Hard Fall Read online

  She made a strangled little sound, but reached down and though I couldn’t see it, I knew she was doing it because of the way she started to clench around me.

  “Just like that.” I started to move faster and so did she, her sweet little ass bouncing on my lap until she lost control. I let her ride out the wave of her orgasm before shooting off inside of her, my fingers digging into her hips as I held on for dear life.

  “Fuck…that was amazing.” I wrapped my arms around her waist as she collapsed back against my chest.

  She was quiet for a long time and I momentarily worried that I’d hurt her, but I knew better. She’d come hard and fast, the way we’d both needed, and now that enterprising brain of hers was probably going a mile a minute.

  “Let’s go clean up,” I said softly, gently nudging her onto her feet.

  Her legs were a little shaky and I reached for her, pulling her against me as we walked into the bathroom.

  Damn, she was beautiful when she was thoroughly fucked. Her hair was wild, her eyes at half-mast, her skin flushed.

  “You’re fucking gorgeous,” I told her as I disposed of the condom. “And that was incredible.”

  “Um, yes. It was.”

  “You okay?”

  “Fine. Yes.” She was just standing there looking at me, as if confused. “Wes, I—” she began.

  I put a finger over her lips, hoping this wasn’t going where I thought it was. “Unless the next words out of your mouth are ‘fuck me again, Wes,’ I don’t want to hear it.”

  She licked her lips, her eyes burning into mine. “Fuck me again, Wes.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Hadley

  “Aunt Hadley, let’s have a tea party.”

  Annalise sat down at the little play table and chairs in the corner of the family room, picking up her plastic teapot and looking at me hopefully.

  Yikes. I couldn’t tell her that Aunt Hadley’s entire pelvic region was so sore it hurt to move, let alone sit on a tiny wooden chair.

  What had felt like heaven on earth last night felt like I needed some Advil, ice and a nap this morning. Wes had fucked me like we were starring in a porno last night, showing me positions I wouldn’t have even imagined. I’d had more orgasms with him than I’d had in monthslong relationships with other men.

  I knew I should probably regret it and fret about how much it could complicate everything, but just couldn’t bring myself to do it. It had felt too amazing. I was more relaxed right now than I’d been in a very long time. Wes had woken up the woman in me, and made me feel sexier than I ever had.

  He was in the kitchen right now, feeding Benny his morning oatmeal and talking to him about the Mavericks’ next game.

  “Lars has been watching film and calculating odds, and he thinks McCoy is their best puck handler,” he said. “He’s not as showy as the rest, but he has a higher scoring percentage. So Uncle Wes has to keep the puck away from him, buddy. And he’s a fast little fucker. I mean…I don’t know, I can’t even think of an appropriate word for you. The guy’s a fast fucker and that’s all there is to it. We’ll have to explain that to Aunt Hadley. Here, let’s wipe your chin off, my man.”

  I smiled, took a sip of my coffee and looked at Annalise.

  “I have a great idea,” I said. “Let’s have a big tea party. At the big kitchen table. I’ll make a fancy tea party dessert called crepes.”

  Her eyes widened and she jumped up from the play table. “Can I help?”

  “Absolutely. And Uncle Wes is off today, so he can come to our tea party, too.”

  “And Benny!” she cried, running into the kitchen. “Uncle Wes and Benny, would you like to come to our big tea party?”

  I walked into the kitchen and set my coffee mug on the island, briefly meeting Wes’s gaze. There was something new in his expression—straight-up lust. I’d known he was attracted to me before, but now that we’d actually done the deed, several times, he looked like he wanted me more than ever.

  I wanted him, too. I didn’t think I could actually, physically do it again tonight because I was so sore, but I wanted it.

  I bent over to pick up the Goldfish crackers I’d accidentally sent flying last night when Wes had blown my mind on the kitchen island, groaning from the pain in my hips and thighs.

  “Are you okay, Aunt Hadley?” Annalise asked, coming over to me.

