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  WHY YOU CAN’T RAT-TLE MOM

  And what about a mom being cool when stressed and brave in adversity? Lab challenges with female rats showed that superheroes have nothin’ on supermoms.

  To stress the female rats, they were put in scary conditions. While humans might be scared by dark, creepy places, rodents are terrified of open, lighted spaces because they cannot hide and become vulnerable to predators. The rats found themselves inside clear Plexiglas tubes placed in a brightly lighted room in an open space. The childless rats often froze with fear, while the mother rats methodically explored their surroundings, looking for an escape route. If those little whiskered moms could talk, they’d probably give motherly advice: when you’re stuck in a bad place, instead of dwelling in fear, look for a way out. The mama rats were more interested in escape, perhaps because they needed to get home to protect their young.

  “Pregnancy and offspring create a more adaptive brain, one that’s generally less susceptible to fear and stress,” according to Kinsley. And in the area of fearlessness, just as in the area of intelligence, there were physical differences in the brains of moms and nonmoms. Mother rat brains showed less activation in those regions of the brain that regulate fear.

  BUT WHAT IF I DON’T HAVE KIDS?

  Want to get smart, calm, and fearless too? Not interested in a babe of your own and can’t afford a tutor in physics and karate? Maybe babysitting could work for you. “Foster rats,” who’d never given birth but who cared for other rat pups, performed well on the maze tests. Male rats who were exposed to infants also improved their mental functions—though not to the same degree as the females.

  A RAT IS TO A HUMAN, AS . . .

  Kinsley’s work does give a mom some bragging rights. But do mother rats running mazes really have that much in common with human moms driving kids to school through a maze of traffic?

  Kinsley, whose research was inspired by watching his wife conquer challenges as a new mother, feels sure that there’s enough of a connection to make studies about rodents useful across species. Pregnancy hormones are similar in every species, and early MRI scans of pregnant individuals (of both lab rats and humans) show similar brain patterns. Plus, many genes are similar in rats and humans. As Kinsley says, “I like to think of humans as rats with two legs.”

  The Flying Dutchwoman

  Mom Fanny Blankers-Koen took the Olympics in stride

  The year was 1948, the place, London. Fanny Blankers-Koen was 30 years old and a mother of two. What in the world was she doing competing in the Olympics?

  HITLER STEALS THE GOLD

  Born in Amsterdam, the Netherlands, Francina Elsje Koen began competing in track and field when she was 17, a relatively late age. She made it to the 1936 Olympics, where she finished with a respectable sixth place in the high jump and fifth with the Dutch 4 x 100-meter relay team.

  Jan Blankers, a former Olympian—who became both Fanny’s coach and her loving hubby—believed the tall, lanky blonde could be a gold medal athlete. But time wasn’t on Fanny’s side. Hitler’s rise to power and the outbreak of World War II nearly ruined her chances of being an Olympic athlete.

  Throughout the war years, most Dutch citizens struggled just to survive. They were busier tracking the progress of the Allied forces through Europe than the progress of athletics. If they had, they might have noticed that Fanny, who was now a mother, continued to train—and to set new world records in the high jump, the long jump, and the pentathlon.

  TOO LATE FOR MOM?

  Finally the war was over and in 1948 the London Olympics began. The war-weary world celebrated the chance to watch javelins being hurled instead of bombs. Fanny Blankers-Koen celebrated by entering the 100 and 200 meter races, the 80 meter hurdles, and as the anchor for the 4 x 100-meter team relay. But most experts thought Fanny’s prime competitive years were behind her, and many thought that as a mother she shouldn’t even be there.

  Back in Holland there were grumbles that Fanny should be home taking care of her house and two children. Then a British newspaper article noted that she was not only a mother but also 30 years old and the writers dismissed her as too old to be competitive. Fanny made up her mind to show everyone that a good mom can’t be beat.

  THIS MOM IS GOLD

  The blonde streaked her way through the 100 meters in 11.9 seconds and won the gold! After a shaky start in the 80 meter hurdles, she set a new Olympic record of 11.2 seconds in a photo finish to win the gold medal. But as the finals of the 200 meter race approached, far from being excited about her triumphs, the lonely mother was in tears because she missed her kids terribly. Her husband had to remind her that she could quit at any time she wanted but that she would be sorry for it afterward.

  His words turned Fanny around. She’d always wanted to do her best, so after a good cry, she set about winning the 200 meters in 24.4 seconds. In her last event, Fanny won gold as anchor in the 4 x 100-meter team relay. A spectacular achievement, she had the honor of being the first woman to win four gold medals in a single Olympic games.

  AN ATHLETE OF THE CENTURY

  Now her former detractors lauded Fanny as the flying housewife, even daring to call her “the Flying Dutch-woman”! There was no more grumbling about Fanny staying home; now all the grumbling was about Olympic rules limiting her to three individual events. Though she held the world records in the broad jump and the high jump, Fanny hadn’t been allowed to compete in those events. Many fans thought she could have won those as well.

