Bitter Edge : A Hero Club Novel Read online

  There is a quiet conversation and symmetry between those skaters and the platform they glide across. The blades dig deep and cut the ice where the rip occurs. The toe jumps have that jarring stab then the silence until the landing. The edge jumps create a figurative ripple across the top. It’s like the wind on the lake. It can be calm or rage. It’s all in the interpretation and what you decide.

  The hockey players who call the figure skaters prima donnas or say they aren’t true skaters aren’t looking. They are some of the most mentally and physically tough athletes I’ve ever worked with. Cierra is definitely included.

  I can hear the same pattern of her feet. The push and pull of each crossover, deeper and deeper at the ends, then the long glide in the center. I wait to hear the take off, but it never happens. After her third attempt, I open my eyes. I understand what is going on. She’s lining up then bailing at the last second.

  I want to call out to her, but this is her own journey. I don’t want to put my fear of her pain out there. In the end, I don’t have to. I hear a male voice call out to Cierra in English but with a very distinct Russian accent. She turns her head and pulls out of her last attempt and skates to the far side of the arena, where an older gentleman is standing.

  They are too far away for me to hear what is being said, even in the empty rink. He reaches out and shakes Cierra’s hand. They begin a conversation. She looks down a lot of it and digs her toe pick in and out of the ice. She reminds me of watching a child who’s been caught with their hand in the cookie jar. She’s not quite being scolded but she seems embarrassed.

  The man is quite animated. He turns his body as if he was doing the jump Cierra intended on and shows her an arm position. He also seems to say something about how she was going into the air. She begins to imitate his movements. He nods for a minute then motions for her to come closer.

  He holds her right shoulder back, so it stays open then has her snap it in quickly. This whole interaction has been so interesting. It’s like the X and O boards our coaches gave us for strategy, but this is the physical version. He motions her away from the boards and points to a closer corner.

  Cierra turns herself backward and is moving about half the speed she was before and begins to show him his movements in a small scale. She rides a deep left edge then pops her right toe in and springs into the air. She never rotates but then glides back on one foot. The man claps his hands together, nods and motions for her to go. I think he even shouts go in Russian. It has been a while since I’d heard the word but I’m nearly positive, especially when Cierra begins moving with purpose.

  The look on her face after that short interchange is night and day different than the minutes before. She is moving with such a determination and passion. She will do it this time. I have no doubt in my mind. The fear I had of her falling and getting injured is all but gone. I cross my arms over my chest and simply hold my breath, as she sets up that long left edge then vaults into the air. Once. Twice. Three times.

  She lands with such a confidence that it radiates all the way to me. I am the first thing she looks for once her glide is finished. I wish she would have stopped for me, but there are two last things on her checklist for the session.

  She has another conversation with her mystery man in the corner. After the triple, she goes to him on the boards and he praises her. The gentle shakes of her shoulders at his hands and her smile tell me so. He gets close to her face and they begin their next conference. I know what comes next. That jump. The double version of the triple that hurt her.

  She is determined. I get it.

  She asked me before what was different.

  The difference is…. I love her.

  Chapter 31

  Spencer

  I would do anything not to see her in true pain. I can handle her pain if she’s coming out stronger on the other side. But the pain where she is truly hurting is more than I’m able to handle. Once I knew that, I knew this was love again for me. I know this is a hurdle she needs to leap. I hope and pray it doesn’t end up ruining her again.

  The black gloves I gave her are wrapped over the top of the red boards. She’s looking down at them and listening to all the words she’s being given. At the end, her coach for the day pats the top of her hands and motions for her to go again.

  Cierra is still determined but I can tell the anxiety is back. I want to shout that I believe in her. I hope she knows. I want her to know I think she can do it. I hope she knows. I want to tell her I love her.

  When a predator is stalking its prey, it flows in a circle around it. Tighter and tighter until it pounces, leaving nothing to chance. That’s what she reminds me of right now. She’s stroking around the rink with a slow pace at first. She picks up a bit of speed with each lap.

  By the third one, she moves backward. Her eyes even close for the briefest of moments. Once they open, it’s go time. She raises her arms into position and takes two last crossovers before she glides backward on her left and launches into the air going forward.

  I don’t know if she is holding her breath but I damn sure am holding mine. It feels like time stops and every quarter turn is its own framed image in my head. In reality, she is in the air about three seconds at most. After she lands, the widest carefree smile I’ve ever seen belongs to her.

  She pops forward out of her landing into a spectacular bit of footwork followed by a scream of delight. She’s done it. She walked into the lion’s den and back out again. She faced her demons and said, “Not today, Satan,” and won. I pump a subtle fist next to my body.

  I assume she’ll go back to her new Russian friend, but she races past him and straight at me. I am fully prepared to be snowed to mid-chin but what happens is infinitely better. She takes off from about five feet away and dives into my arms. I catch her midair with her skates arched well behind her.

