Uncle John’s Legendary Lost Bathroom Reader Read online

  PRETTY FLAMINGOS

  They’re America’s beloved symbol of bad taste—as designs for lawn ornaments, lamps, cups, and so on. BRI member Jack Mingo tells us how these strange-looking birds became as American as apple pie.

  THE FLAMINGO BOOM

  During the 1920s, Florida was the hottest vacation spot in the United States. Tens of thousands of real estate speculators and tourists swarmed to the semitropical state...and many brought home souvenirs bearing pictures of a bizarre pink bird that lived there—the flamingo.

  In the North, these items—proof that their owners were rich enough to travel to exotic places—became status symbols. Everyone wanted them. So manufacturers started incorporating flamingos into a variety of new product designs.

  They were so popular that by the 1950s, the image of a flamingo was as much a part of middle-class America as Wonder Bread or poodles.

  THE LAWN FLAMINGO

  In 1952, the Union Plastics Company of Massachusetts introduced the first flamingo lawn ornament. It was “flat and unappealing.”

  • To boost sales, the company decided to offer a more lifelike, three-dimensional flamingo. But the second generation of lawn flamingos “was made of construction foam and fell apart rather quickly,” recalls a company executive. “Dogs loved to chew it up.”

  • Finally, in 1956, Union Plastics hired a 21-year-old art student named Don Featherstone to sculpt a new lawn flamingo. “I got a bunch of nature books and started studying them,” says Feather-stone. “Finally, I sculpted one, and I must say it was a beautiful looking thing.”

  • The first atomic-pink molded plastic lawn flamingo went on sale in 1957. It was an immediate success; in the next decade, Americans bought millions of them. But by the 1970s, lawn flamingos were, “gathering dust on the hardware store shelves along with other out-of-date lawn ornaments such as the scorned sleeping Mexican peasant and the black jockey.” In 1983, The New York Times ran an article titled “Where Did All Those (Plastic) Flamingos Go?”

  The Red Sea is the world’s warmest sea.

  • Then suddenly, lawn flamingos were flying again. 1985 was a record year, with 450,000 sold in the United States. Why the resurgence? Critics suggested a combination of nostalgia and the popularity of the television show “Miami Vice.” “They are a must for the newest hot social events—‘Miami Vice’ parties,” reported a California newspaper in 1986.

  • Featherstone never got any royalties for his creation. But he did become a vice president of Union Plastics...and in 1987, he was honored when the company started embossing its flamingos with his signature. “I’m getting my name pressed into the rump of every flamingo that goes out the door,” he announced proudly.

  FLAMINGO: THE BIRD

  History. Flamingos, looking pretty much as they do today, were roaming the earth 47 million years before humans came along.

  • They were well known in Egypt during the pyramid-and-sphinx period. A flamingo played a prominent role in Aristophanes’ 414 B.C. play The Birds.

  • The American flamingo is extinct in the wild—captive flocks (most with wings clipped so they don’t fly away) at zoos and bird sanctuaries are the only ones left.

  Body. Flamingos’ knees don’t really bend backward. But their legs are so long that the joint you see where it seems the knee ought to be is really the flamingo’s ankle, and it bends the same way yours does. The knee is hidden, high up inside the body.

  • The flamingo is the only bird that eats with its head upside down—even while it is standing up.

  Color. While flamingos are known to sometimes eat small fish, shrimp, and snails, they are primarily vegetarians. They consume vast quantities of algae, and this is what makes them pink. Without the “food coloring,” flamingos are actually white.

  • Flamingos in captivity are, as a result of algae deprivation, quite a bit paler than their wild cousins. Zoos attempt to keep their flamingo flocks in the pink by feeding them carotene to compensate for the algae they’d get in their natural habitats.

  There are more plastic flamingos in America than real ones.

  GIVE ’EM HELL, HARRY

  Here are a few words from President Harry Truman.

  “I never did give anybody hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell.”

