My Immortal Read online

  My Immortal

  By Anastasia Dangerfield

  ISBN: 9781301224487

  Published by Smashwords

  Copyright 2013 by Anastasia Dangerfield

  This book is a work of fiction. Name's, characters, businesses, organizations, places, events, and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any manner whatsoever without the author's consent, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

  This book is recommended for mature young adults, 17+ for it's sexual nature. If you are sensitive to the subjects of rape, neglect, and abuse, this book may not be for you.

  I want to thank you for reading this book and I hope you enjoy it! I would really appreciate your reviews on the website you purchased it from as well as www.goodreads.com. Thanks, from the bottom of my heart!

  Acknowledgements

  I would like to think Erika Swensen, for her help of my cover design; she just has magic at her fingertips.

  I would also like to think one of my avid readers and reviewers from good reads, Sammie. She read and reviewed Eternally Yours for me and I cannot thank her enough! Also, I cannot wait to read the sample of her very own novel that is still sitting nicely in my inbox stack (I promise to get to that soon, now that I am finished with this!)

  And lastly, but definitely not least, all of my Goodreads followers, reviewers, and fans, you all are literally what pushes me to finish these books when I have scare little time to do them. I think you guys and hope that you enjoy my books. Thanks for your kind words and support, I much appreciate it!

  TABLE OF CONTENTS

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Epilogue

  About The Author

  Chapter One

  My dearest Gabe,

  It's been six miserable months, twenty three hours, and way too many minutes since Shadow was taken from me. That's over one hundred and eighty days that I have suffered. I know that life isn't fair and that things don't always go right, but I feel that I have been given more than I can cope with.

  I'm not telling you this to hurt you, only to help you understand how I feel.

  I have tried so hard to forget and let go, to just accept his fate…and mine, but I can't.

  Whatever gods are up there, if there are any, seem to absolutely hate me. I am nothing to them.

  Nothing if not a pebble in their shoe.

  Nothing.

  It doesn't even affect me to know that I am the absence of anything.

  I am numb.

  Depressed.

  My heart aches every single day. And every single day I get myself through somehow. Maybe I have had some infinitesimal spark of hope that we would find Shadow, but that little spark has long since burned out.

  But thank you for helping me look.

  Sometimes I wonder if I am crazy. Maybe I just made him up inside my mind and all of these memories I have of us are a figment of my cruel imagination. Maybe I am punishing myself subconsciously for something. Perhaps for not loving you, my own mate, like I should.

  If not that, then definitely for all those times I disobeyed the authorities or questioned things I'm not supposed to.

  But those times that I had finally convinced myself that he was just a figment of my imagination, you would mention him to me. You would tell me that you heard something about his whereabouts or that you, yet again, heard nothing whatsoever about where he could be.

  Or worse, you would say that he is probably dead by now. Especially since he is…was…a half-breed.

  My stomach would drop every time it was the latter.

  I tried so hard to tell myself that he's really gone. But I still feel him with me, inside me somehow, so it's no use.

  His presence lingers everywhere. Constantly it is here…haunting me.

  His memory is always with me, in the day and at night in my dreams… no matter where I go I cannot escape it.

  I still remember how my hand felt in his big, masculine hand. Warm and tingly and safe. I remember how soft and full his lips felt against mine and the hunger that they stirred in me. The ripples of desire that raced through my body.

  I remember how good it felt to smell his cedar and spice scent when he held me in his arms…

  I shake myself to clear my head. I wouldn't want to write all of that in my letter to Gabriel.

  I continue…

  My shrink used to tell me that time would ease the pain and I would eventually get through it, but these wounds just don't heal and there is too much that time will never be able to erase from my memory.

  I will always be a whisper of who I once was.

  Who you remember me as.

  But I am not that girl anymore and I never will be again.

  My eyes have been opened to this ugly world and what we will suffer if we stay here and let them control us.

  I know you tell me that I am on auto-pilot, and I have finally opened my eyes to see that you are right. I have been nothing but an empty shell of who I was once. I have also been unfair to you, my best friend.

  You speak to me less and less but you still take great care of me. You feed me when I should eat, not that I am ever hungry, you tell me when I smell bad so that I can remember to bathe, and you tell me when to report to work so that I don't get in trouble.

  I appreciate all of that, Gabe, and it doesn't go unnoticed or unappreciated.

  I know this is hard on you, especially since you once loved me, but you should really let me take care of myself. You don't owe me anything.

  I think he is finally over me though. I made it crystal clear that I love him as my best friend, but not my mate. I know that I am damaged goods but it's convincing Gabe of that, that takes all of my energy. Despite my best efforts, it still took him a while to give up on us, but I think he has finally accepted it.

