Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Horse Lover's Companion Read online

  Narragansett pacers were small—about 14 hands tall, on average—and, by many accounts, ugly. They were generally sorrel-colored with a spray of white markings and had unusually long necks. But they were fast and could reportedly travel a mile in less than two minutes.

  The American colonists used them as racehorses. But even though the animals were considered equine aristocrats in the colonies, breeders didn’t like their homely appearance. So the colonists carefully selected and bred Narragansetts with the best, fastest, and most handsome English pacers, giving rise to the modern standardbred. By the end of the Revolutionary War, the breed was extinct.

  For two more lost breeds, turn to page 92.

  Cowboy Jokes

  Herding, roping, branding . . . how did cowboys find the time to come up with such great jokes?

  The Horse Knows

  One day while he was building a barn, the cowboy lost his favorite book. A week later, one of his horses came up to him holding the book in its mouth. The cowboy was stunned. He took the book from the horse and said, “It’s a miracle!”

  “Not exactly,” said the horse. “Your name is written inside.”

  Sink or Swim

  Back in the Wild West, three cowboys were about to be hanged for stealing cattle. The lynch mob brought them to the bank of a nearby river and planned to string them up from a branch over the water. That way, when the men died, they’d just drop into the river and float away. The mob put the noose around the first cowboy’s neck, but he was so sweaty that he slipped right out, fell into the water, and swam away. When the mob strung up the second cowboy, he also slipped out of the noose and got away. As they pulled the third man toward the noose, he was hesitant, and said “Hey! Would you tighten that noose? I can’t swim!”

  The Cowboy Creed

  1.Don’t squat with your spurs on.

  2.Don’t interfere with something that isn’t bothering you.

  3.If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

  4.Never drink downstream from the herd.

  5.Telling a man to get lost and making him do it are two different things.

  6.When you give an animal a lesson in meanness, don’t be surprised if he learns the lesson.

  7.When you ride ahead of the herd, look back once in a while to make sure it’s still there.

  8.Easiest way to double your money: fold it in two and put it in your pocket.

  9.If you start feeling like you’re a man with some influence, try ordering around another man’s horse.

  10.Never miss the opportunity to keep your mouth shut.

  And They’re Off!

  On May 17, 1875, in front of a crowd of about 10,000 people, 15 three-year-old horses competed in the first Kentucky Derby. In the years since, this first leg of the Triple Crown has become “the most exciting two minutes in sports” and is America’s oldest continuously held sporting event.

  Nickname: “The Run for the Roses,” for the blanket of 554 roses draped over the winner

  Racetrack: Churchill Downs, named after John and Henry Churchill, who provided the land for the racetrack. The Churchills were relatives of Meriwether Lewis Clark Jr. (grandson of explorer William Clark), who founded the Louisville Jockey Club.

  Date: First Saturday in May

  Course: 1¼ miles, dirt track

  Field: 3-year-old Thoroughbreds

  Purse: $2 million (2008)

  Notable Jockeys

  •Between 1875 and 1902, African American jockeys won 15 of the 28 Derbys. Thirteen out of 14 starters in the first Derby were African Americans, and one, Oliver Lewis, rode Aristides to victory in the first Derby race. (They placed second in the Belmont Stakes.)

  •The youngest rider to win a Derby was 15-year-old African American jockey Alonzo Clayton, in 1892.

  •Eddie Arcaro and Bill Hardtack are tied for the most Derby wins: five each.

  Traditions

  •The mint julep—a drink consisting of bourbon, mint, sugar, and crushed ice—is the traditional beverage. And burgoo, a thick stew typically made with lamb (sometimes with beef, chicken, or pork) and vegetables, is also served.

  •The University of Louisville marching band plays Stephen Foster’s “My Old Kentucky Home” during the horses’ post parade in front of the grandstands.

  •The Kentucky governor awards the rose garland and trophy to the winner.

  Milestones

  1915: Regret was the first filly to win the Derby. Only two others have matched that feat: Genuine Risk (1980) and Winning Colors (1988).

