Paper Dolls [Book Five] Read online

  Author’s Note:

  Welcome back! We’re finally getting right into the thick of it here. Book Four was a true turning point with the time jump and all that was revealed at Napa. Now the girls are back to school and there’s a bit of a snowball effect starting to happen. From this point on, momentum and pressure will just build until the end of Paper Dolls Series One!

  I can’t tell you how excited we are to get this whole thing out to you all. People keep asking how many books there are going to be total. They ask if the ending is coming up. The ending is still a couple books out. We’ve surpassed the halfway point- by far.

  We do want to warn that this book, in particular, has a heavy focus on mental health. It’s certainly not all that’s being explored but the way it starts out and also ends might be triggering for some readers. Avery’s journey is particularly difficult and what we’re seeing here in this part of the series is how intense her episodes are becoming and how she’s trying, despite it all, to open up and cope.

  Again, this couple is extremely codependent and definitely not a healthy map of what a healthy relationship should be. We aren’t trying to show every gay relationship or every person’s journey with mental health, we’re obviously living in one version of the struggle and only one.

  There’s a lot of relationship stuff happening, a lot of Skylar and Nat. At this point, we’ve really built a world here and the girls are trying to find stability still in every seemingly disastrous relationship, including their own.

  Thank you to everyone who has been leaving ratings and reviews and asking questions. We have a donation page on our website if anyone is interested in funding our journey here with this series. We’d publish a lot more if we weren't tied to our day jobs. As I’ve said before, we’re editing and getting things up as fast as we can. Profuse apologies for the delay!

  Keep on the sunny side!

  <3 Emma & Blythe

  Paper Dolls

  Book Five

  Written by Chamberlain & Stone

  Chapter 1

  Avery

  Spring break changed us for the better. All the talks we had the first few days brought up a lot of issues that neither of us had been addressing. Some of them we weren’t aware of to begin with. I had no idea how guilty she felt until I saw it for myself. I hoped that being more open would make her feel better but it made things worse, but they have to get worse before they get better.

  I have such hope. My hope’s been buried for so many years that it was hard to find. Yet, it came to me when I stopped looking. I was never looking for Olivia to happen to me. She was a blessing. A word I never would have deemed usable until now.

  Napa was perfect. We were back on the Sunday before we had to go back to school. I was tired of the idea of going back. It felt like we were always waiting for our lives to really begin but I couldn’t be sad anymore. It took up too much of my energy. I was still having issues thinking about what happened. I found myself feeling crazy at times, wanting to hurt myself but I’d remember how it would make Olivia feel if I did. That stopped me most of the time.

  My parents insisted that I come for dinner after we got back, so I went over. I knew Olivia would probably just be uncomfortable and she probably needed some time to decompress after our trip. I did too but I also needed to see my mom and dad.

  Skylar had texted me to ask if we could talk before school when I was on my way to dinner and that meant I had to mentally prepare and I had to get up earlier. I would have to make sure I told Olivia first thing that we had to go to school separately. She could sleep in a little though, she’d probably just wake up when I did anyway.

  Dinner went fine. We were just normal and though I was a bit quiet Mom asked a lot of questions about Olivia and our trip. I told her everything. We had enjoyed just being with each other for days and days without anything else interfering.

  “What about the fall. Where are you girls planning on living?” Dad asked.

  I shrugged a shoulder and swiped my last piece of bread over the empty plate to pick up the rest of the pasta sauce that lingered.

  “I dunno. We’ve only talked about it a little bit. I think we’ll just find a place off campus.”

  “Ah, so no dorms?” Mom asked.

  “No privacy,” I said. “They’re tiny and I don’t even want to go into how much I hate the idea of sharing a shower room with an entire floor full of other college kids.”

  “Well, you’ve got time to figure all that out,” Mom finally said.

  “Yeah, we do. I’m more worried about getting through the rest of high school right now,” I rolled my eyes.

  “Oh? What’s going on?” Dad asked.

  He tended to get into problem-solving mode as soon as I expressed anything that sounded negative.

  “Nothing. I’m just not looking forward to it. Who really wants to go to school?”

  He laughed and set down his glass. “Yes, I recall. It might have been a hundred years ago but I remember the terrors of high school.”

  “Yeah, wasn’t Latin still the lingua franca back when you were in high school?” I joked.

  “Very funny, Avery,” Mom said. “Watch it though. Someday you’ll be middle-aged and you’ll regret this conversation.”

  “Doubtful,” I laughed.

  We all fell silent for a moment. It was common that we got quiet but it wasn’t weird like it was in the beginning. I felt far more at ease with them now.

