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The Meaning of Purple Tulips
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The Meaning of Purple Tulips
Bláithín O' Reilly Murphy
The Meaning of Purple Tulips
All Rights Reserved
Copyright © 2012 Bláithín O' Reilly Murphy
All Rights Reserved .This book may not be reproduced, transmitted, or stored in whole or in part by any means, including graphic, electronic, or mechanical without the express written consent of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
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ISBN: 978-1-4689-0981-4 (ebook)
Chapter 1 – The Break Up
Chapter 2 – Wishful Thinking
Chapter 3 – Desperate, lonely and…
Chapter 4 – Stop the Presses!
Chapter 5 – Fortunes click!
Chapter 6 – Deranged stalker in shackles?
Chapter 7 – Present Time
Chapter 8 – Blissfully happy – at last
Chapter 9 – New Year, New House[s]?
Chapter 10 –The first secret…
Chapter 11 – A chance meeting
Chapter 12 – Why not me?
Chapter 13 – The other secret
Chapter 14 – Left again
Chapter 15 – History ‘almost’ repeating itself
Chapter 16 – A list is a good place to start
Chapter 17 – No suggestion!
Chapter 18 – The Dream…
Chapter 19 – Moving on and in
Chapter 20 – The Pro/Con List
Chapter 21 – The Sign!
Chapter 22 – It’s a Baby!
Chapter 23 – Fast forward, Rewind and Repeat
Chapter 24 - A wedding, a proposal and a bust up.
Chapter 25 – Happily Ever After – anyone?
Chapter 26 – Just like a children’s book.
Chapter 27 – Playing with fire
Chapter 28 – Premature Labour
Chapter 29 – I need a rock.
Chapter 30 - I’m still fat – ok!
Chapter 31 – The Two Week Wait
Chapter 32 – A negative outcome.
Chapter 33 – Just for love
Chapter 34 – Sun, Shock and a Surprise.
Chapter 35 – It’s official
Chapter 36 – The Letter
Chapter 37 – A beating heart.
Chapter 38 Crumbling Walls
Chapter 39 – An impossible decision.
Chapter 40 – Families!
Chapter 41 – History comes close to repeating itself.
Chapter 42 –A second sign?
Chapter 43 – A 360 Degree Turnaround.
Chapter 44 – Flesh and Blood
Chapter 45 – Half way point
Chapter 46 –Denial
Chapter 47 – The beginning of a new chapter.
Chapter 48 – Back at the beginning.
Chapter 49 – Plenty of running water.
Chapter 50 Too Late
Chapter 51 Loss
Chapter 52 It’s all over.
Chapter 53 In the dark
Chapter 54 – 100 days later
Bláithín O’ Reilly Murphy is the daughter of a Papal Knight and Dame and currently lives and works in Ireland as a much sought after Wedding Planner.
Like Faye in this story, Bláithín too is a PCOS survivor.
Bláithín is obsessed with chocolate, Swarovski, Pinterest, Twitter, organising and writing about weddings. She loves her blog Wedding High and her furbabies Tilly and Ferdy. She lives near the coast with her darling husband James.
The Meaning of Purple Tulips is her first fiction novel. Hopefully the first of many!
Also by Bláithín O’ Reilly Murphy
Non-Fiction
Distinctive Weddings; Tying the Knot without the Rope Burns
THE MEANING OF PURPLE TULIPS
This novel is entirely a work of fiction.
The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.
Cover designed by Michael Stewart
www.thegraphicsfactory.ie
All rights reserved.
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the author.
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ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
There were times when I thought writing this book might kill me; particularly, when my first laptop died and I got stuck in a bog trying to earn money to pay for the second. [Bogs are like quick sand; scary stuff!] Then there was a rather interesting morning spent with a new printer drum and car part for my husband’s car which both arrived on the same morning, by the same courier and I assumed they both had to go into the printer; thankfully my neighbour’s already thought me a little odd so my shouts and screams were only a little unnerving. So needless to say as a result of these trials and tribulations [and many more] there are many people who deserve a mention here.
Many people helped me trash out ideas and story lines but perhaps the one who had it hardest was Tilly, my darling fur baby. My pretty puppy sat tirelessly at my feet while I typed and always agreed with me, especially if I had cheese in my hand. I just love that pooch!
My darling ‘current’ husband James, who not only has had the pleasure of living with me and my mood swings but also has perhaps read this book more than even I. [He’s a wiz with a comma and semi colon!]
My little activist and brother Oisín, I’m sure if not for important political or Pride meetings he would have been there, holding my hand as I typed, suggesting adjectives and adverbs from his thesaurus like mind; instead he gave me chocolate, which really was more useful as I use an online dictionary!
My parents, Áine and Brendan; this isn’t their first acknowledgement in a book and I’m sure it won’t be their last – they deserve each and every one. If I could be just one tenth of the people my parents are, I will be a truly wonderful person. These two constantly surprise me with their loving generosity and support and I am so very blessed that they are my parents [until my real ones turn up ;) ].
