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  She looked a little suspicious. “You know, if you weren’t into me, you didn’t have to get one of your friends to call like that.”

  I frowned. “Honey, if I wasn’t into you, I wouldn’t be here. Sorry, I really have to go.” I ran down the hall to the Emergency Exit stairs and took them down to the parking lot. I had no idea what was going on, but my best friend, Ben, and his wife, Lauren, had me as an emergency contact for them and their kids. Something was wrong.

  Tonight was date night, according to Ben. He and Lauren tried to get a night away from three-year-old Annalise and six-month-old Benny once a month. Assuming the professional hockey team we played for, the St. Louis Mavericks, was in town and we had time off. We didn’t get much of that during hockey season, but that was why he went out of his way to make time for his wife.

  They were probably my two favorite people in the world. Ben and I played for the Mavericks, but our friendship went all the way back to junior hockey. We’d been friends since we were fourteen and when he’d fallen in love with smart, sassy Lauren, I’d kind of fallen in love with her too. I was godfather to their children and we spent a lot of time together, both on and off the ice. So there was zero chance I wouldn’t go if they—or their babysitter—called.

  At this time of night, it only took me about twelve minutes to arrive at their gated community, and I punched in the gate code since I was such a regular visitor. There was a police cruiser parked in front of the house and that scared me more than Britney’s phone call. I got out of my SUV and hurried to the front door, knocking briskly.

  A uniformed officer opened the door and met my gaze questioningly. “Mr. Kirby?”

  “Yeah. I’m Wes Kirby. What’s going on?”

  Another officer came to the door and the two looked at me.

  Something bad twisted through my chest, a feeling of foreboding, and I met their gazes directly. “What’s going on? Are the kids okay? Where’s Ben and Lauren?”

  “There was a car accident,” the first officer said quietly. “Mr. Whitmer died on impact and Mrs. Whitmer died on the way to the hospital.”

  “What?” I stared at them. “No. This has to be a mistake.”

  “Mr. Kirby?” Britney came to the door, her eyes red and puffy. “Is it true?”

  Now that she was standing there, I remembered meeting her a few times. She was a high school student who lived around the corner and the kids loved her. She helped Lauren sometimes when we were on the road too, so she could have a little time to herself.

  “I don’t know anything yet, hon.” I ran a hand through my hair. “Are the kids sleeping?”

  She nodded.

  “Do you need to call your parents?”

  “I just did.”

  A moment later, a sleek black Mercedes pulled into the driveway and a couple who looked to be in their forties got out of the car. The woman ran forward, her eyes meeting mine in alarm.

  “What’s happened? Where are Ben and Lauren? What’s going on?”

  “I don’t know.” I was trying to breathe, trying to stay calm, because this didn’t feel real. There had to be a mistake.

  “Officers, what’s happening here?” Britney’s dad was trying to play the tough guy, like being a badass was going to get us answers.

  “Where are they?” I interrupted.

  “They’re at County General,” the second officer said to me. “But—”

  “I need to go there.” I turned to Britney’s mom. “I hate to ask, but could you please stay here with Britney and the kids so I can go figure out what the hell is happening?”

  “Of course, go.” She nodded and then squinted a little. “You’re Ben’s friend. Wes, right?”

  “Yes.” I met her gaze questioningly.

  “Lauren spoke of you often.”

  I didn’t know what to say to that so I simply nodded, and then turned and ran back to my SUV.

  I called Ben’s phone on the drive to the hospital, but it went right to voicemail.

  “Hey, this is Ben. Leave a message. If this is Lauren, I love you.”

  Fuck.

  This couldn’t be happening. It couldn’t be true. I refused to believe it until I saw it with my own two eyes.

  Impulsively, I tried Lauren’s number next, but it, too, went straight to voicemail.

  “Hey, it’s Lauren. You know what to do after the beep. If this is Ben, the reason I’m not answering is because I’m busy with your children. But I love you anyway.”

  God, those two.

