Emotions Series 03 Forgotten Emotions Read online

  "Me too. I'm going to go find out what happened. I want you to put a guard on the hall so he won't be disturbed until I find out more."

  "A guard?"

  "Well he's sleeping peacefully, I don't see the necessity of waking him yet. Let him sleep."

  Chakotay nodded and the Captain left to find Harry.

  Harry and Alera heard the annunciator alarm sound and quickly bade that the person enter. Harry hoped that it was Tom. Ever since Tom left Sandrine's he had been worried about him.

  The Captain came into the cabin and Harry's face dropped. Not that he didn't like to see her but she wasn't the one that was lost. The Captain explained what she and the First Officer had found and Harry told her what had happened in Sandrine's, and Alera related to the Captain the feelings she was sensing from Tom and the advice she had given Harry.

  "So this is how he feels?" Janeway asked.

  "Yes and I can't exactly tell you why but he has to be left alone. He has to find his memories on his own. He has to be forced to make his own decisions. To decide for himself where he will go and what he must do.

  "But he doesn't even had a commbadge on him. What if we need to speak with him, to find him?" Harry asked reflecting the Captain's own concerns.

  "I'm sure that he'll be fine. But just in case I'll authorize you to keep a low level cellular scan running on him, just to make sure. And let me know immediately if you get any readings that are unusual.

  "Aye, aye, Captain," Harry said.

  Tom woke up very, very early in the morning. Upon hearing him stir, the two guard quietly slipped away as they had been ordered.

  He looked down at his still bloody hand, he flexed it, and winced at the pain. He had to take care of this. He would to go to Sickbay and see that Doctor. The Doctor could help him. But where was he? And where was Sickbay?

  In the wee hours of the morning with no one around to ask, it took several tries to find the exact floor and corridor but finally he found his way to Sickbay. He walked through the door and looked around. Sickbay was dark.

  "Doctor?" Tom said.

  The Doctor materialized behind him. "What seems to be the nature of this medical emergency? Tom spun around to face the Doctor. "Oh, Mr. Paris, what can I do for you."

  "I . . . ah . . . need some help, Doctor." Tom said showing him his hand.

  "Yes, I see," the EMH said. He reached for his ever-handy dermal regenerator and began to wave it over Tom's hand. "How did this happen?"

  "I . . .I . . ."

  "Well what happened?"

  "Well, I punched a wall," Tom said, his head lowered in a soft voice. He waited to be reprimanded.

  The Doctor's eyebrows raised in surprise and he smiled. "You did?"

  "I'm sorry, Doctor."

  "No problem Mr. Paris. I'll have this fixed in just a moment." The EMH hummed an aria to himself as the regenerator did its job. Maybe he was getting better, the EMH mused, he actually displayed some emotion. While the Doctor continued to work on the hand, Tom's mind drifted. He recalled a moment when he had sat by one of the biobeds and B'Elanna, he thought it was B'Elanna, lay on it. He somehow knew it was B'Elanna but it didn't quite look like her. There were no ridges on her forehead, it was smooth.

  ". . . Mr. Paris," the Doctor said. "Mr. Paris we are done you can leave now."

  Tom came back to the present and looked quizzically at the Doctor. "B'Elanna, she was in Sickbay once. On this biobed?" he asked.

  "Of course she was, a number of times. Why I can recall exactly twenty-nine separate occasions, everything ranging from a twisted ankle to . . ."

  "But was there ever a time when she looked different?"

  "Different?"

  Tom looked confused and rubbed his forehead. "Umm . . . when she didn't have the . . . a. . . ridges?"

  "Are you remembering something, Lieutenant?"

  "Maybe...well did she?"

  "Yes she did. It was an incident that happened during our first year of the Voyage. . ." The Doctor explained what had happened when B'Elanna had been split into two and how he had to reintegrate her Klingon DNA back into her system.

  "And was I here with her? In Sickbay?"

  The Doctor reviewed his memory banks. "Yes, you were. In fact, you wouldn't leave her side until the Captain had to order you to leave. You were very worried about her."

  "I see."

  "I think this is a good sign, Mr. Paris. You are starting to remember."

  "I hope so, but it is still so intangible."

  "It will come, just don't force it. Now is there anything else you need?"

  "No, Doctor and thank you."

  "You're welcome."

  The EMH deactivated himself and Tom left sickbay. It was still early in the morning. What should he do? Where should he go? He didn't know. Other people had been making those decisions for him for a long time. Maybe he'd try and find the mess hall, after all he was pretty hungry, he didn't recall eating the night before just having a beer with Harry.

  Tom took a right turn down the corridor and went in search of the mess hall and food. He transverses quite a bit of the ship and when he came across a door that was labeled Shuttlebay Two. He went inside, if felt natural.

  Inside the Shuttlebay, several shuttles where lined up ranging in size from the largest to the smallest.

  "Good morning, Lieutenant," Nelson, the on-duty officer, piped up upon seeing Paris. "Can I help you?"

