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He exhaled hard and his body went slack.

  “Those other guys were fucking liars,” he said, grinning. “That was incredible.”

  “You helped me make it good,” I said, still feeling a surge of pride.

  “Nah. Everyone should tell their partner what they like. It’s what grown adults do. And I fucking loved that.”

  He took my face in his hands and kissed me. Maybe he was right, and I just hadn’t been with a real man before. I’d definitely never been with anyone who made me feel like he did.

  “Now lie down and get ready to take it like a good girl,” he said, standing up.

  Holy shit. I considered myself a strong, independent woman, but when he commanded me in the bedroom, I always wanted to comply. It was nice to not have to be in control all the time.

  He slid my panties down my legs and over my feet, tossing them on the floor before kissing his way up my thighs.

  Good god, the man knew his way around a woman’s body. He licked and sucked and stroked until I was on the edge, but stopped short of letting me come. Instead, he parted my legs and pushed his way inside me, both of us groaning with pleasure.

  I bucked my hips beneath him, my body desperate for the release it knew was coming. I’d been thinking about this moment every night he was on the road.

  I came quickly, burying my face in his shoulder to muffle my moans so as not to wake the kids. He was right behind me, his face freezing in an expression of complete ecstasy as he held himself inside me while he came.

  “Is it me, or does it just keep getting better?” he asked, exhaling hard and lying down on his side.

  “No, you’re right.”

  “Think about all the great sex you missed out on by turning me down all those years ago,” he said with a wink.

  “But then I wouldn’t have had the benefit of your extensive experience,” I said, grinning.

  “Uh-huh.” He said, a small smirk on his face. “Want to take a shower?”

  “Sure.”

  He got out of bed and went over to the chair in the corner, picking up the towel. “I’ll just use my filthy ass towel to save on laundry,” he said as he walked into the bathroom.

  Practical and sexy. Wes was really starting to grow on me.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Wes

  Despite how great things were going at home, things with the team were an absolute shit show. Keegan and Konstantin were constantly at each other’s throats, we lost more often than not, and though I’d asked Coach if I could meet with him, he’d been putting me off. He surprised me after practice today, though, saying he wanted to see me in his office.

  He sat down as soon as I closed the door and said, “What the fuck is happening in the locker room, Kirby?”

  “There’s a lot, Coach.”

  “As acting captain, it’s your job to make it stop.”

  “I can’t force them to grieve any faster, and this shit between Miller and Kon is heating up. Which is what I needed to talk to you about.”

  Coach narrowed his eyes. “Are you telling me you can’t handle a little bickering between a couple of the boys?”

  “It’s more than bickering. Apparently, Keegan is sleeping with Kon’s girlfriend.”

  Coach looked less than impressed. “This is what you were coming to me with? Jesus Christ, Kirby, what do you want me to do with that? When Ben came to me, it was all about the hockey.”

  “This is about hockey,” I said calmly. “Kon is looking to get traded this summer, and frankly, I don’t see how that’s in the best interest of the team. We need Kon a hell of a lot more than we need Miller. If we lose him, the first line loses all its momentum.”

  “Let’s be clear about something, Wes—right now, this team has no momentum. Not the first line, not the tenth line. And to be honest with you, I don’t see you stepping up to change things.”

  “I’m trying, Coach. We’re just way off-kilter and running out of time.”

  “Ben wouldn’t have let this happen. Ben was able to motivate these guys to do better, and he would’ve handled this situation between Kon and Miller.”

  “I’m not Ben,” I said quietly. “If I’m going to be captain, I have to do things my way, and my way was to come to you, tell you the situation, and let you know that we’re going to lose Kon if we don’t do something about Keegan. They’re not going to just make nice and get past this. Svetlana is currently living with Kon and sleeping with Keegan. I don’t have the power to change that; you and Levoie do.” Mitch Levoie was our GM.