  Fanny returned to Holland as a national hero and found well-wishers crowding the streets of Amsterdam. The city presented her with a new bicycle in honor of her achievements. After her Olympic triumph, Fanny continued her career with some success, winning European titles in 1950 and setting a world record in 1951. In 1999, she was an 80-year-old grandmother when the International Association of Athletic Federations named her the “Female Athlete of the Century.” You just can’t beat a great mom.

  “At work, you think of the children you have left at home. At home, you think of the work you’ve left unfinished. Such a struggle is unleashed within yourself. Your heart is rent.” —Golda Meir

  Kiddin’ Around the World

  Need some quick tips? Here’s how moms around the world cope with the challenges of raising kids.

  Kids can be a handful no matter where you live. And even though a baby has successfully made it to kiddom, that doesn’t mean that mom’s job is done. What’s best for kids? Around the world, the question has different answers. In different societies, devoted mothers meet their children’s needs in ways that might shock or inspire you.

  DO YOUR CHORES, OR NOT?

  In Africa, you probably won’t hear a Central Bantu yelling at a child to clean up his or her room, much less help out around the house. Dwellers in thatched huts, the Bantu mom might even pull out a piece of the roof to start a campfire at night. The Bantu periodically move and build new homes, so keeping everything in its place takes a backseat. Also big fans of temporary housing, the Inuit, who live in igloos in North America, have been known to simply leave an old igloo when it’s dirty and move into a new one. (Now there’s a way to cut down on chores!)

  But in Western cultures with more permanent residences, parents are keen to have kids pitch in to keep the house tidy. In the United States, parents even tie their kids’ allowances to how well they do their chores. “Chores and jobs are important steps on the road to independence,” according to drspock.com. They teach children “responsibility, diligence, and new skills.”

  Chores on the other side of the world can be put off in some cultures. Australian children raised in a traditional Aboriginal manner are indulged as much as possible and don’t take on many serious responsibilities until they reach puberty. In Thailand and Kahalapur, India, many mothers believe in letting their children be free from chores so they can play—life will be hard enough later.

  SHARE AND SHARE ALIKE, OR NOT?

  American pediatricians recognize a child
’s need to keep his or her own toys and believe that sharing should be encouraged—but not forced—in a child after she is two. Other cultures don’t see it that way. Sharing can be crucial to survival to a culture, especially those with limited food resources. West African tribes place a premium on learning to share. Mothers who are usually very permissive with their children can suddenly become quite strict as they teach their children to share all objects and their food from an early age.

  SEEN AND NOT HEARD, OR NOT?

  Some cultures believe that allowing children to speak enhances their expressive abilities, while others feel that shushing your child won’t squash his creativity. Traditionally raised Australian Aborigine kids are free to speak their minds and express their feelings. Even a child who swears at his elders might not be punished—he’s more likely to be laughed at or ignored.

  The Hopi, in the southwestern United States, have a much different view. In the Hopi tradition, a young person is considered inexperienced in life; his elders expect him to be quiet until he knows what he’s talking about. Mothers in Japan expect their children to master early the skills of self-control and politeness with adults, and kids are expected to listen to their parents and not talk back.

  SPARE THE ROD, OR NOT?

  As everybody knows, all kids are not angels. They do get out of line from time to time, and parents have to become the enforcers. How they enforce their rules and punish misbehavior varies from culture to culture.

  In the West, the jury has long been out on the benefits or detriments of corporal punishment. About a third of U.S. parents will give a pop on the behind when a child acts up, but many pediatricians advise other forms of discipline—like time-outs or deprivations such as taking away a favorite toy. In Mexico, kids are rarely spanked if they are under seven years old. Up north, the Inuit see their children as treasures and rarely rebuke them—certainly they never spank them. In farming societies where children are expected to be obedient and work hard, punishment may be physical, as with the Ngandu in the forests of the Central African Republic.

  Discipline isn’t always for parents of some cultures. Sometimes the messages are mixed. In Okinawa a Tairan mom might scold her small child, then relent and apologize if her child cries. In India, a Rajput mother might nag her kid to do chores—then let the matter drop. In the United States, Dr. Spock noted that a mother might tell a child to turn off the TV set and go to bed, then back down when the child protests that none of her friends have to go to bed so early. He advised moms to make simple rules and stick to them, no matter what the other kids are doing. Consistency is key.

  SUCCESSFUL STRATEGIES OR NOT?

  In all cultures, moms work to raise their children to be healthy, wealthy, and wise. It seems there are as many routes for success as there are children. No matter what the maternal strategy, moms around the world seem to be doing just fine.

  My Sainted Mom

  Saint Monica (c. 331–387)

  The mother of St. Augustine, Monica is the patron saint of mothers, especially those with undisciplined sons. She is also sacred to recovering alcoholics, as her son’s Confessions indicate that she too overcame addiction.