  “I’m okay, baby. Just a little sore from some new exercises I did.”

  I couldn’t help it—I snuck a glance at Wes. He was smirking at me.

  “Aunt Hadley needs to do more of those exercises and then they won’t make her sore anymore,” he said.

  I smiled to myself as I gathered ingredients for crepes. Wes finished feeding Benny and then finished washing the dishes I’d been in the middle of last night when he got home.

  “Your mommy and I used to make crepes all the time when we were in college,” I told Annalise.

  “I want her to come back,” she said, her eyes wide and her lips turned down.

  My heart hurt as I stopped what I was doing and pulled her into my arms. “I know, baby. And if there was any way for her to come back, she would.”

  “Doesn’t she miss me and Benny?”

  “I know your parents miss you with all their hearts. You and Benny were everything to them.”

  “But they can’t come here ever again,” she said sadly.

  “No, they can’t.”

  “Can we go to heaven and visit them?”

  “I wish we could, but we can’t.”

  I locked eyes with Wes, and he looked as gutted as I felt. I would have done anything to comfort Annalise, but I didn’t know what would help. She pulled away from the hug.

  “Do you want to pour and stir things for our crepes?”

  She didn’t respond, and when I brushed the dark curls back from her face I saw that she was crying. Her heartbreak made my throat tighten as tears filled my eyes.

  “It’s okay to cry,” I told her, my voice breaking.

  “Crying is for babies,” she said, wiping her cheeks dry.

  “Who told you that?”

  She shrugged. “My dad used to say baseball guys were crybabies.”

  Wes came over and sat down next to Annalise.

  “Those guys cry over pulled hamstrings, and that’s totally different than this. When you have big feelings about your mom and dad, it’s okay to cry.”

  “I cry, and I’m not a baby,” I said.

  “Me too,” Wes added.

  “I want my mommy and daddy,” Annalise said, unshed tears pooling in her eyes. “I want them to come back home.”

  My tears spilled over as I said, “I wish they could, baby.”

  “Can we still have a tea party?” she asked.

  “Absolutely.”

  Wes moved a kitchen chair over to the counter and Annalise stood on it to help me make crepes. I didn’t bring up Lauren again, because I felt like I’d brought on her sadness before by mentioning her mother. I wanted to keep Ben and Lauren’s memories alive for Annalise, but I didn’t want to remind her of her loss. It was so hard to know what to say, and to find the perfect balance.

  Wes approached to watch us work, running his palm over my back in soothing circles. I felt his unspoken message that we were doing our best and that was all we could do.

  “Annalise, after our tea party I have something to show you,” I said. “Something you’re going to love.”

  “What?”

  “Pictures from your birthday party. There’s one of you and all the Avengers who came.”

  “Is Thor in it?”

  “He is, and I have some of just you and Thor, too.”

  She grinned. “He’s my best friend. I asked him if we could be best friends and he said yes.”

  “Wow,” Wes said, brows arched. “You’re the coolest four-year-old I know. I wish Thor would be my best friend.”

  We finished the crepes, complete with strawberries and whipped cream, and sat around the table
eating them. I got out a few pieces of Lauren’s wedding china, which made Annalise happy because it was a “real” tea party then. Wes and I drank coffee—lots of coffee to compensate for only getting a couple hours of sleep—and Annalise drank juice. Benny tried to eat his hands.

  I couldn’t take away Annalise’s sadness, no matter how badly I wanted to. It was hard explaining to her that her parents were gone forever when it was a difficult concept for her young mind to understand. All I could do was the same thing Lauren and I had done for each other when one of us had a broken heart. Be there.

  As the four of us sat at the table that morning, I thought about the polished, professional photo from the party that made us look like a family. A photo truly showing us as a family, though, would be of a moment like this—where we were laughing, crying and just living, together.

  That night, I sat up in bed, woken from a deep sleep by Annalise sliding out of bed and running out of the bedroom.

  Dazed, I slipped out of bed to follow her. Ben and Lauren’s room had a bathroom in it, so I knew that wasn’t where she was going.