  I pull her warm body tight against mine. Her face buries itself in the arch of my neck as mine finds solace in hers. My fingers wind leisurely through her loose ringlets. My wave of pride is even more pronounced with her in my arms. Our hearts pound together. My lips curl in a smile against her skin. That’s when I hear it.

  Her tears.

  She begins to quietly sob against me. “Hey, hey now. What’s all this? Are you hurting anywhere?” She silently shakes her head. “Then why? Cierra?”

  She pulls her head back enough to press her forehead to my chin. “I’m free. I’m finally free.”

  “Yeah, you are. Tell me how it feels.”

  “I can’t describe it yet. I don’t know what it all means. but I want to say something to you.”

  I slowly lower her feet back to the ice and brush the stray tear-soaked strands of hair back from her eyes. I tilt her chin up ever so slightly so I can see her clearly. “Go ahead.”

  “Spencer… I want to say thank you. I have you to thank for so many things. I wanted to tell you fuck you about an hour ago. I hated you so much for bringing me here. I thought I wanted nothing to do with any of it. Now I realize I always wanted to come home, I didn’t know how to ask after being gone so long. You didn’t by any means make it easy. You did make it possible. There’s no way I can ever repay you.”

  “Cierra, this was never about that.” I hold her chin between my finger and thumb. “It was about giving you something back. This was giving you something back that no one could give me. I could always see it in you. You had your dreams still, right in your reach. I would have dealt with you hating me forever as long as you had that and your confidence back.”

  “I’m still confused about a lot of things where skating is concerned. But there is one thing I know. I couldn’t have gotten this far without you.”

  “Yes, you could have. You’ll find that in time.”

  “This is part of why you held back last night. You didn’t want me to see it as anything other than you and I being together. I felt safe. I don’t know if you do, but I don’t want you to feel like you lied to me by keeping me in the dark.”


  “If we’d slept together last night then come here today, I feel like it would have cheapened it and this. I didn’t want that for you.”

  She slides her hand into mine and lowers it from her chin to rest them together between us. “I’ve lied to you.”

  “What do you mean, Cierra?”

