A Battle Lord’s Heart Read online

Page 18


  She was overwhelmed with these new and utterly horrible feelings overtaking her body. There was pain when she had no recollection of becoming injured. Worse, there was no longer any baby inside her. Shaking uncontrollably, she tried to hug herself, but touching her engorged breasts only made things worse. Dazed, she stared at the streaks of whitish fluid on her arms where they’d brushed against her tender nipples. She panicked.

  “What’s happening to me, Yul? What’s wrong with me? Oh, God, did I lose our baby? Where’s our baby?”

  It was too much to try and take in all at once. She broke down, bending over in his lap as she prayed he would forgive her for their loss.

  It was all her fault. It had always been her fault, from the very beginning when she’d started eating those damn tunsul leaves because she thought she didn’t want a child in the first place. Now she was being punished for those thoughts and actions.

  “Atrilan. My beautiful love. Hush! Shhh. Look at me.”

  She remained supplicated and shook her head.

  “Atrilan.” He was chuckling. The sound was as unexpected as it was comforting. He lifted her face and placed the tenderest kiss she’d ever felt on her lips. “Atrilan, we have a son. Don’t you remember?”

  Patched pieces of memories drifted into her consciousness. At the moment, though, they refused to form any sort of whole for her to see. She started to shake her head when the cry came again. Once more her breasts seemed to reach toward the sound. The pressure grew to the point where she clutched them, gasping from the pain.

  Through her tears she watched her husband slip over the side of the bed and bend down. Carefully he lifted a tiny bundle up over the side, bringing it to her and placing it on the mattress next to her knee.

  It was a baby. A tiny, perfect little baby. With the most beautiful little face. Even more beautiful than little Valla. Were baby boys suppose to be this pretty?

  She looked at her husband. She noticed the way he was watching the minute bit of life lying between them. There was love on his face. Not just love for her, but love for this child they had created between them. It shone from his face with a light all its own.

  Her breasts throbbed for relief. Atty clutched herself, tears welling up in her eyes, when Yulen smiled and lifted their son to her chest, actually pressing the miniature lips that looked just like his father’s against one heated nipple. Her eyes widened as the baby reacted almost instantaneously. His mouth attached itself to her swollen bud, closed over it, and he started suckling. Pulling, tugging, almost frantic in his attempt to draw her milk into his hungry body.

  The pressure, the throbbing, eased. The relief she felt was indescribable.

  Together they watched as their son continued to feed, snorting softly through his little nose every so often as he was forced to take a breath. Without thinking about it, Atty lifted him away from that breast and laid him against her other to help relieve it also. The baby snuffled, searching for her, and almost attacked when she guided his mouth to it.

  “Oh, sweet heavens, you’re voracious!” she giggled throatily.

  “He’s probably starving,” Yulen whispered, taking a strand of her hair that had fallen into her eyes and tucking it behind her ear. “Feeling better now?”

  She had to tear herself away from the miraculous sight in her arms to look up into her husband’s face. “Did we do this?”

  “Yes, Atrilan. We did. You’re a mother now. Does that still frighten you?”

  No. Not anymore. She shook her head. Not anymore. “What did you name him?” she asked.

  Yulen chuckled. “You really don’t remember, do you? His name is Mattox.”

  “Mattox?” Her eyes widened in disbelief.

  “Yes, my Atrilan.”

  He kissed her. It was a gift of pure love, this kiss, pouring his soul and his love into her mouth above their son’s body. When he sat back, they both looked down at their son.

  And their son looked back at them.

  Atty’s reaction was protective and automatic. Tightly clutching him to her, she scooted back across the mattress so fast, her back slammed into the wall at the head of the bed. Her breath was coming in hard jerks as every nerve in her body went alive to defend the infant in her arms.

  A long minute passed as she stared into Yulen’s eyes, waiting for his reaction. Waiting for his condemnation. Waiting to see—

  “Atrilan, it’s okay.” His voice was gentle. He reached out toward her, fully trusting. “Let me hold him. I want to show you something.”