  Tom turned when the officer spoke. Being called Lieutenant still made him feel uncomfortable.

  "Would you like to see one of the shuttles?"

  Tom nodded. "Yes. Do you think I could?"

  "Of course. How about the Chamberlain? It was always one of your favorites."

  Tom followed the young ensign over to the shuttlecraft. Nelson opened the hatch and Tom peered in.

  "Go on in," he suggested.

  Tom looked at him and then climbed inside, Nelson followed.

  Tom eyes took in every little detail, from the configuration of the seats to the panels that lined the sides of the craft, but what really caught his attention was the controls at the helm.

  Seeing what he was interested in, Nelson spoke up. "Why don't you have a seat up front?" he asked.

  "Is it all right?"

  "Of course it is."

  Tom eased himself down into the seat at the helm and lightly touched the controls with his fingertips. Nelson sat behind him quietly, hoping that this would help the Chief Pilot regain his memories. It was a crying shame that he couldn't remember how to fly, Nelson mused.

  "What does this button do?" Tom asked the younger man.

  Nelson grasped the opportunity. "What do you think it does?"

  "Ummm . . . " Tom thought and from the depths of his mind came the answer. "It purges the exhaust manifold?"

  Nelson grinned. "Yes. That's exactly what it does."

  Tom smiled back. He was remembering.

  Nelson decided to quiz him, and pointed to another button. "And this one, Tom. What does this one do?"

  "It's the button you press to engage the force field?" he replied.

  "Two for two. You're doing great!! How about one more? What's this one?" Nelson asked pointing to a large yellow button to the pilot's left.

  Tom thought. Yellow button, yellow button. He shook his head. "I'm sorry, I don't know."

  "Hey, that's okay Tom, you did just great!!" Nelson said slightly disappointed that he hadn't recognized the main control for the stabilizers.

  Tom too seemed disappointed and angry with himself. "Can I come back again some time?"

  "Any time. Any time at all. You just ask for Nelson, that's me, and I'll be glad to show you around. Maybe we could play Name-the-Buttons again. Okay?"

  "Okay. Thank you. Ahh, Nelson?"

  "Yes, Tom. What can I do for you?"

  "Could you tell me how to get to the mess hall?"

  "Sure no problem."

  Tom could hear the clanging and clashing of metal on metal when he finally walk
ed through the doors into the empty mess hall. He had been here before with B'Elanna and with Harry so he was somewhat familiar with the layout. Following the sound of the noise, he found the little man who ran the place sitting on the floor of his kitchen and his head inside a cupboard. Every once in a while his arm would fly out and a pot or pan would go sailing across the room. What was his name? Surely he had heard B'Elanna talk to him a few times and mention him by name? What was it? Nelox? Neelix? Yes, that was it. It was Neelix wasn't it?

  "Umm, Neelix are you all right?" Tom asked wisely staying out of the way of the culinary projectiles.

  "What, what was that?" the little Talaxian asked his head still inside the cupboard.

  "I asked if you were all right?" Tom repeated.

  Neelix pulled himself out of the cupboard and was surprised to see his ol' friend Tom Paris standing at the far end of his kitchen. How odd, he through, to see him here in his kitchen alone, especially at this time of night.

  "Oh Tom, my friend! Yes I'm fine, I'm just looking for the green seed extractor. It's about this long," Neelix explained holding his hands about six inches apart. "I know I had it last week, but I just can't seem to find it. "

  His tall friend looked around and spotted the seeder on a self above the stove. He reached up and brought it down. "Is this it?"

  "By all of the Talaxian dragons. Yes it is. Thank you!! I can't make Jalenso porridge without it!"

  Neelix started to pick up and pots and pans that he had thrown. Tom bent down and help him. Soon everything was back where it belonged.

  "So Tom, why are you here?" Neelix asked.

  "I didn't have anything to eat last night, and I was . . . ."

  "You're hungry?" the Talaxian interrupted.

  Tom nodded.

  "Well let's see what we've got," Neelix said and opened to door to his pantry. "How about leola root stew? No. Not that. Um, I've got Goteans cheese souffle? No, that's not right either. I know I think I have just the thing in the back of the . . . .yes here it is. Just the thing." Neelix turned around proudly holding up two containers. "Peanut butter and grape jelly!"

  "Really?"

  "Really, Tom. I've been saving them just in case." Neelix got down some bread and slathered on the peanut butter and jelly onto it. "I believed you told me one time that this was comfort food. Neelix looked up at the bewildered pilot with a huge grin which faded slightly. "And I can't imagine anyone that needs more comforting than you right now. In fact, maybe I'll have one with you, I'll even replicate you some milk. Would you like some company?"

  "Please."

  Tom and the Talaxian sat down in the kitchen and ate. Tom recalled eating this food before. Sometime in the past he had told the little man that this was 'comfort food.' Yes, that described it quite well.

