How to Ditch Your Fairy Read online

  “Not ‘sir,’ Waverly,” he said. “I hear you have a parking fairy.”

  “Um,” I said, glancing at Fiorenze for guidance, but her eyes were on her lap. Did she want me to tell her father that we’d just fairy swapped? I didn’t think so. She hadn’t exactly asked his permission or told him anything about it. On the other hand, she’d told him one of my big secrets.

  “What’s your fairy?” I asked.

  “Jukebox.”

  “What’s a jukebox fairy?” I asked, wondering what a jukebox was.

  “Wherever I go the music playing is always something I like. I never hear music I hate.”

  “If you never hear it, how do you know what music you don’t like?” I asked, not sure if I’d made any sense. It was spinny trying to figure it out. Didn’t you know what you liked in contrast to what you didn’t? But if he only heard music he liked, he’d never have any contrast. Did that mean he liked everything?

  Waverly laughed. “You’re funny, Charlie. I can see why Fio likes you. Your parking fairy doesn’t affect traffic, does it? I don’t think I’ve ever gotten through the city this fast before.”

  “Not that I know of,” I said, peering out the window. Seemed like a lot of traffic to me. Just that it wasn’t backed up. The footpath was chockers too. Mostly Sports students beautifully turned out in their brown uniforms, ties straight, hats on, heading to school.

  One of them was Steffi. Time to test the new fairy.

  “Oh!” I exclaimed. “Can you stop here, sir? I mean, Waverly? We could walk from here.”

  “Of course,” he said. “I’ll just need to find a—speak of the devil.”

  A car pulled out just in front of us and Waverly slid his car into its place. “You do have a parking fairy, don’t you?”

  I made a noise that could have been either a yes or a no. “Thank you for the lift, sir, um, Waverly.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  Fiorenze was already out on the footpath, students flowing past her. She was grinning.

  “Good- bye,” I said, shutting the door and turning to Fiorenze.

  She hugged me. “It works! Not one boy has spoken to me. Not a single one! Thank you so much!”

  I did not return the hug. “You told your father about me wanting to switch to basketball! How did you even—”

  “Charlie!” Steffi called from behind us. He was talking to me again. Yes!

  Steffi planted a kiss on my cheek. My entire face got hot. The all- the- boys- will- like- you fairy was up and running. I hoped his fairy would protect me from kissing demerits like it had for Fiorenze.

  “You look great,” he said, grinning. He’d never said anything about my looks before. “What were you doing in a car? What about your parking fairy?”

  “It’s a long story,” I said. My cheek still tingled. “What are you doing walking to school from this direction?”

  “I was rowing on the river with my dad.”

  “Huh. Didn’t know you rowed.”

  Steffi did his hand- flicking thing. “I do lots of things there’s no space for at school. You’re really looking lovely today, Charlie.” He slipped his hand into mine and my face got hotter, even under my eyebrows. I wondered if you could give yourself sunburn from the inside.

  “I didn’t think you could get lovelier. Hi, Fio,” Steffi said as if he were noticing her for the first time. “How’s it going?”

  “Doos,” Fiorenze said, grinning widely as we turned in at the school gates. “Vastly doos.”

  “Excellent,” Steffi said, but he wasn’t looking at Fiorenze. “You know what I’ve been wondering, Charlie?” he asked. “I’ve been wondering where the word ‘doos’ comes from. I never heard anyone use that word before I moved here.”

  I had no idea.

  “Hey, Charlie,” Bluey Salazar said. “I’m so sorry about what happened with Danders Anders. Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help. I mean it,” he said, staring into my eyes intently. “Anything at all.”

  “No worries, Bluey,” I said. “All is well.”

  “I’ll say it is, Charlie,” Freedom Hazal said. “Have you done something new with your hair? You are so pulchy this morning, you’ve almost broken pulchiness.”

  “Thanks, Freedom.”

  It was going to be the best day ever.

  CHAPTER 29

  a Different Fairy

  Demerits: 6

  Conversations with Steffi: 10

  Game suspensions: 1

  Public service hours: 19

  Number of Steffi kisses: 2

  Boys who like me: Steffi, Bluey Salazar,

  and Freedom Hazal

  Bluey, Freedom, Mazza (clean- clothes fairy), and Chook (surfer fairy) almost came to blows over who was going to sit next to me in PR. Ms. Johnson resolved the fight by issuing them each with a demerit and ordering Sienna Bray (never- being- cold fairy) into the seat.

