BRAVE ~ Jennifer L. Armentrout Read online

  I tried to see my hand.

  “You’re all healed up now.” Reaching over, he tapped my left hand. “No gaping hole. No fatal stab wounds. You’re good as new.” He paused. “Better.”

  “How . . . ?” I trailed off. More memories surfaced. I’d been dying. Like legit bleeding out with internal wounds dying, but I hadn’t.

  I suddenly remembered Ren leaning over me. He’d been telling me that he loved me and that there had only been me, only would be me, and he . . .

  I’m sorry, Sweetness. Forgive me.

  Forgive him?

  My heart started thundering in my chest. Pieces of the night started to fall together.

  “You’ve actually been asleep for like forever,” Tink continued. “Well, not forever, but like four days.”

  Four days? Holy shit.

  “I was kind of worried that you were dead and you’d start stinking soon.”

  Images flashed of me on top of Ren, moving against him in a bloody, wild joining of our bodies. Had we . . . ?

  “Where is Ren?” I demanded, trying to sit up. “And why am I tied up?”

  “Well, you see, that’s kind of a long story full of plot twists and probably a plot hole or two.”

  “Tink!”

  His gaze met mine, and I remembered him yelling at Ren, because—oh, God, I’d been feeding on Ren. I’d fed on him.

  The unease unexploded into full-blown dread. “Where is Ren?” I shouted. “Where is he, Tink?”

  Little Dixon stirred in Tink’s lap. He folded his hand over the kitten’s head. “Calm down. Dixon needs his fifth nap of the day.”

  My eyes narrowed. “I swear to God, Tink, if you do not answer me, I will straight-up murder you.”

  “See, that’s the problem, and why you’re tried up. It’s just precautionary. Now that you’re awake, Tanner will be up here—”

  “Why is it precautionary?”

  He didn’t answer for a moment. “You’ve changed, Ivy. We didn’t think that would happen. We had no way of knowing.”

  My pulse skyrocketed. “What in the hell does that mean, Tink?”

  The brownie cringed. “Well, let’s just say your skin kind of shimmers now.”

  My mouth dropped open.

  “Like a fae,” he added.

  Chapter 8

  It took several moments for me to process what Tink was saying because there was no way I had heard him correctly. “My skin is shimmering?”

  “Yes. Like a fae,” he repeated. “You’re not full on silver or anything like that, it just looks like you’ve used the same kind of lotion I imagine strippers use.”

  I stared at him and then my gaze darted to what I could see of my skin. I was wearing long sleeves—a shirt that wasn’t mine, but I wasn’t going to focus on that fuckery at this moment—and with my damn wrists secured, all I could glimpse was the top of my hand. The skin looked normal. I squinted as I managed to lift my hand an inch. The light caught—

  “Holy fuck!” I gasped, eyes widening. My skin did shimmer like I’d lubed myself up with glittery lotion. “Holy shit, my skin is—”

  “Kind of shimmery, yes, but hey, it could be worse. You could look like Edward in the sunlight, all glittery and shit.”

  My gaze shot to him.

  “It’s barely noticeable. So is the thing with the ears.”

  “My ears?” I shrieked.

  “Yeah.” He drew the word out. “They’re a little pointy now. Like mine.” He tiled his head to the side, showing off his ears. “Nothing anyone would really bat an eye at. Plus, you have all that hair to cover them if you’re feeling insecure.”

  Oh my God, I couldn’t even process what he was saying. I liked my normal, rounded human ears and he was now telling me I had pointy, fae-like ears?

  And my skin was shimmering?

  Tink snapped his fingers, getting my attention. “Look, there is more good news. Since you’ve been out for a couple of days, you’ve slept off the worst effects.”

  I took a deep, even breath but it did nothing to stamp out the building panic. “What are the worst effects that somehow don’t include my skin shimmering or my ears becoming pointy?”

  Dixon took that moment to stretch his little legs out in front of him. Tink reached down, scratching him behind the ear. “Well, while you were asleep, you weren’t always asleep. Sometimes you were awake.”

