Scripted Reality: Formerly I Wanna Get Laid by Kade Read online

  Kade watched me carefully as he snatched the wrapping from the food. I looked at Brody, not wanting Kade to see that I’d noticed how hungry he was. He may have been homeless but he had his pride. It had taken me almost a month to get him to take fresh food that I’d bought specifically for him. The tins of food I’d brought for Brody were gratefully received, but unless it was my left-overs or day old food, he wouldn’t take anything for himself. I didn’t give up, though. I was like that ‘Little Engine that could’. I wouldn’t give up, and eventually, he happily took a takeout coffee and some chicken noodles from me.

  “So, you got plans tonight?” he asked around a mouthful of food.

  “Hmm, let’s see,” I said, tilting my head as though I was considering it. “I was thinking of going to the ballet, or maybe dinner followed by a club, but…”

  “Don’t tell me, you’re washing your hair.” Kade smiled big and his whole face lit up.

  Despite the dirt and grime, you could see he was handsome. For a guy who was so dark haired, he had startling cobalt blue eyes that drew you to him and crinkled at the edges whenever he smiled. He had high cheekbones, a long aquiline nose and a square chin with a dimple in it, which I only got to see every three weeks or so, when a local barber went to the homeless shelter to give the guys a shave. The rest of the time, Kade sported a dark beard.

  Kade had told me once that he was twenty-five years of age, and the only family he had, now his mom was dead, was Brody, his beloved hound. I asked him how he’d ended up on the streets, but he simply shrugged, pulled Brody to his chest and said, “It’s obviously the path I’m meant to take.”

  “Yes,” I laughed. “Washing my hair seems like a good plan. What about you? You have somewhere to sleep tonight?”

  Kade nodded. “Yeah, I have a bed at the shelter tonight.”

  “You want me to take Brody?” I asked.

  “Nope, it’s fine. They’ve said it’s okay to take him. It’s the one on the east side of town.”

  “Okay,” I breathed out. “If you’re sure.”

  I reached into the bag again and took out a can of dog food for Brody.

  “Almost forgot my favorite boy.”

  “Hey, Brody look what Daisy got you.” Kade took the tin, pulled a penknife out of his coat pocket and dug it into the can, taking the top off and emptying the contents out into a tin bowl that sat in between him and Brody.

  “Wow, he was hungry,” I said as I watched Brody gobble down the food.

  My heart ached as I thought about them both being hungry. I’d often thought about offering them a place to stay, but I didn’t have the room. Plus, Heath had warned me not to get involved. In his words, “For fuck’s sake, Dais, the dude could be a rapist or a murderer.” I didn’t think so but thought it best not to upset my State Trooper brother.

  “Anyway, I’d better go,” I sighed. “I have hair to wash.”

  “Okay,” Kade replied, holding his hand up for a high five. “Thanks for the food.”

  I slapped his palm with mine, took a step back, and walked straight into someone. I whirled around on my heels to apologize, only to come face to face with Meredith.

  “Shit!” she yelled, a little louder than was necessary. “Watch where…Daisy?”

  “So sorry, Meredith,” I spluttered. “I didn’t see you there.”

  “Well maybe you need to open your eyes a little more.” She brushed at some coffee that had spilled from her take out cup down her cashmere coat.

  “Hey, she said she was sorry.” Kade suddenly got to his feet and took a step forward. “No need to be so rude.”

  “Who the hell do you think…?” As she looked up at all six feet plus of Kade, her voice trailed off and her eyes widened. Something akin to wonderment passed over her face. “Oh my. You. Are. Stunning.”

  Kade’s heavy brow furrowed as he looked from Meredith to me, and then back again.

  “Daisy,” she said, slapping her hand against my arm without taking her gaze from Kade. “We just found our hook for ‘Playboy Millionaire’.”

  My head whipped to Kade who was still watching Meredith somewhat warily. What was she talking about? Playboy Millionaire was the concept that she and the team had come up with that afternoon, but what the hell did Kade have to do with it?

  “I don’t understand,” I stammered.