  Coach looked up at the ceiling for a few seconds before fixing me with one of his steely gazes. “I need you to find a way to get through to them, son. Otherwise, we’re going to lose more than Kon this summer.”

  Christ, was he threatening my place on the team?

  “There’s only a week left in the season. I don’t know what I can do between now and then.”

  “I know.” Coach suddenly seemed a little defeated. “We were having such a goddamn good season. I’ve never lost a player before. I’ve seen career-ending injuries, but not death, not like this. I don’t know how the fuck we move forward.”

  “Maybe it’s because we never said goodbye,” I said slowly. “I mean, we talked about him in the locker room and had a moment of silence before that first game after the funeral, but we never said goodbye. The funeral was short and afterward, it was just family. Maybe we need to do something meaningful. A dinner, just the guys, a tribute to Ben. Tell our favorite stories, talk about who he was to us, give the guys a chance to say goodbye. I know I’m fucking haunted living in his house, using his stuff, sitting on his couch…” I cleared my throat. “I could set it up.”

  “The day before the last game of the season,” Coach said quietly. “Instead of a morning skate the day of, we’ll have a team dinner the night before. Maybe Giovanna’s?”

  “And let’s invite support staff, you know? Trainers, all the coaches, equipment managers. We need something like this.”

  “It certainly can’t hurt. Make the arrangements, and I’ll get the staff on board.”

  “I’ll text you the details once Vicenzo tells me if the back room is available.”

  Coach nodded and I was dismissed.

  Now I just had to figure out how to get the guys to bond, while keeping Keegan and Konstantin apart, and maybe end the season on a high note.

  I was so lost in thought I almost missed the snickering in the dressing room, where most of the guys were changing into street clothes. I glanced around and saw Lars leaning against his locker, a look of annoyance on his face.

  “Was I supposed to say no?” he demanded. “She’s just four.”

  Keegan was laughing so hard he was holding his stomach and there was a faint smile playing on Drew’s lips. Everyone seemed to be focused on something on the floor and when I looked down, I almost laughed too. Lars’s toenails were painted a bright, fire engine red. And it was absolutely ridiculous. Except Annalise had talked about nothing but her “date” with Thor for two days. She’d been happier than I’d seen her since her birthday, her eyes shining every time she picked up her hockey playing teddy bear that Lars had bought her at Build-A-Bear Workshop. I’d offered to pay him for what he’d spent, but he’d refused money from me, saying it was his pleasure to spend time with Annalise.

  Apparently, despite the constant need to hold his hand, she didn’t annoy him.

  “You absolutely could have said no,” I said out loud, almost daring anyone to contradict me. “But you didn’t and you’re a fucking rock star of an honorary uncle.” I clapped him on the shoulder. “Thank you for being so good to Ben’s daughter.”

  “She is my friend.”

  “You look like a fucking pansy-ass!” Keegan was still laughing, and Drew smacked him on the back of the head.

  “Shut the fuck up. If my daughter asked me to paint my toenails, I wouldn’t even hesitate.”

  “Yeah, well, not me. That’s what her mom will be for.”

  “I
like it.” Lars shrugged and turned to pull on his jeans. At six foot six, and shoulders as wide as most doorways, no one would ever confuse him for a pansy, not even figuratively, and though I couldn’t know for certain since he was a pretty private guy, my gut told me he had no issues with his masculinity.

  “So do I,” I told him. “And yeah, if she asked me to, I’d do it too.”

  “I bet it was an epic date,” Nash said to Lars. “How much did you drop at that bear place?”

  Lars didn’t even turn around. “Two hundred fifty-seven dollars and thirty-eight cents.”

  I grimaced, wishing I could pay him back, but even if he’d take it, I’d never offer here in front of the guys. And they were all gaping at him.

  “For a teddy bear?” Nash demanded, wide-eyed with surprise.

  “You customize them,” Drew said. “And you can buy accessories, like hats and stuff.”

  “I’m never having kids,” Van said, shaking his head.

