Uncle John's Fully Loaded 25th Anniversary Bathroom Reader (Uncle John's Bathroom Reader) Read online

  Fite knew that the house’s first owner was an alcoholic who lost the home after he was sent to a sanitarium to sober up. Fite figures the bottles, which date to 1917, were the man’s secret liquor stash. It’s estimated that the bottles would be worth several hundred dollars apiece, possibly more, if they were sold at auction. Fite says that’s not going to happen: He plans to keep the bottles until 2017 when they’ll be 100 years old, and then drink them with his friends.

  CARD COUNTING

  Find: Baseball cards

  Story: When Jean Hench passed away in October 2011, she left her Defiance, Ohio, home and all its contents to her 20 nieces and nephews. Her nephew Karl Kissner administered the estate. When one of his cousins found a box of around 700 baseball cards in the attic, he set it aside until they could determine whether the cards had any value. A little research was all it took: The cards were multiple copies of a rare 30-card set known as the E98 series, which included 15 Hall of Famers, such as Ty Cobb, Cy Young, and Honus Wagner. Though the cards were more than 100 years old, most were in pristine condition. They’d apparently been in the attic since about 1910, when Jean’s father, Carl Hench, who ran a meat market, received them as promotional items from a candy company. Because the cards are so rare and in such good condition, they’re considered one of the most valuable collections ever found. The 37 most valuable cards together are worth at least $500,000, and the remaining 600-plus are worth another $1.5 to $2.5 million. As Hench directed in her will, the cards are being divided among her nieces and nephews, most of whom planned to sell them at auction.

  Street musicians must audition for permission to play in New York City’s subway stations.

  MADE IN CHINA

  Find: A Chinese vase

  Story: When 73-year-old Patricia Newman died in early 2010, her sister, Gene Johnson, and Gene’s son, Anthony, cleaned out her house in Pinner, a suburb of London, England. They arranged for a local auction house called Bainbridge’s to sell Newman’s belongings, which included a 16-inch yellow and blue Chinese vase with a fish motif that the Johnsons found on a bookcase in the attic. According to family lore, Newman’s husband, William, had brought the vase back from China many years before. It had never been professionally appraised, and the Johnsons thought the bookcase the vase sat on—which sold for £200 ($319)—might be worth more than the vase.

  Not quite: A consultant for Bainbridge’s recognized it as having been specially made for Emperor Qianlong (1735–96), and valued the Chinese vase at between £800,000 and £1.2 million ($1.3-1.9 million). So what did the Emperor’s vase sell for at the Bainbridge’s auction? £53.1 million (about $86 million), making it the most expensive piece of Chinese porcelain ever sold at auction.

  Update: Well, it would have been the most expensive ever sold at auction, had the winning bidder, said to be a Chinese billionaire, ever paid up. As of July 2012, he still hadn’t, apparently because he objected to paying the auctioneer’s fee of £10.1 million fee ($16 million). At last report, the vase was in storage, waiting for the winning bidder to make good…or for the Johnsons to cancel the sale and risk the vase fetching a lower price at a second auction.

  * * *

  “He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.”

  —Lao Tzu

  Coldest month at the North Pole: February. At the South Pole: July.

  UNCLE JOHN’S WEIRD TRAVEL GUIDE

  You might want to see if you can fit some of these locations into your vacation plans. Because sometimes you want to go…somewhere where it’s weird outside.

  THAMES TOWN

  Location: Shanghai, China

  Description: A quaint little English village…in China

  Details: In 2001, Shanghai’s city planners came up with a plan to draw people out of the center of the packed city: Build nine new towns outside the perimeter. To make the towns attractive, the planners gave each of them a theme—and so Thames Town was born. Built to resemble a traditional English village, it has a main square, cobblestone streets, a large church modeled after the Anglican church in Bristol, statues of famous Brits—including Winston Churchill and Lady Di—and even fish-and-chips shops and corner pubs. The plan didn’t work. The homes were snapped up by wealthy Shanghaians as investment properties, so Thames Town is basically a ghost town. (Although it has become a popular place for people to have wedding photos taken.)

