Uncle John's Actual and Factual Bathroom Reader Read online

  Last NES game: The dominant home video game console of the late 1980s and early 1990s was the Nintendo Entertainment System. It was unseated from its perch in 1991 by…the Super Nintendo Entertainment System. But there were plenty of holdouts who liked their original NES, and Nintendo kept making games for them until 1994. That year it released Wario’s Woods in North America for the NES, a game featuring Mario’s evil doppelganger, Wario.

  Last SNES game: The SNES was supplanted in 1996 by the Nintendo N64. Super Nintendo games kept being made until 1998. The last one available: a remake of the classic early video game Frogger.

  Sure, but why? Scientists figured out how to store video in the DNA of bacteria.

  BALANCE YOUR RACK

  If you ever graduate from playing Scrabble with family and friends to entering big-time tournaments, here are some terms that will help you sound like a P–R–O.

  BINGO

  Any word that uses all seven letters on the rack (you earn an extra 50 points).

  NATURAL BINGO

  A bingo made with no blank tiles. (“Blank bingos” are made using one or more blank tiles.)

  NONGO

  When you have a Bingo on your rack, but there’s no room for it on the board. Also called a Dingo (short for “Din’ go anywhere”).

  STEMS

  Five- and six-letter tile combinations that are especially useful for forming bingos.

  CLOSED BOARD

  A board on which there are few or no remaining opportunities for bingos or other high-scoring plays.

  PALMING

  Concealing an unwanted tile in the palm of your hand in order to slip it back into the bag when reaching for new tiles (it’s against the rules).

  HOOK/HOOK LETTER

  A letter that spells a new word when it’s added to the beginning or end of a word already on the board.

  EXTENSION

  Like a hook, but with two or more letters that create a new word when added to a word already on the board.

  BLOCKER

  A word that’s difficult to hook or extend (“vug” or “fez,” for example).

  POLECAT PASS

  Discarding an unplayable Q when the game is nearly over.

  Q-GAME

  A close game that is decided by which player gets stuck with the Q.

  ALPHAGRAM

  When the tiles on your rack are arranged in alphabetical order.

  HEAVY TILES

  Consonants with high point values (Q and Z are the heaviest tiles: they’re worth 10 points each).

  Most favorite color: 40 percent of people say they like blue the best.

  BRAILING

  Feeling the surface of the tiles when your hand is in the bag, in order to grab a blank tile or one that has the letter you want (it’s against the rules).

  TYPO

  An uncommon word that looks like a common word that has been misspelled. They can be used to trick opponents into challenging words that are valid. (“Sycosis,” for example, is a real word that looks like “psychosis” misspelled.)

  COFFEE-HOUSING

  Any behavior, such as chatting, drumming your fingers, etc., that distracts your opponent (this is against the rules in tournament play).

  ENDGAME

  When there are fewer than seven tiles remaining in the draw bag.

  OPEN SCRABBLE

  A variant of the standard game in which all tiles are played faceup.

  RACK BALANCING

  Playing your tiles in a way that leaves letters on your rack that are likely to help you score well in your next turn.

  STUTTERER

  A word that ends in duplicate letters (“baa,” “too,” etc.).

  TURNOVER

  When a player plays as many tiles as possible in order to draw the maximum number of new tiles from the bag.

  POWER TILES

  The ten most advantageous tiles (the two blanks, the four Ss, and the J, Q, X, and Z), either because of their high point value or the ease with which they can be used to make words.

  TRACKING

  The Scrabble equivalent of counting cards—studying the letters on the board to get a sense of what letters are still in the bag or on an opponent’s rack.

  BLOWOUT/GRANNY

  A game so lopsided (one player gets all the good tiles) that even your granny couldn’t lose. Also called a No-Brainer.

  FAST-BAGGING

  If a player wants to challenge whether a word is real or not, they must do it before the player in question draws their tiles from the bag, ending the turn. Drawing tiles immediately after a word is played can deny opponents the opportunity to challenge it.

  FISHING

  Playing only one or two tiles, in order to hang on to five or six tiles in the hope of playing a high-scoring word in the next turn.