  “What’s going on, Charlie?” Sienna whispered. Sienna was probably the only student ever to come to NA Sports from an Arts middle school. She was a very promising snowboarder, trampoliner, and freestyle skier. No one knew how she’d managed to discover that she was an athlete while studying finger painting, poems, and finding- the- inner- you. There was a book being run on how long before she’d drop out, but so far she’d surprised everyone.

  “New fairy,” I said.

  Sienna’s eyes widened and three notes landed on my desk. “What kind of—”

  “Silence!” Ms. Johnson boomed at us. “The next person to say a word without being called on by me, or to throw a note at Charlotte Adele Donna Seto Steele will receive a demerit and be sent to the principal’s office. Am I clear?”

  “Yes, Ms. Johnson,” we all chorused.

  “Proper protocol on being introduced to a head of state. Freedom?”

  “Ah, um, doesn’t it depend on which head of state, Ms. Johnson?”

  “So you are awake.” She started scribbling on her tablet. “I’ve just transmitted a list of forty countries. Sienna? Correct protocol for the first two.” Around the room people started scratching with their styluses.

  “Your screens are frozen,” Ms. Johnson said. Several people groaned. No way to search for the answers . . .

  Sienna reeled them off. She had a vastly sharp memory for someone who’d never had to memorize anything before getting to high school.

  I wished I had even half her memory. Miraculously Johnson called on me for thirty-nine and forty, which were the only countries I knew. “Bow deeply and don’t speak until they speak to you.”

  “And the last one, Charlotte?”

  “Slight nod of head and shake their hand when offered.”

  “Excellent. I’ve just transmitted your assignments. They are due Monday.” Johnson ignored the groans. “And the word limit is a hard one. I will not mark any that go over or under it. Understood?”

  “Yes, Ms. Johnson.”

  “Dismissed,” she said as the bell for end of class sounded.

  Bluey, Mazza, Chook, and Freedom followed me out into the hallway, where Stuart, Richo, and Luca joined us. I couldn’t help grinning. Why had Fiorenze hated her fairy? What was there to hate?

  “Carry your bag for you?” Chook asked.

  “Sure,” I said, quickening my pace. I was not going to be late for tennis. I was not going to get another demerit.

  Then I realized it didn’t matter. Not like it had. To night I’d get to public service on time because I was useless to Danders Anders. I would work off my six demerits in no time. I’d never have to do another game suspension!

  The boys trailed after me, more joining as we passed by. Things were definitely looking up. I spun my lucky cricket ball high, squeezing it between my thumb and fingers in the hope of getting some flipper action going. Some of the girls shot me looks that were less than friendly. Tee hee.

  “Are you free for first recess?” Richo asked. “I know this great spot that—”

  “Oh, no,” Bluey said. “She’s
recessing with me. We’re old friends, aren’t we, Charlie?”

  “Please!” Freedom broke in. “Charlie and me were in the same preschool together.”

  “Well, I’ve only known Charlie for a little while and I know she likes me best,” Steffi said, planting a kiss on my mouth. It felt so tingly doos that I knew everything was going to be fine.

  Bluey, Freedom, and the other boys all gasped.

  Steffi smelled delicious.

  “She’ll be recessing with me. Won’t you, Charlie?”

  I nodded. “I have to go,” I said. “Tennis.”

  Steffi gave me one more tingling kiss—smack on the lips—and while the boys all gasped and tut-tutted, I slipped into the change rooms.

  CHAPTER 30

  Best Fairy Ever

  Demerits: 6

  Conversations with Steffi: 11

  Game suspensions: 1

  Public service hours: 19

  Number of Steffi kisses: 4

  Boys who like me: Steffi, Bluey, Freedom, Mazza,

  Chook, Stuart, Richo, and Luca

  You look bouncy,” Sandra observed. She was tying on her tennis shoes. “Hurry up.”