  Vague memories surfaced, flashes of rage and desire, of the need to—

  I sucked in a sharp breath, squeezing my eyes tight.

  “There were times when you were hungry, like zombie craving brains kind of hungry,” Tink said softly. “That’s why you’re tied down. Faye seems to think the worst has passed. Sort of like you’ve done the detox part and now you’re just having to deal with a few cravings.”

  I remembered.

  Knots formed in my stomach. I remembered Faye whispering her compulsion. Feed. That one word had echoed over and over and I had fed.

  My eyes flew open. “Is Ren okay?”

  “Well, you know—”

  “Is Ren okay?” I demanded, breathing heavy.

  Tink lifted his hand from Dixon’s head. “Ren is fine. He’s alive. He’d be here, but Tanner and Faye were worried that you being around a human right now wouldn’t help with the getting over the whole wanting to suck them dry thing.”

  Relief crashed through me, but a raw emotion built behind it when what happened truly processed. “You . . . you all made me feed on Ren.”

  “We didn’t have a choice, Ivy. You were dying and there was nothing else we could—”

  “You should’ve let me die!” I shouted, and Dixon jerked in Tink’s lap. I tried to calm down, but my heart was lodged somewhere in my throat.

  His brows furrowed. “That’s a fucked up thing to say, Ivy.”

  “It’s fucked up that you made me feed on Ren!”

  “He was down for it, Ivy. Ren would do anything to save you.”

  “Even force me to do something so horrible?” I asked, eyes blurring. “Ren volunteering for this doesn’t make it right. He could’ve been killed.”

  His expression smoothed out. “But he’s okay and you’re going to be okay.”

  “Except apparently my skin and ears have changed. I’m not okay.” And that wasn’t all. I’d fed on Ren and then we had sex—bloody, crazy sex.

  “Well, there is that. We didn’t know that would happen, but—”

  “The Prince did that to me. He made me—” My voice caught. Anger burned through my bone and tissue. “What have you all done to me?”

  “We saved you—”

  “What have you done to me?” I screamed.

  His eyes widened. “We don’t . . . we don’t know, Ivy.”

  I couldn’t believe it. Dying sucked. Yeah. Duh. But they forced me to feed against my will—feed on Ren, and it changed me into God knows what? Nausea crept up my throat. How would I ever look at Ren again?

  How would I ever look at myself again? Dealing with being the Halfling wasn’t something I’d fully accepted and now this? I couldn’t. I couldn’t deal with this.

  “It’ll be okay.”

  “Get away from me,” I whispered.

  “Ivy,” he gasped.

  Violent rage and bitter fear swirled like a storm inside me, feeding strength I didn’t realize I had. I lifted my left arm, tearing the binding in half.

  “Whoa.” Tink shot up, holding Dixon close to his chest as he stepped back from the bed. “Ivy . . .”

  Snapping the cloth around my other wrist, I sat up and turned to Tink. “You need to get the fuck out of my face right now.”

  Tink was still for only a moment, and then he got out of my face and left the room.

  I couldn’t sit or lay in this bed. My thoughts were racing along with my heart.

  What did they do to me?

  Hands shaking, I broke the restraints around my ankles and swung my legs off the bed. I stood on bare feet, surprised to find that I wasn’t dizzy. Raising my
left hand, I first noticed the red, angry scar on top. The same scar was on my palm. Squeezing my hand closed, I could easily remember the stabbing pain of the branch shooting through my hand.

  Now it barely even hurt.

  There was no ignoring the glimmer when I twisted my hand and caught the soft glow of light. My heart dropped. A thousand questions erupted, but I already knew what the answers were going to be.

  Had I fed too much and it had changed me?

  Who knew that was possible? No one. Or maybe everyone, and they just failed to tell me.

  A riot of emotions crept up, sealing off my throat. I squeezed my eyes shut. I couldn’t believe this. On top of everything else, I was now . . .

  I didn’t know what I was.

  Drawing in a shuddering breath, I opened my eyes. My gaze flicked over the room. The walls were bare, but there was a bathroom to my right. I hurried over to it, flipping the light on.

  I stopped in front of the oval mirror above the porcelain basin, ignoring the mess of tangled, red curls.

