I Never Knew There Was a Word For It Read online

  In the slough of despond

  There are various ways to deal with feelings of despair. Either you can take a philosophical view and try to avoid the Persian concept of sanud, that is, the exercise of the mind upon an unprofitable subject; or you can adopt the defeatist attitude inherent in the Indonesian word jera, which means ‘so scared by a past experience that one will never want to do it again’. Or you can take refuge in Kummerspeck, a German word that describes the excess weight you will gain from emotion-related overeating (literally, grief bacon).

  Seeing red

  Therapists would suggest it’s better out than in:

  mukamuka (Japanese) feeling so angry one feels like throwing up

  geragas (Malay) to comb one’s hair in anger

  feau (Samoan) to recall good deeds done when one is angry

  On reflection

  Survival instincts

  Even though some languages are vanishing, in a world less hospitable to aboriginal peoples and more swamped by English, this does not mean it’s impossible to keep endangered languages alive. Mohawk, for instance, spoken by indigenous groups in Quebec, was in retreat until the 1970s, when it was first codified and then taught to children in schools. Welsh and Maori have both made a comeback with concerted official help; and Navajo (USA), Hawaiian and several languages spoken in remote parts of Botswana have been artifically revived.

  Iceland has managed to keep alive its native tongue, even though it is spoken by no more than 275,000 people; and the ancient Nordic language of Faroese, thought to have been once spoken by the Vikings, was preserved from extinction by the Danish government, who even went as far as putting grammar hints and verb declensions on the sides of milk cartons.

  A powerful political purpose is another force for reviving an old language. Resurgent nationalism helped bring Irish back from the Celtic twilight; while the establishment of the nation of Israel has turned Hebrew from a written language into a proudly spoken national tongue.

  Falling in Love

  nam gawa the wei woe lu yoe; phung dang si yang they nang yoe (Dzongkha, Bhutan)

  fun and pleasure are located below the navel; dispute and trouble are also found there

  The language of love

  In English the language of love is, metaphorically speaking, a violent and disorientating one: we fall in love, are love struck and struggle to avoid heartbreak. It seems things are the same throughout the world:

  harawata o tatsu (Japanese) to break one’s heart (literally, to sever one’s intestines)

  coup de foudre (French) love at first sight (literally, a flash of lightning)

  mune o kogasu (Japanese) to pine away (literally, to scorch one’s chest)

  tragado como media de cartero (Colombian Spanish) being hopelessly in love (literally, swallowed like a postman’s sock)

  The rules of attraction …

  Physical beauty is often the starting point for love:

  pichón (Caribbean Spanish) a handsome young man (literally, young pigeon)

  qiubo (Chinese) the bright and clear eyes of a beautiful woman

  mahj (Persian) looking beautiful after a disease

  avoir la frite (French) to be in great shape (literally, to have the French fry)

  magandang hinaharap (Tagalog, Philippines) nice breasts (literally, nice future)

  dayadrsti (Hindi) compassionate eyes

  kemayu (Indonesian) to act like a beauty

  Sometimes the basic materials need a little assistance:

  slampadato (Italian) a person who gets tanned with an infrared lamp

  zhengrong (Chinese) to tidy oneself up or to improve one’s looks by plastic surgery

  … and of repulsion

  The Japanese have a particular word for a situation in which attraction is all too brief. Bakku-shan is a girl who appears pretty when seen from behind but not from the front.

  Would like to meet

  English is somewhat deficient in words that describe the very early moments of attraction. We need a word like mamihlapinatapei, from the Fuegian language found in Chile, meaning that shared look of longing where both parties know the score yet neither is willing to make the first move. Other, more active approaches include:

  basabasa (Arabic) to ogle, make sheep’s eyes, cast amorous glances

  piropo (Spanish) a compliment paid on the street (which ranges from polite to raunchy)

  xiyyet (Dardja, Algeria) he is sewing (this is said of someone who is trying to win over a girl, especially by talking)

  pulir hebillas (Spanish, Central America) to polish belt buckles (to dance very closely)

  The direct approach

  The Italians are masters at taking matters to the next level: pomicione is a man who seeks any chance of being in close physical contact with a woman; puntare is to stare intensely at the one to whom one feels sexually attracted; while tirino is the sound made by smacking one’s lips together like a loud kiss to indicate attraction. Sometimes a boy will say cibi cierre to a girl (CBCR). This is an acronym of cresci bene che ripasso: ‘if you still look like that when you’ve grown up, I will come and pay you a call’ …

  Dîner à un

  … while the French have perfected the art of rejection:

  poser un lapin à quelqu’un to stand someone up (literally, to lay a rabbit on someone)

  Saint-Glinglin a date that is put off indefinitely (jusqu’ à la Saint-Glinglin means never in a month of Sundays)

  Japanese dating

  Rainen no kono hi mo issho ni waratteiyoh is one of the country’s most successful chat-up lines; it means ‘this time next year let’s be laughing together’.