  “Oh, I meant to ask you for Olivia’s phone number. We got new phones while you were away and they couldn’t transfer our contacts for some reason.”

  “Technology,” Dad muttered.

  I snorted and contained my laughter. This was funny considering the point I’d just made.

  “Sure. I’ll just text it to you.”

  “Thank you. I had yours in my address book of course but I never did write Olivia’s down.”

  The concept of a physical address book with written down names and numbers always took me a second to grasp. It just wasn’t common for anyone in my generation but it was nice. We relied on our phones so much.

  “Crap,” I said.

  Thinking about my phone made me take it out and I saw the time.

  “I gotta go soon. I promised I’d go to school early to meet a friend.”

  “You should have said,” Mom scolded. “You didn’t have to come to dinner if you needed to get rest.”

  “Mom. Seriously? I hadn’t seen you guys in a week and a half and you would have been sad to be deprived of my company.”

  I was joking. Just being a little smart-ass to end the discussion. I knew she was just being nice.

  I picked up my plate and pushed my chair back, helping her take the dishes into the kitchen.

  “Thanks for dinner, really. You know I love your spaghetti.” I kissed her cheek.

  I wasn’t sure if she had really recovered from finding out what happened to me but ever since Dad and I told her she had acted normal. I wasn’t sure if she even registered it all. We would talk about it again but right now I needed to be okay. The trial would come and I’d find a better time.

  Just like the Lockhart’s to repress information. Maybe it was genetic as well as learned behavior.

  “We’ll walk you out,” my mom said.

  I put my arm around hers. “I’m really proud of you, Mom,” I told her.

  We walked back through to the living room to where Dad was waiting.

  “Thank you, honey. It feels a bit like I should be the one telling you that though.”

  “You’re doing great and most people wouldn’t be if they’d been in your position. You deserve credit for that,” I said.

  Dad just gave a faint
smile. We still weren’t all used to talking.

  “You be safe going home,” he said, pulling me into a hug.

  “Um, okay,” I replied.

  Some things didn’t change.

  “And tell Olivia we said hi and that she should come to dinner next week,” Mom added.

  “I’ll tell her.”

  “We love you, Avery,” Mom said.

  “Love you guys too,” I mumbled, blushing.

  We all stood awkwardly for a second before I cleared my throat.

  “Okay, g’night.” I shook my hand back and forth in a wave and opened the door, stepping into the night.

  Mom waved back and Dad nodded at me. They stayed there, watching me walk to my car. Dad would always make sure that everything was fine with my car before I left. It was a comfort. He was looking out for me. I sucked in cold air as I got in my car. I didn’t want to get teary over my parents actually being parents for once.

  Once I’d started the car and backed down the driveway I could no longer see the light spilling out from the open door. They’d gone back inside.

  I stopped before I turned out onto the road to text Olivia.

  Avery: I’m on my way home.

  Olivia: Mmmm… I like those words…

  Avery: Me too. Can’t wait to see you… even though I literally saw you two hours ago.

  Olivia: Shhhhh… Just come home, please.

  Avery:Yes ma’am.??

  I threw the phone in the passenger seat and pulled out onto the main road. I did want to see her again. Even though I’d just spent an entire week with her, being together almost every second. I still craved her presence. Someday we would probably be like an old married couple, spending time apart and griping to friends about each other, but not for a very long time.

  The five minutes until I turned into the driveway and parked seemed to take even longer. My anxiety about going back to school was compounding my need for her. She was comfort.

  I hopped out and had to lean back into the car to get my phone. It would be dead soon and I’d never remember that I’d left it there. I smiled to myself as I imagined Olivia rolling her eyes at me while she helped me look for it.

  When I got close to the guest house I saw her leaning on the door frame. She had the French doors open and she was waiting for me, a glass of wine in her hand. Music drifted out to greet me, Lena Horne’s voice crooned on while I hurried to meet her. What high school kid listened to this music? My future wife.

  I grinned as I got to her, reaching out to touch her face.

  “Did you miss me?” I asked.

  “Always,” she said, eyes searching me, adoring me.

  “Did you have a good time though and did you eat?”

  “Mom brought me pie,” she laughed.

  “Pie? What kind of pie?”

  I couldn’t imagine Liz making pie or even bringing it. I chuckled and stepped into the house, heading over to the couch. I set my phone on the table and sank down, plopping long-ways onto the leather cushions.

  Olivia walked over to me, crawling up my body and kissing me hungrily. “Apple pie,” she said, once she’d broken away long enough. “There’s more, if you want.”

  “Mmm, I just tasted it I think. Apple pie and wine, a good combination.”