  “Oh God,” I whispered.

  The light was brighter in here, and as I tilted my chin up, the sheen to my skin intensified. My face looked like I’d taken one of those high-end highlighters and smeared it all over my face.

  Which was what I normally looked like when I tried to contour.

  Tink was right though. It wasn’t that noticeable, not to a stranger or a normal human who had no idea fae were a very real thing, but to me?

  I noticed.

  But that wasn’t all. My features were . . . sharper. More refined. Again, not entirely noticeable but my face was different.

  Clutching the basin, I leaned in and stared at my reflection. There were only faint bruises where I’d taken punches I should’ve been able to deflect. There was a tiny red mark on my lower lip. A barely-there purplish bruise along my jaw.

  It was almost like weeks had passed since the fight where I got my ass handed to me. A fight I should’ve been able to handle with one arm tied behind my back, but I had to be honest with myself.

  My head hadn’t been in the right place—it still wasn’t, and I hadn’t been eating or sleeping right. I’d been weak, and look at what it got me?

  Two stab wounds and more.

  Were my eyes paler? They’d always been a light blue, but they were almost . . . iridescent now, the pale blue so stark against the blackness of my pupils.

  Lifting one trembling hand, I pushed my hair back as I turned my head to the side.

  I gasped.

  The tips of my ears were definitely pointy. Nothing extreme, and again, a normal person probably wouldn’t notice it, but these were not ears.

  This was not my skin.

  Dropping my hair, I faced the mirror and bared my teeth. Normal. A sigh of relief shuddered through me. At least they didn’t look oddly sharp like most fae, so there was that I guessed.

  The door to the room opened, and I whipped around. What if it was Ren? My stomach tied up. I wasn’t ready to see him. I didn’t know if I’d ever be ready to see him, but I—

  “Ivy?” Faye’s voice rang out.

  Definitely not Ren. A wave of disappointment washed over me. I didn’t want to see him and yet there was a part of me somewhere deep inside that wanted it to be him. The same part of me that had wanted it to be Ren sitting there, waiting for me to wake up.

  Things had been weird between us before. Now, it would be hella awkward . . . if there was anything left.

  Sighing, I stepped out of the bathroom. Faye was alone, staring at the bed and probably at the broken restraints.

  The anger resurfaced. “You used a compulsion on me.”

  Faye lifted her chin. “I hadn’t wanted to. Trust me. I know what was done to you while you were with the Prince. I told them that. They didn’t want to let you die.”

  I remembered her reluctance and Tink’s threat. “Maybe letting me die was the right thing.”

  “Ivy, you can’t feel that way. Truly.”

  “You don’t know how I feel,” I shot back. “You have no freaking clue.”

  She was quiet for a moment. “You’re right. Allowing you to die would’ve been easier. It would’ve definitely solved the problem with the Prince. At least, temporarily.”

  My lip curled. “I thought you said all human life is valuable.”

  “It is.” She walked over to the chair and sat down. “But what I made you do wasn’t natural. What you’ve become isn’t natural.”

  I sucked in a sharp breath. “Well, that makes me feel so much better about everything.”

  “I’m not trying to make you feel worse.”

  “Then you should try harder,” I snapped.

  Her shoulders tensed. “I know you’re upset. I get it. I sympathize with it, but what’s done is done. You’re alive.”

  “At what cost?” I asked, stepping toward her. “You don’t even know what I am.”

  Her gaze flickered over me. “I’m guessing the feedings while you were with the Prince and this last one triggered the part of you that’s fae, making it more dominant. That must be why you have more fae-like characteristics. Whatever fae genes you have in you now are simply stronger. I don’t know what that makes you, but you’re not completely fae. You’re still Ivy.”

  Seeing my skin shimmer and having pointy ears didn’t make me feel like Ivy. “And this is something you knew would happen?”

  “I’ve never seen it, but I knew it could. I wasn’t thinking about that at the moment. I was saving you, like Ren and Tink demanded.” She paused. “How are you feeling? Hungry?”

  I ignored the question. “Where is Ren?”

