Caroline Anderson, Anne Fraser, Kate Hardy, Margaret McDonagh Read online

  Sam straightened. ‘Not drugs?’

  ‘Not that we know of, but I shouldn’t be surprised. But Gary’s a thief, and a bully, like his father and his little brother, and you need to get Jamie away from him before something bad happens.’

  Sam sighed inwardly. This was the last thing he needed.

  ‘So how’s your mother? I was sorry to hear about her stroke—she seems far too young.’

  ‘Yes. But strokes can happen to anyone, from tiny babies upwards. She’s making great progress, but we just need to know why it happened to stop it happening again.’

  ‘You ought to speak to Gemma. It was Gemma who found her. She went round after work and checked up on her because she was worried.’

  ‘Did she?’ he said softly, wondering why Gemma hadn’t mentioned it. Because she didn’t want to talk to him any more than she had to? Very likely. He didn’t really want to talk to her, either, and so far all their exchanges had been carefully contained, with all hell breaking loose just under the surface—at least, on his side. But if Gemma had found his mother, she could easily have been responsible for saving her life, and at the very least he ought to thank her. Not even he was that churlish.

  ‘I’ll go and have a word. Thanks, Lachlan—and if you hear anything I need to know about Jamie, let me know.’

  ‘Will do. And you do the same.’

  ‘Sure.’

  He went back towards Gemma, but there was a crowd of young girls around her, so he wandered over to the desk where Jamie was handing out name tags and soft drinks to parents.

  ‘Checking up on me?’ Jamie said, his mouth set in a defiant line, and Sam just smiled.

  ‘No. I don’t need to, I’ve got the rest of Penhally doing that, by all accounts. How long are you going to be here?’

  ‘Another few minutes, then I’m going out with my friends.’

  Sam frowned. ‘Why? It’s a school night. You’ve got your exams in a few weeks, you should be working.’

  ‘Nah. I’ve got it all under control, Sam. You don’t have to come home and play the heavy brother with me.’

  ‘That’s not what I’m hearing.’

  ‘Well, tough. What do they know?’

  ‘Well, I gather Mr D’Ancey knows quite a lot about you—probably rather more than is healthy.’

  Jamie’s eyes slid away and his face took on a defensive cast. ‘Whatever. I’m out tonight. My work’s up to date, I’ve got nothing outstanding—and don’t even think about suggesting I tidy my bedroom. All I hear from Mum is that I’m just like you.’

  Sam stifled a smile and gave up—for now. ‘OK. But not late. Ten.’

  ‘Ten-thirty.’

  ‘Ten-fifteen—and if you’re so much as thirty seconds late, you’re grounded for a week.’

  ‘What? Where do you get off—?’

  ‘Suit yourself. Ten-fifteen or you’re grounded. I’ll see you later.’

  And without giving his brother a chance to argue any further, he walked away. Gemma was free now, and he crossed to her quickly before another wannabe nurse appeared. ‘Can we talk?’

  Her eyes widened with alarm, and he realised she’d misunderstood. Or maybe she hadn’t, not really, but he wasn’t getting into all that now. He could barely keep a lid on his emotions as it was. The last thing he needed was to have a deeply personal conversation in public with the woman who’d shredded his heart. ‘About my mother,’ he added, and saw the alarm recede.

  ‘Sure. When are you thinking of?’

  ‘After you finish? I haven’t eaten yet, I don’t know if you have, but I thought we could go up to the Smugglers’ and have something there while we talk.’

  She nodded slowly. ‘That would be fine. Give me another few minutes, and if nobody else comes, we can go.’

  ‘Fine.’ He gave her a brisk nod, and walked off to find Nick.

  ‘Ah, Sam, just the man. This is Dr Cavendish—he’s been working in Africa with an aid agency—was it Doctors Without Borders?’

  ‘No, but it’s similar,’ he said. ‘Why?’

  ‘Young David here is considering medicine and wants to work in that field. Can you give him some advice?’

  He dredged up a smile for the youngster. ‘Sure. What do you want to know?’

  ‘Sorry about that, I got caught up.’

