Zhànshì: A Dark Retelling Read online

  “Jaxon, get up,” my father orders.

  He doesn’t sound angry with me but worry lines still mar his face. I reluctantly slide off the chair and stand, my feet aching in my well-worn sneakers.

  Another man appears, seemingly out of nowhere. What is it with this place? They all move too silently for me. I can never be quiet. My mom always tells me I’m like a ‘bull in a china shop’. I hope she’s all right. She was sleeping on the floor when we left the house. Well, that’s what my father told me. It seems a funny place to sleep when you have a perfectly comfortable bed, if you ask me.

  “He’ll see you now,” the man says.

  “Thank you.” My father bows to the man, and we’re led into a highly decorated room. It’s red and gold with statues all over the place. It reminds me of some of the posh restaurants back in Chinatown. In the center of the room a man is sitting in a massive chair covered in gold, and to the right of it is a statute of a bird with fabulous wings.

  “Daddy, what’s that?” I tug on my father’s hand and point to the bird.

  “It’s a phoenix.” He presses his finger to his lips. “Jaxon, you have to be a good boy here. I need you to be silent unless you’re spoken to directly, and if I bow to anyone, you must do so as well. Stay close to me the entire time until I tell you otherwise.”

  I don’t understand why I have to do these things, but I know my father is stressed. I shrug my shoulder nonchalantly and nod to confirm I’ll do as he has instructed.

  “Thank you.” He ruffles the hair on the top of my head.

  We stop in front of the chair with the phoenix, and I look more closely at the man sitting there. He’s of a similar age to my father and has a long dark beard plaited on his chin. He’s dressed in an outfit I’ve seen being worn by some people in Chinatown before, but this one is different—it looks more expensive. I know instantly this man is someone important, and when my father bows to him, I do the same.

  We straighten again, and the man looks me up and down before giving me a smile. It relaxes me a little. He doesn’t seem like a bad man.

  “You said they’ve found him,” the man speaks to my father.

  “Yes, my wife…” My father lowers his head, and I get the sense there are unspoken words passing between the two men—I don’t know what they are, though.

  I place my hand over my mouth and yawn before rubbing my eyes. It’s late at night and probably past my bedtime. After walking such a long distance, I can feel myself wavering with exhaustion, standing there. I want to sit down. There are lots of chairs around us, but my father told me to stay with him.

  The man in the big chair clicks his fingers, and someone else appears from the darkness at the edge of the room and bows. “Give the boy a chair. He looks exhausted.”

  “We had to make our way here on foot. I wasn’t able to bring my car,” my father explains.

  I’m given a chair and climb up onto it, relieved to be able to sit down. I would usually swing my legs, but I’m even too tired to do that. I rest my head back against the soft fabric chair covering, and fighting to stay awake, I listen to what’s happening around me.

  “We knew this was coming.” My father steps forward and lowers down onto his knees in front of the man in the golden chair. “I’ve served with loyalty and honor. Please, protect my son. I beg of you.”

  Protect me? Why would I need protection?

  “Does he understand what’s happening?” The man in the posh chair gets to his feet, and approaching my father, he places his hand on top of my father’s head.

  “No, sir. My wife wanted to keep it a secret for as long as possible. We’ve been training him in the ways of the Yi Shu, though, and he’s learning the language. He’s a well-behaved boy and will be an asset to you.They can’t be allowed to take him. Please, they’ll kill him.”

  I gulp.

  Kill me?

  I’m ten. Who would want to kill me?

  “I’ve already taken a big risk getting involved in this feud. It’s not my fight, but destiny talks of a blond warrior bringing balance to our way of life. I don’t know if it’s him, but I suspect he’s been thrown into my path for a reason.” The man addresses my father before coming over to me, and I lower my head to him as he approaches.

  I know I should probably slide from my chair and bow properly, but I don’t think my legs will allow me. They ache.

  “Jaxon, do you know who I am?”

