Love, Kinsey Read online

  “Go! Email them. Now. While it’s still fresh on your mind. You know the drill, Kinsey.” Rosemary smiled at me. I figured she was right and went to my desk.

  For the next hour, I crafted four carefully-worded emails. I prayed that they would receive them with open hearts and allow me one more chance to say goodbye.

  Chapter 7

  KINSEY

  Colby stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom in just his boxer shorts. I softly whistled at him and he turned around and smiled with a mouth full of toothpaste foam.

  The scent of his aftershave filled the room. Butterflies flitted in my stomach and I realized that I wanted him. Badly. I couldn’t even remember the last time we had sex, the subject pushed farther and farther away from our priorities the sicker I became.

  I felt a twinge of guilt for neglecting him in this manner when he had been nothing but present for me.

  He turned around and I sucked in a sharp breath through my teeth. I was so damn lucky to be his. His abs were still well-defined even after disregarding his workout regimen the last couple of months. He had those lines that some men had on either side of his hips that formed a ‘V’ and was completely hot. I made a mental note to Google what that term actually was.

  I felt flush as he got into the bed. A slow flame started as he nixed the lamp on the nightstand.

  “Don’t,” I quietly demanded. He stiffened for a moment then reached over and turned it back on. “I want to look at you.” I said. Colby smiled, his green eyes lighting up.

  “Oh, really now? Should I strike a pose?”

  “No. You should get naked. Now.” I said, my voice a little louder, more commanding. The flame had turned into a full fire. I sat up in bed and in one fluid movement removed my spaghetti strapped nightgown.

  Colby’s response was the same it always was, a deep guttural growl. He jumped out of bed and took his boxers off then climbed back beside me.

  “Is that better boss lady?” he asked, his voice low and gruff. Everything was in view and I drank in the sight of his rock hard body. He was beautiful and perfect.

  “Yes. Very much so.”

  “I’m enjoying the view as well.” With his finger, he reached out and gently traced the outline of my face. I shivered and goosebumps rose.

  “Every time.” Colby smirked and his hand crept around and ran along my backside. He sat up and pulled me on top of him. My body rejoiced; it had been too long without.

  “I need you, Colby.” I whispered into his hair as he kissed and nuzzled my neck. I fisted locks of his hair and pulled his head back, “Now. Please.”

  “Okay baby, okay.”

  ***

  COLBY

  “Do you think this was the last time we'll be able to make love?" Kinsey said, tears brimming her eyes. My heart froze in my chest.

  "I don't know baby, hopefully not. It all just depends," I responded, careful with my words.

  I knew this was different, I sensed it from the beginning. I was gentler with her, more careful as if her body was made of fine china and could crack with the slightest pressure. She wanted me to be more aggressive than I was, I knew.

  But I couldn’t bring myself to it. If I had hurt her in any way… Well, I just couldn’t deal with that possibility.

  She lay in my arms, so frail and weak, but as always so beautiful. "Are you nervous about tomorrow?" she asked as she looked up into my face. Her eyes reflected worry and I smiled at her.

  "No, I'm excited. This is totally different from what I'm used to. I'm excited to hear memories of your past," I explained.

  It was the simple truth. I was very excited. From the minute Kinsey told me her dream, I knew the story had to take place. Even when Sam from the office asked if I was going to be jealous, I simply shook my head no. Jealousy had never been a part of our relationship. It didn't need to be introduced toward the end.

  I had given her my ‘permission’ to take any gestures of affection she felt comfortable with accepting.

  “If they want to hug or kiss you and you want them to, do it. These men, I know they’re important and I want you to be able to say goodbye your way, without having to worry about me. It’s not gonna hurt my feelings.” I’d told her.

  Who was I to tell her how her goodbyes should go?

  I wasn't worried about Kinsey; she had always been a strong, independent woman. She made careful decisions, calculated things with a pros and cons list. She was a smart woman and I had no intimidation or fears associated with meeting her exes. I wasn't afraid she was going to leave me.

  Our time was already being cut short.

  I looked down at Kinsey's face. She was already sound asleep. The interview with Nolan was tomorrow - the first of four. He lived south of us in San Angelo, about an hour and a half so we were going to drive to a restaurant he had picked out.

  After receiving emails from all four men, Kinsey and I mapped out a schedule for the visits. Only Nolan lived close. The other three, we were going to have to travel.

  It was a little exciting; Colorado Springs, Galveston and Longview. I knew she was nervous and anxious, but I could also tell that this was exactly what she needed to do.

  My plan was to accompany Kinsey, but give her and the interviewee privacy. This was her journey to make; the journey to find out just how special she really was. How big of a difference she made in the lives she touched.

  I leaned in slightly and kissed her forehead. And then, for selfish reasons, I prayed that I would have one more time to make love to her soon.

  Part Two:

  The Interviews

  Chapter 8

  KINSEY

  Standing in front of Nolan astounded me. I became breathless as I stared at this handsome man. He was still beautiful and flawless after all these years. His caramel eyes lit up and he embraced me in a gentle hug.

  "Ah Kinsey, This is like a dream come true."

  That's exactly what this is.