  BATTLESHIP ISLAND

  Location: Hashima Island, Japan, 20 miles from Nagasaki

  Description: A “ghost island”

  Details: The island is tiny—just 15 acres in area—and rocky, and was uninhabited until a coal-mining operation started there in the 1880s. Over the decades, massive concrete apartment buildings, so large they almost dwarf the island itself, were built for the mine workers, and an imposing seawall was built around the island’s perimeter. The wall and the apartment blocks made Hashima look like a battleship, which led to its more common name—Gunkanjima, or “Battleship Island.” In the 1950s, more than 5,000 workers lived there; in 1974 the mine was closed, and the island has been abandoned ever since—which is why it’s also known as “Ghost Island” today. The Japanese government banned anyone from visiting Gunkanjima for decades, but that policy changed in 2009. You can now visit Battleship Island, but only on an official tour. Authorities still don’t allow anyone into the crumbling apartment buildings. (A few people have snuck in, and then posted photographs of the haunted buildings online.)

  Try it yourself: Apples float in water; pears sink.

  ALPHAVILLE

  Location: Sao Paulo, Brazil

  Description: A heavily guarded luxury enclave within a large, dirty, densely packed city

  Details: Sao Paulo is the world’s seventh-largest city (population: 19 million), and, like all large cities, it has a lot of crime. It also has, like most large cities, a relatively small number of wealthy people living among hordes of poor and middle-class people. That led to Alphaville. Built in the 1970s on the city’s western edge, it’s basically a gated luxury city within the city. More than 30,000 of Sao Paulo’s wealthiest citizens live there in plush, upper-class neighborhoods. They have everything they need: malls, restaurants, stores, golf courses, and even their own hospitals and universities. The Alphaville compound is surrounded by high-security fencing, and the entire area is patrolled by Alphaville’s private police force, 1,000 officers strong. And there are a lot of helipads, because many Alphaville residents travel to and from their homes via helicopter.

  DHARAVI

  Location: Mumbai, India

  Description: An unusual slum

  Details: Mumbai is bigger than Sao Paulo—it’s the world’s fourth largest city (population: 20 million). Dharavi is located right in the middle of it, and it’s almost impossibly jam-packed: Just 0.67 square miles in area, Dharavi is home to between 600,000 and one million residents. (For comparison: Union City, New Jersey, one of the most densely populated cities in the United States, has almost twice the area of Dharavi—and its population is only 67,000.) And although Dharavi is without question a slum, it’s also a tight-knit community—and, in its way, prosperous and dignified: Thousands of small businesses have combined sales of approximately $655 million annually. You can go on guided tours of Dharavi (most don’t allow cameras, out of respect for the people who live there), but you can also rent a bicycle and ride around yourself. Recommended: Try to get to the roof of one of the factories to get an unforgettable view of the seemingly endless huts piled upon huts piled upon huts that are the homes of Dharavi’s residents.

  Turtles can’t stick out their tongues.

  Bonus: If the description of Dharavi seems familiar, it probably is. Dharavi is the slum featured in the Oscar-winning 2008 film, Slumdog Millionaire.

  AUROVILLE

  Location: Southern India

  Description: A real-life hippie city

  Details: In 1966 the Sri Aurobindo Society (a spiritual society named for Indian mystic and independence leader Sri Aurob
indo) went to the Indian government with a proposal for the founding of a new city to be named “Auroville” (“City of Dawn”) in the South Indian state of Tamil Nadu. According to the proposal:

  Auroville wants to be a universal town where men and women of all countries are able to live in peace and progressive harmony above all creeds, all politics and all nationalities. The purpose of Auroville is to realise human unity.

  The Indian government actually liked the idea and helped buy some land—and in 1968, Auroville was founded. The city is circular, with the outer rim a wide, undeveloped greenbelt. Inside that are four zones: residential, industrial, international, and cultural. In the middle of the circle is the Peace Center, with a large pavillion, an amphitheater, and gardens. It’s still not completed, but about 2,200 people representing 45 different nationalities call Auroville home today, and they run several farms and other small businesses there. Want to visit? Or live there? Check out their website. Maybe Auroville is the perfect (hippie) home for you!

