Finding Us Read online

  I felt a nervous bolt of electricity rush through my body and shook my head. “You won’t like them, they’re sappy romances.”

  “You don’t think I could go for sappy romances, huh?”

  “Um …” Could he see himself? He was a tough, seasoned rancher who smelled like the fresh open air and looked like sex. “No.”

  “You probably don’t even think I read,” he stated with a smirk.

  That got my curiosity up. “I honestly don’t know …” I’d never thought about it. “What kind of books do you read?” In the warmth of the conversation I felt myself lean in a little closer for his answer.

  “A few of my favorites are The Things They Carried by Tim O’Brien, Jack London’s The Call of the Wild, and everything by Hemingway …”

  “Really?”

  He nodded then blew a stream of blue grey smoke through his lips. “And, of course, Vonnegut and Palahniuk.”

  “Of course.” I was surprised and a little in awe at this side of Nate. Caleb read nothing except Sport’s Illustrated. “Who do you discuss them with?”

  “No one,” he admitted. “You were right when you said that reading brings you to another place.”

  His cigarette was getting small, and I knew our time was almost up. I wondered what had made him open up and talk to me like this. It had been so long since we’d had a real conversation. I wanted to give this moment my appreciation. In fact, thinking on it, this was one of the first times we’d really been alone together since I’d nursed him back to health after the whole thing with his dad. It was always as if Nate had a special mission to make sure to never be alone with me now.

  He crushed his cigarette under his work boot then picked up the snuffed butt between his fingers. “We have to be up at the crack of dawn to hit the last stretch of road.”

  “Yeah, okay.” I wanted to say, Thanks for the conversation or, We should do this again sometime, or even better, I love you, but instead I turned to go into my room.

  “Jules.”

  I could have gotten whiplash I turned so quickly. “Yes?”

  “Goodnight,” he said simply.

  “Goodnight back at ya.”

  But he couldn’t leave it at that. This time he wanted more. I wasn’t surprised when I heard the knock on my door.

  I’d just stepped out of the shower after washing the bar smoke out of my hair. I went to the door and set my eye at the peephole. It was him.

  I opened the door wide. “Is something wrong?”

  “Very,” he affirmed. “It’s wrong that we get so close just to have me pull away. You deserve so much more. You deserve me to pursue you, to chase you and make you feel beautiful and wanted, because I’ve never wanted anyone like I want you.”

  My emotions caught in my throat. “What are you saying to me?”

  He took long steps forward until we were both in the room, and the door fell closed behind us.

  His warm hands grasped my bare shoulders. “I’m saying that I’ve been a coward, and it’s high time I change it.”

  He tangled his fingers into my damp hair and covered my mouth with his.

  “Let me show you how much I love you. Let me awaken the woman inside of you, make love to you and prove to you just what you mean to me.”

  “Are you sure you want to do this?” I asked, adding honestly, “I’ll never be able to let you go.”

  He smiled and laid me onto the bed. “I don’t ever want you to let me go.” His hot mouth traced over my shoulder and across my collarbone. The only thing keeping me covered was a flimsy motel towel.

  “My heart is on fire,” I confessed.

  “Then burn me.” His gruff voice was full of wanting as he twisted his fingers into the hem of my towel and untucked it, spreading it beneath me.

  I lay naked and exposed to him. Now I was high—higher than any drug or brush with death could ever lift me. He was still fully dressed and didn’t seem to be in any rush to change that.

  “I’m going to treat your body so good.” He purred like a tiger playing with its meal.

  I closed the laptop. That was enough for tonight.

  I found myself falling asleep with Nate’s voice still swirling in my head.

  Chapter 3

  “Oxygen”

  Colbie Caillat

  When Caleb turned into the Edmonton Expo Centre the energy in the car lit the air with adrenaline-soaked excitement. Piper turned up the music while Caleb rolled down his window. Thin Lizzy’s “The Boys Are Back in Town” played like a theme song. Caleb, Piper and I smiled at each other. This was going to be fun!

