Sister Wives Read online

  Two weeks later we got married. We had a spiritual ceremony on another bitterly cold January night. Then we went on our honeymoon. We had no plan. We just drove and drove, staying wherever we felt like stopping.

  Janelle

  Except for that brief car ride during which Kody proposed, until our honeymoon, the only time we’d been alone was when we went out to retrieve something from the cow pen on the ranch. Although I was looking forward to finally having the freedom to be alone together, it was awkward at first.

  Our courtship had been chaste. We’d only shared one kiss and it was a very innocent one—when a man is married it’s extremely inappropriate to have any physical intimacy during a courtship.

  During the first few days of our honeymoon, it was difficult for me to consider our relationship as a married couple. Even though we’d had the spiritual ceremony, which committed us to each other in a newer, deeper way, I felt no closer to Kody than I had a week earlier. We had been friends, but now we had to learn to be husband and wife.

  I know now that Kody and I weren’t in love then. But there wasn’t a moment that I didn’t believe I’d made the right decision, not just about Kody, but about my new faith.

  When I announced my intention to convert from LDS to fundamentalism, I was challenged by many members of my family. They believed I was not just making a mistake but committing a sin. Nevertheless, I never once wavered in my decision to accept the beliefs of my new religion. In marrying Kody, I alienated my maternal grandparents and my paternal grandmother. My sister, too, initially rebuffed me. Although it was hard for me to come to terms with my estrangement from certain members of my family, I imagined that I’d have sister wives who would, at least in part, compensate for that loss.

  I’m sure all of this was on my mind during my honeymoon. So I felt pressure for my marriage to succeed right from the start. However, I had no idea how to go about this. Kody and I had a deep friendship and we were completely compatible on an intellectual level. We were committed to the decision we’d made. Now we had to find a way to make it work.

  By the end of the honeymoon, we had arrived at a point where we felt safer with each other. But it would be many, many years into our marriage before our true love story would begin.

  I didn’t know when I married Kody what a struggle that first year would be. I moved into the house with him and Meri and lived in their guest room. I felt like a long-term visitor, an eternal houseguest instead of a wife.

  Meri and Kody were still very much in love and they had no idea how to incorporate me into their lives. I had no idea where I fit into the marriage. When we watched movies they would sit on the couch and hold hands under a blanket and I’d sit in my own chair.

  I didn’t feel as if I had my own place in the house. Arguments would erupt over the smallest things—the right way to fold clothes, the right way to clean the kitchen. I felt challenged and confronted on all fronts. I lost my sense of self. I would have to learn to speak up for myself and establish my own life and status within our household.

  It wasn’t until Kody married for the third time that things would begin to settle down in our household.

  Chapter Three

  CHRISTINE AND KODY

  Christine

  I was raised in a polygamous family just outside of Salt Lake. My grandfather was the head of our church, which means my family has been closely involved with all aspects of our faith since I can remember. You could say that when it comes to our church, I’m connected.

  Although I was raised polygamous, it wasn’t until I was seventeen that I decided, without a doubt, that I was going to accept the principle of plural marriage. It took me a while to come to this decision. I reflected and prayed and turned inward until I had my answer. Eventually, I developed a strong testimony about the way I wanted to live my life.

  The biggest influence on my decision to live the principle of plural marriage was my grandmother. She loved having sister wives and knew that the strongest relationship in her marriage was with them. When I decided that I was going to enter into a plural marriage, I knew that it would be only as a third wife. Even as a teenager, I was certain this was the path for me.

  I understand how many people might think this is a strange preference. Why would I want to come third when I could come first? But when you think about it, if you are as committed to plural marriage from a young age as I was, you’re less interested in the monogamous stage of the relationship than in the plural stage. I wanted sister wives as much as I wanted a husband.

  It’s a common misconception—at least in my worldview—that it’s best to enter a family as first wife. People often think, incorrectly, that the first wife has the highest status and the most security. I never saw it this way. In fact, in my opinion, being the first wife takes too much work and involves too much self-sacrifice. You have to give up your life entirely and be joined at the hip to your husband. It’s just you and your husband until the day he marries a second wife. This kind of single-minded devotion never appealed to me—I’m independent and I like my freedom.

  Being the second wife didn’t seem like a better option either. In fact, I think that would have been worse than being the first wife. The second wife has the hardest job and is put in the most uncomfortable position, because she’s the one who comes along and disrupts the marriage of the first wife and her husband. You can’t blame her—it’s not the second wife’s fault. It’s just the nature of her role. She’s the wedge that comes between the couple. And I was never going to put myself in that position. No matter how fair and understanding a first wife is, there’s no way to avoid the emotional struggles and heartache when a second wife joins the family.

  But the third wife—she’s the lucky one! She’s the one who comes along and makes peace between the first two wives. The third wife is in a blessed position. She doesn’t have to face marriage on her own without the help from sister wives or bear the burden of breaking up a previously monogamous couple. I was going to be a third wife all the way!

