A Wife's War Read online

  ‘I did warn him to be careful. And he assured me that he would take no risks – his words, not mine.’

  ‘That’s all right then.’ What she really wanted to ask Naomi was how much longer Mr Aubrey intended to remain with them. From what she had gathered by eavesdropping upon several conversations, he had yet to make mention of returning to his regiment. And if they were ever to return to London and get stuck into some meaningful voluntary work, they first had to get shot of Mr Aubrey. Uncertain how to proceed for the best, she glanced at Naomi’s face and, finding it calm and untroubled, asked, ‘Has he discussed with you yet when he plans to leave?’

  Naomi, though, found her question amusing. ‘Kate, really! How terribly direct you can be at times. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were anxious to be rid of the poor man. Pining for London and its myriad delights, are you?’

  Seeing Naomi’s sly smile, she grinned back. ‘It is terrible quiet here. With my days all but empty not only do I grow… listless… but I’m starting to feel a bit of a fraud. Most everywhere else, women like me are working their fingers to the bone to bring in a wage and keep the family together while their menfolk are away. Somehow, it don’t feel right, being here like this, almost as though we’re on a spree.’ There, that should do it; that should shepherd Naomi’s thoughts where she wanted them to go.

  ‘A spree?’

  ‘You know – a jolly jaunt. A holiday.’

  ‘Ah. Yes. I suppose that’s not an unfair observation,’ Naomi replied. ‘We did say we would volunteer, didn’t we? I had intended speaking to cousin Elizabeth on the matter.’

  At last! ‘You had, yes. But we can’t volunteer our labour all the while we remain down here.’

  ‘Kate, were it just the two of us to consider, I assure you we would have been back there last week. But I can’t just ask Aubrey to leave. He said himself that this has turned out to be the ideal place for him to convalesce. And his mood does seem so very much brighter for being here.’

  Inwardly, she sighed. There could be no disputing that. ‘He does, ma’am, yes.’ No sense seeming hostile towards Mr Aubrey – not if it risked having Naomi dig in her heels. She did tend towards stubborn at times.

  ‘You’re not wrong, though,’ Naomi relented. ‘We should have a plan. What I will do, is talk to him in the morning and see how he fared with regard to the matter of his salary.’

  ‘Yes, ma’am.’

  ‘And perhaps, in anticipation of our return home, I shall also write to cousin Elizabeth and ask her advice about volunteering.’

  ‘Yes, ma’am.’ This time when she sighed, it was with a mixture of satisfaction and relief. Not only would she shortly get to fill her days with activity, she had begun to think it might be better were there to be some distance between Naomi and her brother-in-law. Rising from the bench, she bent to pick up the cushion. ‘That sounds like a good idea.’

  ‘You know, Kate, I still can’t believe how fortunate I am that you came into my life. And, once this baby comes, I’m sure I shall be more grateful still.’

  Surprised to feel tears welling, Kate started to turn away. ‘Come on, then,’ she said, only half-turning back. ‘You can’t stop out in this night air. It grows damp about you. Sit here much longer and you’ll start to glisten with dew.’

  Getting to her feet and reaching to pick up her own cushion, Naomi slipped her free arm through Kate’s. ‘See what I mean? Without you to look after me, heaven only knows what sort of harm I should come to.’

  ‘Very amusing, ma’am,’ she said. ‘But kind of you to say so, nevertheless.’

  * * *

  ‘It grieves me greatly to report that my difficulties continue.’

  As good as her word, over breakfast the next morning, Naomi raised with Aubrey the matter of his situation.

  ‘Oh dear. That is bad news,’ she replied to his report.

  ‘But I am assured that by the time I go to be assessed for readiness to return to the front, the matter will have been resolved.’

  ‘It’s unforgivable.’

  ‘Dammed inconvenient. Begging your pardon.’

  ‘And have they said when that will be?’

  Away from the table, Kate listened carefully, her spirits sinking. This wasn’t what she had been hoping to hear.

  ‘Soon, I’m led to believe,’ Aubrey replied to Naomi’s enquiry. ‘No more than a further week or so, I shouldn’t imagine.’

  ‘That’s good.’