  Luc Besson wrote and directed The Fifth Element at age 38, based on an idea he had when he was 8.

  WOULD YOU BUY SNEAKERS

  FROM THIS MAN?

  Many athletes get the bulk of their earnings not from their salary, but from endorsements. Which makes it all the worse when they blow these sweet gigs.

  MICHAEL VICK

  What happened: The Atlanta Falcons quarterback was indicted on charges of sponsoring a dog fighting operation in 2007. At the time, the speedy passer was one of the most famous and most recognizable athletes in America. But days after his indictment, his lengthy list of sponsors fled. That included Nike, Reebok, Rawlings, Hasbro, Upper Deck, Coca Cola, EA Sports, and AirTran Airways. Vick ended up spending 21 months in federal prison and declared bankruptcy. But after signing with the Philadelphia Eagles in 2009, Vick began to get his life back on track. He played for seven more seasons, paid back $17 million he owed to creditors, sponsored a federal law imposing new misdemeanor penalties for dog fighting, and even became the first athlete that Nike re-signed after once being dropped.

  Value of the lost endorsements: Unknown—probably close to $50 million

  TIGER WOODS

  What happened: Over Thanksgiving weekend in 2009, the world learned that Tiger Woods had been in a minor car accident. While many suspected he must have been taking drugs at the time, the truth was a lot more shocking: He crashed after being chased by his golf club–wielding wife, who had just learned he’d had scores of affairs with different women, from famous porn stars to cocktail waitresses. After Woods announced that he was taking a break from golf to repair his personal life, he lost endorsement deals from Gillette, AT&T, Gatorade, and Tag Heuer. The scandal affected more than his pocketbook—his game has never been quite the same, either. Almost 10 years later, sports fans have gone from predicting when Woods would break Jack Nicklaus’s record of 18 major championships to wondering if he’d ever win a tournament again.

  Value of the lost endorsements: $22 million

  An Olympic gold medal is mostly silver…and less than 1% gold.

  MICHAEL PHELPS

  What happened: There have been countless feats of athletic brilliance in the last 100 years of sports, but few come close to those of swimmer Michael Phelps. Over the course of his Olympic career, Phelps set the all-time record for medals (28) and gold medals (23) won by an athlete. This brought him worldwide fame, but also greater scrutiny for his mistakes. In 2004 Phelps was arrested for driving drunk, and after a 2009 photo of him holding a bong went viral, Kellogg’s cereal decided to drop him from their roster. His other sponsors, including Speedo, Visa, Subway, and Omega watches, stood by him, even after a second DUI arrest in 2014 that resulted in Phelps seeking treatment at a rehab center.

  Value of the lost endorsements: $250,000

  ADRIAN PETERSON

  What happened: The Minnesota Vikings running back burst onto the scene in 2007, when he set the NFL’s single-game rushing record. In 2012, his sixth season, Peterson won the MVP award and came within eight yards of breaking the single-season rushing record. But his 2014 season came to an end after just one game when he was indicted on charges of abusing his four-year-old son. Photo
s leaked by TMZ showed welts on the back of his son’s leg, caused by Peterson whipping his son with a “switch” from a tree. As the sports world erupted in a generational debate about domestic corporal punishment, the NFL responded by suspending Peterson for the entire season, and Peterson lost deals with Nike, Castrol Oil, and Wheaties. Though Peterson returned to the league the following year (with Adidas as a sponsor), he never regained the dominance he once had over the sport.

  Value of the lost endorsements: $4 million

  JON JONES

  What happened: In the early 2010s, it seemed like nothing could stop the Ultimate Fighting Championship’s meteoric rise into the mainstream. But the sport’s popularity soon slowed, and it’s no coincidence that Jon Jones’s fall from grace played a major part. Once ranked the #1 pound-for-pound fighter in mixed martial arts, Jones was also Nike’s first MMA fighter signed to an international endorsement deal. But a 2012 DUI arrest was the first in a string of incidents for the rising star. On top of that, Jones has tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs three times and for cocaine use once. It gets worse: In 2015 Jones was convicted of a hit and run in which he crashed into a car driven by a pregnant woman. Jones was stripped of his championship titles three times (he regained the title twice) and lost all of his sponsors. He is currently facing a four-year suspension and it is unlikely he will ever fight in the UFC again.