  I shake my head. “No, sir.”

  “Have you heard of the Yi Shu,”

  Again I shake my head.

  “I’ve not heard that word until my daddy just mentioned it.”

  “We own and control most of San Francisco. We also protect the people you’re now living with.”

  “Uncle Tan and Auntie Ulrika?”

  “Yes,” the man confirms. “Do you remember anything of your life in New York?”

  “There were some horrible men. They tried to take me from my mama and daddy. They didn’t win, though. I kicked them where it hurts.” I smile proudly.

  I remember the day well. It still haunts me sometimes in my nightmares. Men broke into the school I was at and tried to take me with them, but I kicked them and ran all the way to my father. We left New York that day and came to San Francisco.

  “Do you know why they tried to take you?”

  I shake my head.

  “No.” I look to my father. His head is in his hands, and his body is shaking. It looks like he’s crying.“Daddy?”

  “Look at me, Jaxon, not your father,” the man orders.

  I shuffle forward on my chair.

  “But he’s upset,” I respond.

  “No, it’s relief because he can finally stop running and enjoy eternity with your mother.”

  “Huh?” I look at the man likes he’s stupid. This man speaks in riddles, and I don’t really understand very much of what he’s saying.

  “Your mama and daddy fell in love when they shouldn’t have. There are rules to follow in our way of life. Your mama should have married someone else, but she ran away with your father instead, and they had you. The circumstances of your birth have made you a target. There are those who fear the power you could wield in the mafia world if you learned the full story of your ancestors.”

  “Me?” I point at myself. “I’m ten years old. I’ve got no strength or power to wield in any worlds. I can’t even make myself dinner.”

  The man laughs. “Maybe not now, but you could do. You could wield a power so great many will seek to extinguish it. It’s why you have to come and live with me now. I’m the only one able to protect you.”

  “What about my mama and daddy?”

  It’s the man’s turn to lower his head, and he steps aside for my father to come to me.

  “I need to return to the place of my birth, Jaxon, and take your mama’s bod… and take your mama with me. I’ve pledged your future to the Yi Shu. You’ll be one of them for life and will have no claim to any allegiances elsewhere. It’s the only way for you to stay alive and protected. It will prevent bad men chasing you to the ends of the earth until you’re dead.”

  “I-I don’t want to die,” I stammer out, scared by everyone talking about me dying.

  “If you stay here with Gaozu, you’ll be safe. He’s a good man, Jaxon. I know all this must seem so scary, at the moment, but I promise he’ll look after you as his own. You’re special to him not just to me and your mama. Will you do this for us, Jaxon, stay here and learn?”

  I look to where the man, my father keeps calling Gaozu, is standing. My father is right—everything does seem terrifying, but there’s something within me telling me I need to stay here. My parents are doing this to protect me, to save me from something dangerous. I feel tears pricking in my eyes. Until this moment, I was a boy, but the question I’m about to ask makes me a man. My future will be mapped out for eternity…a life owed.

  “Is my mama dead?” My voice is timid in the room. It cracks and breaks.

  My fa
ther tries to keep his face void of emotion, but even at ten, I can tell he’s heartbroken.

  “Yes, son, and I will be joining her soon.”

  I want to shout ‘no’, he has to stay and look after me, he’s my father, but I can’t. Even at my young age , I can tell he’s a dead man walking already. There’s no light behind his eyes, only a need to know I’m safe from harm.

  Taking a deep breath, I get up from my chair, and walking over to Gaozu, I kneel at his feet and say, “I pledge myself to you, always and forever.”

  I turn back to my father who nods at me proudly before getting to his feet and bowing to us both. He turns around, and without a backward glance, he leaves the room. It’s the last time I ever see him.

