Determination Read online

  DETERMINATION

  Book three of the Aigis trilogy.

  S. M. WELLES

  I dedicate this book to all who find the courage to keep moving forward.

  CONTENTS

  YEAR ONE

  1. Numb

  2. The Laws of Death

  3. Sustenance

  4. Pursued by Darkness

  5. A Gift Given

  6. Unwanted

  7. Wrath and Scorn

  8. Kara’s Secret

  9. The War Wages

  10. Disappointment and Forgiveness

  YEAR TWO

  11. Heartbroken

  12. Regrets

  13. Legacy

  14. Aid

  15. Messenger and Message

  16. Nero

  17. Divine Pawn

  18. Being a Creator

  19. Strength of Will

  20. Goodbyes

  YEAR THREE

  21. The Wardens

  22. Specters

  23. Identity Crisis

  24. Glory

  25. Judgement

  26. The Value of Life

  27. Determination

  28. Wants

  29. Three Mercies

  30. Home

  Epilogue

  About the Author

  YEAR ONE

  Chapter 1

  Numb

  “How did I get here?” Roxie asked herself. The Realm of the Dead? How did any living person get here? The empty train tracks, along with the silent platform, offered no hints. How did she even get to this platform? It didn’t exist in this part of Buffalo. Then again, what did it matter if she wasn’t on Earth? In fact, why did this realm look like Earth when there were so many other worlds out there? So many questions jammed up her thoughts.

  “You need to get out,” said the winged girl who’d called herself a Numina, whatever that was. “You don’t belong here.” She shook her head pityingly and tilted her Borsalino cap so it covered her eyes. “So Aigis, huh? Never seen your likes before. Really strange. If it weren’t for your wings, you could pass for human.” She shot out a hand like she’d suddenly remembered etiquette. “I’m Sekiro, by the way. I don’t see why I can’t be your Guide, even though you’re alive. You’re quite lost. It’s my job to guide the lost.”

  Roxie shook Sekiro’s hand, albeit warily. “Roxie.” Her hand was warm like a living person’s, and solid. That brought some relief, but she still didn’t know whether she should trust the girl or not. “Why are you willing to help me?”

  Releasing Roxie’s hand, Sekiro raised her cap and scrutinized Roxie with her silver eyes. “It’s what we do. The Numina. We guide the lost. My senses guided me to you, but I’m not sure if I can help you. I usually guide the dead to where they can find closure and move on. But obviously...”

  “...That’s not what I need,” Roxie finished.

  “Right.” Sekiro glanced up and down the tracks.

  “Should we wait for another train?”

  “No,” she said with a shake of her head. “It won’t take you where you need to go.”

  Roxie took in the tracks, the forest, and Buffalo’s outskirts sticking above the canopy. “Where do I need to go?”

  “I don’t know. I’ve never been a Guide to a live one before.”

  “Well where does the train lead to?”

  “Up and down the east coast, all over the country, the continent, across every ocean to any part of the world. In short: nowhere useful for you.”

  Roxie looked at the tracks again. “Why are they here? This realm looks exactly like where I’m from on Earth, but these tracks shouldn’t be here.”

  “Oh, they do that,” Sekiro said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “They show up for those who are searching for direction. It’s interesting that they even showed up for you. But I guess this means that lost is lost, despite whether you’re alive or dead. You learn something new every day. Let’s go.” She leapt off the platform and took flight, her wings fluttering like a dragonfly’s.

  Roxie watched the Numina fly off. She didn’t want to follow. She just wanted to get out of this realm and back to Nexus.

  Sekiro pivoted midair and hovered. “Aren’t you coming?”

  “Couldn’t I just world-hop off here? Out of here?” She still didn’t know how to do that, but she was willing to experiment with what little she remembered.

  “You’re in a realm, not on a world. I don’t know if that’ll work. What’s world-hopping? Using extended reality to get from one world to another?”

  “Yeah.”

