DISCERN Read online

“I know, but it’s encouraging to see you get out of the house.”

  “I’m getting there,” I smiled.

  “Be careful out there. Don’t forget your phone and mace.”

  Ever since I started driving, I had carried a small bottle of mace on my keychain, per my father’s request. I had taken a few self-defense courses, but I wouldn’t say I was qualified to fight anyone. “Got ’em both.”

  He held out his arms awaiting a hug. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he squeezed tight as usual. “Call me if you want to have dinner tonight.”

  “Okay,” I agreed, knowing he only offered out of kindness. I planned on a nice day and evening alone—as usual.

  ChautauquaPark was one of the most popular places to hike in Boulder, especially this time of year. The leaves were changing color and the mountains tops were lightly dusted with snow. The trails led right to the Flatirons. Grabbing the bag I had packed with a cozy, fleece blanket, a small lunch and my book, I headed out to my dirty car, which desperately needed a wash.

  I jumped on highway ninety-three, letting the cool, autumn breeze gust through my open window. The beauty of the Rocky Mountains was undeniable. Although it pained me to admit it, Boulder was truly a beautiful, picturesque town rich with history and culture. Its year round events had always made the small town exciting, never requiring many trips elsewhere for good cuisine or shopping. But my own personal tragedies had overshadowed its beauty.

  The air gently whipped around a few loose strands of hair as I contemplated the direction of where my life was heading. The thought of ever leaving Boulder never crossed my mind when I was younger. My love for Braden began at the young age of eight. I had every intention of marrying him, starting a family with maybe three children, a large, beautiful home and a happily ever after life right here in Boulder.

  Twelve years later, everything had changed—changed without my consent, but nevertheless had forever irreversibly changed. Marry no one and get the hell out of town again had been my intention the past couple of months. But now, that seemed a little harsh and sad as my thoughts drifted back to the brief encounter with Andrew at the bookstore.

  Andrew’s presence was comforting. I felt very foolish for ever keeping my distance from him. His view was impartial, as he lacked any real knowledge of my history here at home. He was only aware of the contents that I had chosen to divulge. It was refreshing to converse with someone with no preconceived notions or judgments.

  After a few turns, I carefully adhered to the posted speed limit signs and rolled into the parking lot of the park. I flipped open the trunk and gathered my overstuffed bag filled with all of this afternoon’s necessities. The bright, pink bag resembled more of a beach bag, which had been its intended use, but today it didn’t seem as pretentious as it would have weeks ago. I swung the bulky, but fairly light bag over my shoulder and proceeded to the worn, dirt trail.

  Fresh pine filled my nostrils as I began the mile and a half hike up the trail. The air was slightly crisp as I rose in elevation, giving way to the relief that I had packed a sweater.

  I glanced up ahead to a familiar small dirt path that led to a cluster of trees. I smiled as I turned onto the path, remembering the time I had spent here with my mother. We mainly spent our summer days here, as my mother was not fond of cool weather. We would play Frisbee or just simply talk about our dreams and desires.

  My only desire back then was to maybe teach, but definitely be married and have three kids. She desired more compassion from people to help fund and volunteer with her charities. She was amazing in every aspect of her life. It was hard to believe her life ended in the manner in which it did.

  I quickly shook the thoughts of her untimely death as I reached the familiar spot nestled below a few evergreen trees. A couple lay a few hundred yards from where I was, and it was obvious I had intruded on their moment as they shifted their bodies for more privacy. It was fairly quiet in the park today, which suited me, just fine.

  Taking out the red plaid, fleece blanket from the bag, I inhaled the smell of the laundry detergent. My father had not changed brands even though he always complained of its floral scent. I smiled as I remembered my mom chuckling at his dislike for such an insignificant matter as detergent.

  Glancing back toward the lip locked couple once more; I straightened out the corners of the blanket on the hard, crunchy grass. I wondered if I would ever find someone again that I truly desired to be close to.