  Maybe it was because she knew beyond any doubt that Yulen would never hurt his son that Atty released her hold on the baby, pulling his off her nipple, and gave him over to his father. Gathering him against his heart, Yulen gave her a quick grin. “First things first.”

  He lifted the child onto his broad shoulder and started patting the little back. Before long, a loud burp issued out of the baby’s mouth, along with a bubble of milk.

  “Did that come out of him?” she whispered.

  In answer, Mattox opened his eyes again and stared up again at his mother. Atty shivered involuntarily.

  His eyes were red. Not reddened in the way eyes become after excessive crying, but fiery red. Both entire eye was the color of new blood—the sclera, the iris, and the pupil. As if someone had taken out the orbs and replaced them with smooth, perfect rubies.

  “He’s...”

  “He’s Mutah, Atrilan. Like you.”

  She looked at her husband. She wanted to apologize, to tell him she was sorry their firstborn had to turn out like this, when Yulen smiled.

  “We knew the chances, but it doesn’t matter, my love. In the brief time we’ve been together, you’ve taught me that the differences between us are for the better. That being Mutah is like having an extra specialness inside you. Watch. I want you to see something.”

  Holding up his son, Yulen began to nuzzle Mattox under the chin. Nuzzle him, tease him, playing with the baby as he crooned softly. Atty watched in fascination when her husband laid their son in her arms, and she looked back down into the baby’s face. Mattox’s eyes had gone from bright red to a warm, soft, pinkish hue.

  “His eyes reflect his emotions,” she breathed. She felt Yulen combed his fingers through her hair.

  “His emotions. His soul. His happiness. His sadness. You need to notice them when he’s hungry. Or when he needs changing. Boy, he hates being wet. His eyes could practically set you on fire.”

  “When did you find out?” she asked.

  “Find out what? That he’s Mutah? The moment he took his first breath. He squeezed up his face and just yelled like you wouldn’t believe,” Yulen told her. “He was frightened and cold. His eyes were the color of rust. He’s our son, my beloved, and we’re going to have to give him all the strength and love we can as he grows up, because you know how the world will react to him the first time they learn of his specialness.”

  “And you...you’re...” She licked her lips, trying to find the courage to ask him. “How do you feel about that, Yul? Does it bother you he’s not Normal? Not perfect?”

  “Does it bother you I’m Normal? That I’m not a Mutah?”

  “That’s a stupid question,” she snapped back heatedly.

  “And so is yours,” he smiled.

  * * * *

  “A penny for your thoughts.”

  Atty’s eyes flew open. Mastin was grinning as he pulled up beside her. “Yulen sent me up here to see how you were doing. I can watch Mattox if you want to go lie down for little while,” he offered.

  “Thanks, but no. I was just thinking.”

  They rode a little ways in companionable silence, when Mastin chuckled, shaking his head. Atty gave him a sidelong glance and smiled. “What?” she asked.

  “That was some shindig those people threw last night,” he commented. “You know, Atty, maybe it’s a blessing in disguise that Mattox turned out like he did.”

  “Oh? How so?” She wasn’t wary. Just curious.


  “You know. A Mutah Battle Lord over all these Mutah compounds Yulen plans to accumulate. Those people back there weren’t just happy to know their future leader was one of them. They were ecstatic.”

  “How do you feel about it, Cole?” She watched closely for his honesty.

  The Second shrugged. “It doesn’t bother me, if that’s what your asking. In fact...” A grin spread over his lips. “I’d really like to hold the little Battle Prince, if you don’t mind. I didn’t get the chance to last night, what with everyone else vying for the chance.”