  “If the living could do that to get here, I’d bet there’d be all sorts of chaos with the living butting in all the time to visit their lost loved ones. Besides, the living world of Earth has just about no access to extended reality--at least it didn’t in my time. What era are you from? Did we go back to the days of chivalry or something?”

  “No, I’m from the present.”

  “Duh, if you’re alive. What’s with your getup? You’re the first contemporary person I’ve seen wearing something like that. Usually it’s all jeans, shoes, and technology past my time.”

  “When was your time?”

  “The eighties. Can’t you tell?” Sekiro held out her wiry arms. “My name was Samantha, but I decided to let go of that name and take on a new one when I became a Numina.”

  Roxie took in her black Chuck Taylor sneakers, skinny jeans, varsity jacket, and short untidy hair sticking out from under her Borsalino cap. She bit back a comment about how unclear her era was.

  “I inadvertently overdosed on crack cocaine at a concert.” She shook her head at herself. “What a waste. At least I’m making up for it now. So what’s with your getup?”

  Roxie glanced at her clothing and gleaming armor. The unmoving dawn made it look majestic with the way the light bounced off it. “It’s not real. It’s just a manifestation of my power.” The Numina gave her a blank look of confusion. “Here.” Roxie closed her eyes and felt around for the core of her power in her abdomen. It was strange how Frava didn’t demand her focus on keeping it in check. Fully powered felt like a natural state, with her focus on stopping Nexus constantly surfacing to the forefront of her thoughts. She let go of her focus and pulled the power back into her. It made her feel weaker, smaller, and more exposed. The armor set vanished, her tank top and pants returned, and the elliptical shield vanished. She looked so plain, now.

  Aerigo’s dagger clanged onto the cement by her feet. She picked it up. There was no blood, no sign that it had stabbed its owner or a god, no sign that it had helped take the life of someone who had agreed to let his love for her bloom into something beautiful, once Nexus was taken care of--all that conveyed in just one word.

  After.

  Roxie squeezed the hilt. Tears wanted out, but she felt disconnected from them. Heavy sobs were lodged in her throat, along with a scream, but neither came. Maybe this was what it was like to emotionally shut down until the dust settled. Part of her welcomed it. Part of her felt like she was robbing Aerigo of the grieving process his death deserved, but now was not the time. She needed to get un-lost and stop Nexus one way or another.

  Sekiro looked at her with open amazement. “You can’t be from Earth. We don’t have magical people.”

  “I am,” Roxie said defensively.

  “I know you are,” she said, not unkindly, then drifted lower and closer as she spoke. “You wouldn’t be in Earth’s spirit realm if you weren’t--well, at least that’s how it works for the dead. No matter which world you die on, your spirit returns to its native world. Anyway, I really do have a lot to explain to you. Come.” She waved her over and took off again.

  “Alright. Hold on.”

  Sekiro paused, wings a rosy
blur.

  Once she removed the dagger from her boot, Roxie summoned Mana and Frava once more, the sensation filling her with what felt like a gulp of revitalizing air. The power released with a thunderous bang that echoed like an Independence Day firework, the ones that flashed and let out a deafening boom. She felt powerful again, ready to take on the challenge of getting out of the Realm of the Dead. But something felt different, though, like she was tired or slightly winded or something. She felt rather hungry for having eaten maybe just two hours ago. She sheathed her glowing sword.

  Sekiro stared at her, wild-eyed, her forearms defensively clamped to her sides. “That’s... amazing.” She sounded more scared than awed. “You’re really powerful.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  She stiffened. “Nothing.”

  “You look scared.”

  Sekiro’s gaze darted about their surroundings and said nothing.

  “Just tell me,” Roxie said in as soothing a voice as she could muster. “I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s wrong.”

  She bowed her head and let her wiry arms dangle at her sides. “I’m sorry. Your power is incredible. I’m afraid you’ll hurt me or something, if I don’t do a good job guiding you. I’ve had people get mad at me before, but those people don’t understand that I can’t do what they need to do for them. I don’t know what’ll happen if I try to help you and things don’t go well, and I have a feeling you could hurt me if you tried.”