  Retrieving the class-required book from my bag, I carefully sprawled out on the blanket. The bright, radiating sun instantly warmed my face and arms, and I decided against wearing my sweater. I sighed and reluctantly opened to the first page.

  After reading for a while, the growl of my stomach forced me to set aside the book and rummage through my bag for the lunch I had packed. The book had been a pleasant surprise. It was definitely better than I had expected. The affair wasn’t as cruel as I had imagined. She never had the chance to breathe or really enjoy life within her marriage. Her life revolved around her husband and children, never having the chance to find what truly made her happy.

  She didn’t despise her family or husband, just desired a moment for herself. I carefully unzipped the plastic bag containing the peanut butter and jelly sandwich that I had packed. My mother’s presence was definitely there as I sunk my teeth in to the warm, soft bread. I cannot remember a day I didn’t eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and cheese curls as a kid—it was my favorite meal.

  After a few bites and sips of my lukewarm bottled water, I was ready to finish Betty Jo’s tale of forbidden love. My hand blindly searched the bag for the golden yellow apple I had packed. I leaned back on the blanket preparing to enjoy my juicy dessert.

  Before I could take a bite, I heard the sound of rustling coming from the thicker patch of evergreen trees a few yards away. My head snapped in that direction. There were two men in camouflaged hunting gear moving around.

  I was no expert on park rules, but I was sure there was no hunting allowed in this part. I looked over to where the lovers had been, but they were no longer there. The realization that I was alone hit me. I felt a little uneasy as I glanced back toward the two men.

  I could hear whispering. My stomach knotted as I tried to inconspicuously begin rounding up my things, deciding this was an excellent time to leave.

  “Hey!” one of the men shouted.

  I quickly gathered all my belongings and shoved them into the bag. They called out again, and I still ignored it—I wasn’t going to acknowledge their attempt to gain my attention.

  Just as I grabbed the corner of the blanket, a faint shout or scream of a male voice resonated from behind the trees. The men no longer stood where they once had. A bright iridescent light shined upward from the top of the tree line. A loud deafening screeching sound bellowed out—it was definitely time to leave.

  I continued to gather the corners of the blanket, but I was again stopped as a pair of brown hiking boots appeared beside me. The hairs stood up on the back of my neck.

  “Oh, no,” I murmured.

  “Haley,” a saintly voice spoke.

  I immediately looked up. “Oh, thank goodness,” I exhaled.

  “Are you all right?” Andrew asked worried.

  “I am now,” I smiled.

  “What happened?”

  “Nothing, just a few random hunters startled me,” I smiled nervously.

  His eyes scanned the tree line. “I must have scared them away.”

  “It was foolish of me to come out here alone.”

  “It was probably even more foolish of them to choose this spot for hunting.” His grin was wicked.

  “Did you hear them scream?”

  “No. I didn’t hear any sounds,” he answered blankly.

  “Did you see the light coming from the trees?” I asked nervously.

  “No. I didn’t see or hear anything. Creases appeared on his forehead. “But I just got here.”

  My eyes met his, rev
ealing the same beautiful sparkling emerald eyes from last night—I was truly delusional.

  “Wow, you must think I’m crazy,” I sighed, embarrassed.

  “No,” he said, shaking his head. “I believe you probably saw and heard something,” he smiled, reassuringly.

  “Sure.”

  “Maybe you can see things others can’t,” he suggested.

  “Well, if that’s the case, then I just got that power as of last night,” I said nervously.

  “Really?” His brow furrowed.

  “Yeah, my delusional thoughts didn’t start until you pulled me up from the floor last night at the bookstore.”

  “I guess I have that affect on people.”

  “You definitely have something,” I blushed.

  He carefully unfolded the corners of the blanket. “Do you mind if I have a seat beside you?” he asked politely.

  The thought of him being close thrilled me to no end. “Sure,” I smiled.

  “How’s the book going?”

  “Actually it isn’t as atrocious as I had believed.”