  Around my nineteenth birthday, my sister Wendy went on a survival trek with our church. The leaders of her group were a newlywed couple, Meri and Kody Brown. When Wendy returned from her adventure, all she could talk about was Kody. Kody, Kody, Kody! She was full of stories about how strong and athletic Kody was. “Kody pulled us all up a hill!” she said. “He threw us over a wall one by one!”

  Wendy explained that Kody and Meri were new to our group, which is why I’d never heard of them before. (As it turned out, Meri had been a member for years—she’d even been over to my house on several occasions, but no one had noticed her until she married Kody.)

  The next day, I went to church with Wendy. The hall was crowded. I was checking out the crowd when my eyes landed on a handsome young man. Without my sister telling me, I knew he was Kody. I thought, Wow, Wendy forgot to mention how cute Kody is. He’s really, really cute!

  Kody

  I have to admit that I don’t remember seeing Christine in church that morning. I had been in the church for only six months, so the group was fairly new to me. There were different faces at church each week, which made it difficult for me to remember everyone I met.

  A week after I returned from the survival trek, our church held a dance. Of course, I attended with my new wife, Meri. (Although I’d met Janelle once or twice, we were only casual acquaintances at this point.) But there was one girl who caught my eye—Christine. She was wearing a turquoise dress with a lace ruffle at the collar. She was bubbly and sweet and as cute as anyone I’d ever seen before. She was also overflowing with positivity. Her liveliness and good cheer were infectious. However, I was still a newlywed and new to the polygamous faith. Although I thought Christine was really cute, I wasn’t yet ready to consider a second wife.

  I didn’t know this, but Christine had a crush on another boy that night. She was just nineteen and she was a romantic. But there was an undeniable spark between us. When I looked at her, I had a feeling—call it a si
xth sense—that our destinies were interlaced.

  Meri and I didn’t have any newlywed friends. And since we didn’t have any children and Meri wasn’t pregnant, we spent most of our time with single people our age. We always had a group at our house eating ice cream and hanging out. Christine had a big circle of friends, and she always seemed to be in our midst. And since Christine’s family was so involved in our church, they regularly hosted gatherings to which Meri and I were usually invited.

  While I had an inkling that perhaps something important was starting to develop with Christine—I was awed with how adorable and upbeat she was—Meri and I weren’t yet looking to add to our family. We were newlyweds and still very much a couple in love. This made it difficult for me to hang out with my buddies, because it would mean leaving her alone. Eventually, Christine and Meri became friends, which was great. But when I started to notice that Christine was growing interested in me, and when I started visualizing a future together, I knew that exploring this would be unfair to Meri at this point. If Christine and I started hanging out alone—in essence, if we were to start courting—Meri would be abandoned by her two closest friends.

  Meri had inadvertently made it clear to me on several occasions that she wasn’t prepared to court Christine. One weekend at a field day for the younger members of our faith, I was busy being my loud, boisterous self. I was running all over the field we were gathered at, hosing people down with water. Everybody was chasing me in order to pay me back. But they couldn’t catch me. In the middle of all this, I heard Christine cry out, “Kody, my masculine man!”

  I looked over at Meri and I could almost hear her growling. I hadn’t seen many examples of plural marriage since I was new to the faith, so this was the first time I experienced it close up. But I couldn’t blame her. We were very young.

  Despite our initial resistance, something was pulling us together. I couldn’t deny that Christine would be part of my family someday, but we all needed to grow up first.

  Christine

  I loved Kody and Meri, and although my crush on Kody was getting serious, I wasn’t interested in marriage yet. Still, I was always eager to hang out with them. Whenever my parents hosted a volleyball party, Meri and Kody always topped the guest list. After spirituality and faith, the trait my dad values most is athleticism, so he was taken with Kody from the start. Whenever I talked to my dad about boys I was interested in, he always steered the conversation in the same direction. “And how is Kody?” he’d ask.

  Kody made a big splash when he joined our faith. He was nice looking—which impressed a lot of the women—but he was also well spoken and outspoken. He was confident when he talked in front of a crowd. He knew how to take a spiritual concept and deliver it in a positive and inspiring way. He made a good impression on the people in charge of our church and was often called upon to speak at fireside meetings.

  About a year after I first met Kody and Meri, Kody organized a youth trip up to his parents’ ranch in Wyoming. Kody wanted to expose his younger peers to his parents’ lifestyle and introduce his parents to young people in their new faith.

  By this time it was pretty clear that I had developed a serious crush on Kody. I was always hanging around Meri and him. So when we all piled in our caravan of cars to drive to Wyoming, I got someone to drive my car, and I made sure that I rode in Kody’s.

  Nineteen people headed up to the ranch for the weekend. We set off from my house in Utah, but when we hit the mountain passes, we drove into a massive snowstorm. It was unbelievably slow going and we had to stop and take turns pushing one another’s cars.

  The drive should have taken half a day, but we wound up being on the road overnight because of the weather. Since we were all young, it was still fun being out there together. It felt like an adventure.

