Uncle John’s Unsinkable Bathroom Reader Read online

  Uncle John’s

  UNSINKABLE

  BATHROOM

  READER®

  By the

  Bathroom Readers’

  Institute

  Bathroom Readers’ Press

  Ashland, Oregon

  OUR “REGULAR”

  READERS RAVE!

  “I just wanted to say I love Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader! I have learned more from them than in school (ha!). I hope to collect all of them.”

  —Andrea

  “Just a note to say I love your books. I read them from cover to cover, over and over. I dazzle people with my seemingly bottomless well of useless information. Thanks so much for that!”

  —Jenny

  “Keep ’em coming! I am totally addicted to your books, currently owning 14. I was a teacher for 30 years, and am now a reference librarian. I suggested to my supervisor that we order your books for our local library collection, as they are the most consistently fascinating series on facts and trivia that I have ever come across. I have sung your praises to our librarian patrons on numerous occasions, so hopefully I have helped spawn a new generation of BR fanatics!”

  —Jack

  “I love your books and have read and reread and reread the Bathroom Readers I have. My wife tells me I am a warehouse of useless information, thanks in part to you guys.”

  —Ben

  “As a former teacher who used trivia as the main source of inspiring students, I have enjoyed all 15 books that I have read. The ones directed at children were spectacular and I used them in my daily routine. Keep up the great effort as there is always another fact or detail to be uncovered!”

  —Marty

  “I love your book so much. One day, I brought it to school and my friend went all crazy about it. He won’t give it back!”

  —Peter

  For Richard Farnsworth Staples

  UNCLE JOHN’S UNSINKABLE

  BATHROOM READER®

  Copyright © 2008 by the Bathroom Readers’ Press (a division of Portable Press). All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

  “Bathroom Reader” and “Bathroom Readers’

  Institute” are registered trademarks of Baker & Taylor.

  All rights reserved.

  For information, write:

  The Bathroom Readers’ Institute

  P.O. Box 1117

  Ashland, OR 97520

  www.bathroomreader.com

  888-488-4642

  Cover design by Michael Brunsfeld, San Rafael, CA

  ([email protected])

  BRI “technician” on the back cover: Larry Kelp

  ISBN-13: 978-1-60710-460-5

  E-book edition: November 2011

  Hiya, Sophie! Hiya, Jesse!

  THANK YOU!

  The Bathroom Readers’ Institute sincerely thanks the people whose advice and assistance made this book possible.

  Gordon Javna

  John Dollison

  Thom Little

  Brian Boone

  Jay Newman

  Amy Miller

  Kait Fairchild

  Julia Papps

  Lorraine Bodger

  Michael Brunsfeld

  Angela Kern

  Jeff Altemus

  Jolly Jeff Cheek

  Jef Fretwell

  Megan Todd

  Nephew Dave Fitzpatrick

  Kyle Coroneos

  Sue Steiner

  Viola Rose

  Christine DeGueron

  Scarab Media

  Elise Gochberg

  Julie Bégin

  Claudia Bauer

  Claire Breen

  Sydney Stanley

  JoAnn Padgett

  Melinda Allman

  Lisa Meyers

  Amy Ly

  Amelia & Greta

  Ginger Winters

  Monica Maestas

  Maggie Javna

  (Mr.) Mustard Press

  Steven Style Group

  Eddie Deezen

  Jeffrey Assisi

  Publishers Group West

  Raincoast Books

  Porter the Wonder Dog

  Thomas Crapper

  I YAM NOT KIDDING

  The people of Kiriwana, New Guinea, have a unique way of resolving disputes peacefully: Opponents meet in front of witnesses, then go search for a yam. Whoever finds the biggest yam wins.

  Hiya, Sam! Hiya, Gideon!

  CONTENTS

  Because the BRI understands your reading needs, we’ve

  divided the contents by length as well as subject.

  Short—a quick read

  Medium—2 to 3 pages

  Long—for those extended visits, when something

  a little more involved is required

  * Extended—for those leg-numbing experiences

  BATHROOM LORE

  Short

  Back Side Story

  Hollywood’s #1 Star

  Beware! Toilet Attack!

  Medium

  Bathroom News

  Uncle John’s Stall of Fame

  Butt…Butt…

  Toilet Tech

  Bathroom News

  Uncle John’s Stall of Fame

  FADS & FLOPS

  Medium

  Fast Food Flops

  Like, Totally ’80s Slogans!

  The Tapeworm Diet

  High-Tech Toy Flops

  POP SCIENCE

  Short

  Let’s Do a Study

  Medium

  The Lego Spill of ’97

  Robots in the News

  The Constellations

  13 Things About Botulism

  Q&A: Ask the Experts

  Come See the

  Meteor Showers

  Long

  What Race(s) Are You?

  ALMOST HISTORY

  Medium

  Atom Bombs Away!

