Wishes, She Roars Read online

  "Nothing," we said at the same time, but Mara just sighed.

  I could see nothing of the dress—it was completely wrapped in an ivory silk cocoon, and when Imani reached for a peek, Mara swatted her daughter away.

  "Both of you can see it tonight, and not before." She wagged her finger at us with a harsh expression, and that was that. "Besides, I hear our Princess is to prepare for her first outing, and you, daughter, are to go with her—you and two guards."

  Well, it was almost freedom.

  Imani gasped, bouncing on the toes of her slippers like she had when she was still a small girl. "Where shall we go?" She clapped her hands together with a huge smile gracing her face. Her excitement seemed even greater than mine.

  "Just to the market for today, I suppose. I've spoken to the guards, and they will keep a respectable distance."

  I couldn't tell by Mara's tone if she meant that they would be closer or further away, but I couldn't be bothered to care.

  I'd have to be careful. As far as everyone knew, I'd never been to the market. I'd never even left the palace grounds, and they'd have to keep believing that.

  "You go get dressed, child. I left something out on your bed, and I will deal with this heathen," Mara instructed us in her no-nonsense tone we'd come to expect.

  I was, of course, the heathen.

  She’d begun calling me that when I’d come home dirt-covered under my skirts after playing too hard as a child. I still came home covered in dirt, but for very different reasons.

  Perhaps if this trip went well, I wouldn't always have to have the guards with me. It would be convenient to do some of my investigating in the daytime, and in my human skin, too.

  Imani left with a squeal, and Mara forced me into another dress and different shoes. She loosened half my hair from the knot on the top of my head and let it fall down my back.

  "There"—she ran her hands down my arms and nodded—"you almost look respectable, which is about the best you can do."

  Mara was always saying things like that to me. She told me all the time that it wouldn't do a bit of good to get a big head. People were always going on about the beauty of Princesses, but never about the beauty of their character. Likely because they never had one.

  It was strange to take the parkway into town in broad daylight. It was hot, and we only had our fans in hand for comfort, but nothing could ruin this day. I wouldn't allow it. The bronze did look like gold from far away as the sun’s rays glinted against it, half-blinding us, and before I was ready, we were in the market.

  How different it was from last night. How alive—it was packed with people, who parted and pointed at us as we walked by, but no one dared approach us, not with the guards. The smell of spices tickled my nose, but I didn't want to waste time eating. I wanted to see everything there was by the light of day. I wanted to see my people.

  Mara had warned me that if I was late, she'd make me shift into a tiger just to skin me alive. She said I'd need yet another bath before she helped prepare me for the party, and as I collected dust, I knew why. It would take her ages to dress and brush me, so the first outing would be a short one.

  We passed silk stalls where I purchased new lovely wraps for both Imani and I. The owner of the stall seemed pleased, and this was the first time I'd ever spent money on my own, though there were piles of it in my name. I wanted to buy many more things. As Grandfather had said, we had more gold than we could ever spend, and many of these people needed it. I dropped enough coins inside to fill the cup of a beggar, even as a guard sneered. I gave him a look, and he backed off. Perhaps I could make changes in the world other than with teeth and claws.

  I felt powerful, as though I was finally making progress on all those lofty goals I had for my kingdom, when I saw the very store I'd been looking for. It was exactly as I remembered it, but it looked far more lovely outside of a downpour.

  Aladdin's uncle's jewelry store.

  The walls were a deep rust color, and the thin wooden door was tied back with a bit of jade-colored silk.

  "Wait for us here," I said, summoning the power I still felt inside and into my voice. I can lead, I told myself, even as a woman, though I could never rule.

  The guard looked at the shop, and after judging it safe, motioned for his companion to take us to the space near the front wall, on the outside of the shop.

  I knew they could undoubtedly see the guards from inside the store, but I wouldn't push my luck.