  ‘So did I. Nick found me a young lad with a death wish. He wants to work in Africa—he’s talking about doing a gap year with an aid agency before he goes to med school.’

  ‘So what did you say?’

  ‘Don’t do it. Are you all done now?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Then let’s get out of here—have you got your car?’

  ‘Yes. Shall I meet you up at the pub?’

  ‘Good idea.’

  He followed her down past the surgery to the harbour and turned right along Harbour Road past the shrouded site of the Anchor Hotel, over the River Lanson at the bottom of Bridge Street and along to the end, past Nick Tremayne’s house and his mother’s house next door, then up the hill, past the little church on the left with the lighthouse beyond it on the headland, and then over the rise to the Smugglers’ Inn.

  The place was doing well, if the number of cars outside on a week night was anything to go by, and he parked in the last space and got out, breathing deeply and drawing the fresh sea air into his lungs.

  God, that smelt good. It was one of the few things about Penhally that he missed—apart from Gemma, who was walking towards him now, her eyes unreadable in the dimly lit car park. Her hands were stuffed into the pockets of her coat, and she looked wary and uncertain, as if she was regretting saying yes.

  She didn’t need to. He wasn’t a threat to her. He had no intention of getting into any personal territory at all. Not even slightly.

  ‘Lots of cars,’ he said, aiming for something neutral. ‘Do you think we’ll get a seat?’

  She looked round and shrugged. ‘I don’t know. We could always sit outside on the terrace,’ she said doubtfully.

  Hell, no. They’d spent whole evenings on that terrace, and it was the last place he wanted to go. ‘It’s not warm enough, the food might get cold.’

  ‘There might be room inside.’

  ‘We’ll see.’ Oh, God, endless pleasantries, and all he really wanted to do was touch her, thread her hair through his fingers, feel her body soft against his…

  He yanked open the door of the pub and ushered her in, and as they walked into the bar, a hush fell.

  ‘Well, by all the saints, young Samuel. Come home to cause havoc, have ‘e, lad?’

  ‘Ignore him,’ Gemma muttered, but he went over to old Fred Spencer and shook his hand.

  ‘How are you, Mr Spencer?’

  ‘Better’n you, by all accounts. Why you limpin’?’

  ‘Fell off my bike,’ he said economically. ‘And don’t say it.’

  ‘Well, I ’spect it was your fault.’

  ‘Why not? It always was, wasn’t it?’

  The old man cracked a laugh and turned back to his companions. ‘Always had to have the last word, young Sam.’

  Only not always. Not with Gemma. There’d been no chance to have the last word, to talk things through, to get to the bottom of it—and he wasn’t starting now.

  Leaving Fred with his mates, they went over to the bar and ordered drinks and scanned the specials board.

  ‘The steak’s still good,’ Gemma said. ‘I think I’ll have that—just the small one.’

  ‘Rare?’

  She nodded, surprised and yet not that he would have remembered. They’d always had the steak frites in here, and it had always been good, and she’d always had it rare.

  Listen to her! Always, indeed. What was she thinking? It had only been—what? Ten, maybe twelve times in all, over more than a year? But it was all the time they’d had together, and it had been precious, every last second of it.

  He ordered the steak for her, but to her surprise he ordered beef Stroganoff for himself—just in case she th
ought it was all too cosy down Memory Lane? She wasn’t sure, not sure at all, about any of it, and she didn’t really have any idea what she was doing here with him, tearing herself apart, when she could have been safely tucked up at home.

  ‘Ah, there’s a table here,’ he said, and led her across the room to where a couple were just leaving. He held the chair for her to sit down, and as he did so, his hand brushed her arm.

  Dear God, he thought, desperately resisting the need to touch her again, to reach out and let his fingers linger over that soft, slender arm, to run them over her shoulder, to slide the lightweight jersey top aside and press his lips to her skin…

  He retreated to the safety of the other side of the table and sat down opposite her, flicking his eyes over the menu even though he’d already ordered, staring out of the window as she shuffled in her seat, organising her bag, placing her drink carefully in the centre of the beer mat with great precision.