  “The C students run the world.”

  “The only things worth learning are the things you learn after you know it all.”

  “You know what makes leadership? It is the ability to get men to do what they don’t want to do, and like it.”

  “You want a friend in this life, get a dog.”

  “The best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and advise them to do it.”

  “Men don’t change. The only thing new in the world is the history you don’t know.”

  “It’s a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.”

  “If you can’t convince them, confuse them.”

  “A politician is a man who understands government—and it takes a politician to run a government. A statesman is a politician who’s been dead ten or fifteen years.”

  “Whenever you have an efficient government, you have a dictatorship.”

  “Whenever a fellow tells me he’s bipartisan, I know he’s going to vote against me.”

  “Polls are like sleeping pills designed to lull voters into sleeping on election day. You might call them ‘sleeping polls.’”

  “I think there is an immense shortage of Christian charity among so-called Christians.”

  “I look with commiseration over the great body of my fellow citizens who, reading newspapers, live and die in the belief they have known something of what has been passing in the world around them.”

  “Secrecy and a free, democratic government don’t mix.”

  On average, twins are born 24 days earlier than single babies.

  SECRETS OF

  DISNEYLAND

  Well, they’re not really secrets—more like gossip. But most people don’t know much about the history and operations of the original mega-theme park. And it’s pretty interesting stuff.

  INSPIRATION

  In the 1940s, a couple of Walt Disney’s top animators were real train buffs. They got Uncle Walt interested in the hobby and he set up a miniature steam railroad that circled his house and gardens (note: see Bathroom Reader #2, p. 62), big enough to ride. After several train-theme parties, Walt got the idea that if his friends got such a kick from this one ride, maybe a whole amusement park would lure vacationers who were visiting Hollywood to star-gaze.

  HOW WALT GOT THE MONEY

  Walt proposed the idea to his brother Roy, the Disney stockholders, and their bankers...but they rejected it. In fact, they thought he was nuts. (In those days, amusement parks were sleazy places full of carnival side-shows, rip-off games, and cheap mechanical rides.)

  So Disney was on his own. He went on a relentless search for financing. He sold his Palm Springs home and cashed in his $100,000 life insurance policy to finance his research. He lined up corporate sponsors, who were willing to pay for exhibits and restaurants in exchange for name recognition.

  But the turning point came when he made a deal with ABC-TV. At the time ABC, a relatively new network, was a distant third in the ratings. It was desperate for the high-quality, high-name-recognition programming Disney could provide. But Disney had already turned down offers from other networks. Why should he join forces with a loser like ABC? The answer: financing for his amusement park. In exchange for doing the show, Disney received a substantial sum of money and ABC agreed to call the show “Disneyland,” virtually making the weekly show a one-hour commercial for the park. But perhaps more important, later, in an “unrelated” deal, ABC purchased a 34% interest in Disneyland, Inc., the company set up to build the park. (Ironically, Disney now owns ABC.)

  Alexander the Great was buried in a vat of honey.

  When Roy saw the package Walt had put t
ogether, he changed his mind and hopped on the Disneyland bandwagon. In 1954, ground was broken in an Anaheim orange grove.

  OPENING DAY

  In the wake of its enormous success, people have forgotten that Disneyland’s opening day was a disaster. Nearly 33,000 people—twice as many as the number invited—packed the park with the help of forged tickets and surreptitiously placed ladders. Not all the rides were operational, and the restaurants ran out of food after a few hours. In some parts of the park, concrete and asphalt hadn’t hardened properly, and women walked out of their high-heel shoes.

  Also, there had been a plumber’s strike during construction, and there weren’t enough drinking fountains. The press thought it was a ploy to get visitors to purchase soft drinks. What they didn’t know was that, in order to be ready for opening day, Walt had to choose between installing toilets or drinking fountains.