  There were two men at the counter. Aladdin was there, bent over a red velvet pillow, showing a man a stone the size of a small egg. There was also a wizened old man, who was wrinkled with age but still sharp as a tack, it seemed. His eyes widened ever so slightly as he took us in, his gaze hovering a moment on the guards just outside his shop.

  "May I help you?" the man asked, and Aladdin’s smiling face refocused from his jewel to me.

  He was speechless, I realized, and so was I.

  After I'd run from him last night, he most likely thought he would never see me again. He might have even wished for it.

  Perhaps I shouldn't have come.

  Imani was used to shopping in town and simply said, "We shall look around."

  The man dipped his head in our direction, and busied himself counting rings of silver and gold, hardly thicker than an eyelash. He hadn't even noticed his nephew observing me, but Imani had. Sometimes I believed she inherited her mother's eyes, the ones that were in the back of her head and was just coming into them.

  I had more jewels than I could wear, and yet I perused them in earnest so I might have an excuse to talk to him. Eventually, the customer Aladdin had been waiting on left without purchasing anything.

  "Do you think your mother would like this?" I asked Imani, showing her a ruby bracelet.

  "I think if you bought that for her, she would make you swallow it." Imani touched my arm with a wide grin.

  She was probably right. Mara was no fuss, and no frills. At least for herself, anyway, she never minded adding sparkles and lace to my person, though.

  But Imani was plotting something—her eyes held a brewing storm as she walked to the counter to inquire about something Aladdin's uncle was holding.

  It was only then I realized her plan. I gave it a moment before approaching the counter myself.

  Aladdin was smiling, albeit a little hesitant, as I pretended to admire the trinkets in his glass case.

  "I can't believe you're here," he said, taking out a beautiful emerald and gold necklace.

  "Neither can I," I admitted.

  "I hoped to see you tonight in the palace." My blood that had begun to pound wildly through my veins, froze.

  Oh, no, he couldn’t possibly do that.

  "My grandfather makes a lot of pieces for the sultan and the princess."

  I let his words sink in. Of course, much of my own jewelry could have come from right here, and I never would have known if I hadn't run into him last night.

  "He’s invited to all the parties, but he hates them, so we never go."

  Perhaps I would like this uncle after all. Aladdin kept talking, but I was attempting to find a way to politely tell him not to come. He didn't know I was the princess, and surely, he would recognize me tonight if we were at the same party.

  "But..." Aladdin trailed off.

  "But..." I started and trailed off as well.

  "But he heard a rumor that the princess is likely close to marrying, which will mean a big order and he doesn't want to lose the business to a foreign jeweler."

  I gasped, hoping he would attribute it to the general excitement, but I had to get home, now.

  Chapter 6

  The guards followed without question, just as Imani did. If anyone thought it was strange that I remembered my own way back to the palace for the first time, no one said a thing. I was too preoccupied to be more careful, and it was already later than I'd expected. I had allowed myself to be distracted by a man, when I absolutely could not afford it.

 
The guards trailed my billowing cloak all the way to the end of my corridor before splintering off. I briefly wondered if they had other jobs in the palace that I had kept them from but brushed even that guilty thought away.

  Imani slid the door shut behind us and leaned her head against the polished wood. "People talk, it means nothing."

  My hands were balled into fists, when what I really wanted was to shift and run my claws through anything that needed to be destroyed. I could have started with whomever had begun that rumor about me marrying.

  "That rumor." I turned and hissed, fingernails breaking off in my palms.

  "That rumor," Imani approached me, "is always circulated whenever any suitor comes parading into town, and now there are three of them here at the same time."

  I supposed I knew how that would look, how it did to me, but I hated it.

  Mara flew into the room behind us. "You." She pointed toward Imani. "Draw her a bath."

  Then she whirled back to me, and things proceeded exactly as I thought they would. With her tutting over my ruined nails and peeling my dirt-streaked clothes from my angry body.