  ‘I say,’ he said, straightening himself up. ‘Am I holding up your return to town? Only, if I’m disrupting your plans, I beg you, do say.’

  ‘We do need to return before too much longer,’ Naomi answered him, and to which Kate glanced across to study his reaction. Over the last twenty-four hours, she had begun to feel wary of his behaviour – although other than detecting a new shiftiness from him, she couldn’t pinpoint why. Perhaps Naomi’s peculiar thoughts about him had her on alert. ‘But, not knowing when you—’

  ‘Then I shall detain you here no longer,’ he said. ‘You have been gracious and understanding in the extreme, but I have no wish to outstay my welcome. Indeed, it might serve me to return to Regimental HQ sooner rather than later anyway and demand that the matter of my salary be resolved forthwith.’ As the thought seemed to occur to him, he then added, ‘I shall spend a night or two at Avingham on the way. Mamma will be delighted to see me, I’m sure. Yes, this afternoon, I shall go to the railway station and enquire of the trains. Timetables permitting, within a day or two I should be out of your way. You know, Naomi, I do wish you had said something sooner. Outstaying one’s welcome shows a lack of consideration worthy only of a rotter or a cad.’

  ‘Nonsense, Aubrey,’ Naomi responded evenly. ‘You have been no trouble whatsoever, has he, Kate?’

  From where she had been stacking unused china back into the sideboard, Kate got to her feet. With a smile, she shook her head. ‘Not at all, ma’am, no.’

  ‘Quite to the contrary. I was saying to Kate only last night how your company has been most enjoyable.’

  ‘You are so very gracious. Nevertheless, there are things to which I ought to attend.’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘I shall have to request, though, that you bear with me a little longer for repayment of your kind loan.’

  In the corner of the room, Kate frowned. This morning, despite appearances, something about Mr Aubrey’s mood definitely seemed a little off; if nothing else, he struck her as displeased – agitated, even.

  ‘Of course,’ Naomi replied, clearly oblivious to any of that. ‘The money is yours for as long as you need it. It’s hardly a fortune. And you’re not likely to disappear without trace.’

  ‘I think the army would be rather displeased if I did.’

  To his response, Naomi laughed. ‘Yes,’ she said, ‘I should imagine they would be.’

  ‘Well, I shall go and make my arrangements.’

  With Aubrey taking his leave of them, Kate crossed quickly to the table. In a deliberately quiet tone, she asked, ‘Is Mr Aubrey all right this morning?’

  Her question met with a frown.

  ‘I have no reason to suppose otherwise,’ Naomi replied. ‘Why do you ask? Does something about him seem amiss?’

  Uncertain as to how much of her observation she should share, Kate shrugged her shoulders. After all, she might very well be imagining it. ‘It’s just that he seems more… more tense than usual.’

  Stretching her arms above her head and then stifling a yawn, Naomi pulled a face. To Kate, her actions suggested that she was about to disagree. ‘If he was more tense, as you put it, I didn’t notice. Perhaps the prospect of returning to the front is unsettling him. I imagine it would be enough to make even the bravest of men feel somewhat apprehensive.’

  ‘Yes,’ she hurried to agree. ‘More than likely that would be it.’ Inside, though, she remained unconvinced. In general, she found Mr Aubrey’s attitude to the whole business of war surprisingly nonchalant. And yet, i
n this instance, he had appeared mildly irked by the ease with which Naomi seemed happy to let him depart. And his displeasure had only seemed to abate when Naomi had been unruffled by his inability to repay her loan. Perhaps that was it: perhaps he was embarrassed by the prospect of having to depart without being able to settle his debt.

  ‘Fortunate for him you trust he will repay your money,’ she said, convinced she wasn’t wrong.

  ‘Kate, really! Of course I trust him. Aubrey is family. I don’t doubt him for one moment. And nor should you.’

  ‘Sorry, ma’am.’ Blushing fiercely, she once again busied herself at the sideboard. ‘Forgive me,’ she said. ‘I spoke out of turn. I… don’t know what came over me.’ And nor did she – other than that she had come to feel a certain protectiveness towards Naomi. Please keep an eye out for her, Mr Lawrence had whispered as he and Luke had prepared to return to their regiment at the end of their brief spell of leave. I fear that at times, she can be rather too trusting of people.

