Uncle John's Top Secret Bathroom Reader for Kids Only! Read online

  Seventy-five percent of the world’s pineapples are grown in one place: Hawaii.

  YETI SIGHTINGS

  1832: English explorer B. H. Hodson reports being attacked by a “wild man” who “moved erectly, was covered in long, dark hair, and had no tail.” The Sherpas call it a rakshas, which means “demon.”

  1889: Another English explorer, L. A. Waddell, finds a trail of giant footprints at 17,000 feet in the Himalayas. His Sherpa guides tell him they’re from a yeti.

  1951: Mountaineer Eric Shipton takes photographs of giant footprints—13 inches wide and 18 inches long—on Mount Everest. Some experts claim these photos are proof that the yeti really exists.

  1958: Dr. Osman Hill of London performs blood tests on a shriveled hand believed to have come from a yeti. The tests reveal the hand is “not human.”

  1991: The Unsolved Mysteries TV show had parts of the hand analyzed at UCLA. Tests confirm that it came from something not human…but “close to human.”

  YETI “FACTS”

  According to legend…

  • A full-grown yeti is huge—nearly nine feet tall.

  • It has shaggy hair everywhere except on its face.

  Q: What is a female polar bear’s favorite state? A: I don’t know, Alaska!

  • Its huge hands can kill a yak (a large, long-haired ox) with a single blow.

  • A baby yeti has bright red fur. As it grows older, the fur becomes darker.

  • The yeti is nocturnal—it sleeps during the day and hunts at night—and may live as long as 30 years.

  • It doesn’t actually live in the snow. It lives along the tree line, right below where the snow remains in the mountains all year long. It only goes into the snow to travel from valley to valley.

  • Even though there is still no hard proof of its existence, the people of Bhutan, a small country in the Himalayas, have declared the yeti their national animal.

  A living red sponge, when pushed through a net, will reassemble itself completely.

  MORE MATH MAGIC

  Want to mind-boggle your friends and family? Follow the instructions below…but don’t look at the answer until you have completed all the steps!

  1. Pick a number between 5 and 9.

  2. Subtract 5.

  3. Multiply by 3.

  4. Square the number (multiply it by itself).

  5. Add the digits in the number together until you get only one digit. Example: For 64, add 6 + 4 = 10, then add 1 + 0 = 1. For 9, add 9 + 0 = 9.

  6. If the number is less than 5, add 5. Otherwise subtract 4.

  7. Multiply by 2.

  8. Subtract 6.

  9. Give the digit its corresponding letter in the alphabet (1 = A, 2 = B, 3 = C, 4 = D, 5 = E, etc.).

  10. Pick a name of a country (not a state) that begins with that letter.

  11. Now take the second letter in the country’s name and think of a mammal that begins with that letter.

  12. Think of the most common color of that mammal.

  Answer

  A Gray Elephant from Denmark. If you didn’t get that answer, you either thought of a really unique country and a really unique mammal…or you need to check your math and try again!

  Foiled again! Americans use about 8 million miles of aluminum foil each year.

  AMAZING COINCIDENCES

  The universe works in mysterious ways. Want proof? Here are six examples.

  LATE TRAIN

  In 1929 American novelist Thomas Wolfe told a friend that his next book would be about some passengers on a train. He planned to call it K-19, after the number of the railroad car in which the people were riding. He never wrote the story, but when he died in 1938, Wolfe’s body was shipped home for burial by train. The number of the railroad car in which his body was placed? K-19!

  STRIKE THREE

  In 1949 Rolla Primarda of Taranto, Italy, was struck and killed by a bolt of lightning. According to the U.S. Weather Service, the odds of that happening to anyone are about 600,000 to 1. But what makes Primarda’s fate so amazing is that his father had been struck down by lightning 20 years earlier in the exact same spot. Even more amazing: 30 years before that, his grandfather had died…in the same place and in the very same way.

  SPECIAL DELIVERY

  In 1971 Mrs. Willard Lovell of Berkeley, California, accidentally locked herself out of her house. She was struggling to force her way inside when the postman arrived with a letter. Her brother had stayed with her a few weeks before and had forgotten to return the spare key when he left. The key was in the envelope!