  I kissed her again and pulled her further ontop of me. “I think I’d like you for dessert better.”

  There was no way I was getting up for pie if she was this close to me.

  She smiled, looking down at my lips and pulling her hair back on one side to tuck behind her ear. “And how was dinner?” She asked, meeting my eyes with her eyebrow raised.

  “It was fine. Mom asked me for your number because she didn’t write it down and they had to get new phones for whatever reason and I thought how quaint it was to have a real address book. Then Dad asked me about where we were gonna live in the fall …. Oh, and Skylar texted and asked me to meet her tomorrow before school. She wants to talk.”

  I played with the ends of Olivia’s newly repositioned hair, brushing it across my face, closing my eyes while I did.

  Talking to Skylar scared me. I knew I could lose my only real friend here. All because I didn’t want her the way she wanted me.

  “I still wish I wasn’t so blind. I probably missed a million signs that she liked me.”

  “Don’t think about all that,” Olivia said. “It’s done. It’s gone. It was never your fault.” She brushed her nose across my cheek and leaned back up to look down on me and pet my face with her hand.

  “It does make me really, really, glad that you kissed me or I probably would have taken so long to make the first move.”

  “I didn’t have time to wait for you,” Olivia laughed lovingly.

  “No, you did not,” I leaned up a little and kissed her lightly. “Thank god.”

  “Wait, did you just eat pie?” I asked.

  “Yes,” she said, making a queer face. “Why?”

  “Well, it doesn’t sound like the best of dinners. I can make you something if you’re hungry.”

  “I’m fine,” she assured, eyes getting wide. “I’m still full from lunch,” she reminded.

  I narrowed my eyes. Sometimes I had to remember that she didn’t eat as much as I did. “Okay, I just wanted to make sure. I can’t have you wasting away.”

  “If you want me to eat, I’ll eat,” she shrugged, tugging on my shirt and letting out a sigh.

  “No, I only want you to eat if you want to. I’m just checking. You seem a little sad though. Is everything okay?”

  I watched her tug on my shirt and I smiled. I liked when she randomly picked at me.

  “You already have a lot on your mind,” she said, looking down at me a little shy.

  “Babe, right now all I have on my mind is you so shoot. Tell me all about it.”

  I moved my hands up and down her sides, slipping them under her shirt and around to her back where I kept them while I waited for her to speak.

  “I just missed you,” she said. She squinted one of her eyes and looked down at me guiltily. “That’s stupid, right?”

  “Not stupid. I was thinking about you the whole time and the time seemed to go so slow. I felt guilty because I just wanted to be here with you even though I liked seeing them.”

  It felt good to not have to split my attention. There were a hundred times during dinner that I wanted to take out my phone and text Olivia but I knew that was just rude.

  “You’re worried about going back and me forgetting again.”

  I stated it. I didn’t ask. I knew she was. It was natural.

  “I’m worried about the thunder being loud,” Olivia said, tapping her fingers lightly against my skull.

  “It gets that way but I hope it doesn’t keep me from seeing you. I’d be an idiot to dismiss the possibility. Maybe that and the fact that you’re you will keep me on track. I wish you didn’t have to even think about that.”

  “I’m not worried about me right now,” Olivia said. “I’m worried about not being able to get to you when you need me… About not knowing what you need. We’re going to have some more challenges. We can’t stop that.”

  “No, we can’t but you know I’m going to worry about how my crap is affecting you, right? I don’t want pre-Napa to happen again. I’m better when I’m focused on the present and you.”

  “Just make sure to kiss me a lot,” she joked, trying to make light of it.

  “Oh, of course, at least one hundred times a day, right?”

  I kissed her now to make up for the two hours of no kissing.

  “It’s not about quantity,” she said, leaning down and kissing me deeper and longer. “Quality,” she whispered, carefully pulling back and gazing at me while she did it.

  “I see what you mean,” I smiled and traced her lips with my two fingers. “You always win the best kissing award. I still want to know how you’re so much better than everyone else. I think you’re a witch.”

  “Hey,” she pouted. “How many pe
ople have you really kissed? You make it seem a shocking number.”

  “Um, I’m not going to tell you that because I have no idea, which sounds really bad but at least I’m honest…” I said.

  I scrunched my brow, my lips coming together in a line.

  “Mmmhmm,” Olivia teased. “The very least,” she scoffed a playful laugh.

  “At least I’m cute?” I teased back.

  I might not have slept with a lot of people but there had been a lot of parties and a lot of instances where things just happened.

  “If it makes you feel any better at all I didn’t instigate most of them.”