  “And definitely not girls,” Keegan muttered.

  “I’m pretty sure you don’t have much of a choice,” Drew laughed.

  “Isn’t it true that if you do it doggy style, it’s always a boy?”

  “I think that’s an old wives’ tale,” Drew said, “but I don’t know for sure. Nina and I didn’t care if we had boys or girls.”

  Luckily, conversation turned from Lars’s toenails to sex positions and other things that had nothing to do with what was going on with the team. Though Lars either wasn’t aware or simply didn’t care when the guys picked on him, it bothered me. It was one of many things I wanted to find a way to address if I was captain next year. And now that was a big fucking if.

  My phone rang when I was driving home from practice and I was surprised to see “Dad” on the screen. I only heard from my parents a few times a year, usually around the holidays, my birthday, or if they were somewhere close to where I was playing and they wanted to see me. Otherwise, I usually kept up with what they were doing and where they were via social media.

  “Hey, Dad.” I accepted the call through the hands-free Bluetooth speaker in the car.

  “How’s it going, son?”

  “It’s been a rough few months, as you can imagine.”

  “Are you still playing surrogate dad to Ben’s kids?”

  “Well, yeah. I’m not playing, though. He left custody of them to me.”

  “I thought he left custody to you and that friend of Lauren’s, and the two of you needed to decide who would get final custody?”

  “I’m not letting them go, Dad. They’re part of me now. I don’t know how else to explain it.”

  “Ben was your best friend. He would understand that you need to move on with your own life. How are you going to meet someone and have a family of your own with his brats tying you down?”

  “They’re not brats and they’re not tying me down.”

  “What woman is going to want to marry you when she finds out you come with two kids that you’re going to need her to take care of because you’re always gone with hockey?”

  “I don’t know, Dad, but lots of people marry someone who already has kids from previous relationships.”

  “They’re not even yours.”

  “Dad, come on, knock it off. I love Annalise and Benny. And they need me.”

  “Let Lauren’s friend have them. Women are more cut out for that kind of thing anyway.”

  “Could you be any more sexist?”

  “I’m a realist and sexism is reality.”

  “Can we not have this conversation? Things are going well, except for the damn team not playing for shit and Ben’s parents suing us for custody.”

  “Jesus, that’s your way out and you act like it’s a nuisance.”

  “I don’t want or need a way out. I’m happy.”

  There was a moment of silence before my father said, “Oh, for fuck’s sake, are you sleeping with her? Please tell me you’re being careful.”

  “Her name is Hadley,” I said through gritted teeth, hands tightening on the steering wheel.

  “Whatever. Does she know who your family is and how much money you’re worth?”

  “We’ve never talked about it, but I’m sure she does since she and Lauren were best friends. She’s not after my money, Dad.”

  “How do you know?”

  “I just do. Ben and Lauren wouldn’t leave custody of their kids to someone like that.”

  “She might be a great surrogate mom, but that doesn’t mean she’s not a gold digger. You used to be more careful than this, son.”

  “Dad, everything is fine. Hadley’s a great woman. You’d like her.”

  “Liking her isn’t the issue—your future is. It’s time for you to think about settling down and it’s not going to be with some wannabe journalist from New York.”

  “Dad, she’s an editor for one of the biggest lifestyle magazines in the country. She’s not a wannabe anything.”

  “Wannabe wife of a Kirby.”

  “You don’t know that and, frankly, it’s a little insulting, both to me and to her. I’m not an idiot and I’ve managed to avoid marrying a gold digger these past twenty-nine years, so I think I’ve got it under control.”

  My father snorted. “Just the fact that you’re entertaining the thought of raising these kids makes me doubt everything you’re doing. Why would you do this to yourself? Seriously, having a convenient piece in your bed isn’t—”

  “Okay, stop. That’s not what this is and I never said I was sleeping with her.”

  “But you are, and we both know it. I’m trying to look out for you, son, since you obviously aren’t thinking straight.”