  The following morning, though, his kitbag deposited in the porch while he awaited the arrival of the station cab, Aubrey’s subsequent act left her feeling regretful in the extreme.

  ‘Thank you,’ he said, leaning to kiss Naomi’s cheek, ‘for being my salvation. This short spell of rest and fresh air, and your generosity with the loan, have been true lifesavers. And, although I indicated yesterday that I might not be able to repay you, I find now that I can.’ With that, into Naomi’s hand he pressed what appeared to be several bank notes, neatly folded. ‘I shan’t forget how, in my hour of need, you have been so kind. And, if I should see Lawrence, I shall make sure to tell him as much. I shall also remind him what a damned fortunate fellow he is to have married you.’

  Standing a few feet behind Naomi, Kate squirmed. She might be guilty of misjudging his intentions regarding Naomi’s loan, but those last few words had just provided a flash of the oily-mannered Aubrey Colborne she remembered from last summer. So, she wondered, which had been the act: his apparent new-found agreeableness, or this belated flicker of someone rather less genuine? Hopefully, it would be a long while before she was faced with having to try to work it out.

  When, a few moments later, the station cab finally scrunched away over the gravel and, from within, Aubrey had given them a mock salute, Naomi turned to her. ‘So?’ she said, ‘do you still believe my trust in him to have been misplaced?’

  But, before Kate could muster a suitably contrite response, beside her, Naomi doubled over, clutching at her abdomen and sinking slowly to her knees, a long groan of pain escaping her lips and a blood-red stain appearing on her skirt.

  Chapter Four

  Loss

  ‘Forgive me, Doctor, but I don’t understand. She seemed perfectly well.’

  Standing in the hallway, still scarcely able to believe what had happened, Kate watched Dr Huntleigh set his bag on the hall table.

  ‘Often the case, Mrs Channer,’ the doctor replied. Pausing to slip his arms into the sleeves of his mackintosh, he went on, ‘Unfortunately, on occasion, the workings of the female body still baffle us – even in these enlightened times. And, while it will be of no comfort to Mrs Colborne to know it, this is just one such occasion. What she must do now – and this is where you, yourself, must assist her – is get plenty of rest and lots of wholesome food. Ox-bone broth, in particular, is most nourishing.’

  ‘Ox-bone broth, yes, sir. I’ll see to it that she gets some.’

  ‘And plenty of red meat for the iron.’

  ‘Red meat, yes, sir.’

  His mackintosh belted about him, Dr Huntleigh lifted his bag from the table. ‘I’m given to understand her husband is away.’

  She nodded. ‘With the Wiltshire Regiment in France.’

  ‘No need to trouble him with this, then. He’ll have his hands full already. No sense him receiving a maudlin letter from a tearful woman. Poor man needs his mind on his men, not on his wife and affairs at home.’

  ‘Yes, sir.’ Goodness, the man had to be utterly without heart. Maudlin, indeed. Naomi had just lost her unborn child; surely there was nothing more natural than to want to share her grief with her husband and have him console her?

  Going ahead of Dr Huntleigh to open the door to the porch, she turned back to see him halt alongside the packing crates. ‘Coming or going?’ he asked, inclining his head towards them.

  She frowned, but then, realizing what he was asking, said, ‘Oh, that lot’s to be sent on to the previous owner, sir. Then, once it’s gone, Mrs Colborne and I will be returning to London.’

  ‘Not for a while yet, you won’t,’ he said stiffly. ‘Mrs Colborne is in no fit state to undertake a journey of that nature. She needs bed rest, not exhaustion. Please see to it that she gets it, at least until I call again next week.’

  ‘Next week, yes, sir.’

  ‘Now, I’ve left my account on her side table. Please do me the service of bringing it to her attention.’

  Behind Dr Huntleigh’s departing back, Kate raised her eyebrows. What an objectionable man! ‘Yes, Dr Huntleigh. Thank you, I will.’

  ‘Well, good day to you, Mrs Channer.’

