Uncle John’s Impossible Questions & Astounding Answers Read online

  Cha Cha Cha

  An oddity in the precision game of professional baseball, it’s the knuckleball. Whereas fastballs, sliders, and curveballs are all intended to hit a specific target, no one knows exactly where a knuckler will end up—not the catcher, the umpire, the announcers, and definitely not the batter. Batters hate knuckleballs: Not only do they appear to dance all over the place, but they travel about 30 mph slower than most other pitches. That makes a knuckleball look tantalizing—like a beach ball floating toward home plate, daring to be swung at. But when the slugger lets loose, his bat usually ends up a foot away from the ball, making him look foolish.

  The knuckleball takes such an odd path to the plate because it doesn’t spin. That’s because of the way it’s gripped, with the fingertips. (It got its name because early knucklers gripped the ball with their knuckles.) With every other pitch, the baseball spins so fast that the seams present a fairly consistent surface for the air to pass over. Not so with the knuckler: The seams act like air foils, creating little swirls, or vortices, which cause pockets of low air pressure to form around the ball. Because air always flows from high pressure to low, as it does, it pushes the ball this way and that all the way to home plate—commonly referred to as “dancing.” The most successful knuckleballer of the modern era is Red Sox pitcher Tim Wakefield, who struck out more than 2,000 frustrated batters with this devilish pitch.

  Gone, Baby, Gone

  What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?

  What the Flock?

  Were boomerangs ever used to hunt animals? If so, how?

  Gone, Baby, Gone

  A stick. Or, in the case of an Australian weapon, a kylie. Unlike boomerangs, kylies are not designed to return to the thrower. Like boomerangs, kylies are curved, but the curve is less pronounced. (They look sort of like a Nike swoosh.) These lethal hunting sticks predate boomerangs. Originally made out of wood or bone, the kylie was thrown parallel to the ground; it spun quickly as it traveled toward its target. A skilled hunter could kill his prey from a distance of 50 to 80 yards, but if he missed, it was a long walk to pick it up—a well-thrown kylie could travel the length of nearly two football fields.

  Footnote: Australian R&B singer Kylie Minogue was named after the Aboriginal throwing stick.

  What the Flock?

  Although the kylie was the Aborigines’ main hunting weapon, it’s the boomerang that has become famous all over the world. That’s because for most of its existence, the boomerang was used primarily as a toy or for competition. But it did have one use in hunting, and it’s quite ingenious: Aborigines placed large nets not far off the ground and then waited for a flock of birds to fly overhead. When they did, the hunter threw his boomerang high in the air so that it swooped back toward the flock, resembling a bird of prey. The birds would dive to avoid the boomerang…and some would get caught in the nets.

  Spoil Sports

  What two cities in the 20th century turned down a chance to host the Olympic Games, and for what reason?

  Spoil Sports

  Rome (1908) and Denver (1976).

  • Two years before the Rome Games were set to begin, the Italian government backed out. Reason: Mt. Vesuvius had erupted near Naples, and the cost of cleaning up after the disaster was too high. That was the reason officials gave publicly. Behind closed doors, however, the decision to not host had been made before Vesuvius erupted. Real reason: The cash-strapped nation simply couldn’t afford it. The volcano gave them the perfect excuse.

  • Denver’s refusal came not from the government but from Colorado citizens. After a state delegation competed for and won the chance to host the Winter Olympics, it was placed on the ballot in 1972. Nearly 60 percent of voters voted no. Their reasons mostly had to do with cost and environmental concerns, but the arrogance of supporters didn’t help either: They accused opponents of the Games as being backward, willfully contrarian, and even unpatriotic. Plus, this was the beginning of the Green Movement, and the Games would have been played over a 166-mile span between Denver and Steamboat Springs. People worried about traffic, overbuilding, and an influx of visitors who might want to move there. Also not helping matters: The state government promised that the cost would be capped at $5 million. Opponents pointed out that the 1960 Winter Olympics in Squaw Valley, California, had been projected to cost $1 million and ended up costing $13.5 million. Coloradans decided to keep their money.

