Wicked Girl (THE FIRE Book 1) Read online

  I swallowed lots of saliva, not knowing how to respond. He was sure Mila was in control. Unfortunately, he was right. Vividly, I could feel she had replaced every authority in my life. “This is about us Elijah, not Mila.”

  “You’re just talking for the sake of it. Grace, I’m talking from the heart. Let me remind you in case you have forgotten,” he said. “A few years ago, I had a job and you were a stay-at-home-mom. I took care of you and Leon without whining. There wasn’t even one time when I omitted paying rent to buy my clothes. I always brought the money home. You and I budgeted together as a couple. But you, you took the rent money and bought your clothes alone. I didn’t know you’re this selfish.”

  “It’s not like I bought my clothes only. I also ordered for Leon and Kim.”

  “What about me? Am I no more part of this family? Am I no more married to you? Or am I married to you when I have money? You’re the type whose love runs out when a man’s wallet runs out?”

  I busted and cried. I never expected such brutal frankness from him. Ever.

  Instead of stretching his arms to hold me close and firm, apologize, and comfort me, he climbed the steps and left me wailing desperately. I couldn’t believe him.

  However, my conscience failed to find grounds to blame him. I dropped onto the floor. Definitely, I was the most horrible person on earth. I felt ashamed; I always sought credit for putting the bread on the table, yet, he never did. His money was never his, but ours. He never reminded me in any way he was the breadwinner. I always felt entitled, but surely, he wasn’t feeling the same way he made me feel. He obviously felt small and left out. I made him feel that way. I felt horrible. Horrible. Horrible. Horrible…

  4:31 PM

  I replaced the receiver grossly doubting the new strategy Mila had just suggested. I proceeded to the kitchen with dancing ovaries though. The way Chloe showed love and care for my kids made me feel guilty for the treatment I gave her. After all, Elijah did not seem affected by her dress code.

  But I wasn’t sure whether to love or hate her for the dinner she was putting together. The French fries and sausages sizzling in the pan awakened my appetite. I swallowed lots of saliva, hating that even Elijah would be thrilled by a dish prepared by another woman.

  Just before opening the kitchen door, I stopped and listened to Chloe and Leon debating about Kim’s wake time. For whatever reason, Leon said five. But Chloe said at six.

  “Duh! A baby is smart enough to learn her mom’s time patterns. Kim knows her mom usually comes home at six,” Chloe said.

  When I walked into the kitchen their debate was at the peak. They glanced at me but had no second for me. I also aborted disturbing the flow. I thought I would tell Leon to sweep some sugar granules and bread crumbs on the floor sticking to my feet. Either he or Kim caused the mess, otherwise, Chloe kept the kitchen and house clean always. Yes, the ancient white stove, the white old fashioned dishwasher, the white fridge that was small as a cooler and the pathetic brown cupboard couldn’t look any better even after a spring cleaning. Even the dark brown table Leon sat at looked like it had time travelled from George Washington’s era. Unfortunately, Elijah saw absolutely no reason to invest in a new set anytime soon. He didn’t even see the pressing need for a microwave.

  I laughed when I heard both parties agreeing to bet. They said the one who loses must give the winner his whole supper ration. I failed to picture Leon giving away his supper – French fries with juicy, mouthwatering sausages.

  They laughed too and knuckled their fists.

  “Deal.”

  “Deal.”

  “Chloe, you said six, and Leon, you said five. What if you are both wrong? Who will eat your supper?” I said.

  Leon gazed at me. “I guess… I guess…”

  Chloe focused on dropping the strips of potatoes in the boiling oil. She also turned the sizzling sausages and dropped their temperature.

  “It’s simple. Both of you should forfeit your supper and give it to me. Which means I might have three dishes tonight,” I said.

  Chloe laughed, wishing to talk, but seemed unsure since I had never joked with her. Leon snatched the light brown stool next to the fridge and hastened to her at the sink. “She is cheating us. Mom, you’re cheating us.”

  “Cheating?” I said, feeling a little odd he called me a “she” and painted a picture he and Chloe were a team against me. But I managed to promptly remind myself he was joking. And he loves me more than anybody.