  When she pulled my dress over my head, and I sat in nothing but my cream-colored undergarments, she grabbed my shoulders before giving them a tight squeeze. I almost wished to be a young girl again, to not have to worry about things like marriage and bloodlines.

  "I thought you'd be happy." Mara patted my hand. "When they asked me, what would... it doesn't matter. Didn't you have a good time, Cyra?"

  I looked at myself in the mirror as the lump I tried to swallow wedged itself in my throat. "It's not that I didn’t have a good time, I did, it was nice to be out amongst my people but..."

  Mara made soothing circles on my back for a moment before pushing for the “but.”

  "But... It seems that there are those who think I'll be marrying soon.”

  Her red hands paused for a moment. "And when you do eventually marry, they will discuss when and where you shall start popping out heirs. Really, Cyra, I cannot believe you allow any of this business to bother you. It's not a rumor started by one man, it's the natural consequence of being born female."

  The way she spoke about it made it sound as dreadful as it felt.

  "Best you just put all that out of your mind right now. You have to fulfill a promise to our Sultan, and for that, you must be on your best behavior."

  I coughed. I was on my best behavior with fur and claws, but I didn't believe that was quite what Mara meant.

  "Now, in the bath with you." Mara pushed me along and went about laying out lotions and lip rouge I was confident she was going to assault me with as soon as I was done.

  This bath was faster than the first of the day. Imani had only filled the bathing pool halfway.

  "I don't know why we have to make such a fuss." Imani pinned my hair up so it wouldn’t get wet. "You aren't that dirty. A bowl of water and a clean rag was all you needed, but there is no use telling my mother that."

  There was no use in telling Mara anything. She already knew everything she wanted to hear, and she wasn't going to listen to what anyone else had to say.

  Soon enough, I was rewrapped in new underclothes before being coated in oils and lotion until my entire body felt slick and smooth. Then finally, the dress was revealed to me.

  It was tailored in an old-fashioned style, and in the exact shade of a lavender sunset, from a clear, almost white, all the way to the inky purple of a full night. My favorite time of day was when it ended: twilight.

  "It's stunning." I didn't want to ask how Grandfather had gotten it, how he'd known I would love it, didn't want to hear that, perhaps it had been Mara's idea, or even Imani’s. I only wanted to admire it for what it was: a beautiful gesture.

  It was slid over my head by practiced hands and belted with a tiny piece of twisted silver and amethyst. My hair was brushed and piled atop my head, held together with pins that matched the metal on my waist, but it looked like stars.

  I looked like a woman, even to myself, so much so that it hurt.

  "There, you're perfect." Mara gave me an appraising onceover as she rouged my lips with a red that hovered near violet.

  A knock sounded at my door then, as if they had been waiting for Mara to utter those exact words. Another guard no doubt, but as Imani opened the door, I was surprised to see Abbas standing just on the other side of my threshold.

  I smiled at him, but asked: "What are you doing here?"

  He didn’t enter my room, for it wouldn’t have been appropriate, but that was silly because I saw him at the temple all the time. But the palace was nothing but rules and we had to play by them.

  "A little bird told me that you would be attending tonight's affair. I thought perhaps you could use a little backup."

  Since Abbas was a relative of the late queen, he always had an invite, but like me, he didn’t frequently choose to accept.

  So much gratitude swam in my eyes, I thought I might start spilling everything I had left.

  And yet, it felt as though it wasn’t enough.

  "No crying," Mara said sharply, smacking me so hard on top of my head the pins cut into my scalp.

  Yep, that definitely reminded me of being a child.

  "You'll ruin your makeup," Imani said.

  There was no need, I was already standing and being led away.

  The hallways were empty, servants and guards were either relocated to the ballroom, or done for the day. I could hear them long before I was prepared to go in. At the last second, I pulled Abbas down a smaller corridor.

  "Where are we going, Cyra? I am certain everyone is waiting for you." Abbas glanced over his shoulder.

