Uncle John’s Impossible Questions & Astounding Answers Read online

  Lose Weight the Uncle John Way!

  By the time you reach 70 years old, you will have lost more than 100 pounds of what?

  Anyone for Ping-Pong?

  As cool as that would be to witness, nobody’s eyes have ever popped out of their sockets during an open-eye sneeze. The pressure of a sneeze is confined to your nasal passages, not your eyes. So why do you close your eyes when you sneeze? Like the sneeze itself—a reaction to rid the nasal passages of irritants—closing your eyes is an involuntary reflex.

  But unlike sneezing, it’s still a medical mystery as to exactly why this eye-closing reflex occurs. The two prevailing theories: 1) Closing the eyes keeps nasty sneeze projectiles from spraying into the eyes and then reentering the body; and 2) sneezing forces air backward from the nose through the tear ducts, creating a puff of air that causes the eyes to close.

  Although some people claim to have trained themselves to sneeze with their eyes open, for most of us, if we try to force our eyes to stay open, the sneeze reflex simply diminishes.

  Lose Weight the Uncle John Way!

  Dead skin cells. You shed them at a rate of about 600,000 per hour. If you were somehow able to collect all of this debris, you’d have well over one pound per year and more than 100 pounds by the time you were 70. (Of course, that’s impossible. Most dead skin cells just float away. You would have to vacuum yourself almost constantly.)

  Cheese Factory

  Eight have three bones. Two have two bones. What are they?

  Totally Worth It

  You’ve come down with a severe case of sphenopalatine ganglioneuralgia. It’s unbearable! What did you do to cause yourself so much pain?

  Cheese Factory

  Toes. Your big toe, called your hallux, has only two bones—the proximal and distal phalanges. All your other toes each have three bones: the proximal, middle, and distal phalanges (singularly called a phalanx). The hallux is your main weight-bearing toe; the other little piggies help you maintain balance.

  Totally Worth It

  You ate that bowl of ice cream way too fast. Now you’ve got a nasty ice-cream headache, otherwise known as a “brain freeze” or, as some like to call it, “Iceburger’s Syndrome.” Physicians, however, call it sphenopalatine ganglioneuralgia…which means “pain in the sphenopalatine ganglion”—a cluster of nerve cells located just above the roof of your mouth. So why does this happen? When you consume something cold, this nerve cluster alerts your brain that the temperature inside your head is falling drastically. Your brain tries to warm up the affected area by sending in a rush of blood. The blood vessels first constrict and then dilate, and because the sphenopalatine ganglion lies close to other nerves, the increased blood flow puts pressure on them as well, causing acute but temporary pain to your face and forehead.

  The moral: Slow down. (Like Mrs. Uncle John always says, “Relax. No one is going to take away your ice cream.”)

  Turn Off Your Blinkers

  In the “Flora and Fauna” chapter, we asked how long a cockroach could live without its head. According to an infamous French experiment, how long can a decapitated human head maintain consciousness?

  Turn Off Your Blinkers

  Antoine Lavoisier (1743–94), a French nobleman and scientist, is considered the “father of modern chemistry.” He’s also known for the grisly experiment—his last—that provides the answer to this question.

  First, some background: In his distinguished career, Lavoisier coined the terms oxygen and hydrogen, helped create the metric system, and was the first person to state the law of conservation of mass, which says, “Although matter may change its form or shape, its mass always remains the same.” Despite his discoveries, Lavoisier’s “elitist scientific ways” branded him as an enemy of the people during the French Revolution. Said the judge at his trial, “The Republic needs neither scientists nor chemists; the course of justice cannot be delayed.”

  Verdict: Lavoisier was sentenced to death by the guillotine. Ever the scientist, he asked an associate to stand nearby during the execution. “Watch my eyes after the blade comes down,” he instructed. “I will continue blinking as long as I retain consciousness.” His friend did as he was told, watch in hand.