  The frenzy was palpable. People were everywhere and so were the animals—maybe more animals than people! Huge steers, gorgeous mustangs, longhorns and heifers. Then there were the cars and trucks, like a parade of custom-built rough riders, all pimped out, muscled and sexy. Nate and Caleb’s trucks fit right in, of course. Lots of tailgaters filled the lot, and everyone had a cooler or two. Huge banners and billboards vied for attention: Ram, Pro Rodeo Canada, Frontier Western Shop and Ladies of Canadian Professional Rodeo, among others. Everywhere you looked—dirt, mud, belt buckles, chaps and cowboy hats. The air was filled with the scents from fried food vendors along with the smell of fresh earth and animal dung … yep, it was a rodeo.

  A shrill WHOOP came from Travis and Ryan in the back seat, and I couldn’t help but laugh.

  Caleb parked in the contestant’s area and I peeked in the side mirror to see Nate right behind us. We hadn’t talked at all this morning—guess things were back to normal.

  We all hopped out of the trucks and were greeted by friends and acquaintances. A few moments later all the guys took off with their bags of clothes and equipment to get ready for the afternoon’s competitions.

  “That leaves just you and me, baby.” Piper winked. “Come on, let’s go raise a little hell!”

  By raise a little hell she meant shopping and drinking—at the same time. Vendors with some fantastic stuff to sell lined the midway under open white canopies.

  “Which do you like better?” Piper was wearing two turquoise and silver bracelets, one on each wrist, and was holding them up to her so that I could help her pick which one to buy. Both were beautiful.

  “The one on the left,” I suggested.

  She cocked an eyebrow at me. Her eyes were the clear blue of a summer sky, and her hair was a fiery auburn red. They accentuated her personality perfectly—clear, outspoken and fiery. “Are you sure?”

  I laughed. “No.”

  She groaned and bought them both.

  It was nice being in her company. She and Caleb had been an item for a little while now and I liked having her as a friend. She was a few years older than me, with a whole lot more experience with everything and the willingness to talk about anything. Piper was as strong willed and tough as the horses she rode and raised, but kind too and very sweet with Caleb.

  We stopped off at another beer stop and, as the bartender handed us our drafts, she looked out across the street and asked, “Which one?”

  I looked over, seeing a hat vendor and a bunch of people walking around.

  “What do you mean?”

  Piper moved her eyes toward the crowd, indicating with her expression that I should follow them. “Which one? Blond and built or dark and mysterious?”

  Oh … those which ones. “I don’t know.” I shrugged as we walked away. “Hey, aren’t you in love with my big brother?” I teased.

  “Of course no one beats Caleb, but I’m not blind either. And besides, I’m looking for you. You need to get set up and lose that lost, innocent, virginal look in your eyes.”

  “OH MY GOD, PIPER!” I stopped in my tracks.

  “Well it’s true! You’d think your brothers had never let you out of their sight.”

  “You’re not far off the mark there,” I grumbled.

  “Don’t worry about it. You’re with me now, and we’re going to find you the perfect somebody,” she promised, scouting out the area.r />
  “Um, what does that mean exactly?”

  “Honey, you’re nineteen years old and you could die tomorrow. We need to get you laid.”

  My beer went down the wrong pipe and I started choking. Piper just laughed as she slapped my back.

  “Really, look at all this cute meat,” she continued, undaunted. “Oooh, how about him? Ball cap at two o’clock?”

  I caught my breath. “Holy shit, you’re not kidding.”

  “No I’m not. Mmm, he looks like a Jared.” She jabbed me sharply in the ribs. “Or maybe a Christian.”

  “Christian?” It took a half a second. “Grey?”

  We both busted up laughing.

  “Thanks, but no thanks. I get mine.” I winced at how that sounded.

  Piper blew out a huge laugh. “Yeah, right! By yourself.”

  “PIPER!” I slapped her arm.

  “Okay, here’s the deal. If I don’t get you laid by the end of this five day rodeo competition—I mean look at all this testosterone—” she mused, “I’ll give you one of my new bracelets.”

  I just stared at her with my hand on my hip.

  “Good! It’s a deal then.”

  “I did not say ‘deal.’”

  “Baby, your eyes said it all.”