  Value of the lost endorsements: Unknown

  Is that how you get double pneumonia? Viruses can be infected by other viruses.

  LANCE ARMSTRONG

  What happened: It shouldn’t surprise you that professional cyclists make most of their money from sponsorships. They race in events all over the world, not in front of 40,000 ticket holders for months at a time. And no cyclist suffered a bigger loss of endorsement than the most recognizable cyclist of all time, Lance Armstrong. He famously won the Tour de France seven straight times…after beating cancer. But when years-long doping investigations finally ended in a lifetime ban from cycling and his being stripped of all his titles, Armstrong’s sponsors—including companies like Nike, 24 Hour Fitness, and Anheuser-Busch InBev—canceled their lucrative deals with him.

  Value of the lost endorsements: $150 million

  ACTUAL & FACTUAL RANDOM FACTS

  •How to respond to a sneeze in six foreign countries: Norway and Sweden: Prosit! (May it help!). Luxembourg: Gesondheet! (Health!). Switzerland: Salute! (To health!). Portugal: Santinho! (Little saint!). Turkey: Cok yasa! (Live long!).

  •Niacin, also known as vitamin B3, was first extracted from nicotine and was originally called nicotinic acid. The name niacin was created (ni- from nicotinic, -ac from acid, and -in from vitamin) to avoid the perception that any foods with nicotinic acid contain nicotine, or that cigarettes contain vitamins.

  •Rarest blood type in the world: hh, also known as Bombay blood, where it was discovered in 1952. Four people in every million have it—it’s so rare that people who have it need to bank their own blood in case of emergency.

  •On April 27, 1792, Captain George Vancouver sailed past what is now Ocean Shores, Washington, without stopping. Today the city commemorates the non-event with “Undiscovery Day.” Among the festivities: at midnight, citizens gather on the beach and shout, “Hey, George!”

  A one-acre parcel of land, on average, is home to about 50,000 spiders.

  YOU’VE BEEN ELIMINATED

  Every competitive reality show has an “elimination catchphrase”—a line that the host delivers each week to the contestant who’s been voted out. It’s one of the few scripted parts of the show and, as a group, they’re pretty funny.

  “The tribe has spoken.”

  (Survivor)

  “Please pack your knives and go.”

  (Top Chef)

  “You’ve been evicted.”

  (Big Brother)

  “You’re terminated!”

  (The New Celebrity Apprentice with Arnold Schwarzenegger)

  “Your check is voided, it’s time for you to bounce.”

  (I Love Money)

  “You must leave the chateau.”

  (Joe Millionaire)

  “Auf Wiedersehen.”

  (Project Runway)

  “Now, sashay away.”

  (RuPaul’s Drag Race)

  “Your time’s up.”

  (Flavor of Love)

  “Give me your jacket.”

  (Hell’s Kitchen)

  “Your banner must fall.”

  (America’s Best Dance Crew)

  “I have to ask you to leave the mansion.”

  (Beauty and the Geek)

  “This was your final cut.”

  (Shear Genius)

  “America has spoken.”

  (American Idol)

  “You have fired your last shot.”

  (Top Shot)

  “Don’t call us, we’ll call you.”

  (The Starlet)

  “You’ve been eliminated from the race.”

  (The Amazing Race)

  “For you, it’s game over.”

  (The Pickup Artist)

  “You’re out of style.”

  (The Cut)

  “The verdict is in—you are out.”

  (The Law Firm)

  “You are not the biggest loser.”

  (The Biggest Loser)

  “You’re not tough enough.”

  (WWE Tough Enough)

  “You bombed out!”

  (BOOM!)

  “You are the weakest link!”

  (The Weakest Link)

  “Membership denied!”

  (From G’s to Gents)

  “You were no sweet genius.”

  (Sweet Genius)

  “This is the final rose.”

  (The Bachelor)

  “You’re just a tool.”

  (Tool Academy)

  “You’re not on the list.”