  1917: English-bred Omar Khayyam was the first foreign-bred horse to win.

  1952: First national television coverage of the Kentucky Derby.

  1954: The purse exceeded $100,000 for the first time.

  1968: The first and only time a horse has won the race and been disqualified. Dancer’s Image was stripped of his title after traces of a banned substance were found in his urine. The drug in question—phenylbutazone—was later legalized for use by racehorses in many states, including Kentucky.

  1970: Diane Crump became the first female jockey to ride in the Derby.

  1973: Secretariat crossed the finish line with the fastest time ever run in the Derby (at its present distance) at 1:59.4. The record still stands.

  2005: The purse distribution was changed so that horses finishing fifth would get a share; previously, only the first four finishers received any.

  That’s a Record

  The Derby is restricted to three-year-olds, and only one horse has won it without racing at age two: Apollo in 1882.

  Hay Is for Horses

  From scrub brush to sugar beets, horse feed has come a long, long way.

  An Evolving Diet

  Ancient people from Greece, Rome, and Egypt held horses in high esteem, both because of the animals’ prominent role in mythology and because only wealthy citizens could afford them. Horses in those days grazed on native grasses and shrubs . . . and just about any other vegetation they could find in their free-ranging paths. Alexander the Great is said to have augmented his horses’ diet with oats—a luxury that, at the time, only a royal could afford.

  Explorers brought horses to the Americas as early as the 1500s, and those colonial workhorses ate wild grass and brush during warm months and whatever scraps their owners could provide in the winter. Since food was scarce, colonists were often forced to turn their horses loose because they couldn’t afford to feed them through the lean seasons.

  It’s Supplemental

  When American colonists began to prosper, though, their animals also fared better. By the 18th and 19th centuries, settlers were supplementing their horses’ diet of wild grass and hay with boiled barley and other grains. In 1834, British entrepreneur Thomas Day introduced the first dietary supplement for horses, known as the “Black Drink.” No one knows exactly what was in the mysterious bottles, but horses loved it and horse owners bought it in droves.

  By the early 20th century, horse owners were helping their animals digest all the roughage in their grass-and-hay diets with a little cod liver oil. In 1935, a formula designed especially for horses, called Super Solvitax Pure Cod Liver Oil, appeared in tack and feed shops. By the 1950s, horse diets included numerous concentrated supplements (in the form of pellets, cubes, and dry mixes): high-carbohydrate grains for extra energy, linseed for protein, and herbs for additional vitamins and minerals.

  Modern-Day Grub

  The well-fed horse today continues to enjoy a diet of mostly hay, and now there is a wide range of designer hays bred to be especially nutritious—like Lucerne Farm’s special blend of timothy, oat, and alfalfa hays and Aden Brook Farm’s bales of pure alfalfa.

  There are also even more supplement choices to provide horses with additional calories and nutrients. In addition to good old carrots and apples for energy and added fiber, sugar-beet pulp aids digestion, and salt licks maintain proper sodium balance. (Horse owners beware: All salt licks are not created equal. They are formulated with trace miner
als, so it is important to offer your horse a salt lick designed for equines.)

  In addition, concentrated grain supplements enriched with vitamins, minerals, and specially formulated antioxidants are widely used. And because of the worry that pellet forms of these concentrates could contain unwanted material, many horse owners prefer to feed their horses these complex grains in a loose form, coated in a sticky syrup that makes the mixture more palatable.

  Not Good Eats

  There are some things horses should never be allowed to eat: milkweed, elderberry, and oleander, because they are all poisonous. Pokeweed, azaleas, and mesquite can cause diarrhea and intestinal discomfort. And black walnuts can lead to depression and colic in horses.

  Women didn’t start riding sidesaddle until the 15th century.

  The Horse Lingo IQ Test

  Solve this quiz using terms that only a horse lover would know.

  1.If your horse is “bomb proof,” what doesn’t he do?

