The Bath Salts Journals (Volume 1) Read online

  * * * Xuân * * *

  David and Alexis came back from lake fishing all a-flutter to tell us about zombicicles. So I told David and Alexis about mine and Olivia’s first encounter with zombicicles, and that maybe we should put the bodies in a hole or ditch and then cremate them all at once at the first thaw. And I didn’t tell them that I’d already started up some holes, and about how many bodies there were, and that I had more than one body hidey-hole. They don’t really want to talk about it, but I think it makes sense from a practical, conservation-of-supplies standpoint. I went out to the lake and moved the zombicicle to the emptiest hole. I think maybe I’ll just keep this thing of mine quiet.

  December 3

  There was a disaster today. Somehow, a tundra wolf got through the space between the gate and the fence. I don’t know how. I suppose David and I didn’t chain it tightly enough. No one is placing any blame, but I feel responsible.

  The wolf made its way to the goral’s shed, and we heard the cries of Boba and Doogoo and rushed outside. The door had been pushed open and the wolf was inside. Boba was struggling to protect his family, and had delivered a swift kick to the wolf’s head. Our poor goral was injured. The wolf had bitten him badly. What none of us realized was that Sebastian had run out after us. He must have smelled the wolf on the air. He pushed right past us all and engaged the wolf immediately upon seeing it. I yelled for him to stop, as I knew that Olivia had her gun with her. Our dog didn’t listen. He grabbed the wolf by the neck and bit down hard. The wolf fought back ferociously, but Sebastian kept hold, growling at him all the while. Our goldendoodle fought angrily against our intruder, and soon the fight was over. With a swift shake of his head, Sebastian had snapped his neck.

  We patched up Boba with some stitches and a bandage. I think he should pull through this. We seem to be getting good at stitching each other up. I don’t know if this is a good thing, or if this is a sign that we’re accident prone.

  We tightened the chains on the gate and even added a couple more. We had brought extras, and now we see they’re definitely necessary. I don’t know what to do with the wolf. Xuân says to leave it to her.

  As for Sebastian, he got a very special treat. We gave him a whole bowl of caribou stew and so many hugs. I always joked that if anyone broke into our house in Toronto, Sebastian would think him a friend and would shower him with kisses. I called him “The World’s Worst Guard Dog.” I guess when his family is threatened, he fights hard. He may not like to listen, but I am eternally grateful for him right now.

  * * * Xuân * * *

  Holy shit, Sebastian went all primal dog today and protected us! He killed a wolf that attacked Boba. It came through a gap between the fence and the gate. I admit, I think Sebastian and Crypto have similar levels of non-intelligence, but fuck if he didn’t come through today!

  December 5

  We took Ethan outside today to visit the gorals. Boba is doing well. He’s favouring his injured leg, but that is to be expected. Ethan seemed to be delighted about seeing something other than the four walls of our trailer. I also took him to our garden, and he helped me pick some strawberries and tomatoes to go with our lunch and dinner. I also showed him how I take clippings of our herbs and he seemed to find it fascinating.

  Tomorrow is the first night of Chanukah. I would like to mark it somehow. I think a holiday is what we all need. I did bring some things with us to do stuff like celebrate holidays, and in talking to Olivia, she seems to agree. We all seem so brittle right now. She made some comment how my journaling what’s going on is a good thing. This is an outlet for me, and I think I need it. It’s almost like this journal is another person I can speak to and bounce ideas off of. It helps.

  December 6

  My plans worked. I kicked David out of the trailer today. The kids and I set to work bringing my ideas to life. I had them make some pictures of dreidels, latkes, and the story of Chanukah, and I hung them on the walls. We have no potatoes, so I took zucchini from our garden and grated them and fried them as pancakes instead. I took our Chanukah out of the car with some candles, and I took a few little things that we haven’t used like scarves and gloves, and some toys for the kids that they are now old enough to play with. I wrapped them up as gifts, and I called everyone in.

  It was a real party! We ate and sang. We laughed and did a little bit of dancing and everyone seemed happy with their “gifts.” I think they were just thrilled to be able to wear something different. Then Xuân told us to wait as she went off to get something. She soon returned with the skin of the wolf. She had turned it into a rug and presented it to Sebastian.

  “Our protector needs something better to sleep on than this floor,” she said to him. “This is for you.”

  Sebastian regarded his gift and promptly lay on it when he was satisfied it wasn’t still alive. We all thanked Xuân for her work. It was a lovely evening. We are going to be lighting the candles every night during this Chanukah. We’ll see if we continue the party.

  * * * Xuân * * *

  What’s the opposite of a sausage-fest? Cat party? Bitch-fest? Taco party? Because I’m fucking living it.

  Soooooooo…kinda going crazy. It’s been…a while. A disastrous relationship meant that I was fucked up romance-wise. Emotionally crippled. After a long, long, long (damn it felt long) period of personally enforced singleness and celibacy, I found that I could only deal with open relationships. I needed to be able to move freely, and I prefer sleeping in my bed alone with just my kitty, my little bundle of comfortable buzzing fur. I also have a tendency to get bored and just kind of wander away. One of my open relationships ended when I realized I hadn’t seen the guy in a month. He called me eventually and I told him I was bored, let’s be buds. But hey, I’m young(ish!) and I got some needs!