  “Adultery is not so upsetting anymore?” he asked, concentrating on my face.

  “No, but I can understand her reason for it. Not that I would ever cheat, but she chose a life that was safe rather than fulfilling,” I said, slowly understanding my own choices.

  “So which do you desire?”

  “Depends on which day it is,” I laughed.

  “And today?”

  His presence definitely influenced my response. “Fulfilling,” I said, softly extending my hand toward his.

  A smile stretched across his face. “What would be fulfilling to you?” he asked—his eyes searched my face.

  My head and heart had conflicting issues with my response. My heart said fulfilling as I watched Andrew’s eyes sparkle, but my head said safe as my hand retreated ever so slightly. He noticed. “A life without constant worry of a broken heart,” I sighed.

  “I believe everyone desires that.”

  “I’m not foolish. I realize love has no guarantees, but I looked past every other option that would’ve definitely been healthier for me and never once wavered in my love for my ex. But I still failed.” I closed my eyes.

  My breathing intensified with the warm, electrical touch of his hand. My eyes opened, and I could not deny the change in the color of his eyes. They were slightly more golden than green, but nevertheless, they still sparkled.

  “You didn’t fail—he failed you. And remember as much as you believed your heart was available then, it wasn’t; it was already broken,” he reminded softly.

  “I’m sorry if I sound like a broken record,” I said. “But I’m feeling more torn than I ever have—,” I stopped, fearing I had revealed too much.

  “What do you feel torn about?” he asked, seeming to peer in to my inner soul with his deep, penetrating gaze.

  “A part of me yearns to break down the wall that I’ve built, but the other, more rational, part insists it stay.”

  “Which part is stronger?”

  “Depends on the day again,” I chuckled.

  “And today?”

  “I can feel the wall slowly crumbling,” I admitted nervously, as I looked off at the towering mountainside.

  “And if someone could give you a guarantee of their heart, but maybe not life’s events, would this suit you?” He asked with a serious tone.

  “Depends on the events,” I responded, intrigued.

  “Nothing adulterous,” he grinned. “But maybe things wouldn’t go planned accordingly to mortal, I-I mean your traditions,” he explained, stuttering slightly.

  “What traditions?”

  “Tradition was the wrong word. The ideal life,” he corrected.

  “Like children and marriage?”

  “No, just the idea of having certain expectations,” he explained uneasily.

  “Sure,” I smiled. “Everything in life is unexpected, so to believe that change is inescapable is unreasonable.”

  “So you would agree to that?” he asked, slightly tilting his head toward me.

  “If someone I loved could guarantee their heart to me, then yes, I would abandon all expectations.”

  “You are a rare soul,” he breathed, his eyes a beautiful, amber color.

  “Are you for real?” I asked amazed.

  “What do you mean?” he asked stunned.

  “Your insight is impressive and, well, you don’t seem like the kind of guy to sit around listening to some girl’s problems.” I nervously bit my lower lip.

  “Oh please don’t misunderstand, I don’t sit around listening to just anyone’s problems,” he smiled. “But I don’t mind listening to yours.”

  My heart fluttered with his confession. It felt too soon to feel this alive again, but there was no denying this sudden attraction to him. This feeling was exhilarating.

  A subject change was desperately required, before I acted on these sudden, unfounded urges. “What brings you out to the park today?”

  “Decided to take a walk and enjoy this fine weather we’re having. I don’t know much about Boulder, as no one has taken me for a tour yet,” he grinned widely. “But it’s a mountain town, so I assume winter is right around the corner,” he continued to grin.

  “Winter will be here soon enough.”

  “I take it winter isn’t your favorite time of year.” He detected the hint of sadness in my voice.

  It was my least favorite time of year now. The holidays only brought back memories of my mother and with her absence they hadn’t been the same. “No, it isn’t, but I hope this year will be different,” I smiled, resisting the urge to descend back into a depression. “And I would be honored to show you around town sometime,” I offered.

