulder as he skipped to the final sheet. He had filched the report from Raymond Land’s mailbox and was vetting it before the acting chief arrived for work. ‘Let’s see—“inadequate safeguards” yadda yadda yadda “irregular procedures” yadda yadda “unnecessary risk factors,” all predictable stuff. Ah, here’s the bit I was expecting—“because the perpetrator of these crimes was allowed to escape and is still at large, he remains a potential menace to society. Therefore we cannot consider fully reinstating the PCU until he is apprehended.” In other words, catch him but don’t expect us to help you with additional resources. Bloody typical. Oh, listen, you’ll like this bit. “Due to the financial reorganisation of the Home Office’s outsourced operations units, you have until the end of the week (Saturday at six P.M.) to conclude this and any other unfinished investigations in order to qualify for annual funding.” So he wants us to achieve the impossible in less than one week or he and his ghastly boss Oskar Kasavian will cut us off without a penny. “Your Obedient Servant, Leslie Faraday.” Who signs their letters like that anymore? Anyway, he’s not our Obedient Servant, but I suppose he couldn’t sign it Sad Porky Timeserver or Snivelling Little Rodent.’

  With increasing age, the grace notes of temperance, balance, harmony and gentility are supposed to appear in the human heart. This was not entirely true, however, in Arthur Bryant’s case. He remained acidulous, stubborn, insensitive and opinionated. In addition, he was getting ruder by the day, as the byzantine workings of the British Home Office sucked away his enthusiasm for collaring killers.

  Bryant started to crumple up the rest of the memo, then remembered he wasn’t supposed to have seen it, and flattened it out imperfectly. He fished the other pages out of the bin, but now they were smeared with the remains of last night’s fish and chips.

  ‘I don’t know why you get so het up, Arthur. What did you honestly expect?’ John May carefully pinched his smart pin-striped trousers at the knee and bent to give him a hand picking up the pages. ‘A man kills three times, is arrested by us, breaks out of a locked cell, stabs a police officer in the neck and vanishes. We were hardly going to be rewarded for our efforts.’

  ‘What about the innocent people we protected? The deaths we prevented?’ Bryant demanded, appalled.

  ‘I think they’re happier counting the millions of pounds we saved them.’ May rose, twisted his chair and flopped down, stretching himself
into a six-foot line. ‘Just think of all the companies that would have pulled out if we hadn’t been able to secure the area.’

  ‘What a case for my memoirs,’ Bryant muttered. ‘Three mutilated bodies found on the mean streets of King’s Cross. Murders committed solely for financial gain by a slippery, adaptable thief who’s grown up in the area around the terminus, a small-time crook propelled to the status of murderer when a robbery went wrong. You know what’s happened, don’t you? For the first time in his life this Mr Fox has been made to feel important. The escalation of his criminal status, from burglar to hired killer, has increased his determination to stay free.’

  There was a darkness at the heart of this chameleon-like killer that the members of the Peculiar Crimes Unit had underestimated. For a while it had felt as if gang war was breaking out in the area, but by getting to the root of the crimes, the detectives had managed to soothe public fears and reassure investors that the newly developing region was still open for business. In the process, however, they had lost an officer, and had been unable to stop their quarry from escaping back into the faceless crowds.