  Her lashes lowered. “He’s currently interrogating every fae in this building to see if they had anything to do with the attack. He’s not here with you because we wanted to make sure it was safe for him. Something that took an absurd amount of time to convince him of.”

  Turning away, I thrust a hand through my greasy, nasty hair. “He . . .”

  “He’s okay,” she said, a lot quieter. “And it doesn’t appear like you’ll attack him, so he’ll be here the minute I tell him it’s okay.”

  I closed my eyes, sucking in a deep breath and holding it.

  Faye was quiet for a moment. “I know you’re mad at him—at all of us, but he did it because he loves you.”

  But would he still love me once he saw me? Once he realized I was turning more and more into a fae? Once he really thought about what he’d done, allowing me to feed off him like the bitch Breena had?

  “Ivy?”

  Exhaling, I opened my eyes. A knot of fear crept up my throat. “I’ve changed. That’s obvious. But you all don’t know how much. Like am I going to need to feed now?”

  “No fae needs to feed to survive, Ivy. It’s a choice. You should live a normal lifespan, but you may be stronger than before. There may be other things that have changed. The thing is, we really don’t have a precedent for this. It’s not like there has ever been a huge population of halflings in the first place. I only know of one or two who’d fed on humans and those halflings had been in the Otherworld. We only have records of their existence. They changed, like you.”

  I turned, facing her as one thing she said took center stage. “What other things?”

  Faye glanced at the empty bed and then her pale gaze met mine. “Do you remember when I talked to you about being . . . addicted?”

  Everything in me stilled. I’d planned on talking to her about that, but well, I kind of got stabbed to death. “Yes. I remember.”

  “I hope you slept off the worst of it—the craving that comes after feeding, but it’ll linger for a while. You’ll have this need.”

  I totally understood what she was saying, but acid poured into my stomach nonetheless. That need had been there before I’d fed off Ren.

  “You’ll have to be careful,” she advised. “When you’re with Ren.”

  She didn’t need to elaborate with where she was going with that. Folding my arms ove
r my waist, I paced in a small circle. “You talk like glimmering skin and pointy ears aren’t a big deal.”

  “To me, they aren’t.”

  I shot her a dark look. “Well, no shit.”

  “You can barely notice,” she added. “Things may seem overwhelming now, but it could’ve been worse.”

  For a moment, I was dumbfounded. “Yeah, I could be dead, and maybe that was meant to happen.”

  Shock splashed across Faye’s face. “You don’t mean that.”

  Did I? I wasn’t so sure. It’s not like I had a death wish, but I . . . I just didn’t feel like me anymore and I had no control. Not over my life, my fate, my purpose, or even my body.

  And I remembered that moment of disappointment when I came to out in the courtyard and realized I hadn’t died.

  The knots in my stomach expanded. I picked up my pace. “I almost died in a fight I should’ve won. I was forced to feed on my boyfriend.” My voice rose a notch as I thought about what I’d done to him afterward, what we did. “And I woke up days later to find out that my actual body has changed. Not to mention, the fact that I was held against my will by a psychotic fae prince. Don’t act like what has happened to me is just a normal Tuesday. My entire world changed the moment I found out I was a halfling. Almost everything I knew up until that part was a fucking lie, but when I looked in the mirror, I still looked like me. I was still Ivy. When I look in the mirror now, I don’t recognize myself, and that isn’t just because of the physical stuff.”

  Sympathy crept into her face, and that was possibly the worst thing to see. Taking a deep breath, I looked away and refocused. “How long do you think this whole wanting to suck people dry thing will last?”

  Faye was quiet for a moment. “I don’t know. Maybe a few days. A couple of weeks.”

  Weeks? Muscles in my shoulders tightened. I couldn’t deal with weeks. “Have you never fed?”

  “Never.”

  Stopping, I looked over my shoulder at her. “And Drake never noticed that? He didn’t think it was suspicious?”

  She twisted toward me. “Drake never really paid attention to me. Breena and Valor usually kept him occupied when he wasn’t trying to convince you to come to the dark side.”

  I frowned, thinking something about that didn’t sound right.