  Thanks to nationwide TV coverage emceed by Ronald Reagan, the entire country learned of the mess. The next day’s headlines read, “Walt’s Dream A Nightmare,” and Disney seemed to agree: For the rest of his life he referred to opening day as “Black Sunday.”

  LAND OF ILLUSIONS

  When Uncle Walt bought the property for Disneyland in Anaheim in the early 1950s, he couldn’t afford to buy all the land he wanted. So, in order to fit everything in, he used movie makers’ tricks to make everything look bigger.

  One trick was to use things that are familiar, but make them smaller than normal. Unless you look carefully and measure with your eyes, you’ll assume, for instance, that the Disneyland train is normal size. It isn’t. It is built to 5/8 scale. Many of the Disney buildings use the same trick, but that’s just the beginning.

  If you look carefully at some of the Disney buildings, especially those on Main Street, you’ll notice there’s something a little odd about them. They are not only smaller than normal, but their second and third stories are smaller still. This is known in art and in movie making as “forced perspective.” By tapering the upper stories, the designers fool your eye into believing that they are bigger and taller than they really are.

  The praying mantis is the only insect that can turn its head.

  This is done especially skillfully on Sleeping Beauty’s Castle, even to the point that the bricks get smaller and smaller with each level.

  In making Disney World this was less of a problem, because by that time the company could afford to buy an area bigger than most cities. It used many of the same tricks, but on an even bigger scale.

  DISNEYLAND DEATHS

  According to an article in Egg magazine, at least 53 people have died at Disneyland. According to Egg:

  • The first Disney death was apparently a suicide: In 1964, after an argument with his girlfriend, a passenger on the Matterhorn stood up on the ride and was catapulted onto the tracks when his car came to a sudden stop. He never regained consciousness, and died four days later.

  • The Matterhorn killed again in 1984, when a 48-year-old woman fell out of the ride and was struck by the following car. (For the rest of the day the Matterhorn was closed due to “technical difficulties.”)

  • Two people have been killed in accidents in Tomorrowland’s PeopleMover ride, two others drowned in the river surrounding Tom Sawyer’s Island. Another person was run down by the Monorail when he tried to sneak into the park without paying; and a park employee was crushed by a moving wall in the “America Sings” attraction.

  • The park’s first homicide occurred in 1981, when a man was stabbed after touching another man’s girlfriend. (Disneyland was found negligent in the death and fined $600,000 after a park nurse neglected to call paramedics—and instead had the victim driven to the hospital in a park van.)

  • Not all of Disneyland’s deaths happen inside the park: In 1968, 44 people were killed in two separate helicopter accidents traveling between Disneyland and Los Angeles International Airport; and in 1987 a teenage male was killed during a gunfight in the parking lot.

  English word with the most different meanings in the dictionary: Set, with 464. (2nd place, run.)

  WHAT’S IN A NAME?

  You know these corporate and product names, but probably not where they come from. Well, the BRI will fix that. Here’s a little trivia you can use to entertain store clerks next time you’re shopping.

  Kodak. No meaning. George Eastman, founder of the company, wanted a name that began and ended in the letter K. “The letter K has been a favorite with me,” he explained. “It seems a strong, incisive sort of letter.”

  Chanel No. 5 Perfume. Coco Chanel considered 5 her lucky number. She introduced the perfume on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1921.

  Lucky Strikes. Dr. R. A. Patterson, a Virginia doctor, used the name to sell tobacco to miners during the California Gold Rush in 1856.

  Ex-Lax. Short for Excellent Laxative.

  Reebok. An African gazelle, “whose spirit, speed, and grace the [company] wanted to capture in their shoes.”

  Avon Products. Named for Stratford-on-Avon, William Shakespeare’s birthplace.

  Random House. America’s biggest publisher started out in the 1920s, offering cheap editions of classic books. But founder Bennett Cerf decided to expand the line by publishing luxury editions of books selected “at random.”

  Kent Cigarettes. Herbert A. Kent, a Lorillard Tobacco Company executive, was so popular at the office that the company named a cigarette after him in 1952.

