Wide Open Spaces Read online

  “That didn’t take long.” I sigh, rubbing my forehead, feeling a headache coming on.

  “You’re sleeping with another man, Shelby. How the fuck do you expect me to feel?”

  “You’ve had one girlfriend after another since the moment I told you I wanted a separation!” I cry. Then he’s on me, and his mouth is covering mine. It takes one second to realize he’s trying to kiss me, and the second I do, I shove his chest and turn my head to the side, and his arms around me hold me tighter.

  “Stop, right now. Stop!” I hiss, pushing him away, taking a step back once I’m free from his hold, and then point a finger at him. “You are not going to manipulate me. You are not going to manipulate this situation and make me feel like shit because your ego can’t handle the fact that I’ve moved on too. You let me go long before I gave up fighting for us, so do not try to act like you have been pining over me. I’m not the person you want. I will never be the person you want me to be. We don’t fit, Max.”

  “I don’t care if you want to work. I’ve had time to think about it, and I see now that you weren’t happy. Work. Have ten jobs. I don’t care. I just want my family back.”

  “God, can you stop for one second, stop making everything about you, and listen to me? I’m not in love with you. I care about you as the father of our son, but that’s all you get. That’s all I have to give you. I tried for years to make you happy while suffering in silence, and you let that happen. You let me suffer so that you could have your way. So that you could be happy. We are not meant to be. You and I are not meant to be together. We tried and it didn’t work.”

  “And he makes you happy?” He laughs an ugly, evil laugh, and I nod, dropping my voice.

  “He makes me happy. He makes me feel full, like I’ve just had the best meal of my life. He makes me just feel, and I know I do the same for him. I don’t want to hurt you, Max. I want you to be happy too. I want you to find the person who gives you everything you need, but that person isn’t me, and if you’re honest with yourself, you know I’m right.”

  “April’s pregnant.”

  “What?” I ask, not having the first idea of what he’s talking about, or who the hell April is.

  “The woman I’ve been seeing for the last six months. She’s pregnant.”

  “God, you’re an asshole,” I growl, and he moves, pulling out a chair and taking a seat, dropping his head into his hands. “I can’t believe you and this bullshit!” I snap.

  “I know,” he agrees, his tone defeated.

  “What the hell were you thinking trying to kiss me, Max? You have a girlfriend and she’s pregnant with your child.”

  “I know,” he agrees again, and I look to the side, pulling in one breath then another, trying to calm down. “She told me to see if I could get you back.”

  “Excuse me?” My head swings his way and my eyes narrow.

  “She said you were standing between us and that if I was so in love with you, I should try and get you back.”

  “Wow. You are a world-class idiot. You are not even in love with me sheesh how stupid are you?”

  “I’ve fucked up.”

  “Ya think?” I mutter, and his head comes up and his eyes meet mine.

  “I just thought that maybe she was right. Maybe if I tried to get you back—”

  “That is never going to happen,” I cut him off before he can say more. “And let me tell you something. Your girlfriend just put you to the test and you failed. Not only did you fail, you failed huge. You were not supposed to come and try to get me back. You were supposed to reassure her that you are with her and want to be with her. I don’t know if you love this woman, but I’m telling you now, if you do, you are going to be in a world of hurt when you get back home, because she is going to hang you by your balls.”

  “Tell it to me straight,” he murmurs sarcastically, and I shake my head.

  “I’m going to go check on Hunter.”

  “I’m sorry, Shel. I shouldn’t—”

  “We’re not talking about that.” I point at him. “We are never talking about that again. We are going to pretend like it didn’t happen.” And with that, I turn and leave the kitchen and head up to the attic, where I find Hunter sitting in the middle of the room on the floor surrounded by telescope pieces, and maps of stars and consultations. And that is where I stay until it’s time to go eat the dinner Max cooked, which, if I’m honest, didn’t taste half bad, but I still hated every bite.

  “Mom, Steven asked if I could go over and play video games for a while,” Hunter says, coming into my room, where I’ve been hiding away reading since we cleaned up after dinner.