  I was so damn tired. Wes and I had chosen sex over sleep last night and then the day had been filled with laundry, grocery shopping and playing with the kids. By the time I’d fallen face-first into bed, I could hardly keep my eyes open. Wes was on Benny duty tonight and I’d been planning on nine blissful, uninterrupted hours of sleep.

  When I found Annalise in the darkened family room, she was shaking her arms and wiggling around in a circle. I squinted, trying to get a better look at her.

  Was she sleep walking? Sleep rain dancing?

  “Hey, what’s going on?” Wes whispered, walking into the room. “I heard you go downstairs and thought something might be wrong.”

  “I don’t know. I followed her down here.”

  Wes flipped a light switch and Annalise grinned at us, still wiggling her booty and waving her arms. She was very much awake.

  “What are you doing?” I asked her, yawning.

  “You said Mommy and Daddy can get out of bed whenever they want and dance in heaven. I think they’re dancing right now, and I wanted to dance with them.”

  My heart filled with emotion and I looked at Wes. I was so freaking tired, and I wanted to go back to bed so badly. But I couldn’t make Annalise stop dancing. I was about to tell Wes he could go back to bed and I’d dance with Annalise when he spoke instead.

  “If we’re gonna have a dance party, we need some music.”

  He walked over to the digital control panel for Ben and Lauren’s sound system, pushing a few buttons. I was expecting rock or alternative, but he surprised me.

  “Build Me Up Buttercup” by The Foundations started and Wes danced over to Annalise.

  “May I have this dance?”

  She laughed and nodded, and he took both her hands in his and they swayed together. Then he spun her around, and I knew Ben had danced with his daughter when he was alive. She knew exactly what to do.

  I joined them, though I wasn’t much of a dancer. Wes, on the other hand, had moves. His rhythm was perfect and he was having fun with it. He gyrated his hips and kept his steps in time with the music as he danced over to me, and I laughed. In his white T-shirt and boxer briefs, with Annalise gazing at him adoringly, he was irresistible.

  “The Way You Look Tonight” by Frank Sinatra came on next, and Wes put one arm around my waist and clasped our hands together with his other one, pulling our interlocked fingers up to his chest. His eyes locked on mine as we danced past the couch. Something about this moment was more intimate than the sex had been last night. It was exhilarating and terrifying at the same time.

  “Uncle Wes, dance me like that!” Annalise cried.

  He winked at me before bending down to show Annalise how to waltz. Her eyes shone with happiness as she danced and called out, “Look at us, Mommy and Daddy! We’re dancing, too!”

  I wiped my tears away quickly, not wanting her to think I was sad. Because while this moment was bittersweet, there was a lot more sweetness than bitterness.

  The song ended, and “Let Love In” by the Goo Goo Dolls—Lauren’s favorite—started up. We did a dance circle, Annalise’s smile never fading. She was having the time of her life.

  Song after song, we danced for nearly an hour before Annalise announced she was tired and wanted to go back to bed. We all got some water and headed back upstairs, Wes taking my hand outside the doorway of Ben and Lauren’s room after Annalise had walked in.

  He gave me a quick, chaste kiss and squeezed my hand, not saying a word.

  I ignored the feelings building inside my chest as I crawled back into bed. I wasn’t going to waste this precious chance to sleep by spending it overanalyzing. Sleep was too precious a commodity in this house.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Wes

  The end of the regular season was just a couple of weeks away as we hit the road at the end of March and the mood in the locker room was dismal. We were losing fifty percent of our games, both at home and away, and nothing anyone did seemed to work. I was trying my best but I was tired. I had to help out at home no matter how much I wanted and needed to rest, and though Tori was a big help, she was in school and couldn’t work as many hours as we wanted her to. The solution would be to go through an agency and find someone who could work a full-time schedule, but a college student was more along the lines of what we wanted, instead of someone who would come in with agency rules and regulations.

