A Girl Called Hope Read online

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  Christmas coloured the days as it approached, and hour by hour Hope felt less involved. Her thoughts, her future plans overrode the festival and she looked beyond the few days of Christmas to a time when she would be living in Badgers Brook. Although she tried in every way she could to imbue her husband with the same excitement, Ralph remained dishearteningly vague about when they would actually move in, seemingly quite content to remain with his parents for the foreseeable future.

  When they went for a walk one Sunday afternoon, she deliberately led him towards their house. As they walked down the lane past Kitty and Bob Jennings’s house she waved to them and explained airily to Ralph that she was already getting to know their new neighbours.

  He didn’t seem keen to go inside but she insisted, struggling with the pram when he seemed disinclined to help. Their visit had been pre-arranged by herself and Kitty, so the place was warm, the fires in both living rooms having been lit by Kitty.

  ‘Good heavens, it’s so warm,’ Ralph exclaimed. She turned to look at him expecting to see pleasure on his face, but he wasn’t at all pleased. ‘Who lit fires for heaven’s sake! What a waste. Mum would have been glad of extra wood and coal instead of frittering it away like this.’

  Hope looked at him sadly, her heart plummeting. ‘Oh, Ralph. Only you could find a reason to complain when the house has been made so welcoming.’

  ‘Sorry, darling, but you must agree, it is extravagant. It’ll be a few weeks yet before we can move in.’

  ‘The spring?’ she asked coldly. ‘The summer? Autumn?’

  ‘Not that long, but I want to give Mum time to accept it.’

  Hope didn’t want to stay long. There wasn’t any point. The happy visit she had planned was in ruins. Ralph collected the coat she had removed and waited impatiently at the door, his hands on the handle of the pram, pushing it to and fro, anxious to be gone. She put on her outdoor clothes slowly. Perhaps Ralph finally became aware of her dismay, because he turned away from the door and went up the stairs in a belated attempt to show interest.

  He saw the bed all made up, and a fire glowing in the small iron fireplace and said, ‘Darling, it looks so inviting. I haven’t had a fire in my bedroom since I was a child, and only then when I was ill. Measles, that was the last time. The curtains drawn against the light and a flickering fire making pictures on the wall, changing the white counterpane to pink. I loved it.’

  ‘Tell you mother we’re moving in.’ she pleaded. ‘It’s here, waiting for us, and I want so much for us to be a family in a home of our own.’

  ‘The rest of the furniture hasn’t been delivered yet,’ he warned.

  ‘Excuses, excuses,’ she said teasingly, trying laughter as a means to persuade him as other persuasions had failed.

  ‘We could christen the bed though,’ he said.

  ‘Davy might wake.’

  ‘Excuses, excuses…’

  As she smoothed the crumpled sheets an hour later, Davy woke, and at the same time there was a knock at the door. Embarrassed, certain the visitor would guess how they had filled the past hour, she opened the door to Marjorie.

  ‘What on earth…? Who made this terrible mess?’ she demanded, walking in and seeing the amateur decorations.

  Ralph had followed Hope down and he put an arm around her shoulders and said, ‘Don’t you like them, Mum? We think they’re perfect.’

  A tiny wriggling glimmer of optimism filled Hope’s heart, making it swell. ‘Davy helped,’ she said, leaning back and resting her head against Ralph.

  Marjorie didn’t stay long, but managed to show disapproval as she looked around the rooms, unnecessarily adjusting the curtains and silently straightening the bedding. She was quiet as the three of them walked home.

  The following morning, as they ate breakfast, she said. ‘I think it’s time you moved into your home.’

  Hope’s heart began to race and she was afraid to say a word. She looked at Ralph, but instead of displaying the same excitement she felt, he only said, ‘Only if you’re sure, Mum. There’s no great rush.’

  There is, Hope wanted to shout but she dared not say a word. She stood up and began to collect the used plates, waiting for Marjorie‘s response.

  ‘I thought you were in a hurry,’ she said, and to Hope’s disbelief Ralph shook his head.

  ‘We’re very happy here and Davy loves having his granny around to spoil him.’