  “Where’s your dad?”

  “He’s upstairs. He said he’s going to be working, so he’s okay with me going for a couple hours if you are.”

  “Come sit down a minute. I want to talk to you about something,” I say, patting the bed next to me, and he comes over, taking a seat. Setting down my Kindle, I wonder how exactly I should go about this, since I’ve never done this before and really don’t know how to begin.

  “What is it?” he asks, looking toward the door like he wants to run for it, making me smile.

  “Well, with your father being here, I’ll probably spend the night with Zach, unless—”

  “That’s fine,” he cuts me off, standing. “Can I go now?”

  “Are you sure?” I question, searching his face, wanting to be positive he’s okay and that I haven’t in some way traumatized him.

  “Yeah.” He shrugs.

  “You know if you need me for any reason you can call my cell or come get me.”

  “Mom, I know.” He takes a step closer to the door.

  “Well then… can we talk about the new water filtration system they are putting in town?”

  “Mom,” he groans, leaning his head back, and I laugh.

  “Okay, go on. I’ll probably be over there in a few,” I say, and he races away, leaving me sitting there wondering if that was too easy.

  “Hey.” Zach smiles, opening the door. Leaning in kissing me quickly as I step into his house.

  “How’s it going?” I ask, hearing the sound of the boys upstairs yelling while loud bangs go off.

  “Good, Aubrey and I are getting ready to watch a movie, and the boys are upstairs playing a video game,” he replies, taking my overnight bag from my hand.

  “Oh, well I can read awhile, so you and Aubrey can watch your movie,” I offer, not wanting to intrude on their time together. I love how close they are, and I know it’s important for Aubrey to have all of her dad when he’s around. I don’t ever want her to feel like I’m taking him from her.

  “You’re not intruding, baby. She’s been asking when you were coming over since Hunter showed up twenty minutes ago.” He smiles, kissing me once more, then holds out my bag. “I’m gonna go put this in my room.”

  “Are you sure this is okay?” I whisper, latching onto his arm to stop him, and his smile turns into a grin.

  “I told you this afternoon that the kids are cool with it,” he whispers back, and I bite the inside of my cheek. He did tell me it was okay. He called the bank this afternoon to tell me he talked to the kids, and insisted they were okay with me sleeping over while Max is in town, but this still feels strange.

  “Did you tell Hunter you were going to sleep here?” Tucking a piece of hair behind my ear, I nod and let out a breath.

  “Yeah, he was cool with it too.”

  “See? It’s all good, baby. Stop stressing about it.”

  “Yay! Shel, you’re here,” Aubrey cries, carrying a bowl of popcorn in her hands out of the kitchen, followed by Penny, who is probably hoping the contents of the bowl will fall on the floor so she can get some.

  “Hi, honey.” I smile at her then bend down to give Penny a rub when she comes to me.

  “You’re gonna watch a movie with us, right?” Aubrey asks, and I tilt my head back to look at her then nod. “Yay, we’re watching The Hills Have Eyes.”

>   She grins a grin that looks identical to her father’s, and I look at him, raising a brow. “Isn’t that a scary movie?”

  “Something to learn, baby. Bre only likes scary movies.” He smiles proudly.

  “Do you like scary movies?” Aubrey asks, and I stand back to my full height and slip off my jacket.

  “I haven’t watched a scary movie since the first time I watched It,” I admit, and her head tilts to the side and her nose scrunches up.

  “Is that a scary movie?” she asks, and Zach chuckles, probably remembering my reaction after seeing that movie.

  “It’s the scariest of scary movies,” I tell her, and she looks at her dad like he’s been holding out on her.

  “We haven’t watched that one.”

  “Don’t watch it,” I cut in, and her eyes come back to me. “There’s a creepy clown in it, and if you like clowns at all, you won’t once you’re done with that movie. It will ruin everything.”

  “We so have to rent that one next time.” She laughs, and I groan.

  “Don’t worry. You can sit that one out,” Zach says, while Aubrey giggles and starts to head for the living room.

  Looking over her shoulder she mutters, “I’m going to put the DVD in.”