To my wonderful parents in law, Breege & Seamus and ‘little brother in law’ Kevin, the book would never have been finished if you all hadn’t pulled me out of the bog that sunny Saturday… although I still haven’t quite forgiven you for the hysterical laughter! Thank you as always for your support and encouragement.
My girlies; who would a woman be without her friends? To Aoife, Nicola, Jolene, Alison and Edel, the best bunch of girls in the world. We laugh, we cry [mostly at Aoife’s!], we drink and we laugh and cry some more. You give me great inspiration and in each good friend I write, there is a little of each of you in them.
To the wonderful girls and writers [and I hope my friends] on www.writeon-irishgirls.com . Writing is such a lonely career but you all brighten up the toughest of days and your support, encouragement and advice is perhaps second to none. There are too many of you to name but you know who you are – thank you, and you’re all next!
To the first two women who read my book, many moons ago in its very first incarnation, Aoife and Laura; you were both so good and kind to do me the honour; thank you! I think y
ou’ll both agree the story is much improved!
To my BBBBFFFF Olivia and our Friday night club! You’ve been a terrific sounding board and ‘rant reviewer’. I owe you many pairs of shoes for this, but don’t tell Gavin!
To Liz Ryan, the first writer I ever met or knew. It was because you were in my world I realized, as a child that someday, I too could be a writer. Yours still remain some of my favourite books and I’ve always thought that ‘Bloodlines’ would have made a rather fitting title for this book too.
To Paula Campbell only for your direction and advice, I may have missed the plot and story I eventually found, thank you for your time.
And lastly to you, my reader, without you I wouldn’t have fulfilled a lifelong dream. Thank you for taking my baby up off the shelf and opening it up; I hope you enjoy the story and look forward to more.
To Aoife
It was you who taught me that bonds of love run deeper than bonds of blood.
Chapters
1. The Break Up
2. Wishful Thinking
3. Desperate, lonely and…
4. Stop the Presses!
5. Fortunes Click!
6. Derange stalker in shackles?
7. Present Time
8. Blissfully Happy – at last!
9. New Year, New House[s]?
10. The First Secret…
11. A Chance Meeting
12. Why not me?
13. The Other Secret
14. Left
15. History ‘almost’ repeating itself.
16. A list is a food place to start.
17. No Suggestion!
18. The Dream…
19. Moving on and in
20. The Pro/Con List
21. The Sign!
22. It’s a Baby
23. Fast Forward, Rewind and Repeat
24. A wedding, a proposal and a bust up.
25. Happily Ever After – anyone?
26. Just like a children’s book.
27. Playing with fire
28. Premature Labour
29. I need a rock
30. I’m still fat – ok!
31. The Two Week Wait
32. A negative outcome
33. Just for Love
34. Sun, Shock and a Surprise
35. It’s Official
36. The Letter
37. A beating heart
38. Crumbling Walls
39. An impossible decision
40. Families
41. History comes close to repeating itself yet again!
42. A second sign?
43. A 360 Degree Turnaround
44. Flesh & Blood
45. Half-way Point
46. Denial
47. The Beginning of a new chapter
48. Back at the beginning
49. Plenty of running water
50. Too Late
51. Loss
52. It’s all over
53. In the dark
54. 100 Days Later
Chapter 1 – The Break Up
I toyed with the idea of waking Nate up, but I hated when he did that to me so thought better of it. Instead I just thought how incredibly lucky I was. People say that school romances never last but mine did. Nate was my life and I was his.
I looked up at the ceiling rose surrounding the crystal light fitting and imagined the lights that would twinkle during our first dance as husband and wife. With just a year left to plan the wedding, any little detail sent me into a momentary daydream. Five perfect years together; ok, not totally perfect. There were secrets, secrets that even now I could not share with him, would not share. We were truly happy now and about to head on an impromptu two week holiday on the next available, reasonably priced flight! My happily ever after was beginning, finally. First the holiday, then the wedding and then my most desired thing in any life could have, a baby. I heard him stir and I rolled over on my side, my picture perfect wedding daydream left on pause.
‘Morning.’ I cooed
He opened his eyes looking agitated or something. ‘You ok?’ I asked.
‘Yea, just need to pee.’
I lay there, eager for him to get back from the loo so we could talk about what type of holiday we would book today. I was hoping for a sun holiday. I fancied some sun bathing, relaxing by the pool and drinking cocktails for a week or two. Nate came out of the bathroom, and sat on the edge of the bed.
‘So do you fancy getting brekkie in town, or do you want to have something before we go?’ I asked, thinking he looked a little strange sitting in front of me, his legs at odd angles to each other.
‘Em Faye, I need to talk to you.’
‘Sure, what’s up?’
‘Faye, I don’t know how to say this.’ His eyes looked pained
‘Is it about the holiday? Do you have to work?’
‘No… no, it’s not that. Faye I’m sorry…’
‘Why? What have you done?’
‘Faye, I can’t marry you…’ the words rang in my ears like bombs. ‘I’m sorry. I just, I thought… I can’t marry you.’
I didn’t know how to respond. I blinked back tears. ‘Why?’