  Atty smiled. The man had commented twice now that he’d like to hold her son. Last night plenty of other people had held Mattox, cooing and fawning over him. Mattox had watched them with quiet disinterest as he was passed from one person to another, while his mother stayed close by nervously watching, protecting, and guarding. The baby’s eyes had been wide open, their color like wild strawberries. However, it wasn’t until Yulen snatched him away for himself that his son’s eyes changed. They softened, literally fading to all shades of pale pink as the Battle Lord cuddled him along his neck. The sight had melted her. Without reservation, father and son were bonded.

  Carefully, Atty lifted the sleeping infant from her shoulder and passed him over. Mastin took the baby in his large hands, holding him out in front of him so he could look upon the child.

  “Hey, Matt! Glad to finally have you all to myself!”

  The infant opened his eyes to stare at the strange person grinning at him. Awakened from sleep, his eyes looked like russet velvet, softened and drowsy.

  “Where’d you get that dark hair, boy? From your grandpa Rory?”

  “You knew Rory?” Atty asked. She suddenly realized there was so much she didn’t know about Yulen’s right-hand man.

  “I entered the military a year before he was killed.”

  “Who was his Second then? Yulen?”

  “Of course. Who else?”

  “Then how did Tosh Karv get to be Yulen’s Second? The man was abysmal.”

  Mastin shot her a cautious look. He knew too well what the man had done to Atty when she’d first been captured. When she had killed him, he had threatened Yulen’s life and was prepared to take over as the new Battle Lord of Alta Novis. There had been a lot more justification to her actions than just protecting the man she loved.

  “Karv had been a lieutenant. Yeah, the man was an animal, but he also had a cunning, analytical mind. Given another couple of years, I’m pretty sure the Battle Lord would’ve appointed another Second. Well, actually, he did. But what I meant was, Yulen kept him on a short leash. He needed him, but he knew from the beginning he couldn’t trust him. Yulen was still mourning his father when he tapped him. He made a bad choice at the onset, and he knows that now. Hey, look at this! His eyes are pink! Just like when Yulen holds him!”

  Smiling, Atty told him, “That means he likes you. He accepts you.”

  “Of course he accepts me. Me and Matt are gonna become good buddies, aren’t we, Matt?”

  “Ah, yes. Nothing turns a grown man into a blubbering idiot faster than a newborn baby.” MaGrath rode up to join them and gave the Second a nod. “Just wait until he pees in your face the first time you have to change his nappie, and we’ll see if you two are still ‘good buddies’.” The dry comment elicited a good laugh from them all.

  Handing her son back to Atty, Mastin watched as she nuzzled the baby’s cheek before kissing it, and safely stowed him back into the carrier. “What are you going to do when he gets too big for that thing?”

  “I don’t know. I refuse to think that far ahead anymore,” she replied. “Life is too precious to concentrate on what might be, or what might happen. My world is now. Today. I’ll think about tonight, and maybe tomorrow, but Yulen and I can’t dwell on months or years from now. Not like we used to. Not anymore.”

  She stared straight ahead at the rutted, overgrown road they currently were on. It was synonymous to her life. What mattered right now was where they were. If they concentrated too much on their destination, they might miss the signs of possible danger. And then what good would the next bend in the road be to them?

  “But he has to,” MaGrath argued softly. “He’s the Battle Lord. His priority is the compound, or compounds. He has to consider their growth, their protection. He has to think constantly about the future, and be prepared for it.”

  “Actually, you’re both right,” Yulen said, riding up in time to hear their conversation. “But you have my priorities skewed, Liam. Atty has and always will be my top priority. And you can add Mattox now to that short list. Alta Novis and the other compounds are a distant second. I’m going to do my duties faithfully, keeping them protected. Preparing them for future growth, and all the problems that come with it. But with Atty...” He shook his head. “We won’t be making any future plans. We have right now, and we’re going to share it to the fullest. We don’t expect you to understand because you haven’t been through what we’ve had to endure.”

  Staring at his hands gripping the reins, MaGrath did understand. “Very well, Yulen. You have my blessings. None of us can even begin to imagine what kind of horrors you faced. But I know the damage it did to you. I’ve doctored the massive injuries in and on your body. I’m glad to know you’ve managed to find a way to cope. Remember, though, if you ever need me, to talk, or for anything else...”