  “I do? I guess that must be because I feel bouncy.” I grinned. I didn’t think I’d stopped grinning since I first ran into Steffi. I had the best fairy ever! “So far it’s been the most astral morning of all time.”

  “Yay for you,” Heather Sandol said, walking past me with her tennis bag over her shoulder. She did not sound like she meant it. “I’d prefer if you didn’t share your wonderful morning with Freedom. You know Freedom? My boyfriend?”

  “I have a boyfriend,” I said. “Stef—”

  “Save it for someone who has some interest in your doings,” Heather said, slamming her locker shut and walking away.

  “What’s with her?” Sandra asked.

  “Where’s Ro? I want to tell you both at once.” I pulled my tennis gear out of my locker and started throwing it on. It was blessedly clean thanks to the ministrations of my concerned father.

  “She’s out on the court warming up. Tell us what? Hurry up and get your gear on. You don’t want another demerit.”

  I hurried and made it out onto the court just in time to join Rochelle and the rest of B-stream tennis stretching. Rochelle looked up and waved.

  Sandra sat next to me, stretched her left leg out in front of her, and leaned over it to work on her hammies. “Since when does Heather Sandol hate you?” Sandra whispered.

  Giddo Halliwell blew me a kiss. I blinked. Giddo had barely spoken to me before. Also he was not the kind of person who blew kisses. His other electives were boxing and rugby. He was the proud possessor of a beer fairy. Not to mention he had a boyfriend, Sholto Sung, one of the seniors most likely to become an Our. My new fairy was amazing!

  “You are advising each other on hamstring stretch technique?” Coach Ntini inquired. He did not wait for us to reply. “I do not think so. Sandra, stretch over here. Gideon, there.”

  He raised his voice so everyone could hear. “Stretching is not a special time for gossiping before training. It is part of your training. And is only truly effective when done in silence. Today our entire session will be conducted in silence.”

  “So spill,” Rochelle said. The change rooms were empty except for the three of us, everyone else having dashed off to first recess.

  “Fiorenze and me swapped fairies.”

  “You what now?!” Sandra exclaimed.

  Rochelle’s mouth dropped open. “But that’s impossible! You can’t swap fairies.”

  “You can,” I said. “We did.”

  “So that’s what Heather was talking about!” Sandra said. “She’s transferred her Fiorenze hatred onto you! ’Cause her Freedom’s chasing after you now. And that’s why Giddo was winking at you and blowing kisses!” She shook her head. “Because that was odd.”

  Rochelle’s eyes widened. “You really swapped fairies? How?”

  “Hey,” Sandra said. “Not to mention—”

  I did Steffi’s hand-flicking thing. “Yes, it’s true and real; I have Fio’s fairy and she has mine. Isn’t it doos beyond doosness? Steffi likes me again. We’re linked now!”

  Sandra and Rochelle looked at each other and then at me. Their expressions were not from the family of happy faces.

  “That’s great,” Rochelle said at last.

  “Once more with enthusiasm,” I said. Why weren’t they pleased?

  “No, really,” Rochelle said. “That’s wonderful. I’m happy for you.”

  “Why did Fiorenze agree?” Sandra asked. “Why did she give up her fairy?”

  “She hates her fairy as much as I hate mine. She told me. That’s why we swapped.”

  Rochelle nodded. “I can imagine. Must’ve been tough with no friends.”

  “A parking fairy would definitely appeal to her. It’s more useful. When I get my license—,” Sandra started.

  “She’s crazy! You both are too. This fairy is so much better than the parking fairy. You should have seen how Steffi was looking at me. He—”

  “Or looking at your fairy,” Sandra said. “It’s all about your fairy now, not about you.”

  “Oh, no!” I protested. “He was definitely looking yummy eyes at me. Remember? He liked me before the new fairy.”

  “But he wasn’t talking to you, Charlie. He hasn’t sat with us in days.”

  “We had a little stoush—”

  “And your new fairy made the stoush go away?” Sandra asked in a baby voice.

  “It’s not like that! This is the greatest fairy ever!”

  “No, it’s not,” Sandra said. “Only a fraghead would think that having a fairy that forced boys to like you was doos.”

  “I’m not a fraghead!”

  “You’re my friend. I don’t want to think that of you.”