  According to The New York Times Magazine, Spam makes a good furniture polish.

  OUT OF THE PAST

  In the 1920s, American writer Anne Parrish and her husband were browsing in a bookstore in Paris, when she came upon a special children’s book. It was a well-worn edition of Jack Frost and Other Stories. She immediately showed it to her husband, remarking that the story had been one of her favorites as a little girl. Her husband opened the book and was stunned to read the inscription inside: “Anne Parrish, 209 N. Weber Street, Colorado Springs, Colorado.” It was Anne’s old book!

  DOUBLE WHAMMY

  In 1787 Jabez Spicer was killed by two bullets during a skirmish near Springfield, Massachusetts. At the time, Spicer was wearing a coat that had belonged to his brother Daniel—the same coat Daniel had worn when he was shot by two bullets in 1784. Not only that, the bullets that killed Jabez passed through the same holes made by the bullets that had killed his brother three years before!

  SECRET AGENT KID

  A 15-year-old student at Argoed High School in North Wales, Pennsylvania, went to take his examinations in 1990 and was randomly assigned the examination number 007 by a computer. His name? Bond…James Bond.

  In China, if you find a bone in your food, it’s customary to spit it out…right on the table.

  STRAIGHT TALK

  Cool quotes from some cool folks.

  “There’s plenty of days when I’m like, ‘Oh God, why?’ But that’s just life. Every moment is not perfect.”

  —Beyoncé

  “You may go years without winning. That’s OK, as long as you keep trying to improve.”

  —Tiger Woods

  “My theory is that if you look confident, you can pull off anything—even if you have no clue what you’re doing.”

  —Jessica Alba

  “I’m not concerned about my weight. I’ve always been healthy. I eat right. I’m just a big dude. I’ve always been happy with the person I am.”

  —Ruben Studdard

  “Dumb is just not knowing. Ditzy is having the courage to ask!”

  —Jessica Simpson

  “I don’t believe that old cliché that good things come to those who wait. They come to those who want something so bad they can’t sit still.”

  —Ashton Kutcher

  “I think being different, being against the grain of society, is the greatest thing in the world.”

  —Elijah Wood

  “Always tell the truth. You might not have many friends, but you’ll never have enemies, because people will always know where you’re coming from.”

  —Pink

  He’s no jackass: On a cold, rainy day a horse always stands with its butt to the wind.

  THE WIZARD OF OOPS

  Even a classic movie like The Wizard of Oz (1939) can have bloopers. The next time you watch it, see if you can spot these.

  Scene: At the farm in Kansas, Dorothy slips while walking on a fence and falls into a pigpen.

  Blooper: When Dorothy gets out of the pigpen, she hasn’t got a speck of dirt or mud on her.

  Scene: When Dorothy meets the Scarecrow, he’s attached to a pole in a cornfield.

  Blooper: First his head is above the pole. Then it’s below the pole. His position changes several times throughout the scene.

  Scene: Dorothy helps the Scarecrow off the pole.

  Blooper: Watch the length of her pigtails go up and down nearly six inche
s throughout the scene.

  Scene: The trees throw apples at Dorothy and the Scarecrow. The Scarecrow backs away and falls down.

  Blooper: Look carefully at Dorothy’s feet. She should be wearing the ruby slippers, but she’s not—she’s wearing black shoes.

  Scene: At the end of the poppy field scene, Dorothy and her friends link arms while skipping off to the Land of Oz.

  Odds that a person trying a new pen will test it by writing their own name: 97%.

  Blooper: Watch the Cowardly Lion’s tail. The “invisible” fishing line holding it up scrapes across the top of some of the poppies, knocking the snow off them.

  Scene: The Lion sings “If I Were King of the Forest.”

  Blooper: His crown falls off his head and bounces…even though it’s supposed to be a porcelain flowerpot.

  Scene: When Dorothy and her pals are on their way to get the Wicked Witch’s broom, the Cowardly Lion is seen holding an old-fashioned chemical sprayer and a large butterfly net.