  I smiled as he kissed my face and pulled out my chair for me.

  "First, let me just say I was so happy and sad to hear from you. I wish we could’ve reunited under better circumstances, my angel." Nolan’s soft voice made my heartbeat slow down.

  "Me, too, Nolan. Thank you for meeting with me. I know my idea must seem a little vain.”

  "Never, Kinsey. Everyone deserves to have his or her story told especially you. If we can learn about the silly contrived celebrities, and their latest grocery store run, or another drunken night antic, then the public can read about a special lady like you.”

  "That's true. I know I've wasted precious hours I'll never get back reading about drunk party nights and repeat drug offenders.” I smiled, thankful for Nolan's reassurance.

  "You know, I'm not even going to let you do the whole Q and A thing. I know what I want to say, would that be alright?”

  The shock must’ve been evident on my face because he laughed. I cracked a smile and set my recorder on the table. "Have at it, mister."

  Nolan clapped his hands together and rubbed them.

  "Alright, let’s begin. The very first thing I noticed about you, dear Kinsey, was your laugh. You have this amazing, real laugh and it got my attention. Then I noticed the rest of you and you were as stunning as your laugh. I was sold instantly.

  "My favorite part of you loving me was your loyalty. When we were together you did not flirt with anyone trying to make me jealous, nor did you have questionable morals.

  "For instance, remember when ol' Brian kissed you at that one party, drunk as a skunk?" I nodded slightly, hesitantly. Truthfully, that night barely etched into my memory.

  "Well I know what you said to him: 'I'm Nolan’s and he's mine.' He told me after I decked him, incidentally," he waggled his eyebrows at me and I giggled. "When you give your heart Kinsey, you give it completely and totally. And that is a rarity in our day and age." Nolan paused, taking a drink.

  It was true, everything he had pointed out, completely true.

  "So that was
comforting because it made it easy to trust you. Your loyalty is to be commended. And your honesty. Oh God, you’re honest. If you were pissed, you told me. We didn't play any games. There was no wondering about you and I loved that. Enjoyed it so much, even if at times I hated it." He leaned back and sighed. "Can I ask you a question?"

  "Yes of course."

  "What is the number one thing you took from our relationship?"

  I cocked my head to the side. That question was too easy. "That family is important. Because of your heritage and the way you were raised, you were really into family. I remember meeting the Tozzo clan for the first and being blown away by how comfortable you all were with each other. Remember, at that time I guess I was trying to be more independent; I distanced myself from my own family. And you taught me that was a mistake."

  Nolan stayed silent, searching my eyes as his lips slowly spread into a smile. "That is a blessing in itself. Family is everything, my beautiful. It’s not just blood that makes a family. You became my family when I gave you my heart."

  I took a deep breath and felt my own heart soar.

  "May I kiss you, Kinsey? Just one last time?'" he whispered.

  My face flushed with heat. At that moment, I was glad Colby had given me permission because I wanted to kiss Nolan again. Give him one last kiss. A goodbye kiss.

  I still hadn't answered and his face fell, "Too forward?”

  I didn't answer; instead, I leaned over the small table and took his beautiful tan face in my hands. It had been so long since I had been in such close proximity to him. It felt foreign, but it also felt like home.

  His lips were smooth and soft as they glided over mine. His hand went into my hair as he found the old rhythm that we used to have.

  My heart quickened and my closed eyes burned as fresh tears spilled from them. He smelled familiar, tasted familiar, felt familiar.

  He felt like love.

  It was the most beautiful goodbye we had ever experienced.

  Finally, he pulled away and wiped my tears gently with his thumb. "That was worth the forwardness," he whispered and smiled. I reclined in my chair, a smile on my face, and nodded in agreement.

  "Do you think everyone leaves behind a legacy, Nolan?"

  "Sure, of course," he replied immediately, "Are you trying to ask if you're gonna leave one?”

  Nodding shyly, embarrassment rose in my chest.

  "You will leave a legacy of loyalty. Trust is earned through loyalty and respect – both of which you give freely to those you love greatly. And that, my dear, is a beautiful legacy to leave behind."

  A legacy of loyalty… That sounded nice to me.

  "I'm going to miss you Kinsey Bear. More than anyone I've ever lost. You are beautiful inside and out."

  I clicked the recorder off, satisfied with the interview. Nolan and I sat and reminisced about the past for a little while longer. He told me all about his law firm and how grueling life as a lawyer could be.

  After hugging him goodbye, I slipped the white envelope with his letter to him, "Read it whenever you want. Are you going to come to my funeral?"

  "Yes of course. Thank you for this meeting, it was nice. I needed it. Possibly more than you." Nolan gently kissed me again, a quick peck on the lips.

  We parted ways and as I waited for Colby to come pick me up, I noticed how relaxed I was. Saying goodbye to these men, to all the people in my life was exactly what I needed to help me die.

  Chapter 9

  COLBY

  Kinsey sat cross-legged on the bed, typing away at her laptop. She seemed in good spirits when I picked her up from the restaurant and I was glad. I knew this was going to be a good idea for her.

