July 19 Read online

  He smiled “It is a good distraction. It’s funny, I ended up with a lot of responsibility, which I’m not sure is a total coincidence to be honest.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “I don’t know. I have a feeling that my aunt and uncle spoke to the school about keeping me busy, or the school figured out on their own that it would be a good way to help the kid who needed help. Either way, I’m grateful. I actually feel useful.”

  “Well, if it’s worth anything, I think the school needed you,” I said.

  “Thanks Aria. It’s good to talk to someone about it. I’m kind of alone in all of this.”

  “Anytime. I mean it. I won’t bug you with questions, but just know anytime you want to talk, I’m here.” I meant every word.

  “Thank you,” he simply replied with sincerity.

  He put the radio on and we both sat back, strangely comfortable, in silence, for the drive home. I walked into the house dreamily, with a penetrating feeling of happiness.

  Chapter 8

  The shallow part of the water was rocky as we made our way into the ocean together. He held my hand until we reached the sandbar and then he pulled me into him. My legs wrapped themselves around his waist. “You’re beautiful,” he said, “And you’re mine.” He gently kissed my nose, my cheeks, my eyelids, the corners of my mouth. “I never want summer to end,” I whispered in his ear.

  I shut off my alarm and stayed in bed for a while just staring at the ceiling and thinking about my dreams. They were coming more often. They were so vivid and romantic. My thoughts wandered to Owen. I pictured him doing his morning music show. After a quick shower, I put some thought into my outfit. Out came the vintage Rolling Stones shirt I’d gotten at a second-hand clothing store in Boston. Sarah got me into the Stones a couple years ago — her favorite band. I wondered if Owen was into them too. Wearing the shirt was one way to maybe find out without asking him.

  “I hear that you met Owen,” Caroline said to me at lunch.

  “Oh yeah I did. How do you know?” I asked, a bit concerned that my secret crush was not going to be a secret much longer.

  “I saw him this morning and he said that he met my friend Aria in a class and she’s really nice.”

  “Aww, that’s so sweet. I guess he’s seen us together,” I suggested.

  She asked. “So, what do you think of him?”

  I wasn’t quite ready to confess my not so mild attraction to Owen. “He seems really nice, yeah, he’s cool,” I said.

  “Who is?” Dani asked, as she walked up to join us.

  “We were just talking about Owen. I met him in my World Religion class,” I said.

  “Oh, that’s nice. I still haven’t met him yet. You can introduce me one of these days,” she said.

  “Oh hey, while I’m thinking about it, will you guys buy tickets for Talent Night, this Friday, they’re only five bucks.”

  “Sure,” I said, immediately. It was another great opportunity to get some photos for the yearbook.

  I jumped out of my seat so quickly when math class ended, eager to get upstairs to see Owen. I had to slow myself down when I realized that I was power walking. I needed to chill. As I entered the classroom, I caught Owen’s eyes right away and watched as his eyes moved down to my Stones t-shirt and back up.

  He smiled and said, “Hi.”

  I did a little wave and said “Hi” back. I tried like hell to pay attention to Mr. Rauch and in all honesty, it was a really interesting class. We were learning about theories of how primitive people would have started religious rituals and beliefs in a god or gods. I made a big effort to not keep looking at Owen, even though I could feel him looking my way several times.

  “You like the Stones I see,” Owen said after class.

  “I’m a pretty big fan. How ‘bout you?” I asked.

  “Me too. Big fan. Have you listened to their Black and Blue album?” he asked.

  “I’m not sure...what songs are on it?”

  “Maybe you know Fool to Cry, or Memory Motel?” he said.

  “I think I know Fool to Cry, but I’m not sure about the other one,” I said.

  “Well it’s not their typical sound. Want to hear it?” he asked.

  I knew I was blushing. “What, right now?” I asked. “Yeah. If you’ve got other stuff to do, we can do it some other time….”

  “No, no, now is good. Let’s do it.” I said.

  I was beyond happy with my shirt selection. My master plan was playing out better than I ever expected. He took me to the little room where he does the school’s morning show and we sat down side by side to listen. As we both put on headphones, the music was loud in our ears. I felt myself quivering with butterflies. The combination of the music and our proximity was almost too much to take. I could barely breathe.