  “Wellll...now that you’ve brought it up...” Yulen glanced at Atty, who lowered her eyes and listened. MaGrath tilted his head in expectation. “Liam, how do you think Madigan’s going to react when she finds out her grandson is Mutah?”

  The physician paused just long enough to blow out an explosive sigh. “Gee, you had to give me a hard one right off the bat? Yulen, Atty, you know she’s accepted you with her whole heart. But I truly believe having Mattox will bring her so much joy. She was already elated, knowing that the D’Jacques dynasty will continue. However, I promise that if I hear her say one derogatory word about our grandson, I think I’ll personally throw her in the nearest watering trough. Don’t worry about your mother, Yulen. She’s my problem now, not yours.”

  “Yulen?” Cole bent over slightly, looking around Atty to the Battle Lord riding on the other side of her. “There’s a bigger matter we haven’t discussed. Something we need to talk about before we get back to Alta Novis.” By the square set of the man’s jaw, Mastin had an idea Yulen already knew what he meant.

  “The dead at Bearinger,” Yulen softly said.

  “Yeah. Are we going to leave them there? Or do you think we need to go back and retrieve what we can?”

  Reaching across the gap between them, Yulen waited for Atty to take his hand before replying. “We were just talking about that earlier. In my opinion, it would be a waste of time to try and gather and identify all our men who died there.” His face paled as memories came back to him. Atty squeezed his hand, reminding him she was there, sharing his pain. “We need to finish burning Bearinger to the ground. Completely raze her. Then bury her. After that, we’ll rebuild her.”

  “Rebuild her?” both Mastin and MaGrath said simultaneously.

  “The location is prime. She was a grand compound before Collaunt sunk his claws into her. And there needs to be a resting point between Alta Novis and Grenadier. No. She flew my banner. It’s my responsibility to bring her back.”

  “On the same spot?” Mastin asked.

  Yulen shook his head. “We’ll put the new compound on the other side of the roadway. We’ll call her New Bearinger, and we’ll sanction off the grounds of the old compound. Make that area a shrine, to honor those who fell defending her.” He lowered his head, struggling with himself as the nightmare of that night started reemerging bit by bit. Of the sight of over a thousand screeching Bloods pouring through the compound wall they’d managed to hack open, flooding the inner courtyard and overtaking the barely four hundred soldiers attempting to hold them back, regardless of the odds.

  They’d lost good men. Good friends. Brothers, s
ons, and fathers. MacIntyre was gone, leaving MaGrath to wonder who he would get to apprentice under him now. Verris had been slaughtered not ten feet away from where Yulen had been standing. That left Mastin as his only Second.

  A hard squeeze on his hand brought him back to the present. A warm, loving look watched to make sure he was coping. He gave her a reassuring smile and squeezed back.

  They rode for another mile, each lost in their thoughts and silent mourning, before Yulen called a halt for midday meal.

  Chapter Twenty

  Black Linen

  When they reached Fort Park, Atty once again moved forward to answer the challenge. This time, though, they had been anticipated. Before the words were out of her mouth, the main gates were cranking open to admit them.

  They stayed the night, the soldiers encamped inside the compound around the small courtyard. Yulen and Atty were invited to stay in the inn as guests of the compound. Yulen managed to wheedle an extra room into the bargain so that MaGrath could have a soft bed for his weary bones.

  They were back on the road before dawn. Before their departure, Yulen obtained another map of Mutah compounds to add to his collection. For a good hour he poured over their placement in relation to the Normal compounds lining the roadway.

  “Look at this,” he pointed out to the others in the small group riding together at the head of the caravan. “There’s a compound named Good Choice just a day’s ride from Foster City.” He paused as a thought struck him, and he turned to give his wife a narrow look. “Atty?” His voice was soft and edgy.