  Preempted

  Why weren’t all of the Chicago Cubs’ 116 wins in the ’06 season televised?

  Most Valuable Slayer

  Why did the Chinese government ban a LeBron James Nike commercial?

  Preempted

  It’s a trick question: None of the games were televised because the Cubs won 116 games in the 1906 season. That was the most wins in a season that the Cubs have ever had. The record still stands as the highest single-season winning percentage (.763) in Major League history. The Cubs lost the World Series that year to the White Sox, but would go on win two consecutive world championships in 1907 and ’08…and then never, ever again (yet).

  Most Valuable Slayer

  In the 2004 computer-animated commercial aimed at Chinese youth, the rookie NBA sensation dribbled the ball over two Chinese dragons. Bad idea: Unlike “evil” European dragons, their Chinese counterparts have been revered in Asia for thousands of years. To this day, it’s a social taboo to slay a dragon—either real or imaginary. Result: The Nike commercial caused a national uproar in China, not only because James slew the dragons, but also because he dunked on a kung fu master as well as two holy flying women. The Chinese government banned the ad, claiming it did not “respect the motherland’s culture.” Or, as a Beijing newspaper columnist put it, “What would Americans think if Chinese people made fun of Mount Rushmore?”

  Baffling

  What sport, popular in the early 1800s, commonly used a “baffling spoon”?

  Men at Work

  What sporty fact do all these men have in common: Samuel L. Jackson, Steve Martin, Aaron Spelling, Johnny Campbell, Franklin D. Roosevelt, Ronald Reagan, and George W. Bush?

  Marco…

  How much older is polo than water polo?

  Baffling

  The sport was golf—popular in the early 1800s and still going strong today. A baffling spoon, also known as a baffy, was a driver used to hit the ball down the fairway (the modern equivalent would be a 4-wood). Today, most clubs are numbered, but back then they had much more fun names, including jigger, mashie-niblick, brassie, and cleek.

  Men at Work

  They were all cheerleaders in college (or in Jackson’s case, in high school). Who is Johnny Campbell? He invented cheerleading in 1898 during a University of Minnesota football game when he jumped in front of the crowd and yelled, “Rah, Rah, Rah! Ski-u-mah, Hoo-Rah! Hoo-Rah! Varsity! Varsity! Minnesota!”

  …Polo!

  About 2,500 years. Polo is one of the oldest team sports. The hockey-like game that’s played on horseback is a pastime of the upper crust today, but back in 600 B.C., when it was invented by Mongolian cavalry soldiers, it was a warfare training exercise. The name comes from the word pulu, meaning “ball” in the Balti language of Tibet. Water polo began in the mid-19th century in English lakes and rivers as an aquatic form of rugby. Today, it looks more like “water soccer” (except players throw the ball instead of kick it). Water polo is widely considered to be the world’s most physically demanding sport.

  Not Very Ladylike

  Who was the only female athlete at the 1976 Summer Olympics in Montreal who didn’t have to take a gender test?

  Not Very Ladylike

  England’s Princess Anne, who competed in the equestrian events. Every other female athlete in the 1976 Summer Games was required to undergo a “sex test.”

  The controversial subject of gender verification first came up in the modern Olympics after the 1936 Berlin Games when U.S. Olympic Committee president Avery Brundage accused two women of being men in disguise.
They were Czech track star Zdenka Koubkova and English shot-putter Mary Edith Louise Weston. (Neither were men, but they both later underwent sex-change operations.)