  * * *

  AMERICAN HAIRSTORY

  In 1860 a Democrat named Valentine Tapley of Missouri vowed never to shave again if Republican Abraham Lincoln were elected president. When Tapley died in 1910, his beard was 12' 6" long.

  What’s another term for funambulist? Tightrope walker.

  FLUBBED HEADLINES

  Whether silly, naughty, or just plain bizarre, they’re all real.

  Climber Who Cut Off Arm to Escape Speaking at MSU

  PICTURES FROM UNDERCOVER HOOTERS BUST RELEASED

  Farm Bureau Estimates Crap Damage at $207 Million

  Garbage truck lands on Saturn

  Pedestrian deaths largely flat in U.S., Maryland

  New President at Kansas City Fed

  UNMARRIED COUPLES FIND DIVORCE DIFFICULT

  Padres pitcher Latos writes ‘I hate SF’ on balls

  Four More Newspapers Switch to Offset; Conversions Not Always Soomth

  6-year-old girl just found after 26 years

  1 in 5 U.S. moms have babies with multiple dads, study says

  Marijuana Supporters at Record High

  A-Rod Gets Hit, Colon hurt

  Bugs Flying Around with Wings Are Flying Bugs

  For Towns Hold Elections

  Northfield Plans to Plan Strategic Plan

  Troutt named to Salmon Board

  BISHOPS AGREE SEX ABUSE RULES

  Former Jets reflect on impact of 9/11 attacks

  Every Students Counts

  Woman accused of mugging a man using a walker

  150th Year for Dead and Blind Institute

  Obama to Recruit Clinton’s Top Fun Raisers

  Church member donates organ to St. Aloysius

  Texans Support Death Penalty, but Only for the Guilty

  The average U.S. household has about 40 electric motors.

  REEL TIME BOMBS

  Ever notice something in a movie that looks wrong—like it’s from the wrong time period? When filmmakers accidentally include things that didn’t exist at the time when their movie is set, we call it a “time bomb.”

  MOVIE: The Last Temptation of Christ (1988)

  Time Bomb #1: The historical Jesus was said to have lived sometime between 7 B.C. and A.D. 36. In Martin Scorcese’s film, Jesus is a little more modern. In one scene, when he turns around you can clearly see that his robe has a manufacturer’s label sewn into it.

  Time Bomb #2: Although Mary Magdalene was historically considered a loose woman, the red nail polish she’s wearing in her first few scenes is out of place, even for her. Reason: The first glossy red nail polish wasn’t created until 1932.

  MOVIE: The Talented Mr. Ripley (1999)

  Time Bomb #1: Tom Ripley puts his blue passport down on a desk. But in the 1950s (when the film is set), American passports had green covers.

  Time Bomb #2: Millionaire playboy Dickie Greenleaf has Miles Davis’s LP Tutu in his record collection. The album was released in 1986.

  MOVIE: Apollo 13 (1995)

  Time Bomb #1: The Apollo 13 mission was launched in April 1970. Astronaut Jim Lovell’s daughter must have received an early copy of the Beatles’ Let It Be, because she’s seen holding the album, which wasn’t released until May.

  Time Bomb #2: When the astronauts climb into their space suits pre-launch, the bright red letters of the NASA logo (nicknamed “worm”) appears on a window. That logo was developed in 1975.

  Time Bomb #3: Then there’s the Lockheed Martin coffee mug that sits on flight director Gene Kranz’s desk. Lockheed Martin was formed with the merger of Lockheed Corp. and Martin Marietta…which took place in 1995.

  Do you believe it? Scientists say the harder you concentrate, the less you blink.

  MOVIE: The Ten Commandments (1956)

  Time Bomb #1: The biblical Moses is known for performing miracles. He’s also known for living around the year 1600 B.C. That makes several of the “miracles” in this film goofs. Example: As baby Moses floats in a basket on the Nile river, a safety pin (invented in 1849) holds his diaper together.

  Time Bomb #2: When Moses listens to God speaking to him from a burning bush, tire tracks can be seen in the sand. (Rubber tires were invented in 1888.)

  Time Bomb #3: And when Moses stands atop a weathered rock in the desert, he’s wearing…a wristwatch. The first one was made by Swiss watch manufacturer Patek Phillippe in 1868.