  He, like everyone else, figured that I would get over Shadow with time. He was the one here to comfort me for these painstakingly long days and nights and I know he took advantage of the situation and tried to win me over. He tried everything to make me fall in love with him, but Shadow still has every part of me, so I have nothing left to give.

  Back before the Guards took my reason to live and dashed my hopes, dreams and spirit, we had planned on escaping this prison. We were going to fly over the wall that keeps us "protected" from the Hell Horde and whatever other "evil" is outside of the City.

  As an angel, I'm not supposed to have a deceitful or dishonest bone in my body. However, I must be the bad seed, because since I turned eighteen and came to the City, I have been nothing but questions and problems.

  What I really am is screwed up.

  I was once lucky.

  And now I am really, really stupid.

  I am a nobody, an angel from a poor family that got lucky enough to be arranged to marry the Overlord's son, Gabriel.

  All of the girl angels wanted to be with him and all of the boy angels wanted to be him.

  And I married him (without a choice) and it's caused nothing but problems for both of us.

  But still, that is all my fault.

  Most things are, I feel.

  The night before Gabe and I were forced to consummate our m
arriage and complete the bond, linking us to only each other forever, I promised Shadow that I wouldn't do it.

  I promised him I would save myself for him because I loved him.

  We were going to escape early the next morning to avoid it on both sides.

  I still don't know if he completed his bond with Lillith, his arranged mate, or not because when we met the next morning, Gabe caught us, and well, it wasn't pretty.

  I think Gabe followed me because he was getting so suspicious of my refusal to be with him sexually.

  That morning they tried to kill each other, literally. I tried everything I could to break them apart but I couldn't choose a side and condemn one of the boys I love so much to death. No matter what I did it was a lose-lose situation.

  After all, the reason they were fighting was because of me, and there I was, for them to constantly see why they were fighting in the first place.

  It was just fuel to the fire.

  Luckily, before Gabe was about to stab Shadow with a knife that none of us were unaware of except for him, the Guards came.

  Of course, they sided with their Commander, Gabe.

  However, instead of putting any blame on me where it belonged, my beautiful husband put the blame on the half-breed…or monster…or whatever hateful name Gabe could think to spit out at the time.

  Since it's forbidden to be involved with any kind other than your own, this is of course unforgivable for me and Shadow.

  Unfortunately, he is part angel and demon, which is the worst of the worst and considered complete blasphemy in our world, so they are going to try him for death. I worry over that of course, but I also worry for our society. We are supposed to have come a long way since the Dark Days when they burned his parents alive for the very same crime.

  He has been terrified of fire since then…

  At the time, my bright idea was to keep my mouth shut about my involvement so that I could rescue him from the dungeon. If we were both taken, there would have been no chance of rescue. Shadow also knew this because he kept giving me this look that dared me to say anything.

  Now I have regretted that decision for six long months because I haven't been able to find him. I was in the hospital for five weeks recovering from the poison arrow that the Hell-Hordian shot me with, that should have killed me.

  I thought five weeks was a long time.

  I thought wrong.

  We still can't imagine why they singled me out to kill and shot at no one else. Nothing makes sense in this stupid place anymore. Not the letter the Hell Horde left after the attack at the costume ball, not the presumed deal the Overlord had made with them years ago, not Shadow's disappearance, and not why I am in no trouble whatsoever for trying to escape with a demon.

  The bond that Gabe and I were supposed to form when we had sex didn't work. I feel connected to him somehow…maybe, but we have no telepathy or new powers that I am aware of. Also, I still pine for my long, lost love and that would definitely not be happening if the bond formed.

  I haven't had any lustful thoughts about him or anyone else and nothing has happened between us in bed. He holds me close every night and he used to kiss me, but after a while his kisses would turn hungry and I would retreat into the recess of my mind and turn over.

  I guess he got tired of being rejected and it's all well with me because I got tired of rejecting him.

  I am brought back from my reverie by my fingers subconsciously tapping my pen on my paper.

  I continue my letter.

  Anyways, I can't handle the uncertainty of knowing whether Shadow is still alive or not. The constant wondering is taking what little sanity I have left.

  So I am writing this letter to you.

  I'm sorry it has to be like this, but I am leaving to find him. I can't wait any longer.

  I used to feel him in my thoughts, in my mind; during my dreams I would see him and his surroundings.

  It's some kind of on again off again telepathy I have shared with him for a while now. But it stopped eight weeks ago.

  A sob bursts loudly into the room and I realize it's me.