  My heart was practically in my throat now, and I was getting that bad feeling again. I couldn’t even fathom the idea that something had happened to them.

  On impulse, I called our friend and teammate Nash Reilly.

  “You realize it’s fucking one o’clock in the morning and—”

  I cut him off. “Ben and Lauren were in a car accident. I’m on my way to County General. Can you meet me?”

  “Jesus, they all right?”

  “I think it’s bad, Riles.”

  “I’m on my way.” He disconnected and my knuckles turned white as I gripped the steering wheel, turning into the main entrance of the hospital. I pulled into a spot outside the emergency room and went inside.

  There was a tired-looking nurse at the front desk and I approached her at a fast clip.

  “Excuse me. I’m looking for Ben and Lauren Whitmer.”

  The nurse frowned. “I don’t think we have anyone by that name…” Her voice trailed off as she typed into her computer. Then her face changed a little. “Oh. I’m sorry, who are you?”

  “I’m…a friend of the family. The police came to the house to tell us there was some kind of accident.” I met her gaze, losing hope with each passing second as I watched the emotions on her face. “Do you have any information you could tell me?”

  “I’m afraid I can only talk to immediate family or—”

  “It’s all right, Jan.” One of the policemen from the house had obviously followed me here. He placed a hand on my shoulder and walked me a few feet away from the desk area. “Mr. Kirby, your friend and his wife didn’t survive the accident. I’m very sorry.”

  “You can’t…” My voice trailed off and I swallowed. There was something scratchy behind my eyes and I stood there, frozen. “Are you sure?” I finally whispered.

  “We’re so sorry, Mr. Kirby. Do you know who we might call for them? Is there family? We’ll have to call CPS for the children unless—”

  “No, I’m, I’ll…I’m their godfather. I’ll go back there tonight. I just…can I see them?”

  “I’m not sure. Let me find out.”

  The officer went back to the front desk while I stood stock-still. It wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. I didn’t believe it. Couldn’t believe it.

  “Wes!” Nash came in a few seconds later and the moment he saw me, his step faltered. “Wes?”

  “They’re gone, Riles.” I couldn’t even look at him.

  “Jesus, no.” He stopped a foot or so away from me. “Are you sure?”

  “I, uh, yeah, I think so.” I looked up as the officer approached me.

  “Would you like to see your friends? The nurse, Jan, said we can let you in there real quick.”

  “I…” My voice trailed off. I’d never seen a dead body. Not up close anyway, and definitely not belonging to my best friend.

  “Once they move them to the morgue, you won’t be allowed down there,” the officer said gently.

  “Yes. I…yes.”

  My feet felt like huge slabs of concrete as I followed the nurse down a nondescript hallway. We walked past all the regular rooms, to a secluded one in the back. The nurse opened the door and I steeled myself before stepping inside.

  “No.” My breath left me in a rush and I sagged against the wall. “Fuck, no.” I squeezed my eyes shut and fought against the moisture gathering there, but it was no use.

  Ben and Lauren were gone.

  Ben. My best friend. My brother. Our team captain. The yin to
my yang for fifteen years.

  “NO!!!” The word left my chest in a guttural roar and I squatted down to my haunches because I no longer had the strength to stand. I hung my head, pain unlike anything I’d ever felt ripping through my gut.

  This couldn’t be real. It couldn’t be happening.

  But it was. Ben and Lauren were gone and I had no fucking idea how I was going to get past this.

  Chapter Two

  Hadley

  “Miss Carrie, my mommy and daddy are in heaven,” Annalise explained to the woman who just got to the front of the receiving line at the visitation.

  “Hi, I’m one of Annalise’s preschool teachers,” Miss Carrie said to me before getting on her knees to address three-year-old Annalise.

  “Yes they are, sweetie,” she said, tears welling in her eyes. “And they’ll always be watching over you.”

  “Is that true, Aunt Hadley?” Annalise asked, looking up at me while she gripped my hand.

  “It is. Heaven is a place with no more hurts or sadness, and your mom and dad will be able to watch over you from there, always.”