  ‘If you’re sure. After New Year then, and the party.’

  Hope beckoned to Ralph and led him upstairs to their room. ‘Ralph, what is the matter with you? Don’t you think I can look after you and Davy as well as your mother does? Or are you afraid to be responsible for your family? What is it that’s stopping us moving out of here? Please tell me. I don’t understand.’ She stood in front of him holding his arms, forcing him to speak. ‘The truth,’ she demanded. He stared at her as though trying to make up his mind. Hope looked into his eyes and saw a stranger.

  ‘All right, the truth, then,’ he said at last. ‘I didn’t want to rent Badgers Brook. It was you who’s been so persistent about leaving here. I’m comfortable and I enjoy living with Mum and Dad. I was born here and leaving the Ty Mawr will be a wrench, even with you and Davy. Besides, there’s Mum. She’s lost two of my brothers, one dead the other as good as. Phillip has cut himself off from us almost as permanently as poor Richard. If – I mean when – we leave she’ll be faced with a rattling shell of a house that was once full of people and noise. She’ll be here with time on her hands, waiting for a knock at the door, depending on our visits to fill it for odd moments, give her someone to look after. She’s always been busy, always had people to care for, and the emptiness, the feeling of uselessness would kill her.’

  ‘Living here, waiting to start our life together is killing me, Ralph.’

  Outside, Marjorie was listening, and when she heard Ralph reply that in that case she was right, they should leave, she hurried down the stairs and prepared a brief pre-emptive speech.

  ‘I’ve been selfish,’ she told them with just a hint of dismay. ‘Tomorrow we’ll arrange with the removal men for the loan of some of my furniture so you can move into your own home.’

  In her euphoria Hope turned and hugged Ralph, who looked a little stunned. Amazed, just like me, Hope thought happily. Instead his words shocked her.

  ‘Only if you’re sure, Mum. And if you aren’t happy about it we can always come back for a while, can’t we, darling?’

  Determined there wouldn‘t be any further discussion, Hope arranged the following morning for the delivery of the armchairs that Marjorie was lending them. She also bought two book cases and an occasional table from a second-hand shop and a wooden toy box for Davy’s room, which she intended to paint with a cheerful design.

  She was so wrapped up in her plans that she was unaware of Ralph’s lack of enthusiasm; she bustled him into dealing with things, her mind always on the next and the next, so it wasn’t until they sat together, one each side of the fire in Marjorie’s armchairs in the lounge on that first evening in their home, that she became aware of how subdued he was.

  ‘Are you all right?’ she asked a little anxiously.

  ‘It’s so quiet,’ he said.

  ‘I’ll wake Davy if it’s noise you want,’ she said jokingly.

  ‘We haven’t got a wireless.’

  ‘I’ve arranged for a rental set to be here tomorrow. Surely you and I can fill an evening without help?’

  He smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. His taut expression frightened her. Had she made a terrible mistake persuading him to move away from his mother? It seemed the right thing to do, to start building their life together and making their own decisions, but perhaps the problem wasn’t with Marjorie, perhaps he really hadn’t wanted to leave?

  It was a couple of hours before they could go to bed and she knew that unless she broke the evening up in some way the silence would become oppressive. He showed no inclination to share an armchai
r, had in fact moved away when she had tried to snuggle on his lap. The romantic homecoming dreamed of for so long had been a great disappointment. Was it because they had stayed too long with his parents? Had he lost the thrill of moving into his own home by waiting too long, becoming too comfortable?

  Their marriage had changed very little in his life. He still went to the same office each day and returned to the same house. The bedroom they’d been given had always been his, and his meals had continued to be chosen, and often cooked, by his mother. She knew she had to do something to make this evening memorable, make him consider it the day on which their marriage really began. But everything she suggested resulted in a slow shake of his head.

  As minutes passed and every attempt at conversation ended elicited a monosyllabic response, she asked, ‘Are you hungry?’ He hadn’t eaten much of the meal she had so carefully planned and prepared.

  ‘I am, rather.’

  ‘Gwennie Flint’s fish and chip shop is open until ten,’ she coaxed. ‘Shall I go and fetch some? It won’t take long on the bus.’

