July 19 Read online

  “I’m so sorry,” Caroline said.

  “What an asshole,” Dani said.

  The photo was taken that past weekend. I was stunned and hurt. “I feel so dumb. What did I think was going on at those parties? Pin the tail on the donkey?”

  When I finished my mini meltdown and my tears dried up, Dani asked, “What are you going to do?”

  “Ugh. I don’t even know, but obviously I’m going to end things with him. School will be hard, but I’ll try to avoid him in the halls for the next few weeks until the break.” I moaned.

  Before bed, I wrote a text to Jake and attached “the photo” with a message that simply read:

  “Don’t even try to explain yourself. It’s over.”

  Remarkably, I didn’t hesitate to end it. I guess I knew it was inevitable.

  He kissed me deeply and wouldn’t let go. Our bodies could not have been closer. I felt his tight curls in my hand. I felt his hand feeling me, moving up my leg and the side of my body, then rubbing my back…

  The knocking at my door startled me awake.

  “Aria honey...I’ve been calling you,” my mom said.

  “Mom, come in,” I replied, aware that my heart was pounding. I rubbed my eyes.

  She opened the door. “Sorry to wake you. You’re going to be late for school. I guess you were in a deep sleep because you didn’t hear me calling,” she said.

  “Yeah I guess so,” I said, “I’ll come down in a few minutes, thanks.”

  I caught my breath and gathered myself. And then I remembered what had happened last night with Jake. We were done. But my dreams had returned. I knew all was going to be okay.

  Part Two

  CHAPTER 7

  The walk to school felt particularly cold and long that day — the first day back after the two-week winter break. Perhaps it was the dread of seeing Jake again. Or perhaps it was the anticipation of having to talk about how I was doing with my well-meaning friends. The truth is, I was totally fine. I just wasn’t looking forward to being forced to think about it anymore.

  My schedule in second semester was fairly light. With a first period spare, the rest of the day was comprised of english, math, and a course in world religions. I got to sleep in late, but that meant missing the morning ritual at school. Dani would be lost without our morning banter, and I would be bummed to miss the morning music program, but overall, I was ecstatic not to have to drag my ass out of bed so early during the coldest days of the year.

  I managed to get through the morning without seeing anyone I knew. Lunch in the fort was a different story. None of my friends picked up on the fact that I was completely NOT interested in talking about anything to do with Jake, my winter break, or anything else for that matter. I was in a bit of a funk and I was just not in the mood for the whole gossipy social scene. Eventually, mercifully, the conversation turned to the others, and I was able to tune them all out, finish eating, and get to math class.

  Math class was unbelievably boring. I sat next to a girl from last semester’s art class. We both doodled endlessly while Mr. Armstrong droned on and on about his expectations, and about the curriculum. After handing out the course outline and the functions textbook, he concluded his monologue and we were excused.

  Heading up to my World Religions class, I realized that I had never had a class on the third floor of our school before — there was a good reason for that — there was only one classroom up there, it appeared. I walked into room 301 completely disoriented. This classroom was set up differently than any other classroom I had ever been in. Rather than traditional rows of desks, with the teacher’s table at the front, this room was set up more like a corporate boardroom with one large table with 12 chairs around it. The teacher, Mr. Rauch, was a slight, elderly man with wild grey hair and a full white beard seated at the head of the table.

  He looked up when I walked in and said, “Welcome! Please come have a seat. We will be a small group.”

  “Apparently,” I said, raising my eyebrows, curious and a bit concerned about how intimate this was going to be.

  “It will be fun.” Mr. Rauch beamed while greeting the others who were just walking in, “Welcome,” he repeated again and again to each person who walked in. I sat down as far from the teacher as possible. As the others sat down, they filled in the space in between. At that point, there appeared to be nine students in this class. Intimate to say the least. Just as Mr. Rauch was about to take attendance, the door opened and one more student walked in.

  “Sorry I’m late,” he said as he walked across the room and headed toward the boardroom table. The room was quiet. “I was helping Mr. Conley in the office with a computer problem. Here’s my late slip…” He handed the slip to the teacher before sitting down in the empty chair opposite me.

  “Well, that seems like a good excuse to be late…” Mr. Rauch glanced at the late slip, and reading the name said “…Mr. Tate.”

  Mr. Tate.

  Owen Tate.

  Mysterious music guy.

  How was it that I had never laid eyes on him before?

  Owen, with his thick dirty blonde hair and close-set blue eyes, and strong jawline was truly the sexiest guy I had ever laid eyes on. He was cool and mature looking, unlike any guy my age I’d ever met. And there was something more — something about him was magnetic. I looked around to see if anyone else could feel it too. Alas, everyone was listening to Mr. Rauch who had clearly started teaching, unbeknownst to me. I caught my breath and tried to focus on what was being said, but my ears were ringing, and my heart was racing. I looked at Owen again; this time his eyes caught mine and we sat looking into one another’s eyes for a long, crazy moment. As we both averted our eyes to look at the teacher, I still felt the unexplainable energy of his presence.