  The time elapsed between the drop of the blade and Lavoisier’s last blink: 15 seconds. (That didn’t really prove anything, except that humans can still exhibit involuntary muscle movements after they die.)

  Headnote: A year later, French rulers realized they acted a bit overzealously…and exonerated Lavoisier posthumously.

  Pay It No Mind

  When something painful happens to you, it is your brain that tells you that you’re hurting. Why is that odd?

  Iron Chef

  What can be made from these ingredients: bacteria (both dead and dying), mucus, cellulose, cholesterol, phosphates, dead cells, bilirubin, and water?

  Pay It No Mind

  It’s kind of ironic, but the brain—which informs you when something hurts—cannot actually sense pain when the brain itself is injured. Why? There are no nerve endings up there. So if you stub your toe, you’ll scream, but if you stick an ice pick into your brain, you won’t feel a thing. (That’s not to say you won’t experience any odd side effects, or that the skin covering your skull won’t hurt, but at least your brain will refrain from feeling pain.)

  Iron Chef

  Poop. It’s actually three-quarters water, unless you happen to have diarrhea, in which case it’s almost all water. And if you’re constipated, the poop stays inside you too long and a lot of the water is extracted, which results in dry, painful bowel movements. As to the other ingredients: The phosphates are inorganic salts which, along with cholesterol, you didn’t digest. The mucus comes from your intestinal walls. The dead and dying bacteria produce sulfur- or nitrogen-rich organic compounds such as indole, skatole, and mercaptans, as well as hydrogen sulfide. (That’s what makes poop smell.) Bilirubin is a pigment that results from the breakdown of red blood cells. (That’s what makes poop brown.) Finally, the cellulose is the fiber that binds it all together. It also gives your poop traction as it moves through your intestines. Sure, it’s gross—but at least it’s outside of you now. Good riddance!

  PUBLIC LIVES

  In this chapter, we quiz you about movers and shakers both famous and obscure.

  Sign of Genius

  How much did Albert Einstein charge for his autograph—and who was the only celebrity who got it for free?

  Funny Lady

  Who was the first female game-show host to win an Emmy award?

  Sign of Genius

  The greatest thinker of the 20th century charged $1 per autograph, which, in the 1950s, was roughly the equivalent of $10. Einstein did this for two reasons: 1) It reduced the number of people who bothered him for an autograph (for a scientist, he was very famous), and 2) it also helped the charities to which he donated the money. There was, however, one notable exception: Einstein gave a free autograph to one of his heroes, silent film star Charlie Chaplin. The comedic genius accepted the gift humbly, telling the physics genius, “People cheer me because they all understand me, and they cheer you because nobody understands you.”

  Funny Lady

  Betty White. A TV star since the 1950s, she hosted the 1983 NBC daytime game show Just Men! It featured two female contestants who asked yes-or-no questions to seven male celebrities for a chance to win a convertible Ford Mustang. Among the celebrities: Fred Willard, Hervé Villechaize (Tattoo from Fantasy Island), and Wheel of Fortune’s Pat Sajak, who was just starting out. Despite the fact that the show lasted only 13 weeks, White won the 1983 Emmy for Best Daytime Host.

  White won her first Emmy in 1951 for her starring role in the sitcom Life With Elizabeth. In 2010 she won her seventh Emmy for hosting Saturday Night Live.

  Foresight

  Where can you see Louis Armstrong’s famous trumpet?

  Persona Non Grata

  Philip Cohen was a vaudeville performer who went by the name Phil Roy. H
is son, Jacob, followed in his father’s footsteps, performing under the name Jack Roy, but later changed it to what?

  Foresight

  You can’t, but maybe your grandchildren can. That’s because in the year 2000, the U.S. National Archives placed Satchmo’s trumpet into the Millennium Time Capsule, which won’t be opened until 2100—giving our descendants a chance to see a few 20th-century artifacts, including (besides the trumpet) a transistor, a piece of the Berlin Wall, and a film showing Neil Armstrong’s moonwalk.