  Saint Paula (347–404)

  Paula’s husband died when she was 32 and had five kids. It’s no wonder that she is the patron saint of widows. Paula was taken in by Saint Jerome and followed his teachings and eventually him to the holy land. She founded a monastery and hostel for pilgrims.

  Moms Rally for Peace? And Howe!

  Julia Ward Howe, the author of “Battle Hymn of the Republic,” motivates moms for peace.

  Julia Ward Howe (1819–1910) was the founder of Mother’s Day for Peace, a predecessor of modern Mother’s Day. Only her day wasn’t devoted to gifts and breakfast in bed. Julia’s day was rooted in mothers’ political unity for international peace.

  MOTHER’S DAZE

  Actually, when it came to motherhood, Julia herself had a tough time adjusting to it. She grew up the daughter of a wealthy New England banker, had an excellent education, and was used to enjoying exclusive parties and plenty of male attention. But after she married educator Samuel Howe, life changed drastically. The couple had six children (five of whom lived) in twelve years.

  Though Julia came to treasure her brood, in her first years as a mom she was depressed and miserable. Why, she wondered, had she “traded in a life of easy circumstances and brilliant surroundings” to become a harassed mother of five, isolated from fashionable society and intellectual stimulation? Samuel unintentionally made her more miserable. As a traditional husband, he wanted Julia to remain at home.

  Finally, Julia decided to take a few moments every day to read and do some writing. She discovered (as the world soon would) that she had talent, and she published a volume of poetry. Samuel tried to get her to give up writing because he thought it too revealing of their marriage problems. He is said to have even become violent, but Julia refused to give up her work. She began a lifelong battle for liberty: first for herself as a writer, then to abolish slavery, next to establish rights for women, and finally to free the world from war.

  JULIA’S BATTLE HYMN

  During the Civil War, Julia “gave birth” to a poem that would become a rallying cry for the Union. Unable to sleep one night in 1861, she was humming a popular tune of her day, “John Brown’s Body.” New lyrics began to come to mind, inspired by the gravity and sadness of the war. Julia sent the poem to the Atlantic Monthly and received five dollars—along with eternal fame. Julia’s poem was the fierce and rousing “Battle Hymn of the Republic”: “Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord / He is trampling out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored / He hath loosed the fateful lightening of his terrible swift sword. His truth is marching on.”

  Set to music, the poem swept the Union. The last verse inspired Northerners (“As He died to make men holy / Let us die to make men free”) with the call to end slavery. Union troops sang the “Battle Hymn” with a vengeance as they marched to battle. When Abraham Lincoln heard the song, he gave an opinion in his usual succinct fashion. “Sing that again,” the president said. Lincoln would later claim he knew only two songs, “Listen to the Mocking Bird” and “Battle Hymn of the Republic.”

  MOTHER’S DAY FOR PEACE

  Julia became so famous and sought after as a public speaker that even Samuel’s opposition turned to grudging admiration. But though her success came from a song of battle, Julia soon changed her tune. After volunteering to work with soldiers, widows, and orphans (both Yankee and Confederate), she saw enough misery to convince her that there had to be a better way than warfare to solve grievances.

  After the Civil War ended, Julia turned her eyes to international relations. In 1870 Julia became concerned by the Franco-Prussian War, which she found “cruel and unnecessary.” Julia began to envision a worldwide mother’s rally for peace. She issued a proclamation calling for mothers to arise and speak out against war. In Boston she held her first rally in 1872 and called it the Mother’s Day for Peace. “Who knows the cost of violence better than mothers who’ve lost their children on account of it?” Julia asked. Mother’s Day for Peace was an annual event for many years, and although it was never officially recognized, the idea of a special mothers’ day had taken hold in the public mind.

  HER TRUTH IS MARCHING ON

  Although Mother’s Day for Peace never became an official holiday, the importance of Julia’s rally cannot be underestimated. Following Julia’s example, mothers saw how they could harness their numbers to make their voices heard. Groups like Mothers Against Drunk Driving and events like the Million Mom March can trace their roots back to Julia, the mom of activist moms!

  Your Mother Should Know...

  Music to Moms’ Ears

  Mom, Mama, Momma, Mother . . . the lovely words for the maternal have worked their way into a lot of songs. Think you can match the mama-lyric with the title and artist?

  ___

  1.


  Oh, Mama, can this really be the end?

  ___

  2.

  And no one’s gettin’ fat, except Mama Cass.

  ___

  3.

  Your momma’s waiting for you Wearing her high-heeled shoes and her low-necked sweater

  ___

  4.

  Cause your mama told you that love ain’t right But don’t you know good lovin’ is the spice of life

  ___

  5.

  “Kids are different today,” I hear ev’ry mother say Mother needs something today to calm her down

  ___

  6.

  My daddy was the family bassman, My momma was an engineer

  ___

  7.

  Don’t let ‘em pick guitars and drive them old trucks Make ‘em be doctors and lawyers and such