  He pulled Chloe’s head down and whispered something in her right ear. They both giggled. Then he swung and faced me still laughing. “It’s like you come in to eat when we have lost. But what do you lose?”

  I smiled, staring at Leon helping himself to the bananas on the sink. “It’s simple. My position is that it’s not five or six. But whoever wins will get my food, so you will have two...three meals.”

  I hated myself for feeling betrayed by Leon’s attitude in the game. He was just joking. It was a game. I had to keep reminding myself it was a game. Game. Game. Game. Not that he loved me any less. Or loved Chloe more than I. No. No. No…

  Evidently, the morning battle with Elijah was still on in my head and heart. I constantly felt useless and unloved. So everybody including my kids had to show me some noticeable love. Even when playing. I wished they could see they had to say nice things and do nice things only to me for Elijah left me empty.

  “That makes perfect sense, Mom, but…,” Leon said after looking up – pointing with his index finger like he was counting.

  The living room door squealed and Elijah came in. He proceeded to the kitchen dripping wet, with a strong sweaty smell oozing from his skin. He had returned from our weekly jogging sessions. Obviously, he left me. We weren’t talking to each other since morning, so he decided to jog alone. “Everybody is here except Kim, Kim.”

  “This week you left Mom, Dad. You want her to be fat. I don’t want a fat mom.”

  We laughed.

  And I felt a little elevated Leon stood up for me and scolded his dad for leaving me.

  Elijah left the kitchen still laughing. “Advice taken Leon.”

  But I failed to hold back myself and followed him to the bedroom. Not that I wanted to fight again. But I wanted us to discuss how we could sort out the rent mess.

  I found him searching for something in the closet. He glanced at me at the door and continued searching, whistling some song. “Here for round two?”

  “I’m not here to fight, Elijah. I want us to discuss how we can get the rent money before those guys start being a pain.”

  Elijah laughed sarcastically and looked at the bed, at my new clothes. They had been delivered just a few minutes ago. They delivered them a day earlier than they had promised. “Sell those and get one thousand five and pay the rent…Hmm, no, I’m wrong; you will get one grand – you have to factor in depreciation.”

  I drew close to him and gave him an ugly eye, but he didn’t see it since he was still busy in the closet. “Elijah, I get it. I messed up. I’m a jerk, but where do we get this money by tomorrow?”

  He stopped searching and gazed at my eyes. I didn’t know what to feel. His eyes said many things at once and my stomach clenched. “Before jogging, I went to MH Properties office and paid the rent.”

  My eyes widened. “You paid! Where did you get the money?”

  “Why do you have to care? You took your money and bought clothes so you could look good. So that Mila could be happy and start counting you among the classy women at work,” he said and laughed.

  I fumed, feeling stupid. “Why are you laughing? What’s funny? Am I a fool, Elijah?”

  “You will not believe who bailed us out. Chloe did with her savings.”

  My head spun as if there was a mild earthquake. I blinked a number of times, my stomach threatening to explode. “Who, Elijah? Who? Why are you doing this to me? How dare you?”

  I bawled but Elijah didn’t grab me to comfort me. He proceeded to search for whateve
r he was looking for in the closet. I dropped myself on the bed hesitating to use Mila’s killer strategy: Angry Girl Jealous Boy strategy.

  I grabbed my cell phone and looked for David’s number. But I put it down. I dreaded an event where the strategy could bring unintended consequences. A divorce, perhaps. Yes, I would have achieved making Elijah jealous by pretending I was in a cozy relationship with my coworker, David, but if he divorces me then what would I have gained besides nothing. Besides hearing my conscience calling me a fool.

  I stopped weeping when it clicked that a divorce could be followed by a wedding. Elijah marrying another woman! My pulse rate escalated. I quickly stared at Elijah when I thought that girl could be Chloe. He was still searching. Deep in me, I knew there was no way I could be at peace if Elijah wasn’t by my side – if he was with another woman – if he viewed me as a whore and hated me. I would have to hate Mila and then go insane to regain my peace.