  Toyota. Sakichi Toyoda made the first Japanese power loom. His son Kiichiro expanded into the automobile business.

  Xerox. The Haloid Company originally called its copiers “electrophotography” machines. In the 1940s, they hired a Greek scholar at Ohio State University to think up a new name. He came up with “Xerography” for the process (after the Greek words for dry and writing) and called the copier itself a Xerox machine.

  There are nine members in the Official Rin Tin Tin Fan Club.

  TANG TWUSTERS

  Ready for a workout? Here are 20 difficult tongue twisters. Try to say each of them five times fast...and don’t pay any attention to the people banging on the bathroom door, asking what’s going on in there.

  If you must cross a coarse cross cow across a crowded cow crossing, cross the coarse cross cow across the crowded cow crossing carefully.

  Does this shop stock short socks with spots?

  The sixth sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick.

  “The bun is better buttered,” Betty muttered.

  Seven sleek sleepless sleepers seek sleep.

  Sixty-six sickly chicks.

  The sun shines on shop signs.

  The shady shoe shop shows sharp sharkskin shoes.

  A noise annoys an oyster, but a noisy noise annoys an oyster more.

  Rush the washing, Russel!

  The seething sea ceaseth seething.

  Awful old Ollie oils oily autos.

  Mummies munch much mush.

  This is a zither.

  Ike ships ice chips in ice chip ships.

  She says she shall sew a sheet.

  Feed the flies fly food, Floyd!

  Miss Smith dismisseth us.

  Ted threw Fred thirty-three free throws.

  Rex wrecks wet rocks.

  In Germany, a yuppie is known as a Schicki Micki.

  THE STORY OF

  WALL STREET

  Why is Wall Street the financial center of the United States? Why is it even called Wall Street? Here’s the answer.

  HISTORY. In the early 1600s, the southern tip of Manhattan Island was a Dutch settlement known as New Amsterdam. In 1653, the governor of the colony decided the best way to protect his thriving trading post from Indians and the British was to build a wall from the Hudson River to the East River.

  However, the wall did little to deter the British. They attacked by ship in 1664, easily overwhelmed the Dutch, and renamed the city New York. Thirty years later, they tore down the wall and used it for firewood.

  NAME. The dirt road that ran a
longside the wall was—naturally enough—known as Wall Street. When the wall was destroyed, the road became a main thoroughfare in New York.

  MAIN INDUSTRY. Wall Street has been a commercial center ever since the British took over.

  • They immediately set up a number of “exchanges”—open, shed-like buildings used for trading commodities like fur, molasses, and tobacco—on Wall Street.

  • About 100 years later, the first stocks and bonds were sold on the street. At the end of the Revolutionary war, the Colonies were so deeply in debt that the first Congress issued $80 million in bonds (government IOUs). Stocks were added two years later, when Alexander Hamilton (then Secretary of the Treasury) established the nation’s first bank, the Bank of the United States, and offered shares to the public.

  New York Exchange. Stocks and bonds soon became a booming business, and in 1792 a group of 24 brokers decided to create an informal exchange to specialize in these “paper transactions.” They signed a document known as the “Buttonwood Agreement” (named after the tree on Wall Street where the group met), in which they agreed to trade only among themselves and to charge customers a minimum 25% commission. These men are considered the original members of the New York Stock Exchange.

  Ohio has 22 roller coasters—the most of any state.

  • When conditions on the street got too crowded, the exchange moved into a coffeehouse, then rented a room at 40 Wall Street. New members were required to pay an initiation fee of not less than $25; the amount varied, depending on the location of their seat in the room. This is how traders came to buy “a seat on the exchange.”

  • By 1848, the prestigious New York Stock Exchange and Board had absorbed all other exchanges on Wall Street and was conducting business in an orderly and unexciting manner: the chairman called the name of each stock twice a day and any trading was completed before moving on.