  “I told you before I loved you, but I wasn’t in love with you. It’s not true. I do love you.”

  ~~~

  I’m trying to do so many things before I start thinking or she starts to regret what she said. This is the closest we’ve ever been, but what happens next could make or break us.

  I never thought today would go this way. I did and still do have every faith in Cierra, but fear will and can do awesome things to a person. For some, fear takes everything away. For others, fear will drive you to heights. In the moment, her fear showed her a glimpse of what she could have back. We will deal with that in time.

  Where we are now is a very confusing and complicated combination of the two. Last night I was telling her no and keeping her at bay. Less than twenty-four hours later, I want her more than I did before. My fear is driving me. What I’m truly afraid of is moving forward and we hurt each other.

  We are so hard in each other’s lives. If we have to leave them because I was an asshole unintentionally or if she decides she isn’t ready, it will honestly leave a gap not easily filled. I meant it when I said I wanted it to be perfect for her. I need to get through the fear and walk the walk I forced her into.

  I had a whole plan B on standby if the reintroduction to the ice was a disaster. Chance and his better half, Aubrey, are only about thirty minutes away from us. I know he’s been wanting me to meet her. My brother from down under could talk a penguin into buying snow on the Arctic Circle. He was my last in a book of tricks.

  Right now, I’m heading for plan C first. The C being Cierra. Having her in my arms like that and her choosing it to be the place she immediately wanted did things to me. Where there used to be looking back, I’m only looking forward. Where there used to be doubt, there is clarity.

  While Cierra was taking off her skates, a few of the elite skaters were showing up for their afternoon session. One girl squealed when she saw her. She may have been sixteen or seventeen. It looked to have been a long time since they saw each other. A male skater she seemed to know was also making himself at home. Lucky for him he didn’t get overly friendly.

  I took this opportunity to put a pause on our hang time with Chance and Aubrey and make other arrangements for tonight. The mystery gentleman is also back in the lobby. He whispers something in Cierra’s ear, which makes her smile. He pats my back silently as he walks by and up the ramp to the ice.

  I look over to Cierra. “By the looks of things, he’s a coach?”

  “He’s the coach around here. Those banners on the wall…those are his skaters. He’s the only man I’d ever leave Coach B for.”

  “What a coincidence he was here today.”

  “Does that mean you knew he’d be here?”

  I shrug, smirking just enough. “I did a bit of research and hoped.”

  She places her skates carefully back in the bag next to mine, and stands up next to me. “So, you were on the phone?”

  “I had some other plans for us, but I changed them.”

  “Why?”

  “It didn’t seem to fit today. I’m hoping you won’t mind.”

  “This has been the best day I’ve had in a long time. I don’t hurt. I didn’t fall. I stood up. I feel free.”

  “You look it. I need to ask you again. Do you trust me?”

  She rests her hand on my chest. “After today, always.”

  “Then change back to your street clothes. We have a short drive ahead.”

  Chapter 32

  Cierra

  Happy.

  That’s my word for today. I feel like there’s something wrong with me that I can go from so pissed off and closed off to this person who only wants to soar by whatever means available.

  We load the SUV back up and find ourselves back to the freeway. The sun is still high in the sky. There are a few feather-like white clouds dotting across the sun. It’s so beautiful. I didn’t realize how much I love the coast and the nearness of the ocean. I’ve been landlocked so long, this is a piece of heaven.

  We turn one corner and head north and my view is greeted by rows and rows of boats of every size and shape. They range from catamarans, to sailboats, and mini yachts to holy Lord God that’s a fucking huge boat. In the middle is a ten-floor hotel with groves of palm trees in every direction.

  “This is really pretty, Spencer. I didn’t think you could top last night.”

  He looks over at me. “You can say that again.”

  He puts the SUV in park at the valet stand and greets the attendant. I grab my purse and exit the other side as my door is opened. Spencer is at my side in moments, with his bag over his shoulder and mine rolling at his side. Once in the lobby, he asks me to wait by the plush benches while he checks us in.

  We could have stayed anywhere, and I would have been happy. So far, we’ve done what could rival the best in a one-horse town, a plush Vegas hideaway, and now the icing on the cake. This place is so over-the-top, I feel underdressed in my shorts and off-the-shoulder, flowy, floral top.

  Every view out a window has something amazing to see. I can nearly taste the saltwater of the ocean in the air. It’s perfect. Spencer’s hand drops me in from my daydream with a quick brush across my lower back. “We’re going to be on the marina side on the eighth floor.”

  “Wasn’t that your jersey number?”

  “Yes. It was. Checking up on me?”

  “Turnabout is fair play, isn’t it?”

  “Fair enough.” He pulls me into his side as we walk.

  The elevators give us a smooth ride to our floor as we exit to our room. Spencer hands me one of the keys at the door. “Just like last time, you’re free to leave anytime you want.”

  “I won’t want to.” I slide the card in and with the green light we’re in. The room is as beautiful as the surroundings are outside. Everything is in earth and water tones, accented with gold. We have our own private mini balcony that overlooks the water. The fragrance of fresh roses fills my senses from a vase on the corner of the desk.

  To my right is a softly frosted pair of white French doors. I hear the click of the suite door behind me, as well as the turning sound of a deadbolt. Looking back over my left shoulder, I watch as Spencer sets his bag down next to my parked carry-on suitcase. He catches me watching him with a small smile.

  “This isn’t quite Vegas,” he says.

  “No. It’s better. This is more us.”

  His words sweep across the back of my neck as he closes our gap. “Tired?”

  “Not in the least. I haven’t felt this awake and alive in a while.”

  “Good.” He slides his hand across the front of my body. His hand and fingers cover from my navel to the base of my hip. “Let’s explore the rest of the room.”

  “This is really…expensive.”

  “Don’t worry about it. I said perfect. You’ll get perfect.”

  I nod and look up into his eyes. “Should we see what’s behind door number two?”

  He smiles. “Would you like to do the honors?”

  “I would.” He lays a gentle kiss on my left shoulder as I slowly leave his grasp and push the doors open. Behind the doors is the largest bed I’ve ever seen. It’s covered in white down duvet with a bit of the same earth tones in the pillows. There is a beautiful, deep blue chaise next to the other set of balcony doors.

  Behind us is the bathroom. It’s a path of black lines in motion across the white marble that creates a scattered maze to the double vanity, which is only stop one on the way to the blocked-out shower and deep tub. I could do two of my favorite things at once: soak in a hot sea of bubbles and stare one more time at Spencer coming out wet from a shower.

  “What are you thinking about
, Cierra?” I can’t help but smile a little bit. “What?”

  “I have a confession to make.”

  Spencer slides his hands into his pockets as he does his sexy lean against the wall. “Now would be the time for that. I’m feeling a strong sense of déjà vu.”

  I giggle. “No. Nothing like that. You asked what I was thinking. It was a memory. Vegas wasn’t the first time I’d seen parts of your body without clothes.”

  “It wasn’t?” His eyebrow rises slightly.

  “No. When you cracked the door at the motel after your shower, I... I saw you. Like all of you.”

  “So, when I asked you if you were ready and you hesitated, that was why?”

  “You caught that? Crap.”

  “I’ve noticed everything about you for days, Cierra. Not that I ignored you before, but when you take a heightened interest, things you wouldn’t maybe see become billboards.”

  “Is what I think is going to happen, going to happen?”

  Spencer moves off the wall and takes a couple steps toward me. “That’s up to you, Cierra. I know what I want.”

  “I know what I want,” he says. I know what I want too but I’m so nervous. “Can we eat first? And talk?”

  He smiles as he takes my face in his hands. “We can do this however you want. You’re in charge. I want you to remember that. You have the power.”

  I lean into his right hand. “I’d like chicken and vegetables. I’d like sweet white wine. I’d like to share a piece of chocolate cake. I’d like to hear a playlist on your iPod, and then we can sort out the rest as we go.”

  “I’ve broken every rule to this point, so I think your list is a good one.”