  8:40 PM

  I sealed the closet and turned to the bed, hating I even played the betting game with Chloe. But I was proud I managed to refuse her French fries and sausage dinner. Yes, the bread and coffee were boring, but it did send the urgent message to Elijah and his girlfriend.

  Elijah was already in bed busy on his cell phone, chatting like he was all alone. I intentionally touched his legs with my feet whilst climbing, making myself comfortable on the bed. Not only was I reminding him that his legit wife was inches away from him, but I had to get him to start talking about the rent debacle – about Chloe – about firing her.

  He laughed. I frowned, agitated that whoever he was chatting with was funny indeed. And I was a bore. I gave him an ugly, blazing glance. Deliberately, he didn’t turn towards me. He had sensed my desperation to connect but ignored my feelings calculatingly. He seemed not to care I was sinking into a dark hole. Unfortunately, I couldn’t even confront him directly. I wanted him to pick me up. I wanted him to show love and care and concern and love and love… I wanted him to say, “Are you okay, babe? I’m not happy you don’t seem fine.” Obviously, I would swell inside but pretend I wasn’t interested in talking with him until he digs me, begs me, worships me and I would feel even more awesome.

  However, he deprived me of the opportunity to sleep feeling sweet. He was determined to leave me suffocating in the dark hole. He was extremely far from picking me up. He was far from saying nice stuff to me. The closest he could utter was: “I told you to move away from Mila or watch your marriage crumble for no reason.”

  My chest froze as if he had said it. I glanced at him but he was still smiling at his stupid cell phone. It vividly came back that I had given the cell phone to him as a birthday gift in L.A. A surprise gift. Ironically, it was surprising me big time now. I was nothing but a Statue of Liberty next to Elijah. I almost grabbed it and smashed it against the wall. Or mirror, to make him see the depth and brutality of the dark hole.

  I yawned noisily. I couldn’t take it any longer. But still, he didn’t turn.

  I glanced at him again. And again. And again. And again. “Elijah, we need to talk.”

  “About?” He said, still glued to his cell phone. He didn’t even glance once.

  “Why don’t you stop that and look at me?”

  “Grace, I told you, you will not like the fruits of Mila’s poisonous seed. Just talk what you want, I’m listening.” He stopped chatting and put the cell phone next to him, but still, he didn’t turn to my face. He stared at the mirror on the wall. I even suspected he was listening to the television downstairs since Chloe was still up.

  “Tough! Anyways, Elijah, I think we have to get a new housekeeper.”

  Elijah quickly turned to my face finally. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying? Are you suggesting we fire Chloe?”

  I gazed at his eyes. “Jesus! Why is this girl so important to you? Look now, you didn’t even look at me, but as soon as I mentioned her name, you almost jumped on me.”

  “Look. I’m not driven by anything Chloe is. I’m reacting to your absurd suggestion.”

  I shook my head. “Absurd!? Listen to yourself!” I screamed. “Since when have I started being absurd to you?” My temperature shot up.

  He motioned me to lower my voice with his hands and obnoxious gaze. “No. You listen to yourself, Grace. ‘Hey Chloe, we have got a little token of appreciation for helping us with the rent,’ we say. She smiles and says, ‘Oh that’s so sweet. But you didn’t have to trouble yourselves thanking me, guys. What’s the token anyway?’ We say, ‘Well, the token is that you are fired.’”

  I giggled unintentionally. Elijah also laughed.

  “Elijah, something is going on between you two. You’re always on her side. And I’m the crazy, evil wife.”

  “What’s that?”

  “First of all, she dresses to impress you. If there is anyone who should wear minis in this house it is me during our quality time, not her.”

  Elijah laughed. “In which century will those quality times come? When Mila is dead and buried six feet down I guess.”

  Even though tears ran down my cheeks, I laughed. Unintentionally again. I wiped the tears from my cheeks and eyes. He didn’t help me wipe them like he normally would.

  “Grace, it’s obvious. We can’t fire somebody for helping us out. I don’t even understand how you find that makes sense.”

  “It’s obvious to who? To you and your girlfriend?”