  Roxie couldn’t find it in herself to be angry or insulted. “You’re the second person in one day to be afraid of me. It’s really strange. I’m not used to this. And I’m not mean like that.” If she’d been in the Numina’s position and watched someone else release explosive power, she’d be afraid, too, unless they were someone like Aerigo.

  A tightness seized her throat and her chest ached with a hollowness. Mercifully, the Numina spoke again, giving Roxie something else to pay attention to.

  “Looks like you’ll be answering my questions as well. Ready to go?”

  Roxie leapt in the air and started beating her wings with heavy strokes, each beat a deep thud, and the Numina turned and led the way towards Buffalo. Roxie maneuvered so she was flying alongside her, yet far enough away so her wings wouldn’t hit her.

  Sekiro held out an arm and waved her back. “Don’t! Stay behind me. I have to lead if I’m going to guide you, or else we’re gonna get lost.”

  Roxie gave her a curious look as she let herself lag behind. “Why?”

  Sekiro spoke over one shoulder. “I know where I’m going. You don’t. As you already saw with the train tracks, this realm reacts to your thoughts and intentions.”

  Roxie glanced back at the tracks, which were no longer there. She felt her face pale. This realm just wouldn’t stop getting stranger. The yards had reverted back to grass, children’s playgrounds, gardens, or just a bare patch before the trees engulfed the rest of the surroundings. Lake Erie splayed out all along the west for as far as she could see into the gloom. The construction site she’d fought Daio in giant form was there as well, looking deserted. An involuntary shiver shook her and her flight faltered for a beat. She looked ahead, taking in the dead version of Buffalo.

  Every building’s window shone black and cold, even with the dawn light lancing between building’s. It was as if the sun brought no warmth, even though it wasn’t freezing out. The air felt comfortably warm. For a moment she wondered if the living world had any bearing on the temperature of the dead one, but then she considered the unmoving sun and discarded the idea. Did the dead even care how hot or cold it was?

  The grey streets below lay deserted. Not a single car jammed up the roads and not a single pedestrian zipped along the sidewalks. The energy of all that movement was palpable like the energy of a stadium at a sporting event, yet there was nothing to make it flow. “Is Buffalo always this quiet and creepy in the Realm of the Dead?” Roxie said over the buzz of the Numina’s wings.

  “I find the quiet peaceful, but I can understand why you’d find it creepy. There are restless and aggressive souls all over this spirit world. Just stay with me and you’ll be safe.”

  On a creepy scale of one to ten, this place just shot up to one hundred.

  She’d attempted to make a joke. That was either a good sign or bad. Bad if it meant she was finally cracking under all the stress she was trying not to think about, but good if it was her brain trying to cope. She hoped for the latter and tried not to think about it by instead wondering what Sekiro was going to explain to her once they arrived at the mystery destination. “Where exactly are we going?” Man, just about every other thing she said was a question. Hopefully the Numina didn’t mind.

  “To a place that will mark the official start of your journey out of the Realm of the Dead.”

  They zipped between several blocks of tall buildings of downtown parts of the city, flew over the Niagara Thruway and the city fell away to a beautiful coastline, the lake sparkling with fiery colors. “I thought showing up in my own home in here started it.”

  “That’s more like the starting blocks for a racer. We’re in the act of crossing the starting line. We’re almost there. You’re doing a good job of following.”

  The question came off as odd. “What do you mean?”

  “I’ll explain in a sec.” Sekiro landed atop the sixty-foot-tall Buffalo Main lighthouse, which stood near the edge of a flat strip of land jutting out into Lake Erie. The lighthouse was octagonal and constructed out of limestone and iron. Roxie couldn’t see a beam of light circling around, but she saw it reflect off the railing below. She landed next to the Numina, her armored boots clanking on the metal. No usual breeze coming off the lake greeted her; just a stillness. The water ebbed and rolled, but gently, like it was trying to flow without making noise.