  I asked Olivia how she was dealing with it. She said she came prepared. I don’t know if she has a fucking blow up doll or what in there with her, but she’s doing fine. Me, not so much. I think she was embarrassed and didn’t want to talk about it. Hey, working in a porn archive removes all those kinds of inhibitions from a person. That and all the gay guys I used to hang out with.

  The other day, David and I were checking the fence and I found myself thinking, Damn, you’re looking studly today there, David! This thought was immediately followed by a WHAT THE FUCK, CRAZY BITCH? scream in my head. Crazy Bitch indeed! I soooo do not feel any kind of attractiveness towards David. He’s my friend’s man, and that’s all I ever need to know. I never watched reality shows, but I heard about Sister Wives and that kind of polygamy shit. Yeah, no. Just, no. This is a kind of dynamic we so do not need out here. Also, with no offence to David, it would be…icky. Fucking grad school education, I can swear in seven languages, but the only word I can think that really encompasses my feelings towards that is ICKY.

  Shit, I really hope that when we get back to the world, I don’t jump the first guy I see. I’m not at the point where I’d have sex with Justin Bieber (for fuck’s sake, I hope a horde of damn zombie fan girls got him), but that time is approaching. Anyway, NOT the first guy I see has to at least have a great ass and some nice arms. I have SOME standards!

  December 8

  The party has continued. I think we’re using it as an outlet to let off some steam. Olivia is gradually using her arm more, but she still wears the sling around her neck in case she needs it. Ethan is doing much better. He’s almost back to his old troublemaking self. Boba is improving. We are genuinely happy these days. However, Olivia is right. We need a larger group of people to talk to. I am using this journal for that. There was a time where I would feel this way, and just pick up the phone and call my mom, or my friend Marilyn, or my brother, or my sister. I can’t do that anymore. I try so hard not to think about it, but it’s becoming more and more difficult. My entire circle is made up of two friends, my husband, and my three children—who are all toddlers. If I get mad at any of them, whom do I speak to? If I want time alone, where do I go? I think this is why it is so
important for us to recognize the holidays, have fun, pretend that everything is normal and right with the world. Otherwise, we will all lose our minds out here.

  Our party tonight culminated in an epic Scrabble showdown once the kids were asleep. We had some wine and set to work laying the letters down. Xuân won. As a matter of fact, she destroyed us with her wordsmithing. It was not exactly a fair fight since she has a Masters in languages. But it was a fun game overall. We’ll probably have a rematch tomorrow.

  December 9

  I looked over my entry from yesterday and gave a bit of a laugh. We had people come up here today. They didn’t seem as rough as the bandits from before, but even still, we were wary of them. They have survived by running. They approached our gate and got out of their cars, seeming cautious but polite. It was a group of four men travelling together—seemed as if they were friends, rather than just travelling with each other out of necessity. They spoke to us through the fence, leaving their weapons in their cars, and this was why I allowed myself to relax around them. If they could approach me unarmed, I could give them the benefit of the doubt and speak to them through the chain link.

  “We don’t mean you any harm,” one of the men said to me. “We are looking for a safe place to be, and are running low on supplies.”

  “Where are you from?” I asked him.

  “Winnipeg,” he answered. “We hid out as long as we could, then ran for it.”

  “It is a lot safer out here than in the cities,” I agreed. “What do you need? Unfortunately, we can’t offer you shelter because we have no room, but I’m sure you can find something out there. There were some small towns further north if you follow the lake. It’s that way.” I pointed in the direction of Edehon Lake, and he saw where I gestured.

  “If you could supply us with some food, that would be most appreciated,” he answered.

  I told Xuân to keep watch and I went to the sheds. I grabbed a few cans of food, and some caribou jerky that Xuân had made. At least that wouldn’t go bad on their travels. I returned with it and passed it through the gate. I told him that the lake was also an excellent source of fish, and if they followed the shore, they wouldn’t starve. He seemed grateful and was on his way. I looked at Xuân and she seemed relieved that the men had acted amiably and that we were actually able to help someone. It almost made up for our last encounter with the living. Almost.

  * * * Xuân * * *

  Some guys showed up today. Four dudes. They showed me their weapons and then purposefully put them back in their car and walked to the gate with their hands up. Me shouting at them and pointing my gun at them might have helped. I said if they came back with friends for a raid, I would kill them all and leave their severed heads and penises in a heap in front of the compound road as a warning. I’m not exactly very trusting. Alexis was mediating. She told me to stop talking. Probably a good idea. I haven’t had to be nice to strangers for a while and she’s much more patient than me. They seemed okay, I guess.

  But we gave them a tiny bit from our supply storage and sent them away. One had this fabulous ass. Totally would have grabbed it back in the city. But pointing a gun at a dude’s little head and screaming for him to “DROP YOUR FUCKING WEAPONS OR I’M SHOOTING YOUR FUCKING COCK OFF,” is not a great flirting tactic.