  “So, what do you think?” Owen asked when the music stopped. Reaching over to remove my headphones, his hand brushed my ear and sent shivers through me. He looked at me intensely and I could tell he felt something too.

  “It’s great,” was all I could manage to say.

  Owen put the headphones back on the table and sat down again. “I’m glad you liked the songs.” His mood shifted, and I could tell something distracted him from our attraction. “My mom actually introduced them to me. She was a huge Stones fan, went to at least four or five of their concerts. I have all their vinyl, which was hers,” he said. We both went silent. I looked at him. He was looking down.

  “Are you okay, Owen?”

  “Yeah, it catches me sometimes,” he said.

  “Of course. It must be so hard for you.” He looked up at me and smiled lightly, “It’s really hard, but I’m doing my best to not be in a dark place. They’d want me to be happy. I want to be happy again… C’mon, let me give you a ride home,” he said, offering his hand to pull me up out of my chair.

  “Can I get your number?” he asked when we pulled into my driveway.

  “Sure, let me have your phone and I’ll add it. Send me a text and I will have yours,” I replied.

  He handed me his phone.

  “I bought a ticket to the talent show. Are you planning to go?” I asked, as I added my number and handed him back his phone.

  “I am going. I’m actually performing in it,” he laughed, putting his hand over his face.

  “Really! What are you doing for it?”

  “I’m playing acoustic guitar with Elijah and he’s singing the song ‘Brandy’ from the seventies. It’s by the band Looking Glass,” he said.

  “No way! How long have you been playing guitar for?”

  “It’s been like four years. I took lessons for a couple, and then taught myself after that. I’ve never performed in public, so it should be interesting,” he said, rolling his eyes.

  “I’m quite sure you’ll be great,” I said, as I unbuckled my seatbelt.

  “If you say so,” he replied.

  I opened the car door to get out and turned my head back to thank him for the ride.

  “See you tomorrow,” he said, “have a good night.”

  With a pounding heart, I waved goodbye to him before I went into my house.

  I quickly took my jacket and boots off and ran upstairs to my room. As I listened to “Brandy” my phone pinged with a message “now you have my number too,” it said simply. I wrestled with what to write back. I simply replied, “perfect :),” not wanting to rush anything, I decided to leave it at that.

  We were out on the sunny deck in our bathing suits waiting for our food. He held my hand. Red Hot Chili Peppers, Scar Tissue, was playing. We mouthed the words together. When they called our number, he got up to get our cheeseburgers. I watched him walk away — my eyes glued to his beautiful toned and tanned back. He smiled broadly at me on his way back to our table.

  As usual, I woke up wondering about this idyllic place in my dreams. I especially wanted to be in my dream when I looked outside at the falling snow. I pulled out the serious winter boots for the walk to s
chool. There was no time to think about perfect outfits, only warmth. As I ran down the stairs with my stuff I heard my dad say, “Aria I’m going in late. If you’d like I can give you a ride to school.”

  “Ah yes, I’d love a ride dad! Best way to start the day! Thanks!” I said.

  Near the end of third period, an announcement was made that the last period of the day was being cancelled because of the weather. A cheer erupted in the class, but not by me. That meant no class with Owen. About five minutes later, my phone vibrated. It was a text from Owen. My heart raced. It said, “I’d be happy to give you a ride home.”

  “Aww thanks! That would be great!” I sent back.

  “Meet me in 10 min at the side door by the parking lot?” he replied.

  “See you then!” I would get to see him after all! Second best news of the day!

  “You’re so sweet Owen. Thanks for offering me a ride,” I said as I approached him.

  “Oh, it’s no problem. I’m going to Elijah’s after school to practice for the show and he lives right around the corner from you. Actually, he’ll be joining us in any minute.”

  “Okay great,” I said, but thinking I totally would have preferred to have Owen all to myself.

  Caroline texted me, just as I walked into the house. “What’s going on with you and Owen? I saw you getting into his car,” she wrote.