  Fuck me sideways! What Piper said, she meant.

  “You know you’re gorgeous. You would have had boys lined up for a mile for you if you hadn’t had four brooding brothers.” She laughed at her joke.

  Oh, if she only knew.

  “SHOW TIME, RODEO GOERS! WHO IS READY FOR THIS YEAR’S CHAMPION TO REVEAL HIS SKILLS RIGHT HERE TODAY AT CANADA’S RODEO PREMIER?” a deep voice announced through the loudspeakers.

  The arena was filled with spectators, who roared in anticipation.

  “BRING ON THE RIDERS FOR THE SADDLE BRONC COMPETITIONS!”

  Piper and I had a front row seat closest to where the riders mounted. The line was too long though and we couldn’t see Nate or Caleb yet. In the center, mounted on the ceiling, were huge Jumbotrons for people without a great view and more speakers with huge billowing Canadian flags on top of them. The boys waiting in the eaves wore white numbered arm bands and markers on their backs. They all looked tough as nails.

  “Cowboy Up” played through the speakers while the first contender mounted his bronco steed in the tight chutes they waited in.

  One by one, they came out like souls out of hell—on fire and red hot. Each cowboy held on with everything he had, hoping to reach that magical eight seconds to fame and glory. Most landed on their ass before they got to three.

  Piper and I clapped and cheered politely until our boys were up, then we screamed our heads off! We were both a little more than buzzed, and it felt so good to be with a friend and in a place where I was able to really cut loose from my inhibitions. I was so tired of the whiny dialogue in my own head and needed to change my thoughts. We should all be so lucky to have a friend who could remind us of that—which reminded me that I needed to call Livie tonight.

  “SHOW ‘EM WHATCHA GOT, SEXY!” Piper screamed beside me as Caleb climbed into the stall. “I know he’s your big brother and all but, girl, if you could see what I see!” she crooned. “Hot, tight ass, abs that beg to be licked, a colorful hidden tattoo I only see when he’s completely naked …”

  “EW! Enough of the visuals.” I shuddered but smiled just the same.

  “God damn, he is one delicious package!” she sang.

  I rolled my eyes good-naturedly.

  She continued, “That man looks like he just sauntered off the pages of a Natalia Morris novel … Mmm, mmm, mmm.”

  “Yeah …” I nodded, that ironic twinge rippling through me.

  “Holy hotness!” she squealed.

  Caleb’s bronco came out like a shot. He was one violent son of a bitch, but Caleb was in full control—he rode up his neck to the rigging then back down again—and with each kick and attempt to throw him, Caleb’s free arm and body stayed fluid. It was a fantastic eight second ride before Caleb jumped off, rolled through the pounded dust and headed for the fences.

  “THAT’S MY BABY!” Piper shouted.

  I whooped and hollered too! That was my biggest brother.

  Piper excused herself and ran to meet up with her man. They were so perfect for each other.

  A few more riders came out before Nate took his place on the horse’s back. I watched as he wrapped his gloved hand in the rope reigns.

  “GO GET ‘EM, COWBOY!” I shouted, my voice blending into the commotion of the crowd, loudspeakers and music.

  I watched like a judge, because I’d been to enough of these competitions when my daddy was a judge. Nate marked the horse out like he was supposed to, and Lady Luck came jumping out of the chute as if the dirt was burning tinder. She was beautiful and untamable in her jumps and kicks, but Nate stayed on top of her swells, and made it for his eight seconds!

  I screamed hard for him when he came up off the ground, and he rewarded me by looking straight at me with a gorgeous smile! Talk about walking out of a Natalia Morris novel. Nate was all that!

  The boys regrouped for the next event, bareback broncs, and Piper and I grabbed some food.

  “So there was never even one boy at school you crushed on?” She’d been drilling me for personal information.

  “Not really. I mean, yeah.” I shrugged. “There were some really cute guys, but nothing materialized.”

  “Alright, will you give me a hand here? What kind of look do you like best?”

  Easy answer. “Black hair, green eyes, tall with broad shoulders and a solid build, and he needs to be a real good man.”