  I left the class with a course outline and an empty notebook. I didn't hear a word that Mr. Rauch said the entire class. Instead, the class was just an exercise in self-control. I just kept repeating in my head, don’t look at Owen. Don’t look at Owen. As soon as the bell rang, indicating the end of the school day, I grabbed my things and hurried out the door before anyone else. What happened in there? Why was my heart leaping out of my chest? Why is my head spinning?

  Sarah, I thought to myself, I need to talk to Sarah. I walked home alone, not feeling the cold this time. Arriving at my empty house, I immediately called her on speaker as I removed my backpack, coat, boots, gloves, hat and sunglasses.

  “Hey you,” she answered immediately.

  “Hey. Is this a good time? I need to talk,” I said, stressing the word ‘need’.

  “Ya sure, what’s up?”

  “I’m not sure. I’m just kinda freaking out,” I was talking a little too quickly. “I had World Religions last period and I was just sitting there and this guy Owen walked in, who does the morning music program after the announcements, and he just moved here ‘cause his parents died, and…”

  Sarah stopped me, “Aria, just stop a minute, you’re hyper-ventilating and I have no idea what you're talking about! Slow down and start over!”

  I took a deep breath and the second time around, told her all the relevant information, leaving out all of the details she really didn't need to know.

  “So,” she said, “you’re crushing on a guy in a class. Is that what you’re telling me?”

  “Well, I wouldn't exactly call it ‘crushing’. I’m having like a very intense attraction to him, yes,” I said more calmly.

  “And, you’re concerned because…?” she was hoping I would finish the sentence with some clarification, but I couldn’t.

  “I don’t know if I’m concerned. I’m just freaking out because it was weird. My attraction to him was weird. It was strong and weird.” I realized as I said it out loud how strange the whole thing sounded.

  “Okay, well how about you not analyze it to death and just enjoy having a hot guy in your class?” she suggested.

  I took another deep breath, realizing that she was right, and I was being ove
rly dramatic. “You’re right. It’s just…” I stopped myself from going back there again, “Never mind, you’re right.”

  We talked a little bit longer before saying goodbye. The conversation definitely helped. Not because of anything Sarah said, but just to say it out loud. I had needed to clear my head before I could focus on the homework that I needed to get done for the next day. After writing a few paragraphs for english class, I sat down to dinner with my parents, mostly in silence, and again lost in my thoughts.

  The sand was warm under my feet as I stood, shaking the sand off my beach towel. As I placed it back on the sand my two friends came to sit on either side of me. We continued to watch the boys playing frisbee at the water’s edge. The Foo Fighters’ Everlong was playing on the boombox. Just then, he stopped the game and walked towards me smiling. As he got close, he dropped to the sand and crawled up to me on all fours to kiss me on the lips. His wet curl tickled my face. “Thanks,” he said, “I needed that,” before heading back to resume his game. My heart pounded in love.

  As I got dressed for school, I was mentally planning my day. I decided that I would start on the new canvas after school. I had the frisbee dream a few times and the images needed to come out. I would download “Everlong”, the song from my dream, and listen to it as I painted. The boys’ faces were clear and familiar to me now and painting them would be fun. Their tanned bodies and sun-kissed faces would help lift me out of my winter blues.

  Day two of second semester started very differently than the first. I realized that I was not thinking about Jake at all. More remarkably, I was feeling nothing about Jake either. The only thing on my mind was Owen and the anticipation of seeing him again. Happily, the day flew by and before I knew it, I was taking the stairs up, two at a time, to get up to my last class of the day. As I walked into the classroom, Owen was sitting exactly where I last saw him.

  Owen looked up, met my eyes, and said “Hi.”

  “Hi,” I said as I took the seat opposite him and opened my binder.

  “Your name is Aria, right?”

  “Yep, and I know your name from the morning music program…”

  “Famous, am I?” he mocked.

  “Well, maybe just North Brookline High famous,” I joked.

  “Well, I’ll take it. That’s probably as good as it’s gonna get for me,” he smiled.

  I smiled back, as the rest of the students all sat down. Owen and I both looked at one another as Mr. Rauch started speaking, before turning our heads to pay attention.

  The course was going to be very interesting. We would be covering principles of the world religions: Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, and a few others. Raised Catholic, I had quite a bit of knowledge about Christianity, but anything I knew of any other religion was information from friends or the media. This course would emphasize the differences and the similarities to be found between the different faiths. My only concern was how I would be able to concentrate with Owen sitting across from me. The distraction was ridiculous.

  After the class ended, Owen and I stood up at the same time.

  “By the way, you’re famous for good reason,” I said.

  He smiled, and curiously asked, “Why’s that?”

  “You have damn good taste in music,” I was finally able to tell him.

  “You think?”

  “Yes, I think. I pretty much love everything you play.” I was surprising myself at how easy it was to be honest and flirty with him.

  “Good to know. But now I feel pressure to get it right all the time.”

  “No pressure…I have a first period spare this semester, so I won’t even hear your program anymore, so you can play all the shitty music you want now.” I smiled coyly.

  “Never. Only the finest for North Brookline High.”