  Accusations of gender fraud dogged the Olympics for the next three decades, and came to a head after a 1967 scandal involving Polish runner Ewa Kłobukowska. Three years after winning a Gold Medal, she was tested…and failed. It wasn’t because she was a man, but because of a rare genetic disorder that slightly altered her chromosomes. Although Kłobukowska’s condition gave her no competitive advantage, she was banned from the Olympics for life. After that, gender testing became discretionary, meaning that only “suspicious” athletes were tested. Apparently, in ’76, Princess Anne was the only female athlete who didn’t look suspicious. (No doubt her mom, Queen Elizabeth II, vouched for her.) Gender testing was banned in 1999 because it was deemed “sexist, invasive, and ineffective.” However, the allegations haven’t gone away, and there are talks of reviving the tests in the future.

  Whole Lotta Shakin’

  You put the golf ball on the tee. You line up your club. You begin to swing…and an earthquake shakes your ball off the tee. Do you get a do-over?

  The Disabled List

  How much more likely are you to be injured playing pro football than pro basketball?

  Time to Retire

  The Miami Heat basketball team has retired two numbers: 13 and 23. Why is this unusual?

  Whole Lotta Shakin’

  No matter what the cause—be it earthquake, tornado, falling tree, or maniacal gopher: If you’ve begun your swing and the ball falls off the tee, it still counts as a stroke. Tough game, golf.

  The Disabled List

  NFL players are 12 times more likely to be injured than NBA players. (Basketball is the second-most injury-prone sport.) Knee injuries are common in both sports but more so in basketball: They make up about two-thirds of basketball injuries and about one-third of football injuries.

  Time to Retire

  No player with either of those numbers ever played for Miami’s pro basketball team. The Heat retired #23 to honor NBA legend Michael Jordan, who played for the Chicago Bulls and the Washington Wizards. While that’s unusual, it’s not unprecedented. (For example, every Major League Baseball club has retired Jackie Robinson’s #42.) What is unprecedented: The Heat also retired #13 in honor of Dan Marino, the Miami Dolphins’ Hall-of-Fame football quarterback. It’s the only case of a team retiring the number of a player who played a different sport.

  HISTORY OF THE WORLD

  Hear ye, hear ye: Ye will now be tested on EVERYTHING that has EVER happened in the ENTIRE world (minus North America…and minus most things that happened anywhere else).

  High Society

  What building had the longest reign as the tallest structure in the world, and what building overtook it?

  Well Documented

  Which country has the world’s oldest still-active constitution?

  High Society

  For 3,800 years, Egypt’s Great Pyramid of Giza was the world’s tallest building, rising 480 feet above the desert floor. Built circa 2560 B.C. as a tomb for the Pharaoh Khufu, the Great Pyramid took thousands of workers 20 years to complete. It’s as wide as it is tall, with a footprint of 13 acres—the size of 10 football fields. The building that overtook it: the Lincoln Cathedral, an English church completed in 1311. Until its spire blew off in 1549, it was 524 feet tall.

  Well Documented

  The country with the oldest constitution that’s still in use is San Marino, a tiny European nation located inside northern Italy, high in the Apennine Mountains. Population: 32,000. Area: 24 square miles.

  San Marino was founded in A.D. 301 by Croatian mason (and future saint) Marinus. Its constitution is much younger, drafted around 1600, but unlike the constitutions of every other nation, it has remained unchanged. Why? Because the country is so small that there hasn’t been the kind of internal strife that often leads to constitutional amendments. Besides, no armies have ever thought to invade San Marino, which also could have led to changes in its constitution; it’s too isolated and has no significant bodies of water or even any level land (except for soccer fields). Locals, however, credit the nation’s stability to its serene setting. How serene? The country’s official name is the Most Serene Republic of San Marino.

  Say It Loud

  What declaration made celebrities out of Hiroo Onoda and Teruo Nakamura in 1974?

  Say It Loud

  Nearly 30 years after World War II ended, the last two Japanese soldiers finally formally surrendered. Hiroo Onoda and Teruo Nakamura had both been assigned to remote posts—Onoda in the Philippines and Nakamura in Indonesia. After Japan’s defeat, they were believed to be dead, but they soldiered on.