  Kody

  We drove all night to Wyoming. It was dangerous. Meri and I rode in the front seat and Christine sat in the back. I kept looking at Christine in the rearview mirror. For months, I’d been watching her. I loved her spark, her bubbliness. She was so full of life and enthusiasm–just the perfect person to have along on a miserable drive. In fact, I was discovering that Christine was the kind of person I wanted to have around all the time. She lit up every room and brought a fun, positive energy to any event. Meri often stood on the sidelines during games and group activities. But Christine was always willing to participate in anything, no matter how silly.

  When we set out on our road trip, I was convinced that Christine was the cutest girl in the world, although she was a little chubby. Back then, I was young and superficial enough to care about physical appearances. After we’d been on the road all night, we stopped at a gas station. I’d been drinking soda pop to stay awake and my stomach felt sour and upset. Just thinking about food made me queasy.

  Christine went into the Quickie Mart and bought herself what seemed looked like the largest portion of chili cheese nachos that I’d ever seen. The sight of those nachos turned my stomach. I couldn’t watch her eat them. She must have been starving, because she was eating so quickly, and there was chili sauce and nacho cheese everywhere.

  Looking back, I hate myself for the thoughts I had at that moment, but the sight of this chubby girl in my car devouring chili cheese nachos for breakfast put the brakes on our relationship. It brought out the most superficial and shallowest side of me. I still liked her—in fact, I liked her very much—but the nacho experience cooled my attraction a little—well, a lot.

  Christine

  Of course, I had no idea that I’d grossed Kody out with my nachos. I was an overweight kid who liked junk food a little too much. And of all the junk foods in the world, chili cheese nachos were my favorite.

  When we finally got to the ranch, Kody transformed into a hero. He was a total stud. All the girls on the trip watched him with their mouths wide open, myself included. I’d seen Kody in action back in Utah. I’d seen him display his talents in church, and I’d seen how he transformed himself into the life of every party. But now I was seeing a whole new side of him.

  Kody was the complete cowboy. At the ranch, he was instantly in his element. He got right in there and wrangled cows. He worked the fields. He shoveled and cleaned and got down and dirty with all the animals. I was totally impressed. I thought Kody was the coolest guy in the world.

  When I got back home, I was gushing about Kody to a friend. She knew that I wanted to be a third wife, so we came up with a plan. She’d marry Kody first and be his second wife. A few months later, I would join them as third wife. I took this plan much more seriously than my friend, who eventually got married to another man.

  My visit to Wyoming had made a fantastic impression on me and I was eager to return. I had become very close to Kody’s sister, so when she invited me to spend the summer with her at the Browns’ ranch, I accepted immediately.

  While I was living with the Browns, a local family started to express their interest in our faith. They had a daughter who, on one visit, spotted a picture of Kody. The minute I saw her look at it, I knew she’d be interested in him. I felt very threatened by her—she was beautiful and thin, and I was immediately afraid she’d catch Kody’s eye.

  A few months after I met her, this girl was invited to come to an event in Utah for the younger members of our faith. Since I was going down, it fell to me to drive her and to introduce her to some of my friends. Not doing so would have appeared selfish.

  I drove the new girl and her brothers to Utah. The whole ride down I kept saying to myself, “What are you doing, you idiot?” I was completely threatened by her. When I got to the youth event, I immediately realized that all my fears were well founded! Right away, Kody and Meri took particular notice of her. Their interest was overwhelming and undeniable. I was heartbroken and jealous, tortured by the fact that Kody seemed to find her more attractive than me. To make things worse, she and Meri hit it off immediately. They became inseparable—instantaneous best friends.

  One morning after I returned
from the ranch, Kody and Meri came to pick me up. We’d made plans to spend the day together in the city. Before we left, we lingered on the porch of my parents’ house. Kody and Meri had strange looks on their faces—they seemed excited, but a little nervous. Then they told me that they were courting the girl I’d introduced them to at the youth conference.

  I was devastated. It ruined my day. In fact, it ruined my year. I decided then and there that I was not going to marry Kody, no matter what happened. It wasn’t because of Kody. It was because of the girl he and Meri were courting. She was too young and too cute. And I just couldn’t see her in my future. I broke off the friendship. I couldn’t be around Kody and Meri while they were courting someone else.

  Kody and Meri’s news was not the most devastating blow I received that year—not by a long shot. A few months after I returned to Utah, my parents told me they were getting a divorce. Even worse, my mother had decided to leave our faith, which felt like the worst kind of abandonment. I was stunned and inconsolable. I felt as if my world was disintegrating. I’d seen no signs of trouble between my parents and I couldn’t imagine a life in which we would no longer be a cohesive family.

  I completely shut down. I didn’t want anything to do with any of my old friends. I couldn’t bear associating with people in Kody’s circle or people who’d known my family when it was intact.

  I turned inward. I told my father that I wasn’t interested in dating and that if a boy approached him and expressed interest in me, I didn’t want to know about it. I was so shaken by my parents’ divorce that I wanted to make sure I was solid in my faith before I committed myself to someone else. Naturally, I questioned the whole concept of marriage. If my parents couldn’t sustain their relationship, what chance did I have when the time came?