  “No, I believe the honor would be all mine.”

  “You won’t get in any trouble?”

  “By whom?”

  “The university.”

  “Oh, no.” He shook his head. “Teaching is just a distraction for me.”

  “Distraction from what?”

  “From life until I find my true calling.” His voice lowered.

  “What is it that you desire to be?”

  “Happy,” he smiled. “Just like everyone else.”

  I could relate. Happiness was something I was in search of also.

  “Are you busy Friday night?” I asked anxiously, wondering if I was ready for this step.

  “Actually, I am,” he frowned. “There’s an upcoming event at the local country club that I have to attend according to the school dean.”

  “Oh, no!” I exclaimed.

  “What?!” He flinched.

  “I completely forgot about it. I’m supposed to go with my father that evening, and I haven’t even gotten a dress yet.”

  The only formal wear shop in town was closed today, so I would just have to wait until tomorrow before I panicked. My father should have reminded me, but he was in his own world.

  “Where’s your mind been?” he winked.

  “Not where it should’ve been,” I blushed.

  “I’m not busy afterward,” he mentioned nervously.

  I wasn’t sure when the event would end, and I didn’t want to put myself in an uncomfortable, late night situation. “I don’t know what my father has planned afterward, but what about Wednesday evening, do you have class then?” I asked, desiring to see him again.

  “No, I don’t. Do you?”

  “Yes, but I already took a similar course last semester, so it’s really easy.”

  “Then Wednesday night it is,” he smiled widely. “What would you like to do?”

  “I could take you for a tour around town, but I’d much rather just sit and talk,” I suggested.

  “I’d prefer that, too. We have plenty of time to tour the city after we get to know one another,” he assured.

  His finger lightly touched the back of my hand sending sparks from my fingers down to my toes. The amber color returned to his eyes. I wondered if
he realized how enchanting he was, because any man this attractive usually was very cocky and conceited. Andrew was confident, never brash.

  “Will I see you tomorrow night?” I asked, gazing up at the darkening sky.

  “Of course, there’s a quiz on Ares this week.”

  My face dropped. “Thanks for the reminder.”

  “Do you have the notes?”

  “Yes, I have them, but I’ve been a little distracted for the past few days.”

  “Me, too,” he smiled. “Maybe we can wait a week to take that quiz.”

  “Oh no, don’t forgo your teaching plans based on my forgetfulness,” I insisted.

  “Truthfully, I haven’t even printed them out, so it isn’t a big deal, and I’m sure the class will be thankful for my distractions this weekend,” he winked.

  “One less thing I have to do tonight,” I said, waving my book around.

  “Oh yes, did you finish it?”

  “No, my mind kept wandering, so I have about twenty pages or so to go, but I can get it done tonight.”

  “We should probably go,” he suggested as he looked up at the twilight sky.

  Leaving his side was disheartening, but he was right, it was time to leave. I had several pages to read and a five-page report to write.

  We walked beside one another back down the mile and half trail. A light mist filled the air as we approached my car. I was suddenly relieved by our departure, as my wet hair would have been disastrous.

  “Where’s your car?”

  “I parked in the other lot,” he said, pointing to the opposite side of the trail.

  “Do you need a ride?”

  “No, I’ll be fine, walking is healthy,” he smiled.

  “Are you sure, it’s a long distance from here?” I asked, hoping to be near him a little while longer.

  “No, I’m totally fine.”

  “Okay,” I said, disappointed.

  “See you tomorrow,” he smiled and turned away.

  “Goodbye,” I sighed.

  He disappeared into the darkness as I sped away.

  6

  Almost

  The next morning I tried everything to occupy my mind, refraining from counting down the hours until I saw Andrew again. It was absolutely absurd to be feeling so giddy about seeing him again, but I had grown attached in just a few short days. Everything seemed so clear at the bookstore, as if when we touched, something was ignited within me. The strange flickering of the lights had stopped since that day, too.