  I was looking, too. Not because I planned on going inside the ballroom right now, but because I didn’t want to be overheard.

  Quickly and quietly, I told Abbas about the men I'd seen the night before as they loaded gold to send God only knew where.

  He grew pale as he rubbed at his smooth chin. "I won't say it doesn't seem suspicious, but perhaps the Grand Vizier just purchased a new country estate. That's what you nobles are always doing."

  It was surprising to hear Abbas speak in such a way. In terms of him and them, as though I was lumped in with the rest of the nobles who he was looking down his nose upon. As if I was so different than him, so… other.

  "It's just the timing." I took a breath and said after a moment.

  "I agree, but what are you hoping to do about it in a storage closet?"

  I’d stopped in front of a door at the end of the corridor, but it was not a closet. I let the door creek open, nothing but a slight hiss. Flames still burned in the little lamps that lined a spiral staircase that led deep down, where the Grand Vizier held his offices—right near the dungeon.

  That man was always in attendance at the parties and flanked by an entire gaggle of guards. I hoped that meant there wouldn't be anyone down there as I quickly raced down the steps, Abbas behind me.

  "Where does this lead?" he asked, about halfway. "The dungeon?"

  "Yes," I admitted, but that wasn't where we were headed specifically.

  No guards stood where the hallway split. Good. The air reeked, and I suddenly felt ashamed. I had no idea what sorts of prisoners were kept down here, or who handed out their sentences, but I could guess. That did not sit well with me.

  A door of black iron stood at the end of the final hallway; it, too, was devoid of guards. I held my breath inches from the door. I would not press my ear against it. Sneaking around like this made me look guilty. After a moment I pushed the door open. There was no light inside the room, but the lamps from the corridor helped illuminate the space so I could see enough of it.

  It was a mess: scrolls strewn about, and on the back wall there were images that made my guts roll with unease.

  It was a map, but not a normal one. It held our kingdom, and a list of marriageable sons from other countries and ranked them according to what they could pay for me. Gold, armies, allies. I didn't dare
look at who was at the top of the list. I might vomit all over the Grand Vizier's paper-strewn desk.

  "We should leave, Cyra. It won't be long until they begin looking for you."

  I wanted to tell Abbas that this was the absolute last place they would look for me, but I didn't trust myself to open my mouth. My mother's amulet seemed to hold a pulse of its own as I turned on my heels and raced back up the stairs.

  "Easy now," Abbas said as we reached the landing. "A princess should not sweat."

  A princess should not do a lot of things, and I took pride in myself on eagerly doing as many as I could. Abbas knew that; he was only trying to improve my bad mood before I had to prance into the lions’ den.

  Abbas knocked on the massive double doors to the ballroom, and two servants dressed in orange and ivory opened them without so much as glancing at us.

  We stepped onto the polished marble floor and into a scene that reminded me of my childhood. I closed my eyes for a moment, and I could see my mother and father dancing in the center under what appeared to be a clear night sky dotted with stars. Mother wore a dress much like the one I was wearing tonight, her amulet glistening as Father turned her about the dancefloor. Her smile. I had her smile.

  I opened my eyes and peered above. A starlit night opened above the grand ballroom with stark white pillars along the four walls. It was breathtaking. Greenery climbed the walls as though it grew from the floor, and each table was set with delicate white coverings and star-shaped candles in every shade of violet and lilac. Grandfather had planned this for me, down to my dress and matching belt. The stars, just as Mother had worn all those years ago. I touched my amulet and it felt as though she was near.

  It was time to enter this ballroom with my head held high. I was Princess Cyra. I was strong, and I could do this.

  Abbas bowed before Grandfather who wore the same pleased expression from earlier. I dipped as well, but my attention was trained on someone across the room. Aladdin sat by a koi pond just after another set of great doors spilled out into a tree-lined courtyard. The place where the ballroom blended into the wild beyond. Even the desert ended there, giving way to a scraggly mountain forest.