  I stared at her. “It’s the best fairy ever! And even if it wasn’t, I’m free of the parking fairy. Danders will never bug me again. But it is the best fairy ever.”

  Rochelle patted my arm. “I’m sure it is, Charlie. But we should get to the cafeteria and get our protein quota before next class. None of us has a not- getting-demerits fairy.”

  We gathered up our stuff in silence. I couldn’t believe they weren’t happy for me.

  As we headed down the hallway many of the boys we passed trailed behind. We accumulated almost all of the B-stream rugby boys. They called out to me, saying Charlie this and Charlie that, and asking a million questions.

  “Doos,” I said, grinning. “Pretty powerful fairy, eh?”

  Sandra cut her eyes at me. Rochelle nodded but didn’t say anything.

  I didn’t let their attitude get to me; I knew I had the best fairy ever.

  CHAPTER 31

  Impossibilities

  Demerits: 6

  Conversations with Steffi: 11

  Game suspensions: 1

  Public service hours: 19

  Number of Steffi kisses: 4

  Boys who like me: all of them

  Girls who hate me: Heather Sandol

  The ruggers followed me all the way to the cafeteria. I felt like the Pied Piper, except that the rats probably weren’t offering to share protein-rich snacks with him. All of them trying to sit at the same table made me feel like an Our, especially when one of the ruggers handed me a box of chocolates.

  “You didn’t have to do that,” I said, taking them and smiling at the boy. Why had Fiorenze found this so irksome? I loved all the attention.

  “No,” Steffi said, “you really didn’t. That’s my seat, I believe,” he told the chocolate-giver, muscling him out of the way and sitting next to me. “You all need to quit bothering her. She’s my girlfriend, not yours!”

  His girlfriend! Steffi’d never called me that before! If my new fairy weren’t invisible I would have kissed it.

  “They’re not bothering me,” I said, basking in the adulation. Boys other than the ruggers were crowding around me as well. Steffi had never
called Fiorenze his girlfriend. I couldn’t stop smiling.

  “You’re all bothering me,” Sandra said, glaring at them. “I’m trying to eat!”

  “What is going on?” Coach Van Dyck demanded.

  “Nothing,” said one of the rugger boys. They all stepped back together. The boys who were farthest from Coach scuttled away. A thick-necked rugby boy scuttling was quite a sight.

  “Charlie has Fiorenze’s fairy,” Sandra told her. “They swapped.”

  “That’s impossible,” Coach said.

  “That’s what I thought,” Rochelle said. “But behold.” She gestured to the many boys looking at me longingly.

  “I’ve never heard of such a thing,” Van Dyck said.

  Coach Panesar, the A-stream skiing coach, joined her. “What is going on here?”

  “Fairy swappage: Charlie, Fiorenze. The boys like Charlie now,” Sandra said.

  “That’s impossible!” Panesar said.

  I sighed. “Everyone keeps saying that. No disrespect intended, Coaches, but look at all those boys and look where they’re looking. At me.” It was hard to say without sounding smug. “How many boys have gotten demerits for hassling Fiorenze today? And how many boys are following me around?” I couldn’t help thinking that I was much better at this fairy than Fiorenze was.

  The two coaches exchanged skeptical glances. The bell for the end of first recess sounded. Rochelle, Sandra, and I had not eaten a thing. I could tell they blamed me. Grossly unfair. Could I help it if I was enjoying myself?

  “Get to your classes!” Coach Van Dyck yelled. “You know you’ll get a demerit for lateness.”

  I made my way to Accounting, walking as fast as I could without actually running, pausing only to shove the chocolates into my locker.

  “Charlie,” Freedom began, just as we turned into the classroom.

  “Not talking to you,” I said. “Heather doesn’t want me to.” I was not going to risk any more of Heather’s wrath.

  “Oh, Heather,” he said. “She’s just—”

  “Charlie,” Bluey said, “I’ve made sure that Danders—”

  “Silence,” Mr. Vandenhill (eyes- in- the- back- of- his- head fairy) said. He was chalking strings of numbers on his special blackboard. His class was the first time any of us had ever seen one. The chalk made me sneeze. Vandenhill had been known to give students demerits for sneezing.“Anyone who is not silent or sitting when I turn around will be given a demerit.”