  “We’re just friends. He dropped me off on his way to Elijah’s,” I texted back.

  “Nice nice. Any feelings for him?” she probed.

  “Maybe. I don’t know yet.” I said. That was a lie. I had feelings for him.

  “But you’re open to it?’ she asked. “Yeah I think so,” I replied. I hoped she would leave it at that and she did.

  Dani had Caroline and I over after school the next day. We were going to get ready for the talent show and have some dinner. As we were dancing around and singing in her bedroom, I had a deja-vu. I felt like I was in one of my dreams, hanging out with my girlfriends who came to life in my mind when I slept. The warmth, the laughter, it was all so strangely reminiscent of a different time and place. Oblivious to how I was feeling, Dani and Caroline were looking at me like I was having an out of body experience. Maybe I was.

  “So how is it going with Owen?” Dani asked me, apparently trying to figure out what was on my mind.

  “We’re just friends,” I said. “Caroline, did you tell Dani that Owen gave me a ride?” I asked.

  “Of course I did,” she said laughing.

  “Really!?” I said.

  “Yes really. You think we don’t know that something is going on with you?” Caroline said.

  “It’s just a little something guys. Nothing big,” I felt my cheeks get warm, “He’s super sweet though.”

  They gave one another a knowing look.

  Dani’s dad dropped us off at school after dinner. It was already busy at the auditorium door.

  I texted “Good luck!” to Owen, hoping he’d get it.

  Owen texted back, “I’ll be looking for you and your beautiful smile in the crowd.”

  I was dying. Truly, simply, dead.

  I got my tripod set up to film some of the performances. The auditorium was filling up, including the balcony. Owen and Elijah performed second to last and their cover sounded so much like the original. The audience started clapping along about halfway through the song. Owen looked up in astonishment at the reaction of the crowd. His eyes quickly scanned the crowd and settled on me; his gaze deepened as the song continued. The audience cheered and whistled when the song ended. Owen and Elijah took their modest bows and waved as they left the stage.

  When the show ended, I went to my locker to lock up my camera. There was a reception set up in the school library after the show and as I walked in, Owen started walking toward me. “I was afraid you weren’t coming,” he said, brushing my hair off my face.

  I smiled, my cheeks flushed, “I just needed to lock up my camera first.”

  “I’m relieved. I want to spend more time with you.” he said in such an attractive, self-assured, sweep me off my feet kind of way.

  “That’s good with me,” I said, looking straight into his eyes. “You guys were really amazing. Do you ever sing?”

  “I do, but mostly when I’m alone. I’ve sung a little bit with Elijah,” he said.

  “Is it that you’re shy to sing?” I asked.

  “Could be, I’m not that confident with my vocal abilities. I’ve put most of my effort into learning to play guitar.”

  “Well if you ever want an audience for your singing, I’d be happy to listen,” I offered.

  He laughed and said, “You’re a kind soul, but a true friend would have to be honest with me. If I suck at singing, you’d have to tell me that I do.”

  I smirked. “I could be up for that challenge.”

  He smiled back at me, dimples deepening as he leaned over and whispered, “you’re so pretty” in my ear.

  Stunned, I thought surely he could hear my heart beating out of my chest. And then he did it. He slipped his hand together with mine. It was a sensation like I’ve never felt before. Feeling his hand sent electricity through my entire body. Just then, Elijah walked toward us, Owen squeezed my hand, let go of it, and got up to greet him with a “guy hug”. I watched in awe of this perfect being. All I could think was, where did you come from?!

  The campfire was roaring. We were all seated around roasting marshmallows and making s’mores. Making a gooey mess, we laughed uncontrollably. He sat with his guitar watching me and smiling. He was playing Brandy.

  Opening my eyes, I realized that I was still hearing “Brandy” in my head — the song Owen played only a few hours before. My two worlds felt like they were colliding. For the first time, and in the strangest way, my dream made no sense, and perfect sense, all at the same time.

  “I took some pics of Owen from the talent show. I’m sending them now,” I said to Sarah as my ‘hello’.

  “Good morning to you too.” It sounded like I woke her.