  It's horrible, the things they were doing to him in my visions. But if they were good for anything, it was to lead me to him because now I know where he is being held, and I'm going to rescue him alone.

  I don't want you risking your title, or your place in this stupid City. Your reputation doesn't need to get any more tainted than it already is because of me.

  If I don't see you again, you know where I am and maybe one day I will see you there too.

  You know that I really do love you. So much. And that's why I want you to stay out of this.

  Be happy.

  Be free.

  Live your life wonderfully.

  Love again.

  Find someone you actually deserve.

  ~Alexia

  Chapter Two

  I have been here with Gabe enough to know where I am going. This is the dungeon of the Grand Mecca. No one really knows about it except for the authorities that the Overlord keeps close. Gabe knew about it because his father sent some of the Guards to torture enemies in the past. This is exactly where Gabe and I have been looking for Shadow over the last six months but come back empty handed and no closer to finding him every time.

  It wasn't until last night when I was remembering my dreams of his torture (that I know are really happening due to our freakish telepathic connection) that I finally figured it out.

  They move him around.

  They never keep him in one cell or place for very long.

  There have been visions of him in a bright, sterile environment that I know is a lab, so they are definitely running tests on him, maybe even trying things with his DNA that I don't want to think about. It's just wrong.

  Other times he has been in a cavernous room, tied to some kind of post and whipped and burned. That is probably the worst for him because of the fire.

  And then there is the dark room. The room that I would lose my sanity in because we aren't meant to be without light. Without companionship. Without knowledge of time, day, or night. Or knowing what it is that's coming at you, beating you, or going to attack you next.

  So here I am, in my black, baggy clothes with my hair hidden. This is a poor attempt at disguising myself as a (male) Guard but it was the best I could put together.

  Of course I stole one of Gabe's uniforms to pull this off…and his knife. Luck would have it that I couldn't find where he keeps his guns. They say they don't have guns, but I don't believe them. I am smart enough to know the Overlord isn't going to say no to any device that holds precedence over others, especially with the knowledge of an impending Hell Horde attack.

  So with lack of a better plan, I will just check every place he has been in my visions. I will start with the lab because it's the first thing I will happen across, and then it will be the bay. The last will be the really creepy, dark cells.

  All of these places scare the hell out of me.

  What am I to do if he is in the lab being tested? I can't just break in and help him escape. How do I know if he can even walk anymore?

  If he is in the bay, the authorities will be there torturing him and I am no match for them with a little knife.

  But for some reason my biggest fear is that he won't be in the first two. It's those scary, dark cells that I really don't want to look in. I don't know if I want to see whoever or whatever they keep in them.

  What if something attacks me? How will I see? I didn't even find a lighter.

  I am so ill prepared, maybe I should just turn back.

  No.

  I can't. For some reason, I just know that if I turn back now Shadow will die.

  I could feel his hope and despair two months ago hanging on by a thread. He had lost the will to live.

  Who knows what it's like now.

  But he is still alive. I know it.

  And that is what gives me the courage to take my first step towards finding him.

 
I step out from behind the boulder that I was hiding behind and sneak down the dungeon steps as quietly and as quickly as I can. The air is stale down here and my heart beats faster as the light fades with every step that I take. The sconces on the wall barely light the way and some are completely out, while most of them flicker with half-life.

  So far so good. It's quiet and I don't hear any voices. I hug the dry, crumbling wall and follow along until I come to a fork in the tunnels. The right fork leads to the lab and the left one leads to the dark cells if I remember the map that Gabe showed me correctly. I lose my breath just thinking about having to go in the left tunnel.

  Please, please let me find him in the lab, or the bay.

  Somehow I get control of my shaking legs and waste little time making my way to the lab. I see the brightness of the fluorescent lights at the end of the tunnel way before I reach it.

  I am able to take a large breathe.

  Why is it I feel better reaching the lab?

  I stop at the end of the tunnel and listen for voices. Still nothing. Is this my lucky day or what? I peer around the wall and look through the large windows that one can observe the lab workers and their patients.

  My stomach drops.

  The glass is obviously thick and soundproof because several different kinds are clearly screaming and all that I hear is utter silence.

  A lab worker stands over a shifter and injects him with four very large syringes. Each time he violently shifts into several different kinds with a severe amount of pain.

  Next to him a nymph is strapped down and a lab worker is cutting open his head while he is awake and screaming!

  My eyes can't take this in fast enough. Each little table holds some kind of torture tool and I finally hope that I do find Shadow in the dark cell. Anywhere but here.

  I scan the tables one by one making sure that he isn't on one. It's hard not to get sidetracked seeing the things before my eyes.