  “Can’t they come back, though? I miss them.”

  Miss Carrie gave me a sympathetic look.

  “I miss them too, love,” I told Annalise, willing myself not to cry. “But no, they can’t come back.”

  Her sweet round face fell with sadness. Miss Carrie asked her if she’d like a hug and she said yes. I used the momentary break to take a deep breath and remind myself that I could do this.

  The past five days had been a living hell. I’d hardly slept since getting an early-morning phone call that my best friend of eleven years had been killed in a car accident along with her husband.

  How? That was the question I kept asking myself. How do the lives of a beautiful, young, happy couple with a three-year-old daughter and a six-month-old son just end without warning? It was unthinkable.

  When I got to their St. Louis home later that day, though, and found it filled with Ben’s teammates and other friends of Ben and Lauren, I went into the bathroom and fell to my knees, sobbing.

  Life as I knew it was over. Even though I lived in New York City and Lauren lived in St. Louis, we talked several times a day, and we visited each other often. I was Annalise and Benny’s godmother.

  Seeing Annalise cry for her mother had been the hardest part. I’d been sleeping with her every night in Ben and Lauren’s bed, telling her to cry as much as she needed to. She was so young, though. Even though she’d be four in a couple months, she couldn’t really comprehend what was going on.

  And little Benny would never know his parents. Ben’s mom and dad, Patrick and Susan Whitmer, had traveled to their house from their home in Malibu immediately, and Susan had completely taken over care of Benny. She was rocking him in her arms in the receiving line, her eyes swollen and red.

  Her baby boy was gone forever, and having his baby boy in her arms seemed to console her. Lauren’s parents had come for the services, but her mom struggled with MS and her dad was her caregiver. They couldn’t take on full-time care of the kids. Patrick and Susan would do it, though. I dreaded the moment I saw Annalise and Benny for the last time before they left for Malibu. They were my link to Lauren.

  I wiped the corners of my eyes, my head bowed, and Annalise took my hand again.

  I can do this. For Ben and Lauren, I can hold it together and be there for Annalise. I’ll break down later, when I’m alone.

  “Hey, Hadley,” a familiar, deep male voice said.

  I looked up and met the clear blue eyes of Wes Kirby. It had been disgust at first sight when we’d met seven years ago, and we’d had nothing but snippy encounters in all the times we’d seen each other since.

  Christmases. Baby showers. Christenings. Weekend getaways. Annalise’s birthday parties. Wes was Ben’s best friend and the kids’ godfather. I joked with Lauren in private that Wes was like chronic diarrhea—unpleasant and impossible to escape.

  I’d seen Wes at Ben and Lauren’s house in passing the last few days, but neither of us had spoken to each other. But in this moment, as he looked at me with dark circles under his eyes, his tie loosened a little like he’d been tugging on it, I felt like Wes might be the only one who truly knew what I was going through.

  “Hey,” I said, practically launching myself at him in a hug.

  He froze for a second, probably in shock, but then his long, strong arms closed around me. I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed my face to his chest.

  “Why them?” I whispered, so softly that only he could hear me. “They were the best people I knew.”

  Wes rested his cheek on the top of my head. “I know. I’d take his place if I could, in a second.”

  I pulled away and straightened myself, taking another deep breath.

  “Patrick and Susan wanted me to stand in the receiving line with the family,” Wes said. “I thought I’d stand here so I can help with Anna peas if you need a break.”

  Annalise laughed and said, “Uncle Wes, I’m Annalise.”

  “Anna freeze?” he asked her, expression serious.

  She smiled wider than I’d seen her smile since I got here five days ago.

  “No, it’s Annalise, Uncle Wes.”

  “Ah, Anna bees. I’ve got it now.”

  He reached down and picked her up, setting her on his hip and joining the receiving line. Annalise put her head on his shoulder as we greeted people coming through the line. There were hundreds. The visitation had been scheduled for four hours, but we were already two hours into it and there were hundreds of people waiting.