  “We’ll be there in a minute,” he tells her, then drops his eyes to me.

  “I picked you up a bottle of wine. It’s in the fridge.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Are you going to be okay watching the movie? If not, we’ll—”

  “I’m an adult now. I’ll be fine,” I say, waving off his concern.

  I regret those words an hour later, when I watch yet another person get murdered by a group of crazy people living in the middle of nowhere. Holding the blanket up to my eyes, I peek over the top, knowing I’m going to have nightmares about this crap for a good year, if not more, and I will never be able to go to the desert again. Not that I’ve ever been, but still.

  “Dad.” Steven’s voice breaks into the dark, and I cover my head with the blanket and scream at the top of my lungs.

  “Jesus, babe,” Zach mutters, pulling the blanket away from my face, and Aubrey, who is sitting on the floor, falls to her side laughing, while Zach chuckles and Penny crawls onto my lap to protect me.

  “God, Mom. What’s wrong?” Hunter asks, while Steven flips on the light in the living room and Aubrey pauses the TV.

  “Nothing, I’m fine,” I lie, holding my chest. Aubrey rolls around on the ground, and Penny decides she wants to get in on the action and jumps down off the couch and begins to lick Aubrey’s face, making her giggle louder.

  “What’s up, bud?” Zach asks, looking at Steven, and I pull my eyes from Aubrey to look at him, seeing he looks worried.

  “Mom said her car won’t start and asked if you could come and help her,” he replies, and Zach stands.

  “Did she say where she was?” he questions, and Steven nods.

  “Yeah, at the Shore House. She just got off work. She tried to call you, but you didn’t pick up.”

  “I’ll take care of it, bud.” Zach walks past him and Hunter comes into the room, but Steven follows behind him.

  “What are you guys watching?” Hunter asks, taking a seat next to me on the couch, and I pull my eyes from the doorway to look at him, not liking the feeling I have in my stomach.

  “The Hills Have Eyes,” Aubrey says, and his eyes widen.

  “Don’t say it. I know it’s scary, and no, you can’t watch it.” I hold up my hand in his direction.

  “I’ve already seen it.” He shrugs, leaning down and grabbing a handful of popcorn from the bowl on the floor next to Aubrey.

  “What, when?” I frown. I haven’t let him watch any scary movies, even though he’s begged me to.

  “When I stayed the night at Eli’s house once, we watched it.”

  “Did his mom and dad know?”

  “Yeah, they didn’t care,” he says, shoving another handful of popcorn into his mouth and leaning back against the couch.

  “You could have had nightmares.”

  “I’m not a chicken, Mom.”

  “Are you calling me a chicken?” I ask, and he smiles through a mouthful of popcorn but doesn’t answer.

  “Whatever,” I grouch, watching him chew and swallow.

  “You scream like a girl,” he points out, and I grab the pillow from beside me and hit him with it softly.

  “I am a girl,” I remind him, and he laughs, pulling the pillow away from me tucking it behind his back.

  “Yeah, but you scream like the girls do in the movie.”

  “You really do,” Aubrey agrees, and I toss my hands up in the air.

  “Well, that’s because I was scared, and those girls are scared because crazy people are trying to kill them.” They look at each other laughing, and then look toward the doorway when Zach walks back into the room, shoving his cell phone into the front pocket of his jeans.

  “Is Mom okay?” Aubrey asks, as Zach moves back toward the couch, taking a seat on the other side of me.

  “Your mom’s good, gorgeous. Arney’s heading over to give her a jump, since he’s closer than me, and he’ll follow her home to make sure she gets there okay,” he tells her, and that unease I was feeling disappears.

  “Okay.” She wraps her arms around Penny’s neck, forcing her into her lap, then moves her eyes from her dad to me. “We don’t have to watch anymore if you don’t want to, Shelby.”

  “I don’t mind,” I lie, hearing Zach and Hunter both laugh while watching Steven come into the room with a handful of cookies, chewing the one he obviously already popped in his mouth.