  Unamused

  The (Almost) Colony

  Long

  The Plot Against FDR

  Project Orion

  *The Secret Race

  to the Moon

  SPORTS

  Short

  Super Bowl Trivia

  Medium

  Games People Play

  After the Olympics

  Sacrifice on the

  Softball Field

  Basketball Team

  Name Origins

  The Sumo Way

  Death in the Ring

  Long

  The Runningman, Part I

  The Godfather of Fitness

  The Runningman, Part II

  LIFE IS STRANGE

  Short

  World’s Largest…

  Bra-vo!

  Medium

  Don’t Make Them Angry

  Strange Coincidences

  Heeere’s Baby!

  Uncle John’s Creative

  Teaching Awards

  It’s a Conspiracy!

  It’s a Weird, Weird World

  The World’s Largest…

  Weird Attractions

  Ironic, Isn’t It?

  High-Tech Underwear

  IT’S A BLUNDERFUL LIFE

  Short

  Injury…Meet Insult

  Oops!

  Medium

  Oops!

  Wow! That’s Dumb!

  Oops!

  MUSIC

  Short

  Woodstock, Y’all

  Musical Notes

  Hip-Hop Namez

  Medium

  Behind the Hits
<
br />   Not-So-Easy Riders

  Long

  *Rock ’n’ Roll Lawsuit

  ORIGINS

  Medium

  Founding Fathers

  Random Origins

  Cocktail Party

  FORGOTTEN HISTORY

  Medium

  History’s Last Stands

  Lost Arts

  The Comstock Lode, Part I

  The Comstock Lode,

  Part II

  The Comstock Lode,

  Part III

  More Lost Arts

  Where’d They Go?

  Long

  Dustbin of History:

  Masabumi Hosono

  The Mercenaries

  The Comstock Lode,

  Part IV

  BODY OF KNOWLEDGE

  Short

  Open Wide

  Medium

  Medical Miracles

  Know Your Knuckles

  A Hole in the Head

  Maneuver-Ability

  The Truth About

  Food Allergies

  THE DRIVER’S SEAT

  Short

  Steered Wrong

  A Beetle by

  Any Other Name

  Medium

  The Da Vinci of Detroit,

  Part I

  Hypermiling

  The Da Vinci of Detroit,

  Part II

  Long

  Hypermiling

  The Da Vinci of Detroit,

  Part III

  HI-TECH BITS & BYTES

  Short

  Networds

  The Internuts

  Medium

  Plug and Play

  Long

  eBay: The Real Story

  CANADIANA

  Short

  30 People You Didn’t Know

  Were Canadian

  Medium

  Weird Canada

  Long

  *The Snowmobile

  CREATURE FEATURES

  Short

  In Hog We Trust

  Man’s Best Friend

  Weird Animal News

  Medium

  The Mysterious Eel

  Cows on the Run

  Owney Goes Postal

  POLITICS

  Short

  The Commander Guy

  Poli-talks

  Nixonia

  First Lady Firsts

  Medium

  Political Animals

  Govern-Mental

  More Political Animals

  Long

  The Magna Carta

  *World Politics

  FOOD FOR THOUGHT

  Short

  Cheesey Does It

  Tequila Mockingbird

  The Last Meal

  Junk Food Recipes

  Medium

  Regional Treats

  Founding Food-ers

  Founding Food-ers

  Long

  Seafaring Food in the

  Age of Sail

  The Joy of Cookbooks

  *Layers of the Onion

  *The Kitchen Olympics

  GAMES & AMUSEMENTS

  Short

  Blokus, Anyone?

  Medium

  Duck…Duck…Goose!

  The World of War Games

  Weird Video Games

  Long

  The First War Game

  Roll the Dice

  The Original Dungeon

  Masters, Part I

  *The Original Dungeon

  Masters, Part II

  LAW & ORDER

  Short

  Court Transquips

  Law and Order:

  Special Pants Unit

  Looney Laws

  Medium

  The Big Brother Files

  Dumb Crooks

  Strange Lawsuits

  AROUND THE HOUSE

  Short

  Hats Incredible

  Bedtime Stories

  Medium

  Uncle John Cleans

  Your Kitchen

  Bathroom Feng Shui

  Out, Darn Spot!

  How to Have a Yard Sale

  Bathroom Feng Shui,

  Part II

  The Yard Sale

  Shopper’s Guide

  PUBLIC LIVES

  Short

  Celebrity Eats

  Famous and Smart

  Medium

  Harlem Globe-trivia

  Long

  The Piano Man

  INTERNATIONAL AFFAIRS

  Short

  Make a White Cabbage

  There’s No Place

  Like Zamunda

  Medium

  Assassinated!

  Bizarre Brazil

  Spotted Dick With a

  Side of Neeps

  Seven (Underwater) Places

  to See Before You Die

  WORDPLAY

  Short

  Pro-nun-ci-a-tion

  Tom Swifties

  A Brief Life

  Pop Culture Anagrams

  The Collectors

  Instant Classic

  Kissy Face

  Medium

  Leave Ready Zagromyhat

  to Us!