  Meredith leaned back to peruse Kade before taking her cell from her pocket and snapping a picture of him.

  “Hey!” Kade cried, indignantly.

  “Sorry, honey but you’re just what I’m looking for,” she said distractedly as she pushed buttons on the screen of her phone.

  “Meredith?”

  She looked up at me and grinned. “Your friend here-sorry, I didn’t catch your name.”

  “I’m Kade, but-”

  “Kade here is our hook, like I said. He’s going to be our Playboy Millionaire,” she responded proudly.

  “But he’s not a millionaire,” I protested.

  “I live on the streets,” Kade said, grabbing a tight hold of the rope that he used for Brody’s leash.

  “Exactly!” Meredith stated. “That is going to win us our award. We’re going to get all those sorority princesses and trust fund bunnies to fall in love with a homeless guy. It’s pure fucking genius.”

  My mouth gaped open as Kade dragged his beanie from his head and gave me a WTF look.

  “It’s going to be brilliant,” Meredith chuckled. “Absolutely brilliant.”

  Three

  Kade Sutton

  “Nothing happens unless I agree. Just like I didn’t agree to that picture, lady,” I shouted, and she kinda jumped a bit on the spot. Brody barked at her. She clearly thought he was backing me up, but I knew it was because the bitch was interrupting his meal. When you only eat once a day, you get seriously grouchy when the occasion is disturbed.

  “So, delete it,” I said, stepping forward, pissed that she was sullying my daily visit from Daisy as well as the snack she’d brought for me.

  When I raised my hand, she skulked backwards to some perceived safety, dragging Daisy with her. “I’ll do it. I’ll do it.” She grimaced. It would have been funny if Daisy hadn’t looked like she was being touched by some kind of contagion.

  I was used to the masses of the world treating me as though I was some kind of scumbag. Daisy had never acted that way with me and Brody, but then I saw that the squeaky, uptight, fake assed bitch was clawing at Daisy’s forearm in fear.

  “Is she hurting you?” I asked.

  Resting bitch face looked at me and dropped her safety link to Daisy. “Of course, I’m not hurting her. What the hell do you take me for?”

  “Someone with enough bad manners to take pictures of a person less fortunate than themselves without bothering to ask.” The grip she had on her fancy tech device was deathly. “Which reminds me, start deleting.”

  The huff that left her trout pout didn’t pass me by, and it took some effort to hide the chuckle that was forming inside me. Truthfully, I couldn’t have cared less about the picture, but now I knew it bugged her there was no way I was letting it go. I watched as she poked at the screen with a blood red talon and then went to pocket her cell. “Let me see,” I requested, and she spun the device around, waving it impatiently.

  Brody was just reaching the end of his meal and I was debating whether to keep her there for a bit more entertainment. It wasn’t unheard of for him to greet newcomers to our patch with his slobbery tongue and dog breath. I was looking forward to that fun and amusement when I noticed the look on Daisy’s face. From their exchange, I’d garnered that this was Daisy’s bitch of a boss, and I didn’t want to cause her any trouble. Besides, Daisy had become a real highlight in my otherwise dull days, so the last thing I wanted to do was remove that beautiful smile.

  I nodded in satisfaction and stepped back, ready to intercept Brody on his quest for desert in the lady’s purse. “Daisy, I’ll see you in the morning. My office, eight fifteen sharp-we’ll be discu
ssing this further,” the woman snapped.

  “Yes, Meredith,” Daisy replied and we both watched as she strutted off up the sidewalk, trying her best to power walk in ridiculous shoes and a skirt so tight that she could have been endurance testing the thread holding it together.

  When she was a safe distance away, Daisy sagged with relief. “Welcome to my world, Kade. She is one grumpy lady today.”

  “She needs to get laid,” I said abruptly. “Although, I pity the fool who takes up that challenge.” I replied and felt my heart swell when Daisy giggled at my joke. This girl was something else—nothing like the rest of the work demons I saw striding in and out of that building every day. Daisy was gentle and kind and didn’t belong there, schlepping her ass off for the corporate monsters of the modern age. I watched as she carried on laughing with wild abandon.