  Tom watched Neelix eat, watching the way the man would painfully swallow the bites of the sandwich and grimaced at the milk he used to wash it down.

  "You don't seem to like the food." Tom told him. "So why are you eating it?"

  "You needed the company," he replied.

  "The company. . . .A fool . . .needs . . .company," Tom said slowly, thoughtfully.

  Neelix swallowed the next bite with difficulty. "You're not a fool, Tom." he argued.

  "But you said that once? Didn't you?"

  "Well maybe, I don't remember."

  "But I do for a change. I remember you saying those words and the two of us crawling into some hole in the sand?" Tom shook his head. "That's crazy."

  "No, it's not, Tom. That did happen. We crawled into a hole just like that on Ocampa. And I do believe that I told Kes something like that. That you needed company." Neelix smiled broadly. "Tom, you've remembered something. That's wonderful!!"

  Tom had to admit that it was wonderful. It felt good to finally be remembering things.

  The days that followed were remarkably the same. Sometimes he slept in one of the alcoves off one of the corridors on the ship. Other times he'd sleep in the mess hall with Neelix's blessing. In return he would help the Talaxian clean up and prepare the food. He made many more trips to the shuttlebay and visited with Nelson. And of course he made sure to stop by and see Kyle and Lucas almost everyday. He could tell that they looked forward to seeing him, and he had to admit that he enjoyed the visits as well. And he also saw B'Elanna as often as he could. He missed being with her terribly. But as much as he wanted to come back and be with her, he knew that now was not the time.

  Chapter 12

  Daylia stared at her small gathering of her followers. It had taken two weeks to regain just ten of her former villagers. These ten, she knew were her most devoted. She had to smile they were also her best fighters.

  "Voyager will pay for taking Teryek away from me," she shouted as she paced before them. "I will get him back! I will get my village back!"

  The small camp erupted with cheers. They wanted to avenge their beloved leader's betrayal and banishment. They wanted to fight.

  Daylia smiled as her plans for vengeance came into being.

  ****

  Tom felt the whip as it smacked across his back. He cried out in pain as it cut into his flesh, but he refused to bend to their will. It would take more than a whipping to get him to obey. He had been through worse treatment than this and came out of it just fine. This would be no different.

  He heard a voice behind him telling the one with the whip to stop. Tom relaxed a little, but soon he was grabbed from behind and something was injected into his neck.

  Tom sat up on the floor, he was breathing heavily as his heart pounded in his chest. Looking around the room, he saw that it was dark. The pilot took a deep breath to try to calm himself. Trying to regain his composure, he attempted to find out where he was. He stood up and shook the rest of the dream away, then swayed as dizziness overcame him. Taking another deep breath, he moved his feet in an unknown direction.

  *Where am I?* Tom asked himself as he tried to recall. He knew he couldn't be in the Lady's bedroom. He would have bumped into her bed by now. He reached out with his hands as he walked blindly into a table. He moved his hands down and over the smooth surface. He then recalled the tables of the Mess Hall.

  *I'm in the Mess Hall. I must have wandered in here and fell asleep.*

  Tom then heard the doors to the mess open and close. He then heard a very familiar voice call for the lights. There was a gasp as the two stared at each other.

  "Tom, are you all right?" B'Elanna asked as she went to her husband.

  "I couldn't sleep, so I started wandering around the ship. I came in here and fell asleep, I guess."

  B'Elanna helped Tom sit in a chair. She then sat down across from him. He could see the worry in her eyes and somehow it warmed him. He was coming to trust this woman, but he didn't know if he could tell her about his visions.

  "Are you still having those nightmares?" B'Elanna asked him.

  "Yes. There always different. Sometimes, I'm with you and I'm being taken away. Other times, I'm being punished or drugged. There are other dreams that mix themselves with my nightmares. Sometimes, I'm in a cave, other times I'm being confined somewhere."

  Tom stared at B'Elanna, who was listening intently. She knew what he was talking about. He was remembering his experiences with those horrid people. The others could be memories of his previous life, but she wasn't certain. She didn't want to get her hopes up.

  "It's okay, Tom," she whispered as she reached across the table and took his hand in hers, "There just dreams. I'm here for you whenever you need to talk."

  Tom smiled at her and she returned it. She then was reminded of why she came to the Mess Hall in the first place.

  "I guess my stomach was trying to tell me something," she said, getting up from the table, "Do you want anything?"

  Tom nodded, "I'll have whatever you're having."

  B'Elanna nodded and went to find the leftovers.

  *****

  The next morning, Tom woke in another alcove. As he had the previous nights,
he had wandered the ship after B'Elanna had left. Sometimes it felt like he didn't belong on this ship at all. He quickly got up off the floor before someone saw him, he didn't want to be caught again like last time. He was still having nightmares and could only fall into a peaceful sleep when he slept slept alone, usually in a quiet alcove. He had no idea why. Maybe it was some buried memory that was trying to resurface.