  “Of course, you know she is not my girlfriend. She is the girl who paid our rent when you decided to listen to Mila and bought nice toys for yourself.”

  I contemplated storming out but was scared to pull that off. Surely, I had reached the deepest of the dark hole for Chloe was thee woman of the house. I couldn’t believe it. I gazed at him. “Elijah. Clothes that matter to me are toys? Toys…You…and.” I sobbed. “Who said Mila had anything to do with my decision?”

  Elijah fixed his eyes on mine. “For your own info, Grace. I don’t know if your coach did tell you that rebellious wives end up as regretting divorcees. There can’t be two bulls in one shed. Either the shed breaks or one of the bulls gets killed.”

  Friday, August 3, 2012

  7:23 AM

  The stretch from the gate to the veranda felt like a mile. I almost collapsed. The issue wasn’t the ruthless sunrays. It was the jovial screams and loud laughs – the enticing smell of salty bacon frying in the pan – the gurgle and hiss of steam from the coffee maker – the shrill of a hot kettle – and the clattering of coffee mugs, teaspoons, and side plates – the presence of life and joviality in my home without me. My husband with another woman. A woman way younger and more intact than me.

  When I eventually made it to the kitchen, my fears were confirmed. Chloe was serving Elijah an award winning breakfast: bacon, scrambled eggs, toast, lettuce leaves with tomato slices, grilled cheese, muffins, fruits, and coffee that reported to my nose whilst at the door. I ogled at them at the table, laughing, joking about Leon’s aching tooth.

  “You’re back? I thought you canceled your short leave,” Elijah said.

  Chloe dashed to the sink and began rinsing the dishes. Elijah glanced at her then at me, frustrated and angry.

  I neither responded nor greeted them. “Here is the rent money. You can pay her back.” I dropped it next to his award winning breakfast, feeling an award winning measure of satisfaction.

  I was grossly relieved I would not spend another day and night in a house rented by another woman. Chloe for that matter. However, the satisfaction wasn’t as fulfilling as I had fantasized. It brought some form of guilt with it. Unfortunately, I couldn’t ignore the guilt and entertain the satisfaction only. It was all jumbled up. I was jumbled up inside. The guilt implied revenge, yet, I wasn’t revenging. I was only protecting my husband and family. Life taught me to protect my own like a polar bear. If I was revenging then I would have shoved the money into her bra or threw it at her face.

  Elijah gazed at my face, frowning. Instantly, the jovial mood in the kitchen was
replaced by a strong torrent of tension. Chloe didn’t turn, she concentrated on the dishes more than ever. And she made sure they produced zero sound. It was only the fan that hummed over our heads and the television voices in the living room that stopped them from hearing my heart pounding strongly inside me.

  The guilt whacked me in the face again. The poor girl had bailed us out of a mess caused by my stunts, but here I was hurting her feelings, making her even regret why she helped us. I tapped my thigh.

  When the golden rule that you have to “Do unto others as you would have them do to you,” came to mind I was ashamed and shattered. The guilt squeezed my heart pitilessly. I dashed to the bedroom feeling like a witch.

  Elijah followed me after a few seconds.

  “I’m confused. What’s going on, G? Where did you get the money from so early in the morning? Why did you even go through the trouble to get it?”

  I stopped unbuttoning my blouse. “You said we can’t fire her because we owe her rent money. Now since I have given you the money to pay her, I guess you can fire her.”

  Elijah’s eyes swelled like balloons. “What?” He screamed.

  I didn’t blame him – I was also shocked I said that. I was shocked I managed to harden my fragile heart like that. But the guilt never let go. It became stronger instead. I wondered how Mila managed to ignore the guilt and hit the road running after such episodes.

  His head tilted. “On what grounds are you gonna fire her? She has done nothing wrong.”

  I fixed my eyes on him. “I can’t believe this. On what grounds?”

  “Yes. On what grounds? Why?”

  “On the grounds that she is here to steal my man in front of my very eyes. I cannot let her do that.” I went to the bathroom for a shower, leaving him iced up, laughing in disbelief and murmuring to himself.