  Persona Non Grata

  Rodney Dangerfield. Born in 1921 as Jacob Cohen, he spent years trying to break into the comedy business using the name Jack Roy, but met with failure after failure (because he “lacked a persona,” as he put it). Cohen eventually gave up show business and sold aluminum siding to support his family. But he just couldn’t give up on his dream.

  At the age of 45, he returned to the stage, performing his self-deprecating stand-up act in small clubs…and in 1967 landed a spot on The Ed Sullivan Show. His act was a hit, but he wanted to distance himself from his previous (failed) career, so he changed his name to Rodney Dangerfield. Where’d he get that name? A nightclub owner gave it to him. Where did the club owner get it from? He heard Ricky Nelson use it on The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet. Where did Nelson get it from? He heard it on the radio: The name of a comical cowboy character on Jack Benny’s radio show in 1941 was…Rodney Dangerfield.

  Special Delivery

  American actor Andy Garcia (Ocean’s Eleven, The Godfather Part III) was born with what unusual birth defect?

  Macabre Matinee

  What movie was playing in the theater that Lee Harvey Oswald ran into after (allegedly) shooting JFK?

  Special Delivery

  Garcia was not born alone. Immediately after his birth, doctors noticed a softball-sized growth on his left shoulder. It turned out to be an underdeveloped, parasitic twin that had stopped growing early in gestation…and lived off of baby Andy in the womb. The doctors immediately removed the conjoined twin, whereupon it died. (Garcia still has a scar on his shoulder.) After he became a famous actor, his sibling became a running joke on The Howard Stern Show— Stern mused that the twin was “the one who got all the personality.”

  Macabre Matinee

  War Is Hell, a Korean War drama (in black-and-white) directed by Burt Topper and starring Tony Russel. It was the first half of a double feature (the other film was called Cry of Battle) playing at the Texas Theater in Dallas on November 22, 1963. A few blocks away, President Kennedy’s motorcade was traveling down Elm Street; the President was shot while riding in the back of his convertible (a Lincoln).

  Shortly after the movie started, Oswald ran into the theater without paying the 90-cent admission fee. The manager called the police. While a blaze of gunfire was exploding on the screen, Oswald was captured and taken into custody. Interestingly, the film had been delayed from release for three years because of its alleged anti-American sentiments.

  Coming Attractions

  What future Oscar-winning actress was fifth-billed under Justine Bateman, Britta Phillips, and two others as a sex-crazed bass player in the 1988 girl-rocker movie Satisfaction? Who got second billing in that film?

  Coming Attractions

  Julia Roberts. Her big-screen debut came as Daryle, the sex-crazed bass player in this well-publicized but poorly reviewed movie about a girl band trying to make it big. Directed by Joan Freeman (her second and final feature film—her first was 1985’s Street-walkin’), Satisfaction was intended to launch the film career of TV star Bateman (Mallory on Family Ties). But the movie and Bateman’s feature-film career flopped. (Don’t cry for her—she’s had a successful run as a TV actor and fashion designer.)

  Julia Roberts, who was only 20 when Satisfaction was filmed, went on to superstardom two years later after she took a role that several better-known, A-list actresses—including Meg Ryan, Michelle Pfeiffer, and Daryl Hannah—turned down: the hooker with a heart in 1990’s Pretty Woman. Roberts later won a Best Actress Oscar for her starring role in the 2000 legal drama Erin Brockovich.

  Second-billed in Satisfaction: Liam Neeson. He played a nightclub owner and Bateman’s love interest. The Irish actor claims he only took the role because he’d just completed a much darker film called Suspect in which he played a deaf mute accused of murder. After that, Neeson reportedly wanted to spend some time in the sun and be around pretty girls. He claims he’s never actually seen Satisfaction…and never plans to.

  A Sack to Remember

  Who owns Davy Crockett’s pouch?