  “I’m fine, Dad.”

  “Somehow, I doubt that. Anyway, your mother wants to say hello. Don’t mention any of this to her, okay? It upsets her.”

  I resisted the urge to roll my eyes since no one would see it anyway.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Hadley

  “That one is Mommy’s favorite,” Annalise said as I picked up a bottle of perfume from Lauren’s bathroom vanity.

  Miss Dior. She’d sent me a bottle of this perfume a few years ago, and I’d thought of her whenever I saw it sitting on my bathroom counter, or when I’d spritzed it on.

  “Squirt it on you,” Annalise said.

  As I put Lauren’s perfume on, I realized Wes was right. Living here and leaving everything as it was had been the best move for Annalise right after Ben and Lauren died. But we couldn’t do it forever.

  A couple weeks ago, Nina had told me she and Drew would come over and pack up Lauren and Ben’s clothes and personal things whenever we were ready, and I’d thought I could never be ready. The things Lauren had left behind comforted me. I couldn’t ever be her, or raise her children as well as she would have, but I could use her handwritten blueberry muffin recipe. I could bake those muffins in her muffin pans, and arrange them on her favorite stoneware platter.

  But would I still be doing that six months from now? A year from now? Wes and I still hadn’t had a decisive conversation about the future. In their will, Ben and Lauren had asked us to decide who would raise the kids, but that was an impossible decision. Wes and I both loved them dearly.

  What had started out as scratching an itch—sleeping with Wes—was becoming something more for me. We were going out on a date tonight. Nash and Lars were coming over to babysit.

  There were difficult decisions that had to be made—eventually. For now, I was getting ready for my date and spending time with Annalise.

  “I look pretty,” she said, admiring herself in the mirror.

  I glanced at her and laughed. While I’d been concentrating on applying my fake eyelashes, she’d opened one of my eye shadow palettes and rubbed a dark green shade on her eyelids.

  “You always look pretty,” I said. “Makeup or not.”

  “Will Thor like it?”

  I shook my head and laughed again. Annalise was developing a serious crush on Lars. She’d gotte
n her nails painted turquoise on their “date” and slept with her new stuffed bear every night.

  “I think Thor prefers your natural look, baby,” I said, putting makeup remover on a cotton pad and removing the eye shadow.

  “You should wear a dress,” she said as I finished putting on the rest of my makeup. “Mommy wore dresses when she went on dates with Daddy.”

  “I might. I have three outfits to try on, and one of them is a dress. I’m going to wear whichever one you like best.”

  “I love you, Aunt Hadley.”

  My heart melted. It was the first time she’d said that, and it moved me so much tears welled in my eyes.

  “I love you, too, baby.”

  Her lips turned down in a frown.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  She looked away, not saying anything. I got down on my knees so I was at her level and asked again.

  “What if you and Uncle Wes don’t come back? Will Thor take care of me and Benny?”

  It hit me all at once. Date night. Ben and Lauren had been on a date when a drunk driver hit their car. I closed my eyes, feeling like an asshole.

  “We’ll be back, Annalise,” I said, holding her gaze. “We will. We’ll just go out for dinner and then we’ll come right back home.”

  “Mommy and Daddy didn’t come back,” she said softly.

  “That was a terrible accident, and—” My voice caught, and I cleared my throat. “And it makes sense that you’d worry about the same thing happening to me and Uncle Wes. But you can call us while we’re gone, as many times as you want, to make sure we’re still okay.”

  She nodded, and I hugged her. My first instinct was to call off the date. To curl up in bed with Annalise and watch the Disney Channel where she could see me and know everything was okay.

  I couldn’t be with her all the time, though. It was brutally unfair for a four-year-old to worry about losing the people she loves, but it was Annalise’s reality.

  “Why don’t you let me do your hair before it’s time to leave? We’ll do something really fancy.” I said. “I can put some sparkly pins in it.”