  “So, when are you going to interview me?” I asked catching her off guard. She looked at me dumbfounded and frowned.

  “Um, I… I guess...” She faltered.

  I laughed loudly. “I’m just teasing you, Kins. I didn't want to be interviewed. I’ve seen you in interviews before. And you’re scary.” I winked at her and her frown turned into a smile. She picked up a pillow and tossed it at me.

  “You’re just jealous because my interview skills are stellar.”

  “Yeah, pretty much, because you learned from the best, aka me.” I threw the pillow back at her. She caught it and stuck her tongue out. She was so damn cute.

  “We really need to pack, our flight is fairly early.” I said.

  “Yeah, yeah, I know. Let me finish this one part and I’ll help.” Though she said that, her fingers faltered on the keys.

  “You know, I need to spend time with my parents. I need to spend a whole day with them. I know they are hurting, too. I miss them,” Kinsey said thoughtfully, not looking up from her computer.

  I continued to pack. Poor Kinsey, I couldn’t imagine the overwhelmed feeling of being pulled apart in all different directions. Being the way she was, I knew she wanted to make each person feel important and give them the time she wanted.

  “That would be nice Kins. I know they would appreciate it,” I replied finally.

  “Not as much as I will,” she said quietly, her eyes still glued to the computer screen.

  ***

  KINSEY

  “Ugh, I wish we could just drive there.” I groaned aloud. Colby looked at me with sympathetic eyes, but a smile played at the corners of his mouth. “Don’t laugh at me, mister!”

  Colby held up his hand in mock surrender. We were standing in line about to board our plane to Colorado Springs.

  “I’d rather take a hot air balloon ride there,” I remarked.

  Colby scoffed, “You rather get into a tiny box than a big protected plane? You’re a mess, Kinsey.”

  “No, really. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do, but haven’t. I think it would be really fun. Terrifying, but exhilarating.”

  “You’ve never brought that up before.”

  “Well, we’ve never talked about hot air balloons before.”

  Colby laughed softly. I loved his warm laugh. Crow’s feet appeared at the corner of his green eyes and all those dimples came out. I reached out for his hand.

  The plane ride turned out to be an easy one. I’ve been on planes before, but bad experiences with turbulence and rough landings made me fearful.

  Looking out as we passed into Colorado State, I was awestruck at the beauty. I could make out beautiful, strong mountains; some even had snow on it from the previous winter. Or maybe the snow never quite disappeared. I wasn’t sure. You could see green for miles and miles. Such a breathtaking sight.

  “When are you supposed to meet him?”

  “At one. Mack Park, it’s not far from our hotel. We can grab some lunch beforehand if you’re getting hungry.” I poked his stomach and he clenched.

  “Always. You know this.” He replied with a smirk.

  The airport was crazy busy as we maneuvered our way to the baggage pick up area.

  I was feeling a little nervous about meeting Landon. That poor man had no legs, yet I could tell his fighting spirit persevered. It was pretty inspiring.

  We grabbed a quick lunch at a submarine sandwich shop down the road. Colby had bags under his eyes and a worn face.

  “Babe, why don’t you take a nap at the hotel while I’m gone? I’ll take the rental to the park. You look very tired.”

  Colby yawned wide, and nodded, “You are a mind reader, Kins.” He smiled sleepily at me and I reached over the table and gave him a kiss.

  “I really do appreciate you going on this crazy adventure with me. I couldn’t do it without you.”

  “Sure you could have Kins. I’m glad you wanted me along, though. I love you.”

  “I love you too, sleepy boy. Come on, let’s finish up.”

  We drove back to the hotel and before the door had shut, Colby stripped to his boxers and jumped in the bed. I quietly laughed to myself.

  I took a shower and by the time I was out Colby was out like a light, snoring to boot. I kissed his head, his hair tickling my nose.


  “Love you Colby, my knight in shining armour.” I whispered. A loud snore was his reply.

  Giggling I left the room and headed to my next interview.

  Chapter 10

  KINSEY

  Landon had his wheelchair parked adjacent to a hunter-green bench. “Kinsey!” He exclaimed excitedly.

  “Hey there! It’s so good to see you.” I said as I leaned down to embrace him.

  He was dressed in a muscle tee and jogging shorts. His ebony hair was kept shaved into a close crop military style. I noticed that his shorts ended right above his stumps.

  I quickly sat down. “I really hope this was okay with your wife. I never would want for someone to feel any anger about this.”

  “Oh no, don’t worry about her buttercup. She actually wants to meet you and wanted to invite you and Colby to dinner tonight at our house.”

  "Awe, that’s so sweet. That would be nice. We head out tomorrow afternoon, so that works perfectly.

  “Excellent. Do you need to ask Colby?”

  I shook my head no. “He’ll be okay with it. How long have you been married? Your son, from your profile pictures, looks just like you!” I gushed.

  Landon laughed, “My little mini me, Henry. I get that all the time. It drives Mia crazy. We’ve been married for 6 years, but I’ve known her for longer. She’s great. She knew about you, she once found some old high school pictures of us while we were dating. Quizzed the hell out of me. I swear, you women always gotta turn into investigators,” he joked smiling broadly.