‘I don’t know if I want to get married.’
‘We can hold off on the wedding?’ I choked on the words.
‘No Faye, it’s not that. I think we should break up.’
My world collapsed around me. I sat stunned in the bed. Break up? But we’re engaged, we can’t break up? Can we?
‘I don’t understand… why?’
‘I’m sorry Faye, really I am. I just, well… I think I should go.’
He was off the bed, dressed and out the door before I could think straight. Surely this had to be a mistake, a really cruel horrible joke, surely there was an explanation. Break up? We couldn’t break up. I sat in bed, motionless for an age. The apartment was deathly quiet. It didn’t seem real. He was gone so quick. How could he go so quickly? Why didn’t he want to talk about this? Why didn’t he want to talk this through? I didn’t understand. What had happened? Everything was perfect! Ok I was a few pounds heavier than I had been when we first started going out, but surely he wasn’t leaving me because of that? He knew I planned on losing it all before the wedding, he knew I didn’t want to be fat. He wouldn’t, no he wouldn’t; Nate wasn’t like that. There must be another reason. Was he having an affair? Was there someone else? No, Nate wouldn’t do that either… he wouldn’t.
I dialled his number, repeatedly. He didn’t answer. I stared into the abyss of the room. An hour or two passed, I had barely moved. I tried his number again. Nothing. I replayed days and months in my head. Anything to make sense of this, always coming back to the same moments in my life; he must know. I picked up the phone and dialled the only number I could think would help me make sense of this;
‘Chloe, can you come over? Nate’s left me.’
‘Left you where? Do you need a lift? I thought you were booking the hols today? Where are you off to? Lucky cow’
‘No Chloe, Nate’s left me. Walked out, called off the wedding.’
‘WHAT? Faye are you joking?’
‘No…’
'I’ll be there as soon as I can!’
Twenty minutes later the door buzzed. Part of me didn’t want to move. I was hoping that I would be able to slip into a coma from which I would never wake if I stayed still long enough. The bell persisted and I forced myself to the door. Chloe was there, arms outstretched.
‘What happened Faye, did you have a fight?’ I shuck my head.
I relayed the morning to her, word for word.
‘It doesn’t make sense Faye. No fight. No warning? Nothing?’
I just shook my head again.
‘Faye, don’t hate me for asking, but do you think he was carrying on with someone?’
It was something I was turning over and over in my head. I would have sworn on my own life that he would never do that to me, but then again, I am sure he would swear on his own life that I would never do t
hat to him… and I had. I hadn’t cried all morning, but the tears came then.
‘Oh Faye, tell me. Is there someone else? Was he cheating on you? What happened?’
‘Oh Chloe, it wasn’t him. It was me.’
Her eyes widened. Shame filled me.
‘What do you mean? When… I never knew…’
‘Four years ago, when I was working with Europa Air in Paris.’
‘With who?’
‘One of the Pilots, Jake, you met him once or twice when you were over.’
‘The guy who lived down the hall from you?’
‘Yes…’
‘God Faye, I never knew…’
‘I’m sorry, I know we tell each other everything…. But well… I was ashamed.’
‘How long did it last?’
‘The six months I was there.’
‘Wow… that long…’
‘How did it start?’
I thought back to that day that I first met Jake. I’d been in Paris three days; three miserable days. I knew no-one, hadn’t started work and could never get Nate on the phone, just to hear his voice. It had all started so innocently. Caught in the pouring rain and trying to balance shopping bags while I opened the front door to the apartment block Jake had saved me and my groceries from falling all over the sidewalk. Tears rolling down my cheeks from my feeling of total isolation and helplessness as he scooped up the shopping, opened the door and led me inside. He even put away my groceries when we got inside, while motionless me sat on the couch and sobbed.
His was the first real human contact I’d had in days. Nothing happened then, not for a few weeks at least. He was friendly. Showed me around, introduced me to people in Europa Air. Quickly I began to hope that I would be rostered on to his flights. The first time we kissed was on an overnight to Cape town. It was one of those kisses, you know it’s going to happen, you know it shouldn’t happen, in the moment it’s happening your brain is screaming ‘this is wrong, this is wrong’ but you keep kissing and then when it’s over you run into your room, disgusted with yourself leaving the other person on the opposite side of the door thinking ‘what the hell’.
The thing was, Jake knew I had a boyfriend; Nate was all I talked about. He even came to me the following morning and said it was just a good night kiss, nothing for me to get upset about, not even worth mentioning to Nate. I felt better, a little better. The only problem was the kiss had made me realise I did like Jake and how far away from Nate I felt. Weeks passed and I did my best to keep Jake at arm’s length but I was drawn to him. On another overnight we had our second kiss, which led a lot further… I made the decision there and then to break up with Nate. It was wrong to treat him like this and he was so far away, and I was here, with Jake. The thing was, when I came home to do it, Jake seemed like a dream and so far away, so I never did. When Nate came to visit Jake melted into the background. He never asked me to end things with Nate and as our affair was secret I was somehow able to divide the two men into two totally separate lives. That was until they seemed to come crashing down on me now.