  “Cool,” I said, looking over at him and feeling like I didn’t want this conversation to end.

  “So where are you headed now?” he asked.

  “Heading home to work on a painting.”

  “You’re taking art this semester?”

  “Oh no, I did last semester. This is work I’m doing for myself. Well, actually, for an exhibit at my mom’s gallery.” I clarified.

  “Wow, you must be good!”

  “I don’t know how good I am, but I like painting, and my mom thinks I’ve got some talent, so yeah…”

  “I want to hear more but I’m going to catch the basketball practice now,” he said as he pointed towards the school gym.

  “I’ll see you there tomorrow after school, if you’re going again. I’m on yearbook and I’ll be photographing the game,” I said, hoping he would bite.

  “Sure, see ya later,” he said, which sounded somewhat positive, yet noncommittal.

  Good enough, I thought. There was hope that we could spend more time together tomorrow after school. I walked home on a high.

  The sun was in my eyes when I rolled over on my towel. He was lying beside me on his towel and when he heard me stir, he reached over and grabbed my hand. We were taking in the sun, lying peacefully with the sound of the waves crashing beside us. In the distance, I heard the seagulls and the sound of our friends splashing in the water. He said, “I love you,” and without a moment’s hesitation I told him, “I love you too.”

  Sarah McLachlan came on the radio and I started swaying to “I will remember you,” as I got dressed for school. The song was really getting to me; goosebumps covered my arms. It amazed me how music can bring emotions right to the surface instantly. For some reason, that song made me think of my dreams. By visiting the same place all the time I felt like I was remembering, not just dreaming. These dreams were intimate and meaningful to me. I was also filled with excitement and anticipation. I never felt so pleased to have the same class every day. I would get to see Owen every single day and that enlivened me.

  I made the conscious decision not to tell any of my friends about Owen. This felt different than any other crush I’ve ever had, and I wanted this for myself. I didn’t want to turn it into one of the many subjects we covered during lunch or in our after school or evening chats. Besides, if I couldn’t get Sarah to understand the intensity of my immediate reaction to him, how could I get my friends to understand it?

  I brought my camera equipment up to religion class with me, so I could go straight to the gym after school without having to stop at my locker. The truth was, if Owen was going to be walking with me, I didn’t want to have to break our stride and make any stops. As planned — and hoped — we walked together after class, talking constantly, straight to the gym. I found my spot and set up my tripod. Owen excused himself to go to the sound booth. I didn’t realize he was also responsible for the music at the games. I watched him walk away, and I watched him turn around to look at me, smiling, before he disappeared around the corner and out of sight. I realized I was holding my breath.

  The speaker crackled, and the teams were announced. And to get the crowd pumped, the music started. My head started spinning as “Everlong” was blaring in the speakers over my head. I shut my eyes, trying desperately to figure out if I was dreaming or if I was in fact standing here listening to the same song from my frisbee dream — not exactly a popular song anymore... Owen chose “Everlong” to play just a couple of nights after hearing it in my dream! How does this keep happening? Am I clairvoyant? Do I hear things before they are going to happen?

  Owen returned to sit with me when the game started. “I’m back,” he said as he slid onto the bench next to me.

  “Another great song choice,” I said, teasing him, hoping he would say something that would help me understand the coincidence.

  “Yeah, it’s a fun, cool song for getting the crowd going. But truthfully I also like some of the lyrics.” He looked into my eyes as if he was trying to tell me something more. The song seemed to be about love and connection, but I understood what he was saying. For me, the song was about the feelings you want to last forever. It was the feeling I had in my dreams, a
nd the start of the feelings I was having being with Owen.

  During the game, I spotted Jake in the stands, sitting with his friends. At first it almost startled me to see him, and then I smiled to myself feeling like some things are not meant to be. Perhaps it was just a science experiment for us both. He was back where he belonged, it seemed. And, I was perhaps finding where I, too, belonged.

  After the game, Owen offered to drive me home. I packed up my bag and walked with him out to the parking lot. He opened the passenger door of his Jeep Wrangler and helped me in.

  “This is my favorite car,” I said as he backed out of the space, “I bet it’s great with the top down in the summer.”

  “I actually don’t know yet. I just got it,” he said solemnly.

  For a moment, I forgot. I forgot about the tragic story I heard about Owen. There was such a disconnection between this well-adjusted person from my class, and the person whose life has been turned upside down. Clearly, everything had changed for him, not just the car he drove. Before I could think of what to say next, Owen spoke again. “I’m not sure if you know about my whole story and why I started here this year…” he paused but before I could respond he continued, “My parents died in a car accident last summer.” He didn’t look at me; he just kept driving.

  “I did hear. And I’m so sorry, Owen.” I paused, “How are you doing? I mean, how are you handling everything?”

  “I guess I’m still kind of numb. The whole thing happened so quickly. I barely knew my aunt and uncle here, so coming to live with them has been a big adjustment. And it’s just me. I don’t have any brothers or sisters.”

  “Well it’s great that you’ve gotten so involved at school. Is it a good distraction?”