  I wanted to run away and hide. All I could think about was being alone so I could cry. I’d stand here, though, for as long as it took. And tomorrow, I’d dress Annalise in the little black dress and shoes someone from the Mavericks organization had been nice enough to have sent from a local boutique, and we’d go to her parents’ funeral.

  Somehow I knew there was no imminent need to grieve for Ben and Lauren, because the heavy sadness would be there waiting. It would wait a long, long time. Grief was a patient, potent bitch that I’d get to know extremely well in the days and months to come.

  “Can you hurry this along?” Susan Whitmer asked as she stood and rocked Benny in her arms in the crowded conference room. “We have a long trip ahead of us, and I want the kids to be able to nap on the plane. I’m trying to keep Benny on a routine schedule.”

  Ben and Lauren’s attorney, Len Harris, peered at Susan over the dark rim of his glasses.

  “The will has to be read in its entirety, Mrs. Whitmer,” he said.

  Rolling her eyes, she said, “Okay, if you could maybe just read it faster.”

  Benny squirmed and let out a wail.

  “Want me to take him?” I offered, standing up from my seat at the large conference table.

  “No, thank you, I’m fine.”

  I’d only gotten to hold Benny once, for around twenty minutes, in the week I’d been staying at Ben and Lauren’s house. Susan was monopolizing him, and even though I knew it was helping her grieve, I was a little put off that those of us who loved Benny and wouldn’t be seeing him for a while weren’t being given a chance to hold him, feed him and talk to him.

  Len Harris cleared his throat and continued reading.

  “As to the care of their minor children, Annalise Hadley Whitmer and Benjamin Weston Whitmer, custody is to be shared by Weston J. Kirby and Hadley P. Ellis. Mr. Kirby and Miss Ellis may decide between them which will be the permanent guardian of their children. Financial—”

  “WHAT?” Susan yelled, her mouth open and her eyes wide with horror.

  Benny startled at the sound and his cry was the only sound in the room. I felt like someone had slapped me. I was breathless and slightly dazed. I met Wes’s gaze across the table and saw that he was just as dumbfounded as I was.

  “Patrick, do something,” Susan begged her husband. “We’re taking our grandchildren home today.”

  Len Harris furro
wed his brow and said, “I’m afraid that’s not possible, Mrs. Whitmer. Ben and Lauren left a letter for you to explain the reasons for their decision. They also left letters for each of their children and for Mr. Kirby and Miss Ellis.”

  “I don’t care what their reasons are. We’re Annalise and Benny’s family. They’re our grandchildren. And we will fight this with everything we’ve got.”

  “You can do that,” Len Harris said. “But in the meantime, Annalise and Benny are going to—” He looked down at the paper in front of him. “Weston Kirby and Hadley Ellis.”

  “The kids don’t even know them!” Susan shrieked. “This is madness! I’ve taken care of Benny every second since I got here.”

  Len Harris locked eyes with Patrick Whitmer. Patrick nodded, his expression somber. He approached his wife and put a hand on her shoulder.

  “Susan, we have no choice but to comply for now.”

  She shook her head, tears streaming down her cheeks. I closed my eyes, understanding her sadness and trying to process what the attorney had just read in Ben and Lauren’s will.

  I was hoping she’d left me her favorite UCLA sweatshirt. Maybe some photos of us or one of her favorite vases. When I was told my presence was required at the reading of the will, I had no idea Ben and Lauren were leaving their children to me.

  I locked eyes with Wes across the table again. He looked just slightly less shell-shocked than a few seconds ago.

  “Susan, we have to give Benny to them,” Patrick said in a coaxing tone. “It doesn’t mean we’ll never see him and Annalise again.”

  Len Harris cut in. “There’s a provision in the will that states you get the children for two weeks every summer and that you be allowed to see them on holidays.”

  “I can’t do that,” Susan said, weeping. “I can’t.”

  Patrick managed to lift Benny from her arms, and started to carry him over to Wes.