Should We Know? Read online

annotations and just lines I had liked. It made me feel better, reading always made me feel better, is that why people write? Do authors need to feel better? Or do writers just want to make people feel better? I don’t know, all I knew was when I looked up at the clock it was 7:30pm and I decided to get dressed.

  Everyone, Lie, Mitty, Snakey and Niche were outside my building, sitting on a low wall talking and sharing a couple bottles of wine. Mitty flashed her peace sign with one hand and handed me the wine. I didn’t realise how thirsty I was.

  Loads of people were outside the library when we got there, more than the last time, it was such a strange atmosphere, I can’t describe it. People had signs that said ‘Jump’. People had signs that said ‘don’t jump’ and religious things trying to stop the jump. It turns out that the door leading to the library roof had been welded shut; no one was getting up there anytime soon. When the time came, a black-cloaked figure walked up to the ledge and everyone instinctively took a step back. The figure threw papers into the air that the wind caught and made rain down on us. Then the shadow walked off. It wasn’t a jump. I couldn’t look away. I was happy the screaming stopped in time for me to hear the connection. Upon inspection of the corpse, the face was burnt beyond recognition, as were his or her hands, and in the coming days, no one was missing on the register, everyone was accounted for. The papers were poems, each one different. Some poems said that they did what they did to free us. Some poems said that secrets made us heavy and weighed us, and our potential down. I wonder what weighed them down- they fell fast.

  We all went back to Lie’s room, she laid tons of blankets on the floor and we all held each other and whispered lovely nothings. I understood Lie’s platonicism- sometimes we’re not strong enough, or our reach isn’t long enough, to hold ourselves together. Sometimes we need someone else to do it for us. I wish I had someone like Lie back home. When I was younger.

  The poem I picked up went like this:

  A boy and his wolf in the woods one day,

  Came upon a cave.

  ‘This is our new home now until may’

  “Its dark here, be brave”

  A boy lost his wolf in the woods one day

  Following the blood

  The lonely boy found his wolf, fur still grey.

  His heart landed. Thud.

  10

  The next day, we went on the website, out of habit I guess:

  ‘When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.’

  “Why do we have to listen to our hearts?" the boy asked.

  "Because, wherever your heart is, that is where you will find your treasure.”

  “They’re quotes from a book” Lie said. Mitty handed round waffles and Nutella while we sat on Lie’s floor with 80s rock as our soundtrack. “I have an announcement” Mitty said standing up with a smudge of Nutella by her bottom lip, “I am in love with Liebe Irigaray… I love her hair and how it’s so long and how in bed it gets stuck under me and she gets annoyed in her sleep. I love how I can kiss her, even while she is asleep, and watch her smile flow, like raindrops on my window. I love her skin- its like a drug to me at this point. I want it all over and around me…I need it. You know I want someone who's gonna write me letters and kiss me when I'm sick and when I've just puked, and that’s you Lie. I want someone to see me when I'm broken and begging to die so everything just ends. I want someone to see me there and hold me and tell me they love me, and that’s you Lie. You remember that I love figurine cats and you’ve got me my favourite ones in my collection since I told you. You remember all the small things people don’t even notice as things. I love how you taste and I would kill anyone who would stand between me being between you. I’m really scared to open up because I’ve been destroyed before, I’ve fucking crumpled and collapsed and I didn’t like it. But Lo for you I would build entire cities just to watch them burn if it meant I could see you smile for even a second. I would paint you a picture with every ounce of my blood if it were what you wanted. I would do anything to have the knowledge that I brought that smile into the world for a second or a day or however long we live together. Cause we will live together. We’re gonna have awesome adopted babies who grow up totally peaceful yet badass and we’re going to put their graduation pictures on the wall and we’re gonna have quiet no-laughing no-moaning sex while they’re sleeping in the other room. And we’re going to be the best team in the world baby, because when I’m with you I feel invincible and magical. I wanna be so inappropriate with you but also majorly appropriate, like I want to dress up all fancy for your award nights, cause you’re gonna win awards for sure, and I wanna fuck you when no ones looking. I’ve always loved you, ever since I first saw you in that god-awful jumper and that Satan-certified haircut all those years ago. I’ve loved you when you’ve loved someone else and I’ve loved you when you’ve hated everyone else. I know this world isn’t perfect and you would rather not be here sometimes, so lets make our own world kay?” She held up a peace sign at the end of an outstretched arm with the toothy grin, a single tear escaped the edge of her right eye. Lie was crying, the tears just flowed down, I don’t think she knew she was crying, I had never seen anyone do that, but then I had never heard someone declare their love before. My chest felt lighter, I don’t know.

  Solid Snake stood up after a little while, when everyone had gone back to eating and singing to themselves, “I have an announcement too…I’m gay”.

  “Yeah we know dipshit,” Niche said without missing a beat, everyone was laughing so much, I felt muscles in my stomach I never knew I had. After the laughing died down Niche stood up, “in primary school” she was holding her fingers with her other hand and staring at them, “I bullied this girl…I bullied her so much she couldn’t take it anymore and she…”

  “We all make mistakes but you’ve learnt, right?” Mitty said with a smile “and now you’re here and you’re living for two kay?” Niche smiled a teary smile and tentatively held up a peace sign to us all and we all held one back to her. Before I knew it, I was up, my hands shaking, but everyone was smiling real smiles, I knew it would be ‘okay’ because I could cuddle with Lie after even though Mitty loves her like that. I made an announcement too