  (I Want to Be a Hilton)

  “You’ve been clipped.”

  (The Assistant)

  “You’re headed to the dog pound.”

  (Dog Eat Dog)

  “You can’t always get what you want.”

  (Kept)

  “Goodbye.”

  (The Apprentice: Martha Stewart)

  “Please turn in your apron.”

  (Worst Cooks in America)

  “You’re fired!”

  (The Apprentice)

  “Your tour ends here.”

  (Rock of Love with Bret Michaels)

  “Today is not your day.”

  (Abby’s Ultimate Dance Competition)

  More than 40 skyscrapers in New York City have their own ZIP codes.

  PARKING TICKET NEWS

  There’s nothing more mundane (and infuriating!) than getting a parking ticket. Except when it’s not.

  INSULT, MEET INJURY. In August 2015, a man who was parked in a parking lot in Ammanford, Wales, returned to his car to find a parking ticket on the windshield. (Amount of parking fine in U.S. dollars: about $90.) Enraged, he grabbed the ticket from the windshield, threw it to the ground, and drove off. Someone saw him throw the ticket on the ground and reported him to authorities. Result: The man was issued a ticket for littering. (Amount of littering fine: about $110.)

  OOPS! The City of New York changed the code number of one of its traffic violations in April 2017. The violation concerned drivers who failed to properly display parking meter receipts in paid-parking zones. The original code number for that violation: 4-08h10. The new code number: 4-08h1. In case you missed it, the difference is a zero at the end of the code. Bad news: In July 2017, someone noticed that tickets issued for the violation still had the old code listed on them. That meant all the tickets issued with the wrong number were invalid. New York City was forced to refund the fines paid for all 400,860 tickets issued during that period. Total cost: about $18 million. (And about $8 million more in tickets that had not yet been paid were canceled, bringing the parking fine fiasco’s total cost to more than $26 million. Plus a
ll the administrative costs involved.)

  A POLISH JOKE. In June 2007, a police officer in the traffic division of the Republic of Ireland’s Garda police force noticed something funny: A Polish person named Prawo Jazdy had somehow accumulated dozens of parking and speeding fines—without a single conviction. Then the officer noticed something else funny: “Prawo Jazdy” appears in the top right corner of all Polish drivers licenses—because it’s Polish for “drivers license.” Officers issuing fines to the drivers were mistaking “Prawo Jazdy” for the drivers’ first and last names. The officer who discovered the mistake issued a memo that was sent out to officers across the country, alerting them of the error.

  LATE FEES MAY APPLY? In November 2011, a man walked into the office of the chief of police in the small town of York, Nebraska, and told a clerk that he had found an unpaid parking ticket in his mother’s belongings while cleaning out her home. He then handed a package to the clerk and left. In the package was the unpaid parking ticket, mounted in an antique wood-and-glass picture frame. Date on the ticket: July 13, 1954. Amount of the fine: 10 cents. The man, whose name was not released to the press, paid that fine by taping a dime to the ticket. York Chief of Police Don Klug said he planned to hang the framed ticket on the wall of his office.

  Families of the Titanic’s orchestra members were billed for the cost of their uniforms after the ship went down.

  THEY SHOULD HAVE COPPED TO IT. A parking officer in Chicago issued a ticket to an illegally parked minivan one afternoon in May 2006. The driver of the minivan: Chicago police officer Robert Reid, who had parked the vehicle while responding to a call. Angry to find the parking ticket on his car, Officer Reid, accompanied by three other officers, started berating the parking officer. The supervisor of the city’s Traffic Management Authority, Jacqueline Fegan, happened to be nearby, and she intervened on the traffic officer’s behalf. Officer Reid wasn’t having it. He demanded that Fegan cancel the ticket. She refused, and Reid and the other officers responded by arresting her, placing her in handcuffs, and throwing her into the back of the minivan. Fegan, who claimed her wrist was permanently injured during the incident, sued the officers and the city for false arrest, false imprisonment, battery, and more. In 2009, after three years of litigation…she won. Final cost to the City of Chicago for the $50 parking fine: $1.5 million—which is what the jury awarded Fegan.