  All Together Now

  Only three music artists have sold more than 100 million albums twice—first as part of a band, and then again as a solo act. Two of them are Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney. Who is the third?

  Who Said No

  Who begged Pete Townshend to let him take over as drummer of the Who after Keith Moon died?

  A Sack to Remember

  Phil Collins. The British rocker and former Genesis drummer is obsessed with the Alamo; according to some accounts, he believes he was actually there in a past life. Collins owns one of the world’s most extensive collections of Alamo memorabilia, including the pouch in which Davy Crockett kept his musket balls. Several tabloids have reported that a psychic once told the singer he’s the reincarnation of messenger John W. Smith, who played a part in the 1836 battle for Texas independence. But Collins’s lifelong fascination with the Alamo is more than just tabloid fodder; he’s a respected Alamo historian who tours Texas giving lectures on the subject.

  All Together Now

  Phil Collins. He sold 159 million albums as a member of Genesis, and another 155 million albums as a solo act. He’s also won seven Grammy awards and an Academy Award for the song “You’ll Be in My Heart” from Disney’s Tarzan.

  Who Said No

  Phil Collins. He was a big fan of the Who (more than Genesis, it turned out). In the mid-1970s, Collins told Who frontman Pete Townshend, “If you ever need a drummer, I’m there. I’ll leave Genesis in a moment.” After Moon died of a drug overdose in 1978, Collins asked again. Townshend turned him down and chose former Small Faces drummer Kenney Jones instead.

  A Scar Is Born

  How did Tina Fey get her scar?

  The Blue Lagoon? Really?

  What heavyweight movie star was originally slated to star in The Blue Lagoon (1980), Arthur (1981), Night Shift (1982), and Three Amigos (1986)?

  A Scar Is Born

  If you didn’t know that Tina Fey has a scar on her face, it’s because the star of TV’s 30 Rock has spent most of her on-screen career trying to hide it—either with makeup or by making sure she’s filmed from her right side only. She got the scar when she was five years old. Fey was playing in her front yard in Upper Darby, Pennsylvania, when a stranger walked up and cut the left side of her face with a knife. Then he ran away. At first, Fey thought it was a red pen mark. It wasn’t. Little else is known about the incident—Fey herself never talks about it in public. (Her husband, Jeff Richmond, however, spilled the beans to Vanity Fair in 2008.)

  The Blue Lagoon? Really?

  John Belushi. His death by drug overdose in 1982 at the age of 33 sent shock waves throughout the entertainment industry that lasted for years. He was cast in or attached to a dozen film roles, so all the projects had to be either scrapped or postponed after his sudden demise. The biggest movie: Ghostbusters, in which Belushi was scheduled to play the lead. (The part ultimately went to Bill Murray, but Richard Pryor was also considered.) And yes, before he died, Belushi was considered for the lead role in The Blue Lagoon, but the film’s producers realized that the serious tone they were looking for might be jeopardized by the portly Belushi swimming around in a loincloth with Brooke Shields.

  Quack-Up

  What famous 20th-century explorer’s last name translates to “wild duck” in English?

  Upstairs, Downstairs

  Who is the tallest actor to ever win an Academy A
ward? Who is the shortest?

  What a Hunk

  In 1940 the Division of Fine Arts at the University of Southern California selected a male model (a student who posed for sculptors) as having the “most nearly perfect male figure.” Who was this dashing young man?

  Quack-Up

  Yuri Gagarin—the Russian cosmonaut, who, on April 12, 1961, became the first human being to go into space. About an hour and a half after Gagarin blasted off on his one-orbit trip around Earth, his Vostok capsule re-entered the atmosphere. He ejected and then parachuted down onto a field in a remote region of southern Russia, where a farmer and her daughter saw the strange man in an orange jumpsuit fall out of the sky. As they started to run away, Gagarin shouted, “I am a friend, comrades, a friend!”