  I wake up with a start. I haven’t had that particular dream in ages. I hate it. The memories sicken me because I can’t right the wrongs done to my parents. I found out several years later my mother was a mafia princess. She’d been destined to give birth to the future heirs of a faction in Sweden, but her love affair with my father put a stop to that. He was one of her guards, a nobody, no-one of power, and he and my mother married in secret. When I was born, I was hidden away, but eventually my grandparents found out what had happened, and my parents and I fled to New York with a death sentence over our heads.

  When they attempted to kidnap me from the school, it was with the intention of killing me. The new heir to the family wanted all loose ends tied up. When I pledged myself to the Yi Shu, I lost all claim to my mother’s ancestry, and in doing so, I made myself safe. My mother and father were not so lucky, though. Their death sentences would have always remained in place because of their betrayals.

  One day, I’ll get revenge, but for now, I’ll serve Gaozu. My father was right about him—he not only saved my life and protected me, he also taught me morals and showed me love when I thought I’d lost everything. He became my new father in many ways, and I’ll remain loyal to him until the day I die.

  “I’m worried about Lia. She’s so headstrong and determined to take your place. She was planning to disguise herself and join the Yi Shu as a man.” I listen at the bedroom door as my mother talks with my father. They think I’m in bed asleep, but I couldn’t even if I tried. I know my father won’t let me go, which is why I’m leaving now, in the darkness of the night.

  “I know. I have spoken to her and reminded her of her duty. She is a skilled fighter, but she is no match for the battle hardened soldiers of the Jīn Long—they’d kill her, and if our people found out about her disguise, they’d execute her. I’m going to leave before she wakes so she can’t be tempted to do something we’ll all regret.”

  “Why does this have to happen now?” My mother sobs, and I imagine my father holding her against his chest, stroking her head in comfort.

  “We’ve always known this could happen. We have to obey the rules.”

  “To hell with the rules. They can’t take you from me.”

  “You know I have to go. Come here—let’s be together one final time. I’ve got a few more hours before I need to leave.”

  I walk away from my parents’ door, a piece of paper trembling in my hands. It’s the note I’ve written, explaining everything and telling them I intend to bring honor to our family. I truly believe this is my destiny.

  I place the note on the kitchen table and sneak down to the basement where I collect my father’s sword before going back up to our main living quarters. Picking up the small bag of clothes and various other items I prepared earlier, I take one final look around the house.

  “I promise I’ll make you proud,” I whisper into the air and quietly sneak out of the house.

  My hands are shaking, and I nearly drop everything in my hurry to get away but manage to escape my area of Chinatown without being spotted. I find the nearest public toilet, not a pleasant experience as they aren’t cleaned until first thing in the morning, and change into my disguise. I wrap a bandage around my upper torso to flatten my small breasts before donning the unisex pants and shirt I usually wear when sparring with my father. My face is clear of any makeup, but with my long hair, I still look like a girl. I search through the bag for scissors, knowing I brought a pair with me. Eventually, I find them at the bottom where they’ve fallen, and pulling them out, I stand in front of the mirror and stare at my reflection.

  Why can’t I be the daughter they want me to be?

  Why do I have this need inside me to be different?

  No one sees the true me when I’m dressed as a domesticated and dutiful daughter.

  It’s a disguise I’ve worn all my life.

  I shake my hair out of the long ponytail I’m wearing and stare at it for the final time.

  For too long, I’ve been someone I don’t recognize.

  But not anymore.

  Grasping my hair in my hand, I begin to cut it short. The long black strands fall onto the floor, and I can’t take my eyes off my reflection as I shape my hair into a shoulder-length bob. It’s the fashion for some of the men to have their hair this length and pull it up into a bun—I do the same and step back from the mirror to get a better view of the person I’ve become. It takes my breath away because for the first time I see my true self. I’m the young woman who’ll save her father by playing the part her heart has always longed for.

  Collecting everything together, I put it all back in the bag and throw the remnants of the old Lia into the trashcan. The only item I have with me now is my father’s sword. I used to be too weak to lift it, but now I carry it with ease. I pull it from its scabbard and point it toward the mirror—I shall wield it in battle with pride. The room is barely lit, but it doesn’t stop me from seeing the inscription on the blade.