  Onoda, an intelligence officer and saboteur, led a dwindling band of holdouts in mini-battle campaigns against Filipino farmers, who tried—to no avail—to convince Onoda and his men that the war was over. The farmers fought back until Onoda was the only one left. He lived alone in the woods, and would have died there had it not been for a Japanese college dropout named Norio Suzuki, who told his friends he was going to find “Lieutenant Onoda, a panda, and the Abominable Snowman, in that order.” In early 1974, Suzuki did find Onoda and the two became friends, but Onoda still refused to surrender…unless he was ordered to do so by his superior officer. So Suzuki returned to Japan and told his tale to the government. Officials tracked down the soldier’s ex-commander, who now owned a bookstore, and flew him to the Philippines. He ordered Onoda to surrender.

  A few months after Onoda toured Japan as the “last World War II soldier,” Teruo Nakamura was spotted by a pilot who noticed a small camp in the middle of the Indonesian wilderness. He took a bit of convincing as well, but surrendered a short time later. Both men were given back pay and a modest pension.

  By Any Other Name

  Uncle John’s original surname was Poopenheimer, but he changed it out of embarrassment. (He now regrets that change.) In 1917 the British Royal Family also changed their surname. What did they change it from (not Poopenheimer), and why?

  Native Tongue

  What were ientaculum, praendium, merenda, and cena?

  By Any Other Name

  The British Royal Family’s surname was once Saxe-Coburg-Gotha, a name it shared with many European royal houses. During World War I, while England was mired in a fierce conflict with Germany, the Royal Family decided that a less German-sounding surname might ease tensions at home. So in 1917 they changed their name to the more British-sounding House of Windsor, after one of their many royal homes, Windsor Castle.

  Native Tongue

  Ancient Roman mealtimes. With more time on their hands than most of us have today, well-to-do Romans enjoyed four meals a day. What we’d call breakfast was ientaculum, followed by a lunch-like praendium. Merenda was a light afternoon meal comparable to the British tea time, and then came cena (supper).

  A family dining by themselves might take an hour for a cena of fruits, vegetables, breads, and grain porridge. However, if the family were hosting company, they were expected to provide a multiple-course extravaganza with a rich variety of wines and exotic foods—ostrich, peacock, or boiled dormice (a bird) dipped in honey and poppy seeds. These lavish cenas could last up to four hours.

  Footnote: Rome was the first city in history to have more than one million citizens. The next city to achieve that feat was London in the 1800s.

  The Papal Chase

  In the history of the Roman Catholic Church, only one man served as pope three separate times. Who was he?

  The Papal Chase

  Pope Benedict IX (1012–56)—arguably the worst pope ever. How bad was he? According to a later Pope, Victor III, Benedict IX committed “rapes, murders and other unspeakable acts.” (Those “other unspeakable acts” were, reportedly, bestiality.) How could such a horrible man ascend to a level of such prominence three times? Corruption.

  Benedict was born Theophylactus of Tusculum into
a wealthy Roman family, and two of his uncles had previously served as pope. His rich father basically bought Benedict the papacy—through bribes and political pressure—in 1032 when Benedict was a teenager. Unspeakable acts commenced.

  Four years later, Benedict was forced out of Rome by outraged clerics, only to return a few months later and forcibly retake his position. In 1044 he was deposed again…until his armed forces regained control. Less than a year later, Benedict had grown tired of the job, so he sold the papacy to one of his uncles. Soon after, he changed his mind and took it back by force. By this point, Holy Roman Emperor Henry III had tired of all the papal shenanigans and ordered his army to remove Benedict once and for all. Henry then promoted John, bishop of Sabinato, to pope (John served as Sylvester III and was later charged with bribing his way into the position). Meanwhile, the excommunicated Benedict slunk home to Tusculum as just Theophylactus again. And then he died.