  ‘I’ll go,’ he said at once. She sensed the relief as he leaped up, grabbed his coat and headed for the door. The chip shop was near his parents’ house and she wondered if he would use the excuse to call in. Surely not! He wouldn’t, not so soon after moving out? But the thought refused to go away.

  She sat making lists of things to do, things to buy, lists of people to whom she must send Christmas cards with their new address. The room grew colder as the fire dropped back, but it didn’t seem worth adding more coal. Tomorrow, she told herself, tomorrow everything will be perfect. This is really our honeymoon. We’ll wake up in our own home, Davy will run in and jump on our bed and we’ll laugh and say how wonderful everything is, how perfect, and Ralph will be happy.

  An hour passed and she began to listen for his key in the door. She found the silence strange and somehow unsettling. A glance at the clock told her it was half past ten and another half hour had passed. She presumed bitterly that he really had gone back home to catch up on what had happened during the few hours he’d been away. Irritated, she took the plates off the hearth where she had put them to warm and went upstairs to undress. She would ignore his insensitivity in leaving her and going back to Ty Mawr, and put on the gown she had bought for their first honeymoon. Their first night here could still be perfect, she had to give him time, that was all.

  She was halfway up when she heard loud knocking at the door. Puzzled, she ran down and opened it. To her alarm two policemen stood there.

  ‘Mrs Murton? Mrs Ralph Murton? I’m sorry, but your husband has been involved in an accident. Will you come to the hospital with us so you can see him and help the doctors by answering a few questions?’

  ‘I can’t, I have a baby. I mean, where is he? How badly is he hurt? Does his mother know? I’ll have to bring Davy, I, oh dear, I can’t believe it, he only went for chips, because we haven’t got a wireless, and…’ She went on gabbling as she ran upstairs and wrapped a sleeping Davy in blankets, then she picked up her handbag and followed them out.

  In spite of her tirade of questions, they said very little about what had happened, just that he appeared to have been crossing the road near his parents’ house and not seen a car approaching, being driven moderately fast. ‘The driver was hurt but not seriously. There were a few witnesses, thank goodness. So we’ll soon find out exactly what happened.’ In fact, Hope didn’t take in a word of what he said anyway. She didn’t want to hear about the driver, it seemed irrelevant to be told who had hurt Ralph. Her only thought was how badly he was injured.

  The first person she saw when she reached the hospital was her mother-in-law. She was walking up and down, and the anger on her face as she caught sight of Hope was a shock. Behind her, looking anxious and confused, was Ralph’s father.

  ‘This is your fault,’ Marjorie shouted. ‘If you hadn’t made him move away from us he wouldn’t have been hurt.’

  ‘Not now, Marjorie,’ Freddy said. ‘Let’s find out how bad he is before you start on everyone.’

  Ignoring them both, hugging Davy as though he was a lifeline, Hope ran to talk to a nurse. Within a few moments she was talking to a doctor, while Marjorie complained loudly outside the door.

  ‘How badly is he hurt?’ Hope’s voice was breathless, as though she had run every yard of the way. ‘Can I see him?’

  ‘It’s too early to answer that yet, but he suffered serious back injuries. As soon as the doctors and nurses have made him comfortable you’ll be taken to see him.’

  In a daze she went out to where Marjorie and Freddy were standing. By this time Marjorie had calmed down and simply asked if Hope had learned anything new.

  ‘As soon as they know the extent of his injuries they’ll come and tell us,’ Hope said. ‘I can’t see him yet, but soon, when he’s comfortable.’

  ‘What were you thinking of, sending him out for fish and chips? Can’t you cook a meal yet?’ Marjorie hissed. Freddy grabbed his wife’s arm and led her away. Hope was trembling, and although she couldn’t hear what was being said she guessed that Freddy was telling Marjorie not to apportion blame until they were given the facts.

  Eventually the doctor took Hope, still carrying a sleepy Davy, into an office. Here she was told the frightening news.

  ‘There’s a serious spinal injury, I’m afraid, Mrs Murton, and for the moment we can’t say how badly he’ll be affected. It will take several days for the swelling and bruising to subside before we can properly assess the damage.’