  Benny was sleeping better, thank God, but still only about seven or eight hours at a stretch, which meant we were always up late and awake early. We tried to alternate nights so we each got a little sleep, but it didn’t always work because Annalise refused to sleep in her own bed, which was also cutting into our sex life. We’d only had sex a couple of times since that first night and now I was gone again.

  We’d lost again tonight, so we were a somber group as we filed off the bus back at the hotel. Tonight had been Detroit, tomorrow was Chicago, and then we had a day off to fly to Minnesota. We’d play Minnesota, Winnipeg, and Calgary before heading home for our final games of the season. The season that had started out so strong and had crashed and burned with Ben’s death.

  It pissed me off and broke my heart at the same time. We were a strong, solid team with tons of talent and the potential to go all the way but our hearts just weren’t in it. I could accomplish many things both on the ice and in the locker room, but speeding up the grieving process wasn’t one of them.

  I was almost to the elevator when I heard raised voices behind me and I turned, frowning at Konstantin and one of the vets on the team, Keegan Miller. Keegan was a hothead who’d only been on the team a year, traded to us from Philly. He was kind of a dick, though he did his job on the ice, which was all I cared about. However, he’d just shoved Konstantin and though Konstantin wasn’t a fighter or a tough guy, he looked pissed.

  “Yop tvayu mhat!” Konstantin yelled, shoving Keegan back. Fuck you.

  Shit. I didn’t speak Russian but had been around enough players to know what that meant and I hurried in their direction just as Keegan caught Konstantin around the waist and slammed him against the wall.

  “Hey!” I grabbed Keegan around the middle and Nash pulled Konstantin back.

  “Fuck you, you fucking Commie!” Keegan was yelling, jerking out of my grasp. “You and your skanky whore should go back to Russia.”

  This time it was Konstantin who lunged and Lars grabbed him just before his fist could connect with Keegan’s jaw.

  “Watch your fucking mouth!” I snapped at Keegan. Then I turned to Konstantin. “Come on, man, this isn’t you.”

  He pointed at Keegan and said something in Russian that none of us understood, his eyes burning into Keegan’s.

  “What’s going on?” I demanded.

  “None of your fucking business,” Keegan said, picking up his bag.

  “You made it my business when you started something here in the public lobby of our
hotel.” I had my hands on my hips.

  “You know what?” Keegan gave me a disparaging look. “You’re not the boss. I know you think you can replace Ben, but you can’t. You don’t have his class or presence in the locker room. Ask around—you don’t have the respect and you’re definitely not getting it from me. So instead of trying to play captain, why don’t you focus on playing hockey and leave us the fuck alone the rest of the time?” He stalked off in the other direction.

  “Keegan, what the fuck, man?” I called after him but he didn’t turn around.

  I looked around at the group of guys that had gathered and narrowed my eyes. “That true? You guys want me out as captain? Because I didn’t ask for this.”

  A few guys looked away and my heart sank.

  “I think this is not best time to discuss this,” Lars said quietly, which surprised me since he rarely spoke up like that.

  “You okay?” I looked to Konstantin but his face was red and he looked furious.

  “This is not okay!” He pointed in the direction Keegan had gone. Then he went off in Russian again.

  I waited for him to finish before saying, “I need you to tell me what happened.”

  “He and Svetlana…” His voice trailed off. “I cannot stay here. I must go.” The elevator doors opened and he got inside, putting up a hand to stop one of the other guys from joining him. Then the doors closed and everyone looked at each other uncomfortably.

  What the fuck had just happened?

  I got up to the room and threw my bag down before ripping off my suit and stomping into the bathroom. I was equal parts furious and embarrassed, my heart thudding painfully against my chest. Did the guys resent me? Was it somehow my fault that we couldn’t win to save our lives lately?

  The letter Ben had left me addressed the important things, but it hadn’t even touched upon hockey because that wasn’t an area of my life where I struggled. He’d had advice about the kids, life, even Hadley, but nowhere did he have any words of wisdom about how to replicate his presence with the Mavericks.