  REEL LIFE

  Short

  Sincerely, Steven

  Hollywood Speak

  Reel Dumb

  Medium

  Classroom Films

  (Not) Coming to a

  Theater Near You

  Making a Movie, Part I

  Based on a “True” Story

  Video Treasures

  Long

  Making a Movie, Part II:

  The Producers

  Making a Movie, Part III:

  Preproduction

  Making a Movie, Part IV:

  Photography

  *Making a Movie, Part V:

  Postproduction

  THE PRINTED WORD

  Short

  Flubbed Headlines

  Park on an Angel

  Leading Ledes

  Suits Suck

  Honk if You Love

  Bumper Stickers

  Medium

  Comical Comics

  Banned Books

  The Funny Pages

  MOUTHING OFF

  Short

  Laugh Lines

  Modern Wisdom

  Don’t…

  Reality Bites

  That’s Funny

  Chanel No. 1

  Tropic of Miller

  Great Scott

  Random Thoughts

  MYTHS & LEGENDS

  Short

  Myth-Conceptions

  Medium

  The Wisdom

  of the Gypsies

  Pablo and the Pumpkin

  Long

  It’s in the Cards

  It’s in the Cards, Part II

  AMERICANA

  Medium

  City of Superlatives

  Escape from America

  Long

  The Last Double Eagle,

  Part I

  State Quarters

  The Last Double Eagle,

  Part II

  THAT’S DEATH

  Short

  Thy Will Be Done

  Final Thoughts

  Medium

  What a Way to Go

  Unlikely Benefactors

  Ashes to Ashes,

  Weird to Weirder

  Death on the Set

  WORD & PHRASE ORIGINS

  Short

  The Word Farm

  Medium

  Familiar Phrases

  Word Origins

  SCAMS & HOAXES

  Medium

  Caught in the Act

  Bad News Bared

  We’re Under Attack!

  Caught in the Act

  BUSINE$$

  Short

  Doing Business

  “Stronger Than Dirt”

  Medium

  The Best Deal

  in $ports History

  Doing a Ratner

  Whatever Happened
To

  Simple Success Stories

  The Complaint Desk

  Long

  *“We’re Looking for People

  Who Like to Draw”

  TV OR NOT TV

  Short

  “Probably Wife #2”

  The Boob Tube

  Medium

  Unseen TV

  Cable Pioneers

  Life Imitates Bart

  Video Pirates

  Long

  The CSI Effect

  POP-POURRI

  Short

  You’re My Inspiration

  Uncle John’s Page of Lists

  Exercise Your Brain

  Odd Superheroes

  Medium

  Let’s Go Streaking

  Ol’ Jay’s Brainteasers

  44 Things You Can Do

  with a Coconut

  Sold!

  Answer Pages

  WHAT’S IN A (OW!) NAME?

  In October 2007, Jacqueline Holmes of West Palm Beach, Florida, filed a lawsuit against a local nightclub after its disco ball fell from the ceiling and hit her on the head. (She was not badly injured.) The name of the nightclub: the Coco Bongo.

  INTRO-DUCK-TION

  Welcome back! Here we are again with our 21st edition, Uncle John’s Unsinkable Bathroom Reader! As I sit here writing this intro in my office—surrounded by a gallery of 1950s kitsch and a flock of rubber duckies—our incredible team of editors, writers, researchers, and designers is downstairs at the Bathroom Readers’ Institute, putting the finishing touches on yet another amazing book. And I realize just how fortunate I am (and you are) to have such a dedicated staff of kooks and assorted nuts putting their hearts and souls into this job.

  And what does that mean for you, our equally dedicated readers? A book like no other on the market. Some examples:

  • History that never came to be. A rocket powered by hundreds of atomic bombs, the Russians’ plans to land a man on the Moon, and the secret plot to overthrow the U.S. government (it failed).

  • History you didn’t know. The car designer who was more influential than Henry Ford, the forgotten American colony, and the legendary silver mine that gave and gave…and then took it all back.

  • The answers to life’s most persistent questions: Why are snooze buttons always set to nine minutes? Whatever happened to milkmen? And is “either” pronounced “ee-ther” or “ay-ther”?

  • Foodstuffs. Many things have been described as “the best thing since sliced bread.” Now you’ll know who’s responsible for sliced bread! Plus, the spirited history of cocktails, famous cookbooks, and for you junk-food fanatics—a recipe for sushi Twinkies.

  • Pop Science: All about constellations and meteors, getting to know your knuckles, self-cleaning underwear, the baby girl that was born twice, and a porky page of pig facts.

  • Wordplay, wordplay, wordplay! Bumper stickers, idioms in other languages, flubbed headlines, and one of our weirdest pages ever: “Leave Ready Zagromyhat to Us!” (or, what happens when a bored writer has too much fun on Internet translation sites).

  • Speaking of weird, there’s “Vrillon of the Ashtar Galactic Command,” Communist Smurfs, the tapeworm diet, people who drill holes in their heads, and the great sport of mullet tossing.