  ‘Will he come home tomorrow?’ she asked, unable to contemplate what they were telling her. ‘He’ll be all right in a few days, won’t he? Can I see him, please?’

  ‘Too early to give a prognosis, Mrs Murton. But I must warn you the injury to his spine is giving cause for concern.’

  She still looked at him blankly as though he hadn’t spoken. ‘But of course you can see him,’ he said kindly. ‘Although, he is sedated. Matron will take you to see him but then I think you should go home. There’s nothing you can do here. He’ll sleep through the night and you’d be better off doing the same, so you can deal with whatever happens tomorrow. Besides,’ he added patting Davy’s head, ‘this handsome little boy of yours needs his bed too.’

  Marjorie and Freddy were waiting outside as the doctor escorted her out still murmuring encouraging words. Freddy was clearly distressed but Marjorie was glaring angrily.

  An immaculately uniformed nurse led her to the room where Ralph lay. He looked pale and so utterly still she thought for a terrifying moment that he had died. The nurse talked to her, about how much better things would be in the morning and how certain she was that Ralph was a fighter, and, as with the words of the kindly policemen, nothing she said penetrated Hope’s dazed mind.

  ‘Will he be home tomorrow?’ she asked again, and again didn’t comprehend the reply.

  ‘I don’t imagine he’ll be home just yet.’ The nurse tried to explain. ‘It will be days before a decision is made on the best treatment. He had suffered serious damage to his spine, as the doctor explained, Mrs Murton.’

  ‘There has to be a mistake. He‘s sleeping, that’s all, he’ll be fine once he’s rested.’

  ‘Try to understand. Mrs Murton. Your husband has been involved in a road accident and he’ll be in hospital for quite a time.’

  ‘But it’s our honeymoon, we’ve only just moved in,’ a stricken Hope cried.

  ‘I’ll take you to see your mother-in-law, shall I?’

  ‘What’s happening?’ Marjorie demanded when she once more returned to the waiting area.

  ‘I don’t really know.’ Hope shook her head, a frown creasing her brow. ‘Tomorrow, they say we’ll know more tomorrow,’ she said in a low voice. ‘He’ll be home then, once he’s rested. He looks very tired, and pale. You know how pale he is when he’s tired, Mother-in-law.’ She turned to Freddy. ‘I wanted to go, to buy him some supper, a little treat for the first evening in our home. He i
nsisted because he could call and see you two, that was why he didn’t want me to go. Gwennie Flint’s shop isn’t far from Ty Mawr. He wanted to see you two. I should have gone. I’d have been more careful.’

  The matron advised them all to go home and rest and come back in the morning, before walking away with a final reassuring nod towards Hope.

  It was only then that Hope was aware of how tired she was after holding Davy for so long. She put a foot on a bench and rested him on her knee to ease her aching arms.

  ‘I’ll phone for a taxi, shall I?’ she suggested.

  ‘I’m not moving,’ Marjorie said emphatically. ‘You can go, if you aren’t bothered about my son, but I’m staying until I know what happened to him.’

  ‘The doctors and nurses don’t want us around, Father-in-law,’ Hope said with a trembling sigh. ‘They’ll get in touch if there’s anything to report, but it’s best we go home and come back in the morning.’

  Freddy nodded agreement and went outside to a telephone box and ordered a taxi to take them home.

  ‘We’ll take you to Badgers Brook first,’ he said.

  ‘You mean you aren’t coming back with us?’ Marjorie gasped.

  ‘No, Mother-in-law. Davy and I are going home,’ Hope said firmly. Today they had made the break and had moved into Badgers Brook and it was there she needed to be, to wait for Ralph to come home.

  Walking into the room with its sad, battered collection of Christmas decorations was the moment that shock really hit her. Putting Davy into her bed, she lay awake all night hugging him as though he were the one needing comfort. As the shock left her the words of the doctors and nurses flooded her tired brain and she began to feel afraid. Spinal injury! She thought of the wounded soldiers, sailors and airmen who lived their lives in wheelchairs or helped along with crutches.