  MOVIE: Letters from Iwo Jima (2006)

  Time Bomb: The GAZ-69 off-road vehicle is used as a military vehicle on the Japanese island of Iwo Jima. But the battles on Iwo Jima took place in 1945, and the GAZ-69 is a post-WWII Soviet army vehicle, first made in 1953.

  MOVIE: Almost Famous (2000)

  Time Bomb #1: It’s the 1970s. Fifteen-year-old William Miller has a gig writing for Rolling Stone magazine. His assignment: follow a rock band across the country and write about the experience. In one scene, Miller’s jeans come off and he’s seen sporting undies with “Fruit of the Loom” written around the waistband, a style not sold till the 1990s.

  Time Bomb #2: Miller attends a Black Sabbath concert, and someone backstage is wearing a Black Sabbath Reunion T-shirt, circa 1997.

  MOVIE: Marie Antoinette (2006)

  Time Bomb #1: When Marie Antoinette first meets members of the French royal family, the year is 1768. King Louis XV’s daughter, Madame Victoire, is holding a Pekingese. Until 1860—when British troops looted China’s Forbidden City and took five Pekingese pups back to Britain—Pekingese dogs could be owned only by members of China’s imperial family.

  Time Bomb #2: Jack Russell Terriers also appear. They were first bred in the mid-1800s.

  In 2010 a traffic jam in Beijing, China, stretched 60 miles and lasted more than a week.

  MY DOG HAS Ph.Ds

  These true stories of accredited canines show that you really can get anything online—even a college degree for your dog.

  Applicant: Sonny, a Golden Labrador Retriever

  Story: On a 2007 episode of the hit Australian TV show The Chaser’s War on Everything, co-host Chas Licciardello announced that he’d submitted an application for a medical degree to the online Ashwood University, which offers degrees for “what you already know,” meaning you can graduate without actually taking classes. The application wasn’t for Licciardello—it was for Sonny, his Golden Labrador Retriever. (No last name—just “Sonny.”) Under “work experience,” he wrote that Sonny “has eaten out of hospital rubbish bins for five years” and “has significant proctology experience sniffing other dogs’ bums.” Licciardello submitted the application—with the $450 fee—and waited.

  Result: A week later, Sonny received a framed certificate proclaiming him the recipient of a medical degree. Not only that, according to his transcript he’d earned As in Immunology and Oral Communication and Presentation Skills. So where is Ashwood University? An investigation failed to determine its exact location, but noted that Sonny’s degree was mailed from Pakistan.

  Applicant: Chester Ludlow, a Pug />
  Story: GetEducated.com is an organization that monitors online universities. In 2009 the company decided to test one of its subjects, and had “Chester Ludlow”—a Pug belonging to one of its employees—apply to Rochville University.

  Result: Just days later, Chester received his MBA. It came from Dubai with a letter stating that he’d graduated with a 3.19 gradepoint average and passed “with distinction” in Finance. It also congratulated Chester for having been a member of the Rochville University student council. (GetEducated.com made a video about it, featuring Chester and a dog named Bixby, who sniffs Chester’s diploma and says, “Something smells funny to me.” Google “Chester Ludlow” to see it.)

  Camels chew in a figure-8 pattern.

  Applicant: Wally

  Story: In 2004 Peter Brancato, a reporter with Schenectady, New York, television station WRGB, filled out an application for a degree from Almeda University for his dog, Wally. Brancato wrote that Wally “plays with the kids every day” and “teaches them responsibilities, like feeding the dog.”

  Result: Wally received an associate’s degree in Childhood Development…and a transcript certifying that he’d completed courses in European culture, algebra, and public speaking. (Ruff!) After WRGB aired the story, Almeda University issued a press release accusing the station of waging a “smear campaign” against them. The “university,” which is still in operation, gives its location as Boise, Idaho—but its headquarters are actually on the Caribbean island of Nevis.

  Update: In 2008 Wally was featured in a political cartoon showing him with a thought bubble that read, “I graduated with Bill Chesen.” Chesen—a candidate for mayor of Lake Geneva, Wisconsin—had listed a degree from Almeda University on his resume. Chesen accused his opponent of defamation, but the district attorney took no action. (And Chesen won the election.)