  Commitment-phobe

  The romantic ideal is Einfühlungsvermögen, the German word for an understanding so intimate that the feelings, thoughts and motives of one person are readily comprehended by the other; but the route to that happy state can so often be confused by the insincere:

  biodegradabile (Italian) someone who falls in love easily and often

  capkinlasmak (Turkish) to turn into a skirt chaser

  leonera (Spanish, Central America) a bachelor pad (literally, a lion’s den)

  vieux marcheur (French) an elderly man who still chases women (literally, an old campaigner)

  False friends

  nob (Wolof, Gambia and Senegal) to love

  city (Czech) feelings

  dating (Chinese) to ask about, enquire

  baron (French) sugar daddy

  agony (Rasta Patois) sensations felt during sex

  bonk (Afrikaans) lump or thump

  song (Vietnamese) to live life

  Affairs of the heart

  When things can go so sweetly …

  alamnaka (Ulwa, Nicaragua) to find one’s niche, to meet a kindred soul

  pelar la pava (Caribbean Spanish) to be alone romancing one’s sweetheart (literally, to pluck a female turkey)

  andare in camporella (Italian) to go into a secluded spot in the countryside to make love

  hiza o majieru (Japanese) to have an intimate talk (literally, to mingle each other’s knees)

  queesting (Dutch) allowing a lover access to one’s bed under the covers for chit-chat

  ghalidan (Persian) to move from side to side as lovers, to roll, wallow or tumble

  … how can they be so bitter at the end?

  aki ga tatsu (Japanese) a mutual cooling of love (literally, the autumn breeze begins to blow)

  razblyuto (Russian) the feeling for someone once but no longer loved

  dejar con el paquete (Spanish) abandoning a woman one has made pregnant (literally, to drop with the parcel)

  plaqué (French) dumped (literally, laid flat or rugby-tackled)

  cavoli riscaldati (Italian) an attempt to revive a lapsed love affair (literally, reheated cabbage)

  Reality check

  The Boro people of India have a sophisticated understanding of the complexities of loving: onsay means to pretend to love; ongubsy means to love deeply, from the heart;
and onsia signifies loving for the very last time.

  Love for sale

  Who better than the pragmatic French to construct a precise terminology for love as a business, ranging from a passe raide, the basic price for a sex session, to the kangourou, a prospective client who hesitates (hops around) before deciding on a girl. When it comes to those who ply their trade, there are many equally specific terms. An escaladeuse de braguette is, literally a zipper climber; a beguineuse is an unreliable prostitute; a wagonnière is a woman who solicits on trains; a truqueur means a rentboy who blackmails his clients; while a cocotte-minute is a pro who turns many tricks very quickly (literally, a pressure cooker). There is even an expression, commencer à rendre la monnaie, to show signs of age, which is said of prostitutes who in better days didn’t have to give change for large notes.

  Let’s talk about sex

  The Mosuo people in China have three sacred taboos: it’s forbidden to eat dog, to eat cat and to talk about sex. The latter taboo doesn’t seem to apply elsewhere:

  avoir la moule qui bâille (French) to be horny (literally, to have a yawning mussel)

  menggerumut (Indonesian) to approach somebody quietly in the night for sex

  jalishgar (Persian) to be addicted to sexual intercourse

  carezza (Italian) sexual intercourse in which ejaculation is avoided (literally, caressing or petting)

  Penis dialogues

  There are many ways to describe le petit chauve au col roulé (French), the little baldy in a turtleneck, and the respect with which he’s treated:

  narachastra prayoga (Sanskrit) men who worship their own sexual organ

  enfundarla (Spanish) to put one’s penis back in one’s pants (or one’s sword back in its sheath)

  zakilpistola (Basque) a sufferer from premature ejaculation (literally, pistol prick)

  koro (Japanese) the hysterical belief that one’s penis is shrinking into one’s body

  camisa-de-venus (Brazilian Portuguese) a condom (literally, shirt of Venus)

  The Tagalog speakers of the Philippines take things further with the batuta ni Drakula (‘Dracula’s nightstick’). Added sexual pleasure can be gained from pilik-mata ng kambing (goat’s eyelashes) or bulitas (small plastic balls surgically implanted to enlarge the penises of young Filipinos).

  Sex for one …

  The vocabulary is no less specialized when it comes to what the Italians describe as assolo, a solo performance. Up-retiree-hue (Rapa Nui, Easter Islands) is to touch one’s penis with the intention of masturbating, while the Japanese have several graphic terms for the experience. Male masturbation is referred to as senzuri (a thousand rubs), with the added refinement of masu-kagami (masturbating in front of a mirror). Female masturbation, by contrast, is described as shiko shiko manzuri (ten thousand rubs) and suichi o ireru (flicking the switch).

  … and for many

  Similar sensations can be experienced in company:

  partousard (French) a participator in group sex

  movimento (Italian) a circle of acquaintances who are actual or potential sexual partners

  agapemone (Greek) an establishment where free love is practised

  sacanagem (Brazilian Portuguese) the practice of openly seeking sexual pleasure with one or more partners other than one’s primary partner (during Mardi Gras)

  Pacific holiday

  On the islands of Ulithi in the Western Pacific, the Micronesian people like to take a holiday from their regular lovemaking. Pi supuhui (literally, a hundred pettings) describes a holiday dedicated to mate-swapping. People pair up and go into the woods to share a picnic and make love. Married couples are not allowed to go together and the selection of new partners is encouraged. If there is an unequal number of participants, some couples may become threesomes.