  Blooper: Suddenly, the chemical sprayer and butterfly net disappear and the Lion is holding his tail.

  Scene: Climbing the rocks outside the Wicked Witch’s castle, the Tin Man pulls himself up by the Cowardly Lion’s tail.

  Blooper: A block of wood was used to reinforce the tail. It can be seen outlined under the costume.

  Scene: The Tin Man, the Cowardly Lion, and the Scarecrow sneak into the Wicked Witch’s castle to free Dorothy. The Tin Man breaks through the door with an ax.

  Blooper: Where did the ax come from? He wasn’t carrying it when he ran up the stairs.

  Scene: Back in the Emerald City, Toto reveals the Wizard standing behind the curtain.

  Passing the buck: Paper money was invented in China.

  Blooper: Toto doesn’t use his mouth to pull the curtain aside—the curtain is tied to the dog’s neck. When Dorothy confronts the Wizard, you can see her take the rope off Toto’s neck.

  * * *

  BEHIND THE SCENES IN OZ

  • At the beginning of the “We’re off to see the Wizard!” scene with the Scarecrow, the Tin Man, and Dorothy, there is a strange movement in the forest behind them. There was a bizarre rumor that it was a member of the crew hanging himself. But it’s actually a large bird (possibly a stork) stretching its wings. If you look carefully, you can also find a toucan and a peacock in the Tin Man’s forest.

  • Margaret Hamilton, who played the Wicked Witch of the West, spent six weeks in the hospital after she was burned while filming the Munchkin scene. Her green face makeup caught fire when she disappeared in a puff of smoke.

  • The Cowardly Lion’s costume was made of two real lion skins and weighed more than 50 pounds.

  • Check out the “horses of a different color” in the Emerald City. The purple one can be seen trying to lick its color off. That’s because the horses were painted with colored Jell-O. They liked the taste so much that their scenes had to be filmed quickly before they licked off all their coloring.

  There are two brick roads in the book The Wizard of Oz—one is yellow, the other is red.

  THRONE AWARDS

  Forget the Oscars and the Emmys. These awards really matter.

  AWARD: Most Complicated Toilet

  WINNER: Ayse Birsel of New York City wins for her toilet, dubbed the Zöe Washlet. Features: a self-lifting lid triggered by a motion detector, a heated seat, and a built-in flush simulator to cover any trumpet noises. It freshens the air after use and even washes and dries your butt for you!

  AWARD: Most Expensive Bathroom

  WINNER: Everything in Lam Sai-Wing’s Hong Kong bathroom is made of 24 carat gold: the toilet, the floor tiles, the mirror frames—even the chandelier. The only thing that’s not all-gold is the ceiling, which is studded with 6,200 diamonds, pearls, rubies, sapphires, emeralds and amber. Cost: $3.5 million!

  AWARD: Best Top Secret Toilet

  WINNER: Marco Schimmel of Holland designed the UriLift urinal. During the day it’s hidden under the street beneath what looks like a man-hole cover. At night the UriLift is lifted up to street level by remote control so late night party animals won’t use a wall.

  If you had the jumping power of a grasshopper, you could jump half a mile straight up.

  GUESS I’LL GO EAT WORMS

  Entomophagy is the scientific name for eating bugs. Sound disgusting? Maybe, but people all over the world do it—bugs are packed with protein and nutrients. And, as you already know, the world is crawling with ’em.

  MC BUGS

  Satapol Polprapas lives in Thailand and he loves eating insects so much that he created a fast-food restaurant with only bugs on the menu. The restaurant, called Insect Inter, became so successful that Polprapas expanded the operation. Now there are more than 60 locations throughout Thailand. Insect Inter’s motto is, “Never mind the look, it tastes great!” Just think, for about 30 baht (70 cents) you can get an order of Cuppa-Critters to go. What else is on the menu? Grasshopper Salad and Cricket Tempura. Yum! Polprapas hopes that “our crispy, crunchy crickets will replace popcorn as the favorite snack in the cinema.”