  As soon as he had stepped out into the squally rain and closed the door to the porch behind him, Kate swivelled about and sped across the hall, hastening on up the stairs to Naomi’s room. But, outside of her door, she drew to a halt. What on earth was she going to say to her? It would be pointless to enquire how she was feeling because clearly, she was grief-stricken. And it was all very well Dr Huntleigh instructing that repeated floods of tears would do nothing to help but what did he know of these things? How many babies had he lost?

  Reaching towards the door handle, she drew a long breath. Then, she carefully opened the door and peered into the room. Propped up by several pillows, Naomi was staring across to the rain-splashed window, her ivory complexion blotched with pink.

  Easing the door quietly back into its frame she turned about, with still no idea, even as she crossed the rug towards the bed, of what she was going to say to her.

  In the event, it was Naomi who spoke first.

  ‘He was rather a cold man, wasn’t he?’

  She nodded in agreement. ‘A mite… brisk, yes.’

  ‘But I suppose, when you spend every day alongside other people’s suffering, you must become hardened to it.’

  So far, so good; for the moment at least, Naomi seemed calm and accepting.

  ‘Are you comfortable?’ she asked, largely for want of knowing what else to say. ‘Are you warm enough? It’s turned into a rotten old morning out there.’ When Naomi didn’t respond, though, she had no clue what to do next. Did she make mention of what had happened and offer sympathy? Did she ignore what had come about and say nothing? Or did she report what the doctor had just said? None of those things felt in the least appropriate. Nor particularly helpful.

  In the end, she chose to say nothing. Instead, she stood, her eyes drawn to contemplating the rust-coloured scrolls around the border of the Chinese rug beneath her feet; she would let Naomi speak when she was ready.

  ‘He asked me to describe the bleeding.’

  Puzzled by what Naomi indeed had chosen to say, she frowned. ‘He asked you to describe it?’ Surely, bleeding was bleeding.

  Fearful of putting a foot wrong, she glanced about the room. Spotting the stool at the dressing table, she went to fetch it, returning to place it alongside the bed and sit down. She would wait for Naomi to explain.

  ‘Apparently, if a doctor is present when it happens, the nature of the bleeding can tell them… certain things. I don’t know what things, he didn’t really say. He asked me whether I’d had any cramping or any unusual pain in the last few days and how much morning sickness I’d suffered.’

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘When I told him that I hadn’t had any sickness, he said that for a woman to suffer none at all was highly unusual.’

  ‘Oh.’ Highly unusual. That didn’t sound encouraging. Neither did the way Naomi was reco
unting all of this – relaying the details as though discussing something as ordinary and everyday as railway timetables or the price of coal. Perhaps the shock of it had left her numb. Or perhaps the only way she could find to speak of it was to distance herself from what had happened.

  She sighed. Thus far in her life, she been spared the loss of anyone close to her, and what little she knew of losing a baby before its time was very much by way of third-hand account. The upshot was that she had next-to-no experience of grief upon which to draw. While she could just about conceive of the devastation of losing an infant, she imagined this to be different. But how was it different? Was the grief less because the child had no form? Or did that make it worse – more difficult to grasp?

  ‘He asked how long it was since my doctor confirmed the pregnancy.’ Hearing Naomi start speaking again, she looked back at her. ‘When I told him that I hadn’t seen him yet, he shook his head as though quite irritated. And then he said…’

  When she saw tears brimming over Naomi’s lashes, she reached to clasp her hand. It felt limp and clammy, her action in taking it seeming only to make Naomi cry even harder. ‘You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,’ she said, feeling unable now to release her hand back to the eiderdown.

  But Naomi shook her head, the tears spilling down her cheeks flying from her face as she did so. ‘No. I do have to tell you. I must.’ But, despite her determination, when her sobbing gave way only to a series of heaving and shuddering breaths, she was unable to continue.

  At a loss, Kate simply sat and waited. Deep within her, something jagged felt to be tearing at her insides, and she knew that soon, no amount of willing her own eyes to remain dry would do any good. In anticipation of that moment, she bit hard on the side of her tongue. She knew of old that sometimes it helped to hold off tears.