  “Did you get them yet?” I ignored her sarcasm.

  “Wait a sec. Yep. Uh-huh, okay, I get it. Wow he’s hot.” I could almost see her nodding her head as she said that.

  “He’s so much more than hot. Trust me.”

  “Was he any good on guitar?”

  “Really good! You’d never know he’s mostly self-taught.” I said.

  “Impressive!”

  “It was a great night. After the show we were talking, and he told me that I’m pretty.” I blushed when I said that out loud to her.

  “I’m dying,” she said, suddenly awake.

  “I know!”

  “Well, it sounds mutual...That’s amazing!”

  “It feels amazing. Like crazy good. The strangest thing is that I feel like I’ve known him forever. It feels natural and effortless. We just totally click. I’ve never felt like this before. With anybody! Certainly not Jake.”

  “Wow! He just shows up at your school and it’s like he’s your soulmate who came to find you.”

  “Exactly,” I couldn’t have put it better myself.

  “So, is he your boyfriend?”

  “No, no. Nothing like that. We just met - we’re hanging out a bit and talking. That’s it.”

  “For now,” she said.

  “Yes, for now. I’m in no rush — I’m just loving how it’s going.”

  “That’s awesome.”

  “Hey Sarah, I know I mentioned this to you before, but I feel like I need to talk about it...”

  “Sure, what’s up?”

  “My dreams. I’m still having them. The same ones. The same people...the same places...the same feelings. It’s kinda weird. No one dreams like this, do they?”

  “Honestly, I’ve never heard of it. Have you told Mom and Dad?” she asked.

  “No. Not really.” I said.

  “Why not?”

  “I guess ‘cause the dreams aren’t bad and they’re not hurting me or anyone else. And honestly
, I don’t want them to stop,” I confessed.

  “Well, just because it’s not normal, doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing,” she said hoping to comfort me.

  “That’s what I figured. It actually feels like a good thing. I’m just not used to having such beautiful dreams...this feels like something has changed in me and I don’t want to go back.”

  “Then don’t. It’s that simple,” she said, ending the discussion.

  We hung up and as always, I felt much better. The dreams were a part of me, and something I did not want to lose. Between the feelings I was having for Owen, and the dream world in my head at night, I was in a really good place for the first time in my life. It was hard to put into words, but I felt whole, and alive.

  Chapter 9

  Saturday, I spent most of the day painting. The series was coming along really well. I guess it wasn’t surprising that everything was flowing, given how balanced I was feeling. I was getting low on art supplies and made a trip to the store to restock. I could, and always do, spend hours in the art store. Truly, like a kid in a candy store. Coincidentally, Caroline was there too picking up some things for a school project, so we made plans for later that evening to hang out. Caroline is always fun to be around, but for whatever reason, I never really feel safe confiding in her. Instead, we talked about her boy crushes and other school gossip.

  Dani invited me to join her for a yoga class on Sunday, which I was hesitant about doing because it wasn’t really my thing. I endured the hour-long repetitions of asanas, reinforcing my belief that yoga is not for everyone. My body was mostly uncooperative with my efforts. For the last 20 minutes of class, however, we gave it a rest and did a meditation. The instructor had us sit cross-legged while we breathed deeply, slowly in and slowly out. Then she asked that we turn our attention to the subtle sounds of the mostly silent room. As I focused intensely on the sound of the radiator in the corner of the room, I found my mind drifting easily to the beach and the images of my friends who seemed like they were trying to talk to me. I found myself pulled between the sound of the radiator in the yoga studio, and the sound of their voices on the beach. It was amazing that my mind wouldn’t let go of either one. As the radiator started making a banging sound (the sound of air in the pipes), my friends seemed to start yelling to me. Both were getting louder and louder in my head. As a signal to end the meditation, the instructor slowly and rhythmically started beating a hand drum, which got progressively louder as she pulled each of us out of our meditative state. I opened my eyes realizing that I was able to go there, to the place in my dreams, while I was technically awake. It was like an epiphany. I thanked Dani for insisting I join her and told her I would like to join her the following week too.