  “He’s funny, isn’t he, Brody?” she said, leaning down and scratching behind his ears with enthusiasm. Some of my homeless pals thought Brody was a bind, but the mutt was no trouble. I was a little bit more approachable when he was with me. People were okay turning a blind eye to a starving guy on the streets, but not to a dog. Their compassion came out in droves for him and money found its way out of wallets and pockets just that little bit easier when he was around. I couldn’t get rid of him now. The donations meant for him had fed us both on more than one occasion and I owed him.

  I watched as Daisy lapped up the dog’s attention. She even stayed put whilst he smothered her cheeks with a tongue that had just licked clean a bowl of tuna dog meat.

  “Oops,” she said when he managed to butt her glasses off her face and onto the floor. Immediately reaching down for them, I began to panic that the lens glass might have broken when they hit the sidewalk. After a quick inspection, I was pleased that they were still in one piece but feeling guilty that they’d been on the dirty sidewalk in the first place, I tried to clean them with my overcoat. The smear of grease that ended up on them was not pleasant, and the harder I rubbed, the murkier they were getting.

  “Hey, don’t worry about that.” She smiled, taking them from me without cleaning them, not bothered that her clean, pretty fingers had touched my filthy ones.

  As I watched her raise them to her face, I noticed things I’d never seen before. Her nose was small and petite, and covered in a smattering of freckles that the huge black rims seemed to hide. The eyes I’d always worked hard to avoid were almond shaped and the deepest chocolate brown. As soon as she placed them on her face, I watched as the glasses slid down her nose a touch and then settled to where I was used to seeing them.

  “I’m really sorry about Meredith,” she said on a sigh.

  “What’re you apologizing for? People should take responsibility for their own actions.”

  “I know, but if I hadn’t been here talking to you and Brody-boy then she’d have passed you by.”

  I nodded. Daisy couldn’t have known that her words had an effect on me. People passing me by was what I’d been used to for most of my adult life, and the mundane visits from her at the end of her day, or the bitchy argument with that woman reminded me that I wasn’t invisible. I was a person, the same as them, alive and breathing but a lot less fortunate.

  But that was my choice.

  The night was drawing in and I didn’t have long left to get to the shelter. If I wasn’t there before seven o’clock at night, they’d give my bed to another unlucky soul. There weren’t many who were willing to take me in with Brody in tow, and I was always on my best behavior for that reason. “Time to move on for the night.”

  “Sleep safe, Kade.” She smiled shyly, patted my boy on his head and then wandered down the sidewalk in the same direction as Miss. Prissy-Pants.

  Four

  Kade Sutton

  I made it in time to settle in for the night and have a quick shower before supper. The shower was something I was always desperate for and hated the minute I’d finished. I stood under the spray feeling my long, knotted hair growing heavy as the hot water saturated me. My hair was so knotted, in fact, that it was matted together and a nightmare to get dry. The first time I stayed here, I was given the standard ‘one towel per person’ rule. The helpful old ladies in charge regretted it the morning after, though. The bed sheet, pillow and mattress were all damp, meaning they were down a bed for the night. I felt awful about depriving someone else of a bed, but the old girls were great. Apparently, it was a refreshing change for it to just be water from hair; they were used to seeing much worse. As a result, I now got two towels, one for me and one for my mass of dark hair.

  My time in the shower lasted as long as I could drag it out. The feeling of washing away the grime from the streets was amazing but short lived, as I had to put the same clothes back on eventually. Where I was staying did a clothes swap once a month and occasionally it worked out great. I sometimes got lucky if someone donated their husband’s old clothes, but at six foot three, it didn’t happen often, so most of the time I left in the same clothes I came in.

  The water and suds from the basic bar of soap floated down my body. The shape I was in and my general state of health amazed me. I was in great condition considering how long I’d been living rough. Thankfully, survival had been the most important thing when I first ended up out there. Doing so high on drugs or boozed up on vodka wasn’t going to increase my chances of making it through the nights unscathed. When I saw some of the regular faces and the lengths that they went to just to forget why they were on the streets, I was thankful for the decision I’d made all those years ago to stay clean.