  “Wow, you got your specs down. I like it.” She smiled and peered through the crowd.

  I laughed at her obviousness. “What’s your plan? You going to just grab some random stud out of the pile and say, ‘Hey, wanna get lucky with this little filly?’ I mean honestly!”

  “There’s a certain finesse to the art of flirting, Jules,” she scolded playfully. “In the clothes you wear, the way you walk and hold yourself, with what you say. Trust me, men don’t need too much prodding once they know you’re interested.”

  That made me consider. “How do you do it? Flirt like that?”

  “Stick with me, honey. I’ll show you how I have your rough, bad boy brother eating from the palm of my hand.”

  Oh, this should be good.

  The boys finished their rounds in the bareback bronco comps and were finished for the night. They were dirty, sweaty and full of adrenaline.

  “WOOO-HOOOO!!!” Caleb shouted into the midway, throwing his arm around Piper and pulling her close to him.

  “YEAH!” Nate shouted along. “Let’s head to the WEM for some ice cold beer and a killer game of pool!”

  “Hot wings, hot girls and smokin’ hot rodeo kings!” Charlie’s voice echoed.

  “Rodeo clowns,” Piper deadpanned over her shoulder.

  “Yeah, my ass is busted,” Travis whined, rubbing a hand over his left butt cheek while Griffin laughed.

  “Just sit gently, little princess, you’ll be okay,” Nate quipped.

  Ryan piped in, “Sounds great, guys, but I’m hooking up with my cousin for the night. I’ll have to catch up with you all later.” He turned toward me with a pleading look in his eyes. “Julia, would you like to come with?”

  I couldn’t help but smile, he really was fine! “Thanks for asking, but I really want to celebrate with my brother,” I answered truthfully.

  “Okay.” He nodded, disappointment apparent in his eyes. “You all have fun.”

  The West Edmonton Mall, or WEM, as it was affectionately known, was amazing, with its own indoor waterpark, ice rink, rec room, theatres, an underground aquarium, skateboard park, mini golf course and a life size replica of the Santa Maria—just because they could.

  The guys walked in like they owned the place. Caleb was hand in hand with Piper, and I knew she must have felt proud of him. I was proud of him, and Nate too. How awe
some to be able to show it by holding the hand of the man you care about, to have that claim, that he’s mine ladies, tough break for you; you can look but hands off claim.

  Damn it! I could feel myself retreating into my mind, because as much fun as the electrical charge around our little group was, the group would soon include a bunch more members of the opposite sex; it all just went hand-in-hand. When the real flirting started up, I’d just excuse myself to the sanctuary of my room so I could hide my agony and figure out a strategy to disguise it the next day. And again the day after that.

  Ed’s Rec Room was hopping. Piper and I found a table for all of us while Griffin, Charlie and Travis got the pitchers of beer and buckets of wings. Nate and Caleb claimed an empty pool table to rule over, and we were set.

  Nate and Caleb and Travis and Griffin shot a casual game of doubles, while Charlie scoped out the bar for single girls. Piper had a map of the mall spread out in front of us on the table and was circling in red pen the shops she planned on hitting before our stay was over.

  Last time I was out with Nate in this kind of capacity was when Livie and I were trying to get Jake and Nate to notice us at Sam’s concert back at Wild’s in Williston.

  I decided I wasn’t going to brood. I needed to snap out of it, let it go and move on, like my mom had said. I leaned over to choose some shops for Piper to circle. We were both excited to have someone to shop with who actually liked to shop. That was one thing Livie wasn’t much into.

  “Piper!” Caleb called. “I need you, beautiful.”

  “I need you too, gorgeous,” she cooed back and then winked at me.

  I looked back at him and he was looking at her in a sexy, I know you in the Biblical sense kind of way.

  Well, damn.

  “These two numbnuts want to go hunting.” He tilted toward Charlie and Travis. “How about you partner up with me? And, Jules, partner up with Nate so I can kick his ass!”

  “I wouldn’t crow too loudly yet. I’ve seen Jules beat your butt before,” Nate chided.

  “Yeah, after I was wasted. And right now I’m only two beers in the hole and ready to go!”