  2.How many flakes are in a bale?

  3.Cowboys use piggin’ strings to tie the legs of what animals?

  4.Monkey nose taps protect a rider’s what?

  5.When a Thoroughbred “breaks his maiden,” he’s just done what?

  6.A skewbald is a pinto that does not have spots of what color?

  7.If a horseman owns a fast mare, a faster gelding, and an even faster stallion, which one will win a distaff race?

  8.If a horse is a “hard keeper,” what does he have trouble maintaining?

  9.What do “rough string” horses do when they are saddled?

  10.What does it mean if a horse has been “roached”?

  Answers on page 222.

  The History of Horseshoes

  A lot like human shoes (though definitely less stylish), horseshoes have been protecting feet for centuries.

  Sandal Up!

  The inventor of the horseshoe is lost to history, but the idea has been around for a long time. Asian horsemen from the second century BC put booties made from hides or plants on their horses’ feet to protect them from injury. And sometime after the first century AD, the Romans introduced leather and metal “hipposandals,” which attached to a horse’s hooves with leather straps.

  Over the next few hundred years, there were some references in literature to horseshoes—in particular, a Koran from the seventh century talks about cavalry horses that “strike fire by dashing their hoofs against the stone.” But it wasn’t until 910 that the horseshoe showed up definitively in print: Byzantine emperor Leo VI mentioned horses’ “crescent-figured irons and their nails.” By about 1000, metal horseshoes were common in Europe and Asia.

  Ruling with an Iron Shoe

  One of the reasons for the shoes’ popularity was that iron had become cheaper and more plentiful by the 11th century. Also, soldiers heading off on the Crusades liked large Flemish horses, but the animals had flat, weak feet (because they lived mostly in damp areas). So horseshoes were necessary to protect their sensitive hooves. In fact, horseshoes became such an important commodity that, in some places, they could be used as money. Horseshoes remained mostly a military accessory, though, until the 13th and 14th centuries, when improvements in manufacturing meant that shoes could be mass-produced and bought ready-made.

  Horseshoes on the Rise

  By the 1600s in Europe, horseshoeing was a full-fledged business. Back then, farriers in Great Britain and France were also horse doctors. During the 17th century, though, they stopped practicing equine medicine and became fulltime blacksmiths.

  With the onset of the Industrial Revolution, horseshoe use and production grew even more. The first machine to cast shoes en masse appeared in 1800, but the first patent for a horseshoe-manufacturing machine was issued in 1835 to New Yorker Henry Burden, who could make 60 shoes every hour. In the 1860s, the Union army had its own machine to make horseshoes, an invaluable tool that gave their cavalries an advantage over the South during the Civil War.

  Little has changed in the horseshoe’s basic design since then. Farriers still use the U-shape horseshoes that they nail (or sometimes glue) onto the horse’s hoof. Steel and aluminum are the most common metals used, but shoes can also incorporate rubber, plastic, magnesium, titanium, and copper. Sports like jumping, eventing, and polo require strong, durable shoes made from steel, but race-horses need light feet, so aluminum is the preferred metal for the track.

  Barefooting

  Not everyone thinks horses need shoes, though. In the wild, of course, horses go barefoot and mostly do fine—natural wear helps to toughen and trim their hooves. And just because shoeing has a long history and has become the most mainstream method of hoof care, say the antihorseshoers, there’s no reason not to strive for a more natural lifestyle.

  Officially called the “barefoot horse movement,” supporters of this cause have been around for decades and argue that when horses’ feet are trimmed and cared for properly, they don’t need shoes. The type of terrain the horse trains on is the most important factor. And besides being more comfortable for the horse, the benefits of going natural include a lower risk of laminitis and navicular syndrome, both of which can make horses lame and, in some cases, can threaten their lives.

  Going from shod to barefoot can be a long process, and horses have to spend at least a year training on natural surfaces like grass and dirt before they develop tough enough feet to walk on hard surfaces like cement and asphalt. But once their feet adapt, they can go almost anywhere shod horses can. (Hoof boots can provide protection during the transition.)