  December 11

  I don’t know what it is. I feel like such a hypocrite. Xuân asked me to join her on a hunting expedition today, and I couldn’t do it. I can shoot zombies, kill fish, and even fight off bandits, but I can’t look a deer or caribou in the eye and shoot it to death. It seems so silly. Xuân laughed at me over it. I told her it would be different if it were self-defence, like everything else I’ve killed so far. She asked me what a fish ever did to me. I had no response for that.

  Samantha and I decided to make some surprise cookies for everyone. Our flour supply is starting to run low, but we felt it would make for a nice treat. She loved working the whisk in the dough and forming the little cookies that were to go in our small oven. I know the box of egg replacer is supposed to taste just like the real thing, but I don’t truly believe it measures up. I wonder what we’re going to do when we’re out of sugar and flour. Our dry goods have held out nicely so far, but it’s not an unlimited supply. I keep adding issues like this to my list of things to think about later.

  While we were working on our cookies, David took the boys outside for a sled ride. I’m still nervous about Ethan’s health, but the fact remains that sunlight and fresh air are good for children. Samantha and I had just put our cookies in the oven when we heard gunshots. I left her inside and ran out. Two zombies lay dead outside our fence, their brains and blood staining the snow around them. David stood with the gun in his hand, while Ethan and Benjamin watched. What disturbed me the most was how calm the boys seemed. They have really become desensitized to all of this. I don’t know if that’s better. Would I like it more if they cried every time they saw blood? Or do I want them to be weapons-toting badasses? I guess in this new world, the latter is preferable.

  Our cookies turned out great. Samantha’s were less round and more like cookie mounds than mine were, but she was very proud of her work, and I was too. It made a nice snack after dinner, and we sat around the laptop watching Ethan’s choice of movie. He decided on Follow That Bird, and to my surprise, everyone else seemed game. I like that they still have their moments where they can still be children. It seems we haven’t lost that ability either.

  December 13

  We still might lose Boba, in spite of our best efforts. The bite in his leg seems to be getting infected. David checked on him and came to talk to me. He said it looks inflamed and swollen. I went to see it as well, and we called Xuân and Olivia in. It looks far worse than it did at first. It is definitely swollen and there also seems to be an odour. We have put a disinfectant on it, and clean bandages. Now we have to cross our fingers and hope this helps.

  We had a bit of a wiring problem as well today. Xuân and Olivia’s trailer lost power for a while. We think we may have solved the problem. David climbed up on the roof and cleaned a good two feet of snow off their solar panels. Maybe they lost power because their panels lost the ability to charge. We think that’s the case, but we’re not certain. Not a single one of us is an electrician. If the problem is more serious, I don’t know if we can fix it. This is a bit of an oversight on our part. I don’t have any manuals or books on solar cell repair.

  December 15

  Well, the power is going on and off in Xuân and Olivia’s trailer. I don’t think we solved the problem. They have been bunking with us, as the alternative is to wake up completely frozen from lack of heat. So we have four adults, three toddlers, a cat, and an eighty-nine-pound dog all living in one hundred and seventy-seven square feet with one sink and one toilet. It is not pleasant.

  As for Boba, the disinfectant seems to be working, and we’ve been changing his bandages around the clock. He seems to be doing better. At least something is going our way. However, now that I have written that, I’ve probably jinxed it.

  December 16

  I think we may have had a stroke of luck. David and I went out to Edehon Lake to catch some fish, and we came across those men who had taken some of our supplies. Only now, there were two of them. Turns out that the other two of their friends had decided to go off and try their luck further north.

  They introduced themselves as Mike and Dan, and they seemed friendly. They claimed to be handymen. They were trying to survive out in the tundra living out the back of an SUV. No walls or anything but their guns for protection. Before I could say anything, David offered to bring them back with us once we finished fishing, and in exchange for fixing our power problem, they could stay in our compound.

  At first, I was wary, because I didn’t want strangers staying in our trailer with the kids, nor did I want strange men bunking with Xuân and Olivia. But they seem amiable enough, and as if they saw my skepticism, they offered to sleep in their car. They seemed relieved t
hat they would have walls around them and that both would be able to sleep at the same time.

  We brought them home with us, and they set to work at once repairing the girls’ trailer. When I spoke to them, Xuân and Olivia seemed excited at the prospect of our new “friends.” As Xuân put it: “I love you, but I have no inclination to be your sister wife, and I don’t think you want to share your husband. It’s been too long.”

  I hope that this works out. The boys seem as happy as the girls about this turn of events. For now, the guys have claimed the smaller downstairs bedroom, while the girls remain in the loft. (Or so they tell me…)

  December 18

  It’s only been a couple of days, but there seem to be some couples forming around here. It’s kind of cute to watch the awkward courtships going on. Dan and Olivia have formed some kind of bond, while Xuân and Mike seem to have gravitated towards each other. I’m glad it’s worked out since to watch two people fight over someone is something I have no desire to do.

  I was nervous when the men met Ethan, Benjamin, and Samantha. The kids were anxious at first since this was the first time in months they had met a new real, living, breathing person. But the men seem to be at ease around kids, and all was well after a few minutes. They picked up the children for airplane rides, took them on their sled—it all seemed to work itself out.