  The tattoo I had before I hit adulthood still reminded me of the struggles of my life and my heartbeat always dipped when I saw the name ‘Shelby’ on my inner bicep. I could have been clichéd and had my mom’s name on my heart but having it there meant she was just as close to my heart. When I wrapped my arms around myself during the cold months, it was almost like she was hugging me and trying to protect me, like she would have done if she’d been there.

  A bang on the bathroom door pulled me from my thoughts. “Time’s up,” grumbled a raspy voice on the other side. I dried off as quickly as I could and put my clothes back on, my nose crinkling in disgust at the smell. It turned my stomach, and I was surrounded by it constantly. That was how I knew Daisy was a saint—she never shied away from me, she got as close as I’d let her and acted like I was wearing expensive cologne. With my hair wrapped in a towel turban, I left the bathroom, ignoring the guy propped up against the wall opposite. I’d seen him before, and tonight, he was in bad shape. It was a wonder he’d managed to get there in one piece.

  Back in the big dormitory, I moved to the bed they usually saved for me in the corner. Brody was on a blanket underneath, looking content. Daisy bringing him some food meant I could go and eat a hot meal in the dining room. When he hadn’t eaten, I’d sneak him some food back, but that was more out of necessity. The last time I’d left him hungry and wandered off, he nearly got us both ejected. On his quest to track down both me and food, he wandered past the kitchen, and like the cheeky boy he was, managed to snaffle a pot roast. The cook had gone ballistic, demanding to know which one of us ‘down and outs’ had stolen from the kitchen. Her words nearly caused a riot, which meant she was the one who got ejected and quickly, but when I got back to the dormitory, I knew who the real culprit was. There was a trail of slobber and grease on the floor all the way to my bed. When you’ve been on the streets for any length of time, you become accustomed to following food scents. Usually, they lead to a trashcan or dumpster, but I knew what it was as soon as my nose picked it up at the door. That and the gnawing of bones I could hear were instant giveaways. I had to go and admit to Brody’s crimes and was stunned when they didn’t kick us out. I could only thank the bad-tempered cook whose harsh words had offended the other volunteers as much as the nightly inhabitants.

  Tonight’s meal was a steaming hot bowl of broiled meat and vegetables in a thick meaty sauce. It was served with a couple of chunks of
crusty bread and a small slice of apple pie. I ate as slowly as I dared—after all, Brody was still a wily dog—and I savored the taste from the minute it passed my lips until it hit my growling belly. Looking around, I was reminded, again, of just how good a shape I was in. There were people eating so fast they were going to need another shower and others who were in danger of scraping the ceramic glaze off the bowls, such was their need to get every last drop of food up. Something else to thank Daisy for—the snacks of sandwiches took the edge off my hunger on the nights I was at the shelter. That meant I was able to act with a little decorum and show some table manners, unlike the rest of them.

  I always washed my plate for the ladies; any little thing that kept Brody and me in favor wasn’t a nicety so much as a necessity. Once back at my bed, I stripped down to my briefs and socks. One rule I abided by was that Brody wasn’t allowed in the bed with me, so I always folded my clothes up to form a makeshift bed for him to lie on, covering him with the blanket. I used to tell myself that he kept them warm for the morning, but he was the best theft deterrent ever. No one ever attempted to steal my clothes.

  Lights out came as soon as the beds were full, and it reminded me of some of the places I’d lived in for five years before I went to my foster mom when I was eleven. The worst thing was that even though the beds around me were filled with drunks and druggies, I felt far safer now than I had back then, and it had nothing to do with how I’d learned to defend myself.

  Sleep came easier than it had when I first stayed there. You learned to leave an ear open in case of trouble, but most of the people around me were fighting their own demons, and as long as they didn’t gang up on me and join mine, I could ignore them.

  The same faces rolled through my mind.