  The desired result or the result of desire

  The French have a charming expression for this: voir les anges, which means to see angels.

  On reflection

  Thumbs up

  Gestures should be used carefully when abroad for fear of misunderstandings. The cheery thumbs-up used by the English or Americans means ‘up yours’ in the Middle East and ‘sit on this’ in Sardinia. In France, pressing a thumb against the fingertips means something is ooh-la-la parfait or just right, while in Egypt, the same gesture means ‘stop right there’.

  An American’s sign for ‘okay’, made by touching the tip of the thumb to the tip of the forefinger, and used internationally by scuba divers, is an insult in Brazil. In some countries, the V sign can be negative, in others positive; in Italy, reversed, it approximates to ‘to hell with you’. In some countries, flicking your thumb across the teeth tells the other person he’s a cheapskate. Just about everywhere grabbing the crook of your elbow and raising your fist is rude. In the Arab world, the middle finger pointed downwards and moving up and down, with the palm horizontal, equates to a raised middle finger in England.

  The Family Circle

  bu yin, bu long, bu cheng gu gong (Chinese)

  unless one pretends to be stupid or deaf it is difficult to be a mother-in-law or father-in-law

  Getting hitched

  There comes a point, in most societies, where a relationship is formalized in law. As the Romanians say: dragostea e oarbă , dar căsătoria îi găseşte leacul, love is blind, but marriage finds a cure:

  strga (Bulgarian) a survey or visit to the home of a prospective bride

  kumoru aluweik (Khowar, Pakistan) to lure a girl into marriage

  lobola (Manu Bantu, Zaire) the bride price (which is usually paid in cattle)

  casarse de penalti (Spanish) to get married after discovering a pregnancy

  dar el braguetazo (Spanish) the marriage of a poor man to a rich woman

  skeinkjari (Faroese, Denmark) the man who goes among wedding guests offering them alcohol (‘that popular chap’)

  Trouble and strife

  Does one always live happily ever after? The evidence of our global languages suggests that it’s not always the case:

  desortijarse (Caribbean Spanish) to return the engagement ring

  kotsuniku no araso (Japanese) domestic strife (literally, the fight between bones and flesh)

  ava (Tahitian) wife (but it also means whisky)

  pelotilla (Caribbean Spanish) argument among spouses

  ainolektros (Ancient Greek) fatally wedded

  talik (Malay) to marry with the stipulation of automatic divorce for a husband’s desertion

  rujuk (Indonesian) to remarry the wife you’ve already divorced

  Yang

  Sometimes, the man is clearly to blame when things go wrong (with the emphasis on infidelity, desertion and gambling):

  pu’ukaula (Hawaiian) to set up one’s wife as a stake in gambling

  qum’us (Persian) one who pimps his own wife

  talak (Arabic) a husband who frees himself from his wife

  agunah (Hebrew) a woman whose husband has deserted her or has disappeared and who is restrained from remarrying until she shows a bill of divorce or proof of his death

  bawusni (Persian) a wife whose husband does not love her and seldom visits

  Yin

  At other times the fault lies with the woman (with the emphasis on laziness, bullying and antipathy):

  farik (Persian) a woman who hates her husband

  jefa (Caribbean Spanish) a domineering wife

  shiri ni shikareru (Japanese) a husband who is under his wife’s thumb (literally, under her buttocks)

  polohana’ole (Hawaiian) a woman who refuses to work but lives on her husband’s earnings

  baulero (Caribbean Spanish) a henpecked husband who cannot go out alone

  purik (Indonesian) to return to one’s parents’ home as a protest against one’s husband

  Family matters

  Once married, man and wife may find that their greatest problem is getting enough time alone. Extending the family can work both ways:

  bol (Mayan, Mexico) foolish in-laws
<
br />   sitike (Apache, USA) in-laws who are formally committed to help during crises

  todamane (Tulu, India) entertaining a son-in-law or mother-in-law for the first time

  bruja (Spanish, South America) a mother-in-law (literally, a witch)

  biras (Malay) the relationship between two brothers’ wives or two sisters’ husbands

  Chercher la femme?

  When it comes to the family unit being threatened, why is there is no such thing as an homme fatal? Caribbean Spanish differentiates between a woman who prefers married men (comadreja, literally, a weasel) and one who lures them into extramarital relationships (ciegamachos). Can it really be that women are more predatory than men? Or is it that by luridly painting women as lustful (aa’amo in Hawaiian means ‘an insatiable woman’) and conniving (alghunjar is Persian for the feigned anger of a mistress), men the world over have cleverly avoided any blame for their own adulterous behaviour? Even when they’re guilty, they try to keep the linguistic upper hand, if the German word Drachenfutter is anything to go by. Literally translated as ‘dragon fodder’ it describes the peace offerings that guilty husbands offer their spouses.