  SPECIAL DELIVERY

  If you’d like to try insects, but a trip to Thailand is out of the question, why not order your bugs by mail? Insect Inter will ship them to you. For $4 you can get a can of Mixed Insects, which includes mole crickets and water beetles. They’re cooked, salted, and ready to eat. Or how about the most popular insect treat in Thailand—giant water bugs. They’re great in spicy salads! If that’s not tasty enough, some connoisseurs also enjoy roasted bamboo worms or fried black scorpions.

  Sit? Fetch? Studies show that the best time to teach earthworms tricks is just before midnight.

  BAKING WITH BUGS

  Creative chefs use bugs to make candy, fritters, muffins, fried crisps, soup, salad, and even cookies. Here’s one of Uncle John’s favorite bug recipes, from the Iowa State University entomology department’s list of Tasty Insect Recipes.

  BANANA WORM BREAD

  Ingredients:

  cup shortening

  cup sugar

  2 bananas, mashed

  2 cups flour

  1 tsp. baking soda

  1 tsp. salt

  cup chopped nuts

  2 eggs

  cup dry-roasted army worms (a type of yellow-green caterpillar found in fields and gardens)

  Directions:

  1. Pre-heat oven to 350°F. Rub a little shortening on the inside of a loaf pan.

  2. In a large bowl, mix together all ingredients.

  3. Pour the batter into the pan, and bake for 1 hour.

  4. Remove from oven, let cool, then remove from pan. Cut into 1/2-inch slices and eat…if you dare.

  The mosquito’s buzzing is caused by its wings—they beat 600 times per second.

  LION HUNTERS

  Why do people do things the way they do? Often it’s because that’s the way their parents did them. After several generations, the old ways become traditions.

  LIONHEARTED WARRIORS

  Masai warriors stand out in a crowd. Tall, thin, and muscular, with dark brown skin, these tribesmen from East Africa wear their traditional tunics of bright red cloth that can be seen for miles across the dry plains. Despite centuries of contact with the modern world, these proud warriors continue to live as they always have, according to the customs and ways of their ancestors. They live with their families in villages of dung huts and eat traditional Masai food—mostly a combination of cow’s blood and milk.

  Of the 42 tribes of Kenya, the Masai are the most famous. Why? Maybe it’s because of their reputation as fierce hunters. The Masai own huge herds of cows—and they will do anything to protect their cattle from predators, especially the fiercest predators: lions.

  MORANI

  When Masai boys turn 15, they are initiated into manhood and become morani (warriors). Many years ago, to become a full-fledged moran, each boy had to face and kill a lion single-handedly, armed only with a spear. Today, because of conservat
ion laws aimed at protecting lions from being overhunted, the tradition has changed: boys in the same age group share a lion kill—but it remains an important part of their coming-of-age ritual.

  The Masai speak a language called maa. That’s where the name Masai comes from.

  Other moran traditions:

  • Once they are accepted as warriors, these young men spend the next five to seven years as a unit. They eat together, drink together, and live together.

  • They never go anywhere without their long spears, their swords, and their bows and arrows.

  • They wear their hair long and spend hours a day working on their hairstyles, daubing a red-brown mud into the hair and then plaiting it in tight braids. The effect is dramatic—the mark of a Masai warrior.

  ON THE JOB

  But a moran’s main job is to protect his village and its herd of cattle. The Masai don’t farm or fish. They roam across the plains with their cattle. In fact, the Masai believe that God gave all of the cattle in the world to them for safekeeping. So they’ve also become expert cattle thieves, which has caused problems for neighboring tribes and ranchers.

  Crappy vacation: Paris offers tours of its sewer system.

  FOOD FOR THOUGHT

  The Masai get most of their food from their cattle—milk and blood—which they harvest like milk. They pierce a big vein in a cow’s neck with an arrow and catch the blood in a gourd. Then they mix the blood with milk and let it curdle into custard. This is the Masai daily meal, and it allows them to live off their herds for great lengths of time. Occasionally they eat the meat, but only rarely, and usually as part of a celebration or feast.