  And then, once they were settled and there was nothing left to fidget with, there was a silence that was so full of unspoken words it was like a roar in his head. And he had to break it or go mad.

  ‘So—you came back to Penhally,’ he said, trying to find something neutral to talk about and failing dismally at the first hurdle.

  She glanced away, but not before he’d seen a shadow in her eyes. ‘Yes. I love it here.’

  Especially when he wasn’t there. His mouth tipped in a mocking smile. ‘I thought it was too small for you? Too pedestrian. Too provincial. Wasn’t that why you left to see the world and didn’t come back?’

  Hardly. It was the place where her heart was, where she’d found a love she’d thought would last forever, but she couldn’t tell him that or she’d have to tell him why she’d gone, so she just gave him a level look and lied in her teeth.

  ‘You know why I left—to go travelling while I considered my career options. And you can talk about leaving to see the world, Sam. It’s me who’s living here now. You’ve hardly been home.’

  ‘Et tu, Brute? Isn’t this where you tell me that I’ve failed my mother and failed my brother and ought to move home like a good little boy? Well, news flash, Gemma. I’ve got a life now, and it’s not here. And it never will be.’ Thanks to her. His jaw tightened, and she felt a stab of pain for him, and for herself.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she said softly. ‘It’s none of my business. But for what it’s worth, I don’t think you should come home for your mother or your brother. You did more than enough for them, Sam, and you’ve got two sisters who don’t live a million miles away who could be putting more into this than they are. But maybe you should think about coming home for you.’

  ‘Oh, for God’s sake, what is it about Penhally and everyone telling me what to do?’

  ‘I wasn’t telling you—’

  ‘Weren’t you? Well, it sounded like it from where I’m sitting.’

  Or maybe that was his conscience, he thought, guilt racking him yet again for the hurt look he’d put in her eyes.

  ‘I don’t want to go into this. I brought you here to talk about my mother’s stroke, not me,’ he said after a moment in which they’d both taken a deep breath and regrouped. ‘I gather you found her last night?’

  She met his eyes squarely, her own still reproachful. ‘Yes—she came in the day before yesterday to see me for a routine blood-pressure check, and she mentioned that she’d noticed her heart doing something funny in the evening a couple of times. I had a word with Adam—Adam Donnelly, one of our doctors—and he suggested we should do an ECG and then refer her to St Piran for some tests.’

  ‘And?’

  ‘I did the ECG yesterday, and there was nothing out of the ordinary at all, but I was just a bit worried about her. Her blood pressure was up again, and—I don’t know, she just didn’t seem right. And she looked a bit strained around the eyes. So after work I popped in. There was no reply to the doorbell, so I went round the back and opened the door because I could hear Digger whining, and I found her at the kitchen table, looking chalky grey and sweaty and feeling terrible. And she had a killer headache, apparently, and she said she’d had some kind of convulsion, but I noticed her mouth was drooping a bit and then she just lost her speech. It was a classic stroke, so I called Nick and got the ambulance on its way, and alerted the specialist unit, and—well, I don’t know how she is now. I went in with her last night because Jamie wasn’t around and I didn’t want her to be alone, but I haven’t had time to get up there again. I was going to go and see her in my lunch break but I thought you might be there, and then there was the careers evening so I just haven’t had a chance. So how is she? Really? She must have been so frightened.’

  He nodded slowly. ‘I think so. But who wouldn’t be? It’s a really big thing, isn’t it, and it could have been so much worse if you hadn’t checked on her. I hate to think what would have happened if you hadn’t. It sounds as if your prompt action’s made a huge difference to the impact of her stroke, and if you hadn’t gone in—well, talking to the staff it’s clear that without immediate help she could easily have died, so thank you. She sends you her love, by the way. She seems very fond of you.’

  Gemma gave a soft, wry little laugh. ‘I can’t imagine why. I bully her dreadfully.’

  ‘She needs it. So—about this heart thing…’

  ‘Mmm. I mean, obviously it hasn’t been investigated properly yet, but I was wondering—do you think she could have some kind of AF?’