  Hoofed Golden Retrievers?

  Gypsy horses are docile and sturdy, qualities that have earned them the nickname “golden retrievers with hooves.” About 100 years ago, nomadic Roma gypsies in England and Ireland started breeding these horses specifically for that temperament. The Roma needed low-maintenance draft horses to pull their wagons. And they wanted their horses to reflect their peaceful culture. Aggressive horses were usually sold to maintain the breed’s friendly nature.

  Today, gypsy horses go by several names: Irish cobs, Irish tinkers, gypsy cobs, and others. But they’re all the same, sturdy draft horses, recognizable by their silky tails and manes, feathered legs, hardiness, and gentle disposition.

  Big Red2

  Man o’ War or Secretariat? When it came to picking the greatest racehorse of all time, we just couldn’t choose a favorite.

  Man o’ War

  The Early Years: In 1917, Eleanor Belmont (wife of August Belmont Jr. of the Belmont Stakes) named her stable’s new foal Man o’ War to honor her husband’s service in World War I. (Actually, she tried to name the horse “My Man o’ War,” but when she sent in his registration to the Jockey Club, they dropped “My” from the name.)

  Soon after, the Belmonts had to sell their yearlings—the war years were tough financially—and horseman Sam Ridder bought the colt for $5,000. (Later, Ridder turned down $1 million for Man o’ War.) The fiery, chestnut colt was difficult to break, and when a jockey mounted Man o’ War for the first time, the horse threw him 40 feet.

  Life at the Track: In 1919, in his first race at Belmont Park, “Big Red” (so nicknamed because of his color) won by six lengths. Three days later, he won the Keene Memorial Stakes. Then, despite carrying 130 pounds of extra weight as a handicap, the two-year old easily took his next four races. Soon, racing pundits claimed that Big Red was unbeatable.

  In the two seasons he competed, Man o’ War ran in 21 races—and won 20 times. The one time he missed out on the winner’s circle, he came in second. An error on the part of the starter caused him to enter the race late, and his flustered jockey let them get boxed in so that Man o’ War couldn’t race to the lead. Stable employees claimed that Big Red had nightmares after the defeat. In fact, what made the big horse so endearing to many fans was the contrast between his bold winning ways and his anxious demeanor between races. In the barn while waiting to race, Man o’ War nervously chewed on his hooves like a person chewing on fingernails—especially if
he couldn’t spend time with his beloved stable companion, a horse named Major Treat.

  Big Wins: During his career, Man o’ War set three world records, two American records, and three track records. He was such a star that the Jockey Club handicapper wanted to put more weight on him than any horse had ever carried. But rather than risk injury, Ridder retired Man o’ War to a stud farm where he lived until his death in 1947. Many racing buffs consider Man o’ War the greatest of all racehorses, and on Blood-Horse magazine’s list of the 100 best racehorses of the 20th century, Man o’ War is first.

  Secretariat

  The Early Years: But what about Secretariat? Sure, he ranks #2 on Blood-Horse’s list, but he also has quite a record. In 1969, breeder Penny Cherney lost a coin toss. The winner, Ogden Phipps, got to choose the foal he wanted from the mating of his stallion Bold Ruler and Cherney’s mare, Somethingroyal. Phipps chose the first foal the pair produced, leaving Cherney with the second—a chestnut colt named Secretariat, who was born on March 29, 1970.

  Life at the Track: Like Man o’ War, Secretariat was big and red. But unlike Man o’ War, young Secretariat didn’t win his first race. That contest began with a traffic jam at the starting gate—the colt nearly fell, but managed to finish fourth. Secretariat won his next races easily, though, and by the time his first season was over, the new “Big Red” had won the Hopeful Stakes, the Belmont Futurity, the Laurel Futurity, and the Garden State Stakes, among others. He was so impressive on the track that polls named him Horse of the Year—a rare honor for a two-year-old.