  “Okay, we’re here. Have a seat.”

  Chapter 2

  The Laws of Death

  “Right here?”

  “Yep.” Sekiro dropped into Indian-style and patted the metal.

  Not knowing what else to do, Roxie plopped down next to her and cradled her wings at her sides so she wouldn’t sit on them. She thought of pulling her power in, but then she’d just have to draw it out again once it was time to leave. “Why here?” They could’ve alighted on the ground instead, but the Numina seemed intent on being just as strange as the rest of the spirit world.

  Sekiro gazed out at the sparkling lake, her roundish face serene. “When a Numina guides a lost soul, he or she listens to what the lost one’s subconscious has to say. Your subconscious told me to take you to this lighthouse, the Buffalo Main. This place will mark the beginning of your journey.”

  “Why would my subconscious want me to come here?” Roxie’s gut told her this location made total sense, but not why it made sense.

  “What do lighthouses do?”

  Roxie joined the Numina in looking out over the lake. “Warn captains of where land is.”

  “What else?”

  She thought a moment and came up with nothing. “What else are they supposed to do?”

  “Think symbolically.” She gestured to the lake and their surroundings.

  Roxie took in her surroundings and the lighthouse once again. No boats navigated the lake. To be honest, she would’ve been surprised to see one at this point. But if there was one, what would it mean to the captain that spotted the rotating light? “A lighthouse symbolizes warning and guidance, I guess.”

  “Good start.” After a few seconds of silence, she added, “I can see you struggling again. Think of the land and water. What could they symbolize near a lighthouse? What about the light itself? What about the engineering of the building?”

  “Can’t you just tell me?” Again, Roxie noticed a creeping fatigue and growing hunger. Was it her power tiring her out? Aerigo had always eaten so much, even for someone as tall and muscular as him. Thinking of Aerigo made her aware of the huge hole in her chest, along with the screams and tears lodged in her throat
. She ripped her thoughts away from those emotions and focused on the symbolism lesson she was getting. No time for tears. No time for a nap, either.

  “It’s better if you try and figure it out. I’ll explain why in a moment.”

  Roxie forced herself to think harder through her growing mental haze. She’d offered so many ideas on the phoenix and flaming tree from Aerigo’s dream. It had been so much easier trying to interpret someone else’s symbolism than was her own. Why was it so hard to analyze herself?

  She pushed aside her growing frustration and tried to think of what water meant, what the meeting of water and land meant, the motion of a large body of water, the beacon, and the lighthouse’s structuring itself. If there were any other parts to dissect, she couldn’t think of any. “Have you ever heard of a lighthouse getting blown over in a storm?”

  “Honestly, no.”

  “Then I think it’s safe to believe a lighthouse can symbolize strength and stability.”

  “Excellent! What about there being eight sides? They’re quite often round, but I brought you to an octagonal one.”

  The first thing that popped into her mind was a stop sign and its eight sides, but she had a feeling that that’s not the part of the symbolism the Numina wanted her to focus on. “I don’t remember the significance of numbers. I know they can mean something, but you’ll have to fill me in.”

  “Then how about the beacon light?”

  “Hm.” Well that was the most important part of the lighthouse, wasn’t it? “Guidance. Safety, maybe? That’s it, I think, and that’s you, I guess. You’re my Guide and apparently you’ll keep my safe from the bad ghosts.” Sekiro chuckled behind a hand, and gestured for Roxie to continue. “As far as the water goes, well, it meets land right below the lighthouse, so we’re at a spot where one thing ends and another begins. I’m not sure what just ended for me, but I get that I’m about to go on a journey in hopes of finding a way out of here.” Her life with Aerigo just ended, that much she knew, but she couldn’t bring herself to say it out loud. She feared it would cause her to break down into inconsolable tears. “I think that’s it. Did I miss anything?”