  ‘Atrial fibrillation? Could well be. It would fit. I just can’t understand how she hasn’t felt it in her chest before, if she’s got AF and it’s sustained enough that she’s forming clots. You’d think you’d feel it if your heart’s not beating right.’

  ‘Not everyone does feel it, though, and atrial fibrillation is notoriously tricky to control.’

  ‘Especially if you OD on stimulants like tea and coffee and very dark chocolate. It’s always given her the odd palpitation, and maybe it’s just accustomed her to a funny heartbeat from time to time, and then the AF doesn’t feel so very different—’

  ‘Steak frites and beef Stroganoff?’

  ‘Thanks, Tony,’ Sam said, leaning back so the landlord could put their plates down. He paused to welcome Sam back.

  ‘Good to see you again. How are things? Sorry about your mother.’

  ‘Thanks,’ he said, feeling a little awkward because clearly everyone knew about her, recognised him and also recognised the fact that he’d been notable by his absence. Then he chatted to Gemma for a few moments, and while he listened to them, Sam watched her, her face attentive, her eyes crinkling with humour when Tony made a joke, and all the time her lips were moving, soft and warm, bare of lipstick but moist from the occasional flick of her tongue, and it was getting increasingly difficult to sit there and pretend that he felt nothing for her, this woman who’d torn his heart apart.

  His wife, for heaven’s sake.

  Then Tony moved away, and he turned his attention to his food, and for a while they were both silent. Then she lifted her head and said, ‘You know you made that remark about David having a death wish because he wanted to go to Africa? What did you mean?’

  He shrugged. ‘It was just a joke.’

  ‘No. You meant something, and you said you’d told him not to go, and when you were talking to Fred just now about the accident—what happened, Sam?’ she asked softly. ‘Did you really just fall off your bike?’

  He sighed and set down his fork. ‘Really? In a manner of speaking,’ he said, and then bluntly, because he still wanted to lash out, he went on, ‘I hit a landmine.’

  Her face bleached of colour, and he caught her glass just as it slipped through her fingers. ‘Careful, anybody would think you still cared, and we all know that’s not true,’ he said with bitter irony.

  She sat back, her eyes filling, and closed them quickly, but not quickly enough because a single tear slipped down her cheek and that old guilt thing kicked in again. ‘Actually I was thinking of your mother—how s
he would have coped if…’

  ‘If I’d died?’ he prompted, trying not to look at the tear, and she sucked in a tiny breath.

  ‘Don’t.’ She swallowed and opened her eyes, reaching for her glass. He still had it in his hand, and as he passed it to her, their fingers met and he felt the shock race through him again.

  Damn. Still, after all these years…

  She took a sip and put it down, then met his eyes again. ‘So what really happened, Sam? With the landmine?’

  He made himself concentrate on something other than the little trail the tear had made on her cheek. ‘There was a booby trap—a car in the road. I swerved round it, not paying attention, and the back wheel caught the antipersonnel mine and it hurled the back of the bike up into the air. Luckily the panniers were rammed with equipment, which protected me from the blast, but the force of the explosion threw me forwards onto the ground.’

  ‘And?’

  ‘And I broke my collar bone and my ankle,’ he told her, grossly oversimplifying it. ‘Oh, and tore the rotator cuff in my left shoulder.’

  She nodded slowly. ‘I’ve noticed you don’t use your left hand very much.’

  ‘Got out of the habit,’ he lied, and turned his attention back to his food, leaving her sitting there in silence, struggling with the image of him being hurled through the air and smashed into the ground.

  She felt sick. It could have been so much worse, she thought, and set down her knife and fork, unable to eat while her emotions churned round inside her and the man she loved was just a foot away, his eyes fixed on his plate, obviously in a hurry now to finish his meal and leave. He’d only wanted to thank her for finding his mother, and he’d done that, and now he just wanted to go.

  Fair enough. So did she, and she was about to get up and leave when Tony stopped by their table.

  ‘Everything all right?’ he asked, and she nodded and smiled at him and picked up her knife and fork again, forcing herself to finish her food before it was not only the flavour of sawdust, but stone cold with it.