  Honor, truth, and justice.

  The words are in Chinese symbols, one’s bestowed upon my ancestor who brought us to America. I’ll make him proud.

  Placing the sword away, I leave the public toilet and make my way directly to the main Yi Shu compound. It’s a short walk, and the streets are empty. Fear and also families spending a last night all together has everyone inside.

  The building is imposing. It covers a large area and once served as a university, but now it’s been commandeered for another purpose—the fight against the Jīn Long. A war we will win.

  “Who goes there?” a voice shouts out.

  “Zhàn, son of Lin Zhànshì. I’m here to fight.”

  The man laughs. “You’re a bit eager. We weren’t expecting anyone until the early hours.”

  Two men appear at the gate and examine me. My hands are trembling. If I’m discovered now, I’ll be executed. It’s not something I’ll be able to fight against.

  “Show us proof,” one of the men demands. “ID.”

  Shit!

  I didn’t think about needing proof of who I am. It’s my first mistake…well, second if you include the fact I’m dressed like a boy trying to get into an army camp to save my father from being killed.

  “I didn’t bring anything, because I left in a hurry.I needed to go before my mother went into another fit of hysterics.”

  “We can’t let you in without any ID.” The second man shines a torch into my face. I blink away the bright light before shielding my eyes.

  “You’re sending a soldier away?” I reply, feigning annoyance. “I thought you wanted us all here to fight.”

  “Go home and come back with ID,” the guards snaps at me. “You could be anyone, a spy from the Jīn Long sent to trick us.”

  “I’m a loyal member of the Yi Shu. My family has fought for you in the past.”

  “Still could be anyone.”

  My anger is growing now. I can’t return home. I don’t have anything to prove who I am, and I’ve no way of getting any fake documentation in the next few hours. I’m about to be discovered, and my father and I will die as a result. Don’t cry, don’t panic, be a man, be the person you were destined to be.

  My sword, that’s it.

  “You want ID? I have this.” I lift the w
eapon up, and all the men step back and draw their weapons. “I’m not attacking you,” I moan in frustration. “I’m showing you I’m Yi Shu.” They all shine their flashlights at the sword inscribed with the motto of their leader. “This was given to my grandfather for service and loyalty and was then passed to my father for his. Today, I come here with it to offer my devotion to the cause. If you can’t accept it, then you’ll be losing one of the most loyal and fierce fighters you could have, and I’ll be replaced by a man too old to fight.”

  The two men sigh heavily.

  “Okay, you’ve proven yourself.” They press a couple of buttons on the side of the gate to let me in. “The new quarters are over there. You can show yourself to them. Be ready at six a.m. It’s when training starts, and you can prove you deserve to wield such a fancy weapon.”

  I’m a lot shorter than the men, and I can tell they’re looking down on me.

  I bow my head to them and make my way over to where they’ve directed, whispering to myself, “I’ve already proven I’m worthy to wield this sword by saving my father’s life. Lia is gone. Zhàn is here to stay.”

  I roll over in my bed and grab my head. It’s thumping like a herd of elephants is pounding through my brain.

  Fuck, why did I decide Baijiu would be the best way to help me sleep after my nightmare? The strong alcohol has done little for me except give me the mother of all hangovers. Not what I need today. I reach over to the nightstand, next to my bed, and blindly search around for my phone. When I find it, I bring it as close to my face as I possibly can before even daring to open my eyes. Through a small crack in my right eyelid, I see it’s seven a.m.

  Shit.

  Fuck!

  I’m in trouble.

  Jumping out of the bed, my stomach swims with nausea as I rush to put on some clothes. I was supposed to present myself to all the recruits at six a.m. this morning. A few days into my new role, and I’m already messing up. Stopping by the bathroom to relieve myself and pop a couple of Advil, I race down to where the recruits will already be training.