  “I’m going to walk Hunter to his house,” he tells his dad after swallowing. Hunter stands, but I grab his hand before he can walk off.

  “I’m right next door. You can call or come get me for any reason.”

  “I know, Mom.” He shakes his head, looking at Steven like ‘moms are so annoying’ and I let go of his hand and feel Zach’s hit my thigh, squeezing. “While you’re there, I can show you the telescope my dad got me. It’s not dark enough to use it yet, but it’s all set up.”

  “Cool,” Steven agrees, and they both leave without another word.

  I look at Zach. “You guys start the movie back up. I’m going to the bathroom then making a phone call.”

  “You don’t want us to wait for you?” Aubrey asks, running her hands through Penny’s fur.

  “No, honey, you guys go ahead.” I smile at her then give Zach’s thigh a squeeze as I get up off the couch, tossing the blanket I was using on the back then reach down and run my hand over the top of Aubrey’s hair before stepping away.

  “Are you sure you don’t want us to wait for you?” Zach calls to my back, and I fight back a groan, hearing Aubrey laugh.

  “Nope, enjoy. Don’t wait for me. I may be awhile,” I tell them, leaving and heading for Zach’s room. I don’t really have to use the bathroom or make a call, but I do have my Kindle app on my cell phone, so I can hide away and read until the movie’s done and hopefully forget about the horror I’ve seen altogether.

  “I shouldn’t have let you watch that movie,” Zach says against my ear, pulling my body into his and tossing his thigh over both of mine. Probably trying to keep me in one place, since I can’t stop moving.

  “I can’t seem to find sleep. Sorry for keeping you awake.”

  “Don’t apologize.” He gives my waist a squeeze and kisses the back of my head.

  “Do you think it was wrong of me to sleep over here? Does it make me a bad mom?” I question, and he moves, rolling me to my back, and rests his hand on the side of my face, looking down at me with the light coming in from the outside.

  “You’re not a bad mom. Max is with Hunter right now. He’s not alone, and I know if Max weren’t there, you wouldn’t be here right now. You would be home with him.”

  “You’re right.” I sigh, then whisper, “Max’s girlfriend is pregnant.”

  “What?” He frowns, movi
ng his hand down to the side of my neck.

  “His girlfriend is pregnant. He told me today.”

  “Are you upset about it?”

  “What? No.” I shake my head then roll to my side, tucking my face against his chest.

  “He’s an idiot. She told him if he’s still so in love with me that he should come try to win me back,” I say, and he growls, “Pardon?”

  “I told you he’s an idiot.”

  “Do you want him back?” he asks quietly, sounding worried.

  I pull my face away from his chest and look up at him. “No, absolutely not, and I know he doesn’t really want me back either. I didn’t make him happy. I’m not the kind of wife he wanted. I wasn’t good at sitting at home all day waiting for him.”

  “Is that why you two end things?”

  “Partly, but mostly because I couldn’t be who he wanted me to be.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “He didn’t want me to work. I loved staying home when Hunter was younger, but as he got older and started school, I wanted to do something with my time that didn’t involve lunches, pedicures, and hair appointments. I was tired of being the stay-at-home wife who actually did nothing but stay home alone most of the time, listening to my so-called friends gossip about my other so-called friends. I didn’t clean, because we had a housekeeper I didn’t cook much, because Max was never home, and it was only Hunter and me.

  “Hunter had a hundred activities that kept us from the house until late in the evening most days, so takeout was easier. I was losing myself a little more each day, and when I tried to tell Max how I was feeling, he would just ignore me and carry on, because he was happy, so that was all that mattered to him.”

  “I’m sorry you weren’t happy.”

  “Me too, but I learned a lot from him,” I say softly running my fingers down his side.

  “What’s that?” he prompts, gently pressing a kiss to my forehead.

  “I learned that if you’re with someone and they really love you, they put your happiness and theirs together. They don’t try to fit you into their box. They don’t put their wants above yours. They find a way to make it so you are both fulfilled and getting what you each need out of life,” I say. When I